Thursday, July 28, 2011

Season 2 – Episode 1 – Act VIII

Jaybird: Man, what a ponce.  He thinks he’s sucha king.
Hangman: he is a khal.
Jupiter: His ego is as large as Vani’s homosexual erection for him.
Jaybird: Total ponce
William the bloody: Agreed.  Poncitude.
Hangman: you guys are just jealous.
Jupiter: I’ll grant you that Jay is clearly envious to the point where he has literally turned green but why would I be jealous of Terry?  He’s an idiot.
Jupiter: Please note that I am using the term literal in the figurative sense.
Hangman: no way Webman  he;s cool
Jupiter: Yeah, he’s extremely frosty.  Which is why he’s stupid.
Hangman: how is he stupid?
Karine has entered the chat
Terry has entered the chat
Karine: Hey guys, what’s up?
Jaybird: Hey!  We were just tlaking about the lack of realism in DS9!
Jupiter: That’s your cover, Jay?  Wow, you suck.

            This is what Terry’s life had come to.  Late night chat sessions with a bunch of nerds.  Back in the day Terry spent his summer nights getting busy with whatever chick was willing but now he simply sat in his basement bedroom at his dad’s place, chatting on his laptop with a bunch of dorkwads. 
Every time Terry privately chastised the guys for being nerdy he felt guilty about it, since Cerise was just as much of a nerd as the rest of them.  Surely she would have been utterly gung-ho to have a conversation about the lack of realism in Deep Space Nine.  In fact, where was she?  He’d only logged on tonight to chat with her.
            A second later he got his answer when he heard a knock at the window.  He looked up from his laptop and saw Cerise’s face smiling down at him.  Putting aside his computer he stood up on his bed and opened the window.  Cerise rather clumsily inserted herself inside head first and he grabbed her torso, lowering her down to the bed. 
            “Gross!  There’s bugs on me!” she whisper-squealed.
            “No there’s not,” he assured her, brushing her down anyway, just in case.  “Did you sneak out?”
            “Yeah,” she smiled, sitting down on his bed.
            “Naughty girl,” he grinned, sitting next to her and giving her a kiss.
            “It’s cold down here,” she said, zipping up her hoodie.
            Terry never got cold.  The air conditioning was on but he was still wearing nothing but boxer shorts.  “I’ll warm you up.”
            He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back while she buried her face in his chest.
Jaybird: Where the hell is Cerise?
Sars: Is it like the law that she has to log on every night?
Hangman: well duh!  dedication!
Jupiter: Maybe she’s taking a break from Willy’s overwhelming stink.
William the bloody: she can’t smell me over chat you twat.
Jupiter: So you admit you smell.  Well done.
Karine: Hey Terry where’s Cherry?
Karine: Terry
Karine: Terry!!!
Karine: TERRY!!!
Karine: Just as I thought.  He’s not really here either.
Jaybird: Maybe they’re in a personal chat.
Hangman: A personal chat.  I catch your vibe.
Jaybird: I didn’t mean it like that.
Karine: I did.
Hangman: they’re off doin the nasty. bow chicka bow bow
Jaybird: No they’re not!  It’s 2 in the am.  As if Cerise would go out that late.
Karine: Terry would.
Hangman: they’re probly getting busy in Cerise’s room right now!
William the bloody: gross
Jaybird: seriously
Sars: I think it’s romantic.
Jupiter: Of course you do.
Sars: Dork.
Jaybird: I bet they’re not even together.
Karine: Of course they are.  That’s totally Terry’s style.
Jaybird: They’re probably just talking.
Hangman: Jay, you’re saying you would just be talking if you were alone with Cerise in her room?
Jaybird: Yes
William the bloody: retard
Hangman: would you just be talking if you were alone with karine?
Jupiter: lol
Jaybird: Shut up retard!
Karine: I can definitely say we would just be talking.

            Cerise, I love you.  I love you so much I wanna fucking freeze time.  But if I tell you that now you’ll think I’m just saying it to get in your pants.  Just please know it, Cerise. Please know how much I love you.  Please understand you’re everything to me.
            Terry wanted to say this out loud but he couldn’t muster up the courage.  Cerise lay on Terry’s chest as they watched funny videos on YouTube but he wanted to pause the preppy school-girl rendition of Bitches Ain’t Shit so he could tell her what he was thinking.  He knew that girls liked it when he acted all lovey-dovey and stuff but with Cerise it was real so he didn’t want to take the chance of messing things up.  What if she didn’t feel the same way?  Terry knew that she probably didn’t.  She liked him but did she love him?  Hell, maybe she didn’t even like him.  What did she see in him anyway?  Maybe she was just with him because… because why?  What possible reason could there be?  Why had anyone ever hooked up with him?  Just because he was popular and good-looking probably.  But Cerise didn’t care about shallow stuff like that.  So she had to be with him for real, right?  What they had must be something real.  Please let it be real.
            Well weren’t they just the cutest couple ever?  Karine couldn’t help but be amused as she watched Cerise and Terry lick each other’s ice-cream cones.  They’d all gone to an ice-cream place in Beaconsfield and then congregated on Vani’s front porch.  Wild Willy’s in Pointe-Claire was inarguably the best ice-cream place in the West Island, if not the whole world but they were all on foot so this other place had had to suffice. 
            “Ok, I agree with you, Karl but only to a point.  I mean emotions are what make us human,” said Sarah in between licks of maple walnut. 
            Maple walnut was such a gross flavour.  Whatever, Sarah.  Both Cerise and Karine had chosen mint chocolate chip and Terry of course gotten wild cherry.  They’d all had a good laugh over that one.  God, they were just so adorable it was enough to make anyone retch.
            “Yeah, and humans are weak,” Karl responded.
            “Agreed.  I’d rather be Vulcan,” said Cerise.
            “A blonde Vulcan?  Nonsense!”  Vani banged his little fist on the porch railing.
            “Um hello, what’s her name?  Tasha Yar’s daughter?” said Jay.
            “Sela,” said Cerise.   “And she was Romulan.  Half-Romulan.”
            “Ok so Romulan trumps human when it comes to the ears but human trumps Romulan when it comes to hair?  Whatever, Star Trek,” harrumphed Willy.
            Cerise peered at Willy in annoyance and Terry offered to beat him up for her.  They all laughed while Willy tried not to look scared.  What a loser.  Why did they even hang out with him?
            “Ok anyway,” said Sarah.  “I still portend that emotions are fun.  I mean it’s fun to get all involved in the dramas of life.”
            “Negative.  Being all dramatic about the useless goings on of life is wackotic,” said Karl.
            “But that’s what makes life worth living,” said Karine.  “I mean, not being overly dramatic but you know, caring.  Don’t you care about stuff?”
            “Yeah Karl,” Sarah smirked.  “Don’t you care about anything?  Answer wisely.”  She narrowed her eyes and peered at her boyfriend. 
            He rolled his eyes and smiled indulgently.  “Caring is fine.  Obviously if we didn’t care about anything we’d be inert.”
            “Yeah,” agreed Cerise.  “Without emotion there’s no motivation.  There’s just instinct.  There’s no higher brain function.  The more intelligent you are, the more emotional you are.”
            “Yes, agreed, but we need to define our terms,” insisted Karl, sitting up straight and whipping out his hands, which indicated that he was now taking this conversation very seriously.  “In the sense you mean there, Cerise, emotion denotes motivation, drive and whatnot.  But I’m talking about giving in to your emotions.  My initial point was that overindulging in emotional behaviour, rather than rationalizing one’s behaviour is what leads to most of the world’s ills if not all of them.”
            “There is such a thing as being too rational,” offered Terry.  “Sometimes you gotta go with your gut.”
            “Yes well, no,” Karl shook his head.  “I disagree.  All too often people act like their little personal problems are the end of the world.  They blow things out of proportion and overreact.  Following one’s gut as it were isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as you can handle the consequences but actions derived from well thought-out plans must surely result in more favourable circumstances.”
            Was it Karine’s imagination or did Terry look a little hurt?  He shrugged like he didn’t care but she could tell he was a little put-off.  Karl could be such an asshole sometimes.  All the time.
            “You’re wrong,” said Karine.  She really didn’t want to get into it but she knew he was wrong.  “Sometimes it’s only your gut that can tell you something’s wrong.  Let’s say someone tells you to go into a room and you’ll get a hundred dollars in there.  You don’t know if that’s true but you weight your options intellectually and decide it’s worth the risk.  But your gut says this guy isn’t on the level.  But you’re like, no, I’m being illogical.  So you go in the room.  And then a guy stabs you.  You should’ve listened to your gut.”
            Karl snorted derisively.  “A proper analysis of the situation would have told you it was shady.  A guy offering you a hundred dollars?  Come on.  Anyone with half a brain cell would know that wasn’t on the up and up.  And not because their gut told them so.”
            “That was just an example!” Karine retorted.  “But I mean like, what if the guy was a friend you trusted?  So you go in the room because you can’t think of why this person would lie to you.”
            “And you’re just assuming that your gut would in fact warn you in such a situation?  Everyone has an anecdote of how their gut told them something or other.  But how often do we end up in shitty situations where our gut told us fucking shit-all?”
            It was pretty funny how Karl lost all his high-brow vocabulary whenever he got seriously invested in proving his point.  But he did actually have a point.  Where had Karine’s gut warning been when she’d needed it?
            They all sat in silence for a moment until Sarah awkwardly asked if Karl’s original point hadn’t been about people giving too much credence to their personal problems.
            “Yeah,” conceded Karl.  “And that point still stands.  All you god damn soldiers just need to buck up.  I hate all those fucking whiners boo-hooing about their personal tragedies.  They’re all weak!  Weak I say!”  He shook his fist enthusiastically, probably mocking Vani’s tendency to be overly dramatic and they all laughed. 
            “I dunno, man,” shrugged Terry.  “Sometimes our greatest weakness is our greatest strength.”
            They all stared at him and he nonchalantly crunched on the remains of his cone, quickly gobbling it up.
            “What does that mean?” asked Vani.
            “I dunno, man, it sounded Zen,” Terry chuckled and they all followed suit.
            Again there was a moment of awkward silence but then Cerise asked if Karl was talking about someone specific, ‘cause for someone who claimed not to let his emotions get the better of him he certainly seemed rather upset about something. 
            “She’s got you there!” exclaimed Vani.
            “Yeah.  I’m talking about Jay.”
            “What?” Jay spurted.
            “Yeah, you’re all in a funk and shit.  Everyone’s been having super mega fun this summer but you’re all funk-boy.  Fucking get over your stupid spilled milk.”
            Jay blinked at Karl.  “What?  I’m not… what the fuck are you talking about?”
            “It’s true!” agreed Vani. “This has totally been the summer of super mega awesometastic awesomeness!  “And yet you’re all like Mr. Depresso boy.”
            “Yeah, you suck!” agreed Willy.
            Wow, super awkward!  Jay just sat there slack-jawed and didn’t even try to hit anyone.  What was with tonight and the awkward moments?  It wasn’t typical of their hang-out sessions.  It was true what the guys had said; this summer had actually been really fun.  Karine hadn’t noticed Jay being particularly down though.  Not that she ever really noticed him at all.
            “Is it ‘cause school is starting next week?” asked Cerise.
            “Shit!  Already?!” exclaimed Terry.
            “Uh yeah, that’s why,” nodded Jay.  “School sucks.”
            “The summer went by so fast,” mused Willy.
            “Indeed,” nodded Vani. “’Tis the end of an era.”
            “I think an era has to last longer than a month,” said Karl.
            “Does it?” wondered Sarah. “Does an era have to be a certain length of time or does it just denote a period of time regardless of length?”
            “To the wiki!” exclaimed Vani as Karl and Sarah whipped out their iphones. 
            “Hmm, there is much debate on the subject,” said Karl as he frowned into his phone.
            “Ok well anyway, back to me and what I was saying,” said Vani.  “I declare that henceforth the summer of 2011 shall be known as the Summer of Love.”
            Terry chuckled.  “You’re so fucking weird, man.”  He tussled Vani’s hair affectionately and then forcefully pushed him away, perhaps trying to cover for the fact that he seemed to enjoy Vani just as much as Vani clearly enjoyed him.
            “Come on though, who can disagree?” asked Vani as he grinned up at Terry like a puppy who’d been given a treat.  “Hasn’t this summer been super mega awesome?”
            “Yeah, best summer ever,” agreed Terry as he smiled at his little girlfriend.
            She smiled and nodded.
            “Yeah!” Sarah beamed, hugging Karl’s arm.  “I agree.  Summer of Love!”
            “Look at us!” said Vani, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.  “We’re just one big, happy family!  Who’d a thunk it?”
            Yeah, it was weird alright.
            Vani smiled at the rest of them like they were his subjects.  “It’s like, all’s right with the world.  Everything is just as it should be.”

            Everything fucking sucked!  Was Stan gonna ask Shauna to move in or what?  She was sick of living with her stupid parents and her stupid brother in this stupid house!  She wanted out!  Out!
            Shauna was about to toss her cigarette out the window of her bedroom but then just decided to keep it in her mouth as she snuck outside for the millionth time that summer.  Fuck her parents and fuck Stan too.  She’d just go live there even if he didn’t officially invite her.  Fuck it all to hell.

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