Monday, July 18, 2011

Season 2 – Episode 1 – Act V

            “Well, isn’t this festive?” smirked Karl as he and Sarah and the boys walked up to the clubhouse.
            It was decorated all Hawaiiany and stuff and was totally, megatastically lame, with plastic flowers everywhere and tiki torches and… well that was pretty much it.  But all the staff were wearing leis.  Karine was totally rocking the look.
            “You’d almost think we were really in Hawaii,” mused Vani.
            “I’m fooled,” agreed Willy.
            “No, you are a fool.  There’s a difference,” snarked Karl.
            “Eww, Monsieur Rocher’s dancing.  Gross!” said Sarah while trying to contain her vomit.
            It was true.  A bunch of old people were dancing on the lawn and lamo Hawaiian music was playing.  It was Elvis music, from that Hawaiian movie he was in, Jay supposed.  Ugh, even grosser than old people was that stupid Blake guy hanging all over Karine as she was trying to grill salmon on the massive barbeque.
            “God, why is Blake always hanging around Karine,” he wondered aloud.
            “They work together, wacktard,” said Karl.
            “But he’s always like, working at her.  And existing with his stupid hipster haircut being all like, I’m so cool, check me out.  He’s all like…”
            “Like Terry Trebichavsky: the next generation,” said Karl with a snort.
            “No way!” protested Vani.  “Jay’s right.  Blake is all like he wants to be in High School Musical.  Terry’s way cooler.  Terry’s like, he’s like in a way better made for TV Disney movie starring Zac Efron.”
            “I wasn’t trying to say Terry Trebibarfsky’s cooler,” Jay began but was interrupted by Sarah.
            “Hey, speak of the devil!”
            Terry TrebitotallynotcoolerthanBlakeoranyoneelsesky walked up with Cerise, who seemed perfectly pleased to have her hand held by this overgrown orangutan.  They all said their hellos and then decided to get in line for food where Karine pretty much just said hi to Terry Trebiwaytohogthespotlightsky and ignored the rest of them. 
            “Hey, Karine.  Love the look,” he smarmed while flicking at her lei.
            “Yeah well, you know,” giggled Karine, giving him the biggest slice of salmon available.
            The deck was full so they sat at one of picnic tables on the lawn, all scrambling for seats.  Willy of course was last to the table so he dragged a patio chair down from the deck to join them. 
            “Hey, we’re hanging out with Terry Trebichavsky!” said Vani in a stage whisper that was totally loud enough for everyone to hear.
            Everyone laughed and Terry Trebistupidponcegodihatehimsomuchsky slapped Vani on the back like they were old football buddies or something.  So repulsive.  They talked about stupid, boring, random crap during dinner because obviously they couldn’t have a proper conversation with that shit-turd around.  His brain was way too small to even understand what a conversation was, much less engage in one.  The night wore on and got increasingly dull when eventually Karine came over to them with a bunch of plastic leis.
            “Hey, you guys.  Didn’t think you could escape the joy, did you?”
            One by one she put the leis around all their necks.  Jay waited patiently for her to put his on and when she did it was totally awesome.  She smelled like coconut and… well, fish.  But in a good way.  A second later she was off again, clearing the empty salad bowls off the buffet line and replacing them with dessert.  Some sort of cake, seemed like.
            Sarah suddenly announced that it was time to dance and she literally dragged Karl onto the lawn while he grumbled about the pain of it all.  It was still mostly old people dancing but there were a few kids too and some teenagers from their sailing classes.  Without even saying a goddamned word, Terry Trebithinkshe’ssosmoothsky extended his hand to Cerise and when she took it, he twirled her over to the dance floor while she giggled like a girl.
            “Did you see that?” asked Vani in awe.  “That was a cool move.”
            “God, whatever,” mumbled Jay.
            “That was like, totally suave, like James Bond style.”
            “Fuck, you have such a hard-on for Terry,” snarked Willy and for once in his life he was bang on.
            “Seriously,” nodded Jay.  “Cock-hungry much?  I thought Willy was the gay one around here.”
            “Hey, Terry’s cool and there’s no denying it,” said Vani without any embarrassment.
            “Is that what you tell yourself when you’re sucking his cock?” sneered Jay.
            “Seriously!  He’s all like, suck it bitch! And you’re all like, yes sir!  Oh I love your cock so much! It’s so big and hard!  Mmmm!  Let me suck it!”  Willy said all of this way too loudly and a waitress who had just then come by to clear their table made a freaked out face and spun on her heel, hurrying in the opposite direction. 
            Jay and Vani burst into laughter while Willy turned the colour of tomatoes and shame.

            Karine hadn’t sat down all night.  Her feet were killing her and she was dying for a cigarette.  But this night hadn’t been too bad.  One cool thing about Terry dating his Cherry angel was that he’d be at the club more often and she’d have someone decent to hang out with.  Obviously they were back together, though Karine felt a little insulted that Terry hadn’t officially told her about it.  Presumably he was too busy kissing his little girlfriend’s stupid cherry ass to talk to Karine anymore. 
Oh well, whatever.  At least Blake wasn’t bugging her anymore.  He’d hung around her all day, apparently having failed to catch her massive hints yesterday but now he’d moved on to some chick who looked way too young for him.  She was probably one of his students.  How gross. 
It was getting pretty late so even though there were still a few members hanging around, she and the other kitchen staff started clearing up all the stupid Hawaiian decorations.  Terry and the rest of the gang sat at a table on the deck and Karine could hear everything they were saying as she scrubbed at the grill.  God, it was totally gross.  She was probably the first person who’d ever tried to clean the damn thing. 
“Ok, I have to go to the bathroom,” Sarah suddenly announced.  She was wearing her lei wound up on one of her wrists and Karl’s lei on the other wrist.  “Cerise?”
“Yeah,” replied Cherry angel.  Her wrists were similarly bound with her and Terry’s leis.
They hopped up and bounced off into the clubhouse while the boys watched them go.
“I love it when chicks totally live up to clichés.  How awesome that Sarah couldn’t go pee without Cerise holding her hair for her.”
“I like to think they need help pulling each other’s panties down,” said Willy with his most disgusting perv voice.
“Yeah, nice try, Willy.  We still think you’re gay,” said Karl.
Vani snickered.  “Oh man, Karl.  You should’ve heard Willy talking earlier.  He was all loud and stuff talking about like sucking cock and stuff and this totally cute waitress chick totally walked by and heard him and she was like, what the fuck, and Willy was all, I’m so cock-hungry!  It was hilarious.”
“You’re the one who was being all cock-hungry!” insisted Willy.
“Yeah sure, Willy, sure!” cackled Vani.  “Try to deflect the cock-hungryness!  No one’s buying it!”
“Shut the fuck up!”
“Careful, Willy!  You might choke if you try to talk with all that jizz in your mouth!” laughed Jay.
All the guys laughed uproariously, including Terry and even Karine couldn’t help but snicker.  “Why don’t you talk louder, you guys?” she chuckled as she walked onto the deck.  “I think there are still some people in China who aren’t quite clear on just how cock-hungry Willy is.”
They all laughed and Karine was secretly pleased to have amused them.  Terry jumped up to help her carry the empty desert platters and as they walked into the club she heard Willy speak in a hushed tone.
“Hey, Karine knows my name.”
            She told Terry to follow her into the kitchen where he helped her load the industrial dishwasher.  Another waitress was in there and she looked at Terry in awe and made herself inconspicuous, no doubt wanting to eavesdrop on Karine’s conversation with such a hot guy.  But it was not to be, as Karine lead him back out to the bar where she picked up a rag and absent-mindedly wiped up the already clean counter.
            “So congratulations,” she smirked.
            “Huh?” he responded dumbly.
            “You’re back with Cherry angel.”
            “Yeah,” he smiled.  “Hey, don’t call her that, eh?  I mean like, not to her face.”
            “Well duh!” she snickered while he tried to hide his smile.  “Aww, look at you, all happy and shit!  You’re so cute!”
            “Aww, shuddap,” he blushed.  He actually totally blushed.  God, how adorable.
            Karine couldn’t help but give him a big hug and of course it was at that moment that Cerise and Sarah emerged from the washroom.  Awkward.  Terry immediately pushed Karine aside and swept Cherry angel up into his arms, nibbling on her ear and everything.  How very puke worthy. 
            Karine got Terry to help her gather a few beer bottles and they went outside to join the gang.  All the members were gone now and the other waitresses cleared out as well.  The gang sat on the deck and Karine lit up a cigarette.  She offered one to Terry but he didn’t take it.  Of course not, now that he was back to being Cerise’s little whipping boy he wouldn’t indulge in any vices.  At least he’d still accepted a beer.
            How weird that she and Terry were hanging out with the nerd herd now.  It was like she was Penny and she’d just walked in on the Big Bang Theory.  God, how depressing. 
            “Well, I’d just like to take this opportunity to applaud all of you on your restraint tonight,” said Vani as he suckled a beer.
            “Clarification?” asked Karl.  Besides Cerise he was the only one not drinking.
            “No one made a joke about getting laid!” said Vani while twirling his lei around in his little hand.
            “And you just couldn’t maintain the restraint,” smirked Karl.
            “It was killing me!” said Vani all dramatically.
            Well, they may have been nerds, but they were funny.  You had to give them that.

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