“Analysis, begin now,” said Vani.
The boys were congregated in Jay’s basement, the day after the pool party of eternal suffering.
“Analysis of what?” asked Willy, like it wasn’t completely obvious.
“Analysis of the pool party of pure joy!”
“It was not purely joyful!” protested Willy.
“Incorrect,” said Vani with authority. “Next.”
“It sucked,” sulked Jay.
“Satisfactory,” offered Karl.
“It was surprisingly enjoyable,” Karl went on. “The premises were entirely conducive to the events that one might expect to transpire at a celebration involving aquatic activities. It was insanely hot but the pool was large enough to accomodate everyone. The yard was large with enough trees to provide adequate shade, yet enough open air for misguided sun-worshippers. The indoor facilities were close by and clean and air conditioned. The sustenance made available for our insatiable appetites was plentiful and delectable. The divertissements were highly acceptable, our host being shockingly pleasant and unnaturally tolerant towards his fanboy’s incessant line of questioning. Plus, you know, hot chicks in bikinis.”
“Correct!” declared Vani. “Concurrence with the Webman! An entirely accurate analysis!”
“Web man?” asked Willy dumbly.
“Hello? Karl’s last name is Weber. Hence Webman. Did you seriously need clarification on that?”
“So I’m the Wattman?”
“No, you’re operating at zero watts,” smirked Karl.
“Heheh, that’s hilariful!,” said Vani and then switched back to analysis-mode. “Back to the matter at hand. What was I saying?”
“You were saying that Karl is correct,” offered Jay.
“Yes,” nodded Vani. “And quite frankly, I agree with myself. Yesterday rocked hardcore. Terry was way cool and we were in the presence of hot bikini-clad chicks. We must henceforth put ourselves in positions where such things will continue to occur.”
“Fair enough,” noted Karl and Willy nodded enthusiastically.
“So let’s jiggedy-jig and get on over there!” Vani jumped up and Karl and Willy followed suit.
“I dunno,” grumbled Jay, sinking back into the couch with his arms folded. “It wasn’t so great.”
“Wrongo!” shouted Vani.
“But isn’t that whole world the dark side? Why are we being all chummy with Trebijerksky now? Don’t we hate him?”
“Don’t be jealous, Jay,” sighed Vani. “Just because you’ve never banged thirty chicks is no reason not to bask in the glory of one who has.”
“He hasn’t banged thirty chicks! He only banged eight, and even then I bet he didn’t.”
“Yeah, wow, only eight.” Vani rolled his eyes. “You’ve never even talked to eight chicks. And your mom and sister don’t count.”
“Like you should talk!”
“But I am talking! To Terry! And he’s talking back! And it’s awesome! We’re like bosom buddies now!”
“Down boy,” chuckled Karl. “Try to keep it in your pants.”
“Ok, let’s go. Everyone said they were gonna congregate at Cerise’s house! It’s literally right outside! We can still make it!” said Vani frantically.
They all made for the stairs but Jay remained in his seat. “It was so weird to see Cerise like that.”
“Like what?” sighed Karl.
“I dunno. Like all undressed. Sucking face with What’s-his-damage.”
“Wrongo. That’s the way it should be. Hot chicks should always be mostly undressed. The sucking face is optional.”
“It was kinda gross to see Terry hanging all over her though,” Willy said, for once being the voice of reason.
“Incorrect! Terry’s cool. Why shouldn’t he make out with his girlfriend?”
“Because she’s ours!” exclaimed Willy. “Terry can get any chick. Why does he have to take ours?”
“Ours?!” asked Karl incredulously. “You sound like Jay.”
“Hey!” protested Jay. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You make it sound like we should be keeping her in a cage and only letting her out to perform sex experiments on her or something.”
“Don’t give Zero-Watts any ideas, Webman,” counselled Vani.
“I’m just saying she should be going out with one of us. Not him,” Willy clarified, even though that hadn’t been what Jay meant at all.
“You mean you think she should be going out with you,” Karl scoffed.
That concept was nearly as disgusting as Cerise being with Terry and Jay said so.
“Yeah, you need to keep your fantasies closer to the realm of realism. Maybe start thinking about procuring yourself a really nice Japanese love pillow,” suggested Karl.
Vani nodded in agreement. “Seriously, no real girl is ever gonna go for you. I’d have my doubts that even a real doll would tolerate her lack of choice in the matter. Which reminds me of what I was saying earlier, which is the following: Terry is awesome. Let’s go hang out with him.”
“Cool isn’t catching, Vani,” smirked Karl.
“That remains to be seen.” Vani confidently marched up the stairs and Jay had no choice but to follow.
“Well, way to follow orders I guess,” chuckled Simone as she went through the photos that Julie had uploaded onto the computer. “Enough pictures of Terry you think?”
“Isn’t he hot?” giggled Sarah.
The rest of the girls giggled in agreement as they stood around the computer. Sarah and Karine were over at Cerise’s house waiting for the boys to arrive. Wanting to be a good host, Cerise brought a stack of popsicles out to her friends and they all licked their treats as they viewed the slideshow.
“Ooh, this is a good one, he’s totally flexing!” laughed Simone.
“Oh my god, look at his abs,” drooled Julie.
“Shut up you guys!” laughed Cerise. “You’re totally creeping me out!”
“Come on, Cerise,” said Simone with an amused smirk. “You can’t blame us for admiring his incredible…”
“Hotness,” Karine smiled.
“I can’t turn my back on any of you! You’re all trying to steal my boyfriend!”
“We’re not trying to steal him. We’re just enjoying the view,” giggled Sarah.
“As if we could steal him. He’s way into you,” said Karine reassuringly.
So weird to have Karine in her house, being nice to her. The boys had been completely right about Karine. It seemed that now that they were out of high school she was utterly changed, no longer bitchy or mean. She didn’t even hang out with her old friends anymore, except for Terry of course. It wasn’t a turn of events Cerise ever would have predicted, nor would she have wished for it but having Karine as an ally instead of an enemy was actually pretty cool. Assuming this change was genuine of course.
“Ok, this one is totally becoming our desktop,” said Simone as she set the computer’s wallpaper to a picture of Terry hamming it up for the camera, holding a barbeque tong like it was a sword, pretending he was a Viking about to puncture a victim, namely Vani, who’d been cropped out of the pic.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Julie squealed as she clapped her hands.
“That’s wacked out! You can’t put him to the desktop!” protested Cerise while the others laughed.
“Oh no, no, this one is better!” said Simone, setting the background to a pic of Terry climbing out of the water, dripping wet, his arm muscles fully articulated as he held on to the rim of the pool.
Cerise tried to reset the image but Simone pushed her back and Karine and Sarah held her arms while she struggled.
“What if Terry sees this?”
“Then he’ll know how much he’s appreciated,” snickered Simone.
The doorbell rang and Angela opened the door, inviting the boys in. The girls all screamed in panic and Simone rushed to bring up a random window. They all laughed hysterically as Jay, Karl, Vani and Willy walked in looking confused.
“What’s so funny?” asked Vani.
“Nothing!” insisted Sarah in between laughing fits.
“Terry!” squealed Julie as Terry walked in a second later.
“Hi,” he smiled.
The girls all broke out into a new round of uncontrolled laughter.
“Am I missing something?” asked Terry with a concerned frown.
“No! Let’s go!” said Cerise, dragging all her friends out of the room.
“Bye, Terry!” said her sisters in unison, still sitting behind the computer.
“Uh, bye,” he sort of half-smiled.
Cerise smacked him on the back and physically pushed Terry outside.
“You dare to have fun without me!” yelled Vani. “I thought it had been strictly mandated that no one shall derive amusement from any situation in which I am not present! I demand to know what you guys were laughing about so uproariously before I entered this sacred dwelling!”
The girls all laughed again. Clearly there was some sort of conspiracy afoot.
“Your incessant cackles confound me!” boomed Vani.
“See Van, you don’t have trouble talking to chicks,” said Terry Trebideliberately-tryingtoembarrassvanisky with a chuckle.
All the girls burst into another fit of giggles as they reached for their bikes. It had previously been agreed that today would be a bike riding day and their first stop would be the yacht club where they’d all take a leisurely ride on Karl’s mom’s boat.
Karine wore tiny little shorts that showed off her long legs. Damn, she was so pretty. Jay quickly rushed off to his garage to get his bike and wondered for a second if he should wear his bike helmet. A quick glance to the gang revealed that only Sarah and Karl wore helmets. Terry Trebiwickedassmountainbikesky wore a baseball cap but everyone else was bare-headed so Jay chose not to wear a helmet either.
Karine didn’t exactly relish the idea of going to her place of employ on her day off but lounging on a sailboat wasn’t so bad. Sarah and the nerds busied themselves with sailing the thing and she and Terry were free to sit around and soak in the sun. Cerise was there too of course, hanging all over Terry like they were a couple, which they unfortunately were. Actually, Cerise wasn’t so bad. Yesterday’s pool party had been really fun. Ever since the incident, it wasn’t as fun to have guys look at her in that way and there sure as hell had been a lot of guys checking her out yesterday but they were all totally harmless. It’s not like any of them would have tried anything and even if they did Terry was there to protect her. He was the one person in the world she fully trusted and knew would always be on her side. In fact he’d probably stop hanging out with the Asshole if she told him what he’d done to her. But Terry never seemed to hang out with the old gang anyway so there was no need to tell him about what had happened at grad.
Truth be told this summer was turning out ok. It was surprisingly fun to hang out with the nerd herd. For all the years she’d lived next to the yacht club she’d rarely ever been on a sailboat. And when was the last time she’d ridden a bike?
They stayed out on the water until dark and then went to Vani’s house for a late dinner, eating the leftovers from a meal his parents had prepared. His parents were kind of hilarious, hanging out with them and talking about weird stuff like Bush economics, all acting like they were a live version of the Colbert Report. After dinner they went outside and played a game of midnight spud. Karine had to wake up early the next day for work but she didn’t care. She was having too much fun. In fact, when she did finally get home she felt suddenly very lonely and wished she’d stayed out a little longer.
Cerise snuggled into Terry’s chest as they watched an episode of Mythbusters in her den, which was the best show ever. With robots and explosions there was something for everyone.
Terry stroked her hair and Cerise closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of his hands on her scalp. She always felt all tingly when he touched her. He stroked her bare arms and shoulders and she couldn’t help but feel grateful for the warm summer weather that allowed skimpy outfits. She was wearing a new sundress which she’d gotten while shopping with Sarah at the mall. She still felt a little self-conscious in a dress but it was all worth it when she folded her legs over Terry’s lap and his hand slipped down to her knee. He stroked up her thigh and she held her breath, wondering if he would dare to sneak a finger inside her underwear. They should have gone to his dad’s house. Even though no one else was home at the moment she always felt ill at ease here, knowing that anyone could come home at any moment.
His hand lingered on her upper thigh and she felt something hard poking into her leg. She rubbed his erection through his jeans and he moaned appreciatively, lowering his head to kiss her. She pulled away and repositioned herself on the couch, sitting on her knees so she’d be at eye-level with him.
“Uh, sorry,” he said.
“No, it’s just…”
“It’s ok, I understand,” he smiled.
“You understand what?”
“How you feel.”
What did that mean? How did he think she felt? Did he think she was pulling away because she didn’t want to do stuff? That wasn’t the case at all. “Uh, I don’t think you do,” she stammered.
“No I mean I get it. You wanna take things slow. It’s cool.”
“No,” she shook her head. “Well, maybe.”
“It’s ok. You just don’t wanna get caught up in something you might regret later. You wanna take your time ‘cause we have all the time in the world so why rush it?”
“Um, yeah, I guess.”
“It’ll be better if we take our time anyway. ‘Cause then we can enjoy every moment for that moment.”
“Um, yeah,” she shrugged. “Is this reverse psychology?”
Terry laughed. “No. I mean I’m not saying I don’t have a huge case of blue balls but…”
“Terry!” she swatted his arm playfully and he grabbed her hand, kissing it affectionately. “See, I know you wanna do stuff and I do too.”
“Yeah but we should take it slow. I want this to matter, Cerise. I want this to be important.”
What did he mean by that? Would he think she was slutty if she wanted to go further or faster than he did? Was he just saying what he thought she wanted to hear? The truth was she wanted to have sex with him. She wanted to do everything with him. But she didn’t really even know what everything was. Did it just mean intercourse or something more? He was so experienced and she was so clueless, what if she started doing something and he laughed at her because she was doing it wrong? Or what if he did something and she didn’t like it and he didn’t want to be with her anymore because she was so frigid?
“Yeah but…” she trailed off.
“What? What is it? I wanna know what you’re thinking,” he said, taking her hands in his and squeezing them gently.
“I dunno, it’s dumb,” she shrugged, avoiding eye-contact.
“No it isn’t. I mean if you’re trying to tell me what your limits are, that’s cool. I mean I wanna know. ‘Cause then I won’t make mistakes.”
“But I don’t even know what my limits are.”
“Ok so we just take it slow. Take it one thing at a time. We do what feels right and if you wanna go slower you just say so.”
“What if I wanna go faster?”
“Then you say so. You control the show here, Cerise. I’ll go wherever you take me.”
Cerise nodded and smiled even though she wasn’t sure what he meant by her controlling the show. “Terry, remember the stuff we did last time we were together?”
“Of course,” he said with a grin.
“Like, you know the stuff where we got a little rough? Like how I hit you?” she lowered her voice and looked around even though she knew they were alone.
“Yeah,” he grinned.
“You liked that, right?”
“Yeah,” he smiled and blushed ever so slightly.
“So when you say I’m in control, do you mean you want me to you know, be the aggressor? Do you want me to like, hurt you?” she whispered.
Oh god, what was he supposed to say? The truth was he did like it when she was dominant, ‘cause that meant they were doing what she wanted and nothing turned him on more than knowing she was turned on. And when she was rough it was, Terry wasn’t sure what it was but it was awesome. Somehow it made him feel wanted, as weird as that was. But if she was just being kinky because she thought he wanted that then did it even count? He had really liked it when she got a bit violent with him but if she wasn’t actually into that then he wasn’t either. If he believed she was faking it then it just ruined everything. He didn’t want her to do anything if it wasn’t for real. But how could he explain this without saying the wrong thing? “Ummm…” he began. “I want you to do what you want to do.”
She sighed in annoyance, or perhaps frustration.
“Cerise, I like everything we do. I like kissing you, I like hugging you. I like just sitting here and snuggling. Yeah, I like it when we do more. Yeah, I miss, you know, the stuff we did.” Oh shit, he couldn’t make it sound like he was unsatisfied! “I mean I love being with you. Yeah, I wanna you know, do more. But only if you want it too. I don’t wanna force you into anything.”
“But I wanna do stuff!” she exclaimed, seemingly exasperated. “Look, maybe I’m not ready to go all the way yet. I don’t know. I really just don’t even know. But like I’d like it if we went back to how we were before. Like you haven’t even tried to go down on me,” she mumbled, looking away.
Awesome. “Cerise, I will do that right now if you ask me to.”
“But I don’t want you to do it just ‘cause I ask for it. It has to be genuine.”
He couldn’t help laughing but stopped himself when he saw the pained look on her face. “Cerise! Of course it’s genuine! I love… being with you!”
“You want me to go down on you too, right?”
“What if I do it wrong?” she asked in a voice so low it took him a second to figure out what she’d said.
He put his hand behind her neck and pulled her close, kissing her passionately. “Cerise,” he whispered. “There’s no such thing as doing it wrong if you do it with desire.”
Damn, that was a good line! Sometimes he really was a smooth cat. Sure enough Cerise smiled brightly and melted into his arms. Then she looked up at him with that devilish look in her eye that always made his heart race. She jumped up and hissed, baring her teeth like a vampire and sank down to his neck, biting down hard enough for him to really feel it. Holy fucking shit if it wasn’t the best feeling in the world. It was so difficult for him to control himself in these situations. He wrapped his arms around her and threw her down on the couch, sucking on her neck. She pushed him away while laughing with glee and they tickled and wrestled each other until their sides hurt from laughing too much.
A text from Karine interrupted them and Cerise went upstairs to put on some shorts. Apparently the gang was congregating outside for a game of street hockey. Were they serious? Didn’t they know he would whip everyone’s ass at hockey?
He and Cerise joined everyone on the street and Karine raised her eyebrow at him knowingly. She lowered her eyes to his neck and then back up to his face, smirking in amusement. Did he have a hickey or something? Probably. Oh shit, Cerise had hickeys too. Hopefully she hadn’t noticed them, or better yet, she had and didn’t care.
Whose stupid idea was it to play stupid street hockey? Vani’s of course. He just couldn’t pass up another opportunity to suck Terry Trebraindamagey’s inflated cock. This stupid game was a complete joke. Terry Trebiprobablycheatingsky’s team was slaughtering theirs even though he had all the girls on his side.
“This is no fair, we’re getting obliterated,” whined Vani. “I say we re-divide the teams so that I’m on Terry’s team.”
“I like the way the teams are now,” smirked Sarah.
“In all honesty it’s not fair for the only two athletes present to be on the same team,” reasoned Karl. “Re-division does seem advisable.”
“But just because I play sports doesn’t mean I play hockey! I’m no better at this than you!” insisted Sarah.
“Yes you are.”
“Really?” she smiled.
“Sarah, you’re better than me at a lot of things and you know it,” Karl smirked, tilting his head down and peering at his girlfriend over his glasses.
“Oh yeah, like what?” she grinned.
“Like menstruating for one.”
“Oh shut up, you’re so not funny.” Sarah rolled her eyes.
“Ok, let’s make it completely fair,” Karine interrupted. “No one gets to be on Terry’s team. It’ll be Terry against the rest of us.”
“What? How is that fair?” asked Terry Trebifalsemodesty.
“Come on, Terry! You’ve been playing hockey since you were a zygote and you’ve got like a hundred pounds of muscle on all of us combined. Even with all of us against you, you’ll still win.”
It was all Jay could do not to puke. Hearing Karine flatter that turdbucket was seriously more than anyone could be expected to endure.
“Intriguing,” said Vani while stroking his chin. “At the very least it would be a worthwhile scientific experiment.”
“Experiment this!” said Willy, desperately trying to join the conversation and failing miserably as he lunged at Vani and only managed to trip over his own feet.
Once they’d all finished laughing at Willy and his ineptitude, they agreed that Terry Trebigbabysky would be allowed to keep a goalie on his team and naturally Vani offered himself up for this position.
Willy retook his position as goalie for the side of good and they began the epic battle that wasn’t really epic so much as embarrassing. Terry Trebishowoffsky burst out of the gate like the violent Neanderthal he was and zipped past all of them to make the first goal of the game. He pushed all the guys aside with his massive steroid-induced shoulders to keep scoring and it was really quite painful to take his elbow in the gut. Jay tried hard not to pass out as he attempted to regain his breath. What a complete asshole to take this so seriously when they were just supposed to be playing a friendly game.
Fortunately he wasn’t so brutish with the girls and Sarah managed to make a couple goals for team good.
“Ack! I suck!” exclaimed Vani. “Terry, please forgive my incompetence!”
Terry Trebilickingitupsky just laughed and assured Vani that it was all good.
“Terry’s domination cannot be allowed to go on!” Vani yelled. “I’m switching teams, switching teams!” And with that he lunged at the jerkwad and latched onto his back.
This only slowed down the fuckface for a second and he kept running and managed to score again, likely because Willy was the most inept piece of shit goalie who had ever existed. In a move more revolting than anything Jay had been forced to tolerate yet, Cerise went on to grab Terry Trebipervsky’s leg and sit on his foot. Karine immediately followed suit and sat on his other foot. Terry Trebiluckybastardsky lurched forward and even when Sarah grabbed one of his arms he managed to swing his hockey stick and make contact with the tennis ball, easily slapping it into Willy’s face, who fell backwards and allowed the ball to enter their makeshift net of sticks and string.
“Yeah!” exclaimed Terryroidragesky in triumph.
“Man, you’re such a king,” breathed Vani, dropping down from his perch upon his lover’s back. “Your new nickname shall henceforth be Khal Drogo”.
Jay exchanged a look with Karl, who also seemed rather disgusted by this display though Jay couldn’t be sure if it was because Vani was one second away from performing fellatio on the Neanderthal or because Sarah was.
“You guys gonna let go?” Terry Trebilovingitsky chuckled as he looked down at the chicks swaddling his legs.
“Nah, we’re good here,” Cerise giggled.
He shuffled towards the lawn and dropped forward, forcing Karine and Cerise to let go. All three of them ended up in a jumble on the grass and it was like the most horrendous ménage-à-puke ever.
Why were the rest of the guys tolerating his continued presence among them?! God damn fucking asshole loser! Why couldn’t Terry Trebidouchesky just die already?!