Friday, August 31, 2012

Season 3 – Episode 2 – Act V

            Karine hadn’t really reached a conclusion in her conversation with Terry.  She’d been up all night thinking about it and only got a few hours of sleep and the next morning she was just as confused as ever.
            For now she wouldn’t do anything.  Jay was single and she’d see if he approached her, sort of knowing he was too much of a pussy to ever ask her out.  If he proved her wrong then she’d go out with him but for now she wouldn’t make the first move.  She’d simply see how she felt as time went on.
            As usual she joined the gang in the bakery when her shift at the Bonne Glace was over.  Janice had invited her to go out clubbing but she’d refused without even thinking about it.  As she walked into the bakery and saw everyone munching on pizza as they did every night she realized how right Terry had been about both of them changing.  A year ago she wouldn’t have hesitated to go downtown.  What could possibly be more fun than clubbing and getting drunk and hooking up with some rando in a bar? 
Well this was more fun.  They never did anything, just sat around talking, eating junk food, drinking beer, sometimes playing cards.  Jay and the nerds always snuck in a couple hours of playing their little game while the others listened to music or watched videos on Karl’s laptop.  On paper it sounded boring as shit and high school her would have scoffed at such lameness but it was fun.  It really was.  It was chill and comfortable and it made her feel safe.
            She sat down with Cerise and Terry and Sarah and Paul.  The boys were rolling their dice at another table.  Jay seemed perfectly content, seemingly over Cassie, who had obviously decided not to join them tonight.  Karine ate the dregs of the pizza and was just about to suggest they order poutine when Furry Jenn walked in looking upset.
            “Oh god,” moaned Willy.  “Fuck off, Jenn!”
            “You fuck off!” she spat back.  “I’m not just gonna go away you asshole!”
            Willy tore at his hair and raged, telling her to stop following him around, that they already had one stalker to deal with and didn’t need another.
            “Like I would fucking stalk you.  I just want the rest of the money you owe me.”
            Willy lazily said he’d get it to her and she raged at him some more.  The rest of them kept munching on their pizza crusts, engrossed by the show. 
            “Now just leave me the fuck alone!  Get out!”  Willy yelled.
            “Why should I have to leave?” Jenn asked.  “Why don’t you leave if you don’t wanna be with me?”
            “Because everyone else here also wants you gone.”  He didn’t even say it unkindly.  It was more stated as a matter of fact.
            Jenn screwed up her face in disbelief.  “Really?  Is that true, you guys?  You’d rather hang out with him than me?”
            Karine certainly had no particular love for Willy but this Jenn chick was way annoying.  No one said anything.  They all just shrugged and stared at Jenn until she started to cry.  She accused them all of being assholes and then ran away.
            “Oh god, I feel so bad for her,” said Cerise, letting out a breath she’d probably been holding the entire time.
            “Yeah, me too,” nodded Sarah even though she didn’t look particularly sympathetic.
            “I don’t,” admitted Karine.  “That chick is fucking nuts.  Anyone who would stalk Willy would have to have serious mental issues.”
            “For once we agree,” said Karl.
            “She is pretty fucking loco,” agreed Vani.  “You know what?  I declare it.  I declare today to be Jenn Day!  The first official Jenn Day!”
            “Oh god, he’s got his scheming face on,” warned Jay.
            “What’s Jenn Day?” asked Karine in amusement.
            Vani stood up on a chair to answer.  “Jenn Day is a day to celebrate the official expulsion of one Jennifer… I have no idea what her last name is.  We’ll just call her Jennifer Furry Jenny Jenn Jenn.  But beyond Jennifer Furry Jenny Jenn Jenn, today is a day to celebrate the getting rid of those who have no place in our society!  Or at least, no place among us.  Today is a day of pure hate my friends.  Today is an extended two-minute hate.  I say we begin!”  He jumped off his chair and slammed his fist on the table, causing Karl’s dice to go flying.
            “You fucking ‘tard!” Karl growled as he rushed after his dice.
            “Well I’m always down with a good two-minute hate,” shrugged Jay.
            “Let’s begin then,” said Karl, packing his dice away and then confiscating his laptop from Terry.  He switched to Word and began typing.  “Go ahead.”  He looked at Vani expectantly.
            “Ok, since I think we can all agree that Jennifer Furry Jenny Jenn Jenn is our biggest collective hate we’ll save her for the end.  In the meantime, we should make a list of everyone else we hate,” suggested Vani.
            “Cool,” smiled Jay.  “Every year we shall reconvene on this date to check if our hates have changed.”
            “We are of one mind,” nodded Vani sagely.  “But first we take the oath.”
            “There’s an oath?” asked Paul, looking a little shell shocked.
            Sarah patted his arm protectively.  “This is gonna be like SOIF isn’t it?  Are we gonna have to memorize booklets and shit?”
            Karine leaned over to Terry and murmured in his ear.  “And you were the one saying these people aren’t fucked up.”
            “I agree they’re fucked up.  But so are we in our own way,” he shrugged and they grinned at each other.
            “This sounds like it’s gonna be really mean,” complained Cerise.
            “Yeah, thanks for catching on, Cherry,” said Vani, eliciting a chirp of laughter from Karine.  She shrugged at Cerise apologetically after getting the Cherry death glare.
            “Ok, the oath,” Vani went on.  “Everyone raise their right hand and repeat after me.”
            They all obeyed, even Sarah and Paul. 
            “On my honour, I promise to do my best, to do my duty,” dictated Vani and they all repeated his words.  “I will promote callousness, the pushing of social limits.  Leaving no weakness unexploited, no insult unspoken, and no individual unjudged.”
            “So you know how you were saying I should be nicer?” Karine whispered to Terry with a giggle.
            “Yeah and you were saying how you’re so different from these guys?” he asked with a raised brown.
She giggled and kept repeating Vani’s words.  “I will work towards a utopian society, removing the unworthy from our midst.  Strengthening the people we love and turning the weak away.  Amen.  Well, not amen, but the secular equivalent.  Um, huzzah.”
            “Huzzah,” they chorused.
            “You are such a strange little boy, Vani,” Sarah giggled.
            “That’s a good oath,” said Jay.
            “So the list of those we hate,” said Karl, who’d been typing everything Vani had dictated.
            “Well Porta-potty chick I suppose,” suggested Vani.
            “Her name is Shauna Darren,” said Cerise impatiently.  “And I don’t hate her.”
            “I hate her,” said Terry with a pointed look at Cerise.
            “Good, who else?”
            “Trista,” said Cerise.
            “Jojo!” spat Willy.
            “Erica!” said Terry.
            Karine sighed.  “And Andrew.”
            “I thought you were friends with them,” said Sarah.
            “I have better friends now,” smiled Karine. 
            “Aww!  Puppies and rainbows!” Willy squealed, clapping his hands.  “Back to the hate!”
            Vani grinned at Karine.  “That was some good love, Krainy Krainy Kay Kay, but indeed, back to the hate.”
            “Ok well um,” Jay piped up. “I mean no offense or anything but maybe like a little bit, you know… Janice?”
            “Oh my god, totally!” said Sarah as Terry nodded assent.
            “For the sake of Jay, Cassie?” suggested Karine.
            “No, I like Cassie!” protested Cerise.
            “But she can be grating sometimes,” said Vani.  “She takes over the game and yes, I know that’s ironic coming from me.  Let’s put her down as a maybe.”
            Karl nodded and kept typing.
            “Lee,” said Sarah.
            “You hate Lee?” asked Karl.
            “I’ve felt irritation towards him,” she shrugged.
            Karine had forgotten all about Lee.  Didn’t he still work here?  He was always gone by the time Karine showed up.  Myles too most of the time.
            “God, fuck, Brown.  Mega triple omega Brown,” said Terry.  “And maybe a bit Myles too.”
            “What’s wrong with Myles?” asked Vani
            “Meh, I dunno,” shrugged Terry.  “He’s just weird.  Ok, fine I don’t hate him but I mean, does a bit of irritation count?  Like can I put Tom on the list?”
            “Hey, no hating Tom!” exclaimed Cerise.  “But Jeff yes.”
            “Ok, good list,” said Karl.  “I’ll just add Willy and it’s complete.”
            They all laughed and Vani went on to ask for criteria.  “We need reasons for our hate.  It can’t just be willy-nilly.”
            “Not willy-nilly,” nodded Karl. “But nearly Willy.  If they have anything in common with Willy, we expulse.”
            They all groaned and Willy asked if Karl would ever get sick of that joke. 
            “Really and truly, no,” said Karl.
            “Ok, criteria, people,” insisted Vani.
            “My criteria are two-fold,” said Cerise.  “If they make fun of my fruity name, I hate them.  And ironically, if they themselves are fruity, I hate them.”
            “Fruitiness, check,” nodded Vani as Karl typed away.  “Anyone who can commune telepathically with tree or tree derivatives shall be shunned.”
            “Excessive enthusiasm,” said Jay.
            “Excessive hypocrisy you mean,” smirked Vani.  “But indeed, yes, excessive enthusiasm is a curse as it goes against the core of repetition, sloth and depravity we must cling to.”
            “Emotional fragility,” said Karl.  “Any display of emotion really.”
            Vani nodded.  “As feelings are the ultimate form of weakness, and not to be tolerated.”
            “Ok, you know what my damage always was with Janice?” said Cerise.  “She’d always trash us and then continue to hang with us.”
            “I know!” agreed Sarah.
            “Indeed hypocrisy,” said Vani.  “Or two-facedness.  Those who cannot accept the debauchery that is the rut of the group should not be allowed to partake in it.”
            “But she was also so presumptuous,” argued Cerise.  “She just like, assumes she’s welcome.”
            “Mmm, presumptuousness.  For those with seniority have earned it through years of hate and toil.”
            “It’s gotta be said,” Jay spoke almost apologetically.  “People who just aren’t nerdy.”
            Karine smiled as Terry looked at her pointedly.
            “Of course,” nodded Vani. “Popularity and image must be abandoned if one is to become part of the group.  With notable exceptions made of course for Terry and Karine.”
            “Of course,” agreed Jay, eliciting a blush from Karine.
            “But also, excessively nerdy is bad,” said Sarah.
            “Indeed.  That was Jojo’s sin.  Excessive nerdyness.  Such an attribute, whether genetic or acquired, is despicable.  He who cannot live for a moment without his nerdism cannot live for a moment among us.”
            “Stupidity,” said Karl.
            “Agreed.  Stupidity.  For we cannot stand explaining to the feeble what they will never understand.”
            “I hate people who are all cutesy,” Karl went on.
            “Cassie was cutesy,” said Jay.
            “Strong as the rut has made our stomachs, we still cannot stomach the sight of this,” shrugged Vani.
            “Well, people who stalk.  I mean I guess just people who are fucking insane,” said Terry as Cerise sighed loudly.
            “Insanity.  Stalking and porta-potty love will not be tolerated.”
            Karine wanted to join in the fun so she said that the deal with Jenn is that she was needy and slutty.
            “Needy.  For we have no love in our hearts to dispense upon the deprived souls of others.  And slutty.  With exceptions made, of course, for sufficiently attractive females.”
            “Of course,” nodded all the guys in the room.
            “And just, the worst thing of all,” said Jay dramatically.  They all waited for him to go on.  “Boring.”
            “Correct!” exclaimed Vani.  “Such is El Sin Grandé.  No person shall ever, under any circumstances, be permitted to remain in the company of the group if they are boring.  This, the ultimate sin, can never be forgiven, and shall never be tolerated.”
            “Good work,” said Karl.
            “Indeed.  This is an excellent list.  May the bashing begin!”
            “Didn’t we just do that?” asked Sarah.
            “That was just the preliminaries,” Vani explained.
            “You guys are fucked up,” said Paul but he smiled as he said it.
            “Ahh, Popo, you don’t understand.  And you Sarah, have always had such a soft heart.  Such a soft, soft heart.  It must be crushed!”
            Karine had more to say.  “But the other thing about Jenn is she was just so clueless!  Just so, so out of it.  I mean, she just had no idea of how to behave.”
            “Yeah, she reeked of desperation,” agreed Terry.  “It was sad.”
            “She was probably lonely,” said Cerise.  “Probably has a shitty home life.”
            “She was crazy!” insisted Vani.  “Insanity is on the list!”
            “At first she was normal,” said Willy.  “But then she went totally nuts.  Seriously, she went fucking ballistic when she got pregnant.”
            No one had anything to say.  They just stared at Willy and his stupid, asshole face.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Season 3 – Episode 2 – Act IV

“Karine, what are you doing here?” asked Sarah as she and Paul walked onto the deck at BYC, where Karine was lounging at a table sipping a coke. 
“Oh I had the day off so I figured I’d come here before going to the bakery.  When do you get off?”
“I’m off now pretty much.  We’ve gotta fill out a bit of paper work but then we’re good to go.”
“Cool, take your time, I’ll be here.”
“Cool.”  Sarah and Paul walked into the clubhouse and a moment later Cassie arrived and headed to the tool shed where she hugged Jay. 
Karine made sure to act like she wasn’t watching but surveyed the whole scene from behind her sunglasses.  Jay went back to work and then Cassie walked towards the clubhouse as Karine looked at her phone, pretending like she didn’t even know Cassie was there.
“Hi Karine!”  Cassie sat next to Karine.
Karine looked up and then whipped off her sunglasses, her eyes wide.  “Oh my god, Cassie, are you ok?”
“Huh?  Yeah, why?”
“Well just, you know, ‘cause of you and Jay.”
“What about me and Jay?” Cassie asked in confusion.
“Oh just…” Karine trailed off and then darted her eyes around.  “Oh nothing, nevermind.”
“What?” Cassie insisted.
“Nothing,” Karine tried to look embarrassed.
“Karine, seriously?  What is it?”
“Well it’s just, I mean, god I shouldn’t even tell you.  It’s just that I thought he did it already.”
“Who did what?”  Cassie narrowed her eyes in concern.
“Oh god, fuck.  Jay.  He was saying how he wanted to break up with you.”
“What?!” Cassie shrieked in a burst of anger.
“But hey, I’m sure he changed his mind!” Karine offered.
“Why the fuck would he break up with me?”
“I dunno,” Karine said with sympathy.  “Something about how you’re moody or something.  Or how he’s just not that into you.  I don’t even know, it was all bullshit.”
Karine was surprised by how enraged Cassie looked.  She really didn’t think the little munchkin had it in her.  “That little shit!”  Cassie said between gritted teeth.
“I’m so sorry, Cassie, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, I’m glad you told me!  It gives me the chance to break up with him first, that fucking ass!”  She burst up from the table and stormed off to the tool shed.  God, sometimes it was so easy.
Karine put her sunglasses back on and watched as Cassie confronted Jay, waving her little arms around like a mutant monkey.  Jay looked shell shocked as he listened to the smackdown.  Karine only wished she were close enough to hear the tirade.  Sarah and Paul came back out to the deck and sat down and watched Cassie storm away from Jay, walking right past the clubhouse, through the parking lot and out to the street.  Sarah called out to her but was ignored.  They all turned to see Jay looking despondent.
“What the hell’s going on?” asked Sarah.
“I dunno,” shrugged Karine as she suppressed a smile.

It totally sucked to be dumped.  Jay was actually surprised by how badly he felt.  True, he’d been thinking of breaking up with Cassie anyway but having her do it first just really sucked.  He felt like such a loser. 
He drove to the bakery in silence with Karl in the passenger seat and Karine, Sarah and Paul in the back.  They were all quiet but Karl was looking super smug, that stupid bastard.  At least Karine was here.  She was being super nice.  When he’d joined the gang on the deck and told them what happened, she’d been really sympathetic.  Karl had said it was about time Cassie came to her senses and Sarah said she was sorry even though she kind of looked half amused but Karine was being amazing.  She even hugged him.
He dreaded getting out of the car when they got to the bakery.  He didn’t want to have to tell the story again. 
“What’s going on?” Cerise asked immediately, apparently sensing that something was wrong.
“Cassie broke up with Jay,” Karine said softly.
“Hah!” burst out Vani.  “I mean how unfortunate.”
“No, you meant hah,” laughed Willy.
“Yeah, pretty much,” admitted Vani.
God, why did he have such shitty friends?
“That sucks,” said Cerise.  “Maybe she could sense you were losing interest.”
“She said I was bad-mouthing her behind her back,” said Jay helplessly.
“Well, you kinda were, Jay,” pointed out Karine.
“I’m such an idiot!” Jay hollered.
Karine put her hand on his arm and it felt like electricity.  “Jay, it’s ok.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.  It had to end eventually.  And there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.”  She ruffled his hair and he was relieved her hand didn’t get stuck.
Vani chuckled.  “We don’t swim in a sea, we swim in an aquarium, like not even at the pet store, like in some old dude’s house and he like doesn’t even like clean it.  So it’s all scummy and no new fish are ever introduced.  All we can do is watch the old ones die.”
“Your analogy falls apart,” said Karl.  “But I think you’re saying our options are limited, which indeed they are.”
“We are in a pet store,” said Jay.  “We can see the fish in the other aquariums but we’re in the loser aquarium and it doesn’t even have like, one of those little skulls or treasure chest dealies… it’s like, there’s a bit of plastic seaweed and that’s it.  And sometimes a fish accidentally jumps out of another aquarium and lands in ours but those fish always get bought and so it’s usually just us swimming around and bumping into the walls wishing we could get into a better aquarium.”
They all nodded, finding the analogy to be spot on.  Karine giggled and said that perhaps one day he might succeed in getting bought himself.  He really hoped she meant she’d buy him or let him swim in her aquarium or whatever.  But she was probably just being nice. 

Terry offered to drive Karine home since he wouldn’t be staying at Cerise’s.  She accepted the lift and when they got to her place she asked him if he wanted to come in for a drink and then looked surprised when he accepted.
“So how come you’re not staying at Cerise’s tonight?” she asked as they walked into her kitchen. 
“I’ve been sleeping in the West Island too often.  Vicky’s getting all pissed ‘cause it’s disrupting Britt’s routine.  Besides, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Don’t tell me you and Cherry had another fight.”  She took two beers out of the fridge and handed one to Terry.
He sat down at the table.  “No, we’re fine.  I wanted to talk about you actually.”
“Hah, for once!” she snarked, looking a bit nervous.
“So you were pretty supportive of Jay in his time of need today.”
“Yeah, so?”  She sat across from him but avoided eye contact as she picked at the label on her beer.
“Mighty convenient that he and Cassie broke up.”
“What are you getting at, Terry?” she asked with impatience.
“Oh come on!  You have a thing for Jay!” he laughed.
“No I don’t!” she insisted.
“What the fuck, Karine?  Why can’t you just admit it?”
“There’s nothing to admit!”
“If you’re gonna deny it, might wanna be a little less obvious.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You’re mega flirty with him all the time.  I bet by now even the guys are starting to pick up on it.”
“Really?” she asked, mildly panicked.
“Why are you even denying it?” he asked, truly wanting to know.
“Fuck Terry, you’ve said enough times how you hate him and his stupid hair and how he’s a loser and everything.”
“That’s just ‘cause I thought he was into Cerise, or she was into him,” he admitted.
“So you don’t actually think he’s a loser?” she asked sincerely, looking down at her hands.
He did actually think so but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.  “Does it matter what I think?”
“Yeah it matters.”  She looked up at him and he could see that she was going through something real.  “I care about your opinion.  And I mean, fuck, everyone’s opinions matter.  People who say they don’t care, that’s just ‘cause they’re too proud to admit it.  I mean yeah, I kinda like him I guess but it would be totally fucked up to get together with him.”
Terry simply shrugged.
“I mean right?  Everyone would make fun of me.”
“Then why do you flirt with him all the time?”
“I dunno.  ‘Cause it’s fun.  ‘Cause I miss the way it used to be.”
“What way?” he asked.
“You know, the way it was in high school.  Jay had a crush on me for like, the entire five years practically.  It was kinda fun.  I mean, I always thought he was a loser but… I dunno.  I guess I secretly liked having an admirer.”
“You had tons of admirers.  Why are you fixating on him?”
“’Cause he’s around?  ‘Cause you’re taken?”  She looked down in embarrassment.
Terry wanted to reach out to her but wasn’t sure if that would be sending the wrong message.
“’Cause…” she went on.  “’Cause I like him!  I think I actually really do!”
Terry couldn’t help but chuckle.
“God, it’s not funny, Terry!  I like Jason Harris, the stupid hair guy!  The guy we made fun of in high school, the guy who couldn’t get a date until Sarah Wong took pity on him!  I’m such a loser!”
“Well there are worse guys in the world,” said Terry though he couldn’t really think of one at the moment.
“No!  No there aren’t!  The only worse options would be Willy or Vani or Karl!”
“Well Vani’s not so bad.  Short as hell but funny.”
“Jay’s funny too!”
“Yeah, I guess he’s ok,” shrugged Terry.
“No he’s not!  He’s a fucking loser!  I mean fucking Cherry the Raspberry is into him!”
Terry narrowed his eyes, instantly losing all sympathy for Karine’s stupid dilemma. 

“But you were kind of thinking about breaking up with her anyway, right?” asked Cerise as she and Jay sat on their joint front lawns.
“I guess.  Yeah, I guess it’s fine.  Just kinda feels like shit to get dumped is all,” he admitted.
“Yeah.  You want a plug-in?” she offered.
“You need to recharge?” she said, pulling her hair away from her neck.
“Oh, you mean the symbiont?  Dude, that’s old news.  I got a new symbiont.”
Cerise nodded, letting go of her hair.  “Oh, that’s good.”
“Yeah, it’s cool ‘cause this one is way better.  Yours was a total piece of shit by comparison.”
“No doubt,” she sighed.  No doubt indeed.

“I mean you know Cerise is into him, right?”
“She was,” said Terry defensively.  “Maybe.  Not anymore.  I mean, right?”
“I dunno Terry,” Karine sighed, obviously not wanting to switch the conversation to him and Cerise.  “But either way I mean, it’s ok for someone like Cerise to be into Jay.  But I’m me.”
“What does that mean?” he asked in a voice he hoped would indicate she was on thin ice.
“She’s like them.  Geeky and shit.  And I know we’re supposed to be in like, a post-nerd world where like everyone is a geek and like Spiderman is the coolest shit ever or whatever but seriously?  I’m not into all that shit.  Gaming and watching Star Wars or whatever.  But they are.  And it’s fucking lame!”
“You sound like Erika,” he scoffed.
“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being how they are!”
“You just said it’s lame!”
“I just meant that it’s their world and not mine.  I mean I don’t get it.  I don’t get that stuff.  Watching Game of Thrones is pretty much my limit when it comes to all this sci-fi shit!”
“Game of Thrones is fantasy.  And supernatural.  There’s no sci-fi, at least not yet,” he explained.
“God, way to miss the point, Terry!  Shit, you’re totally being sucked in, aren’t you?”
“Sucked into what?”
“Their nerddom!”
“Oh, so like I can’t play hockey and watch Star Trek?  That’s just stupid.  We’re not gonna like institute a new apartheid based on degree of cool.  There’s nothing wrong with the shit they like.  And you know what?  I’m so sick of having to defend Cerise to you!”
“God, I’m not even talking about her!  She’s fine, ok?  She’s cool now!”
“Oh, she’s cool now?  So like she’s spent enough time with you that it’s rubbed off?  Karine, you really need to get the fuck over yourself.”  She glared at him and he went on.  “If you like Jay and his stupid hair then just fucking go out with him and get over your damage.  And if you can’t get over your damage then stop coming on to him all the time and give us all a break.”
Her lip quivered and Terry hoped she wouldn’t cry.  Oh shit, there she went.  The tears came out in a sudden stream and she wailed.  He immediately drew her into a hug, feeling like an asshole but simultaneously resenting her for emotionally manipulating him.
“You’re right!  I’m a horrible person!” she sobbed.
“No, you’re not, you’re just a snob, that’s all.”  He patted her on the back.
“Fuck you!” she laughed and cried at the same time.  “I’m seriously a jerk, aren’t I?”
“You don’t have to be.  I mean you’re changing.  We’ve both changed a lot in the past year.  And you’re learning how to be nicer.  But it takes time to get there.”
“God, don’t pull any punches,” she said sarcastically, pushing him away and wiping her eyes.
“Well I mean, shit Karine, you really are a bitch sometimes.  Sorry, but it’s true.”
She looked at him like a lost puppy.
“I mean isn’t it your fault Cassie broke up with Jay?” he asked delicately.
“Yes!” she wailed, the tears flowing again. “I told her he was gonna break up with her so she’d do it first!  I’m so evil!”
A snicker erupted from his lips.  “Yeah, that’s pretty harsh.  Kinda funny though.”
She looked up from her wet hands and smiled.  “Yeah.”  They laughed together and she went on.  “And last year when you and Cerise were on the outs, I encouraged it.  I kept you guys apart as best I could because I was jealous!  Because I wanted you!”  She grinned hopefully.
He stopped laughing and stared at her.  “Are you serious?”
“I’m evil!”
“You’re not evil,” he grumbled.  “You’re supremely selfish but, yeah.  I can’t believe you kept us apart!”
“Not forever though!  I finally broke down and told you what the deal was with Andrew and why Cerise hated him.”
“Yeah,” he nodded.
“And even with that I was evil.  When Christina told me that Andrew raped her too, I didn’t even try to help her.  For all I know she still hangs out with him and I didn’t even try to do anything about it.”
“What could you do?”
“I dunno. I guess I could’ve gone and beat him up,” she grinned wickedly and he couldn’t help but blush as he laughed.
“So you still into me?” he smiled, wiggling his eyebrow.  “’Cause maybe I can get Cerise to agree to like a threesome deal.”
“Oh shut the fuck up you loser!”  She laughed as she pushed him away.  “I don’t like your stupid nerd loving ass anymore!”
“Yeah, so you’re gonna work on that being nicer thing?” he asked pointedly.
“Shut up,” she sighed, collecting herself and blowing her nose into a Kleenex.  “So like, do you think I should get together with Jay or what?”

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Season 3 – Episode 2 – Act III

Terry locked up the bakery and they all dispersed for the night.  Sarah took off with Paul while Karl drove Vani and Willy.  Jay was about to take off alone when Karine asked if she could get a lift with him.  That was weird.  Since when did Karine want to ride with Jay and his stupid hair?
            “I can give you a lift,” Terry offered.
            “It’s ok, no need to go out of your way,” snarked Karine.  “I know how much you hate doing anything for anyone who isn’t Cerise.”
            “Yeah right,” groaned Cerise.  “But actually yeah, I can catch a lift with Jay and Terry can take you home.”
            “Isn’t Terry staying with you tonight?” asked Karine.
            “Yeah,” Terry nodded.  “But I can meet her there ten minutes later.  It’s not like your place is that far out of the way.”
            “Just fucking go home with your Cherry angel.  Jay can give me a lift.”
            “But Jay and I live next to each other,” reasoned Cerise.  “Why should he go all the way to your place first?”
            “Why should Terry?”
            “Yeah, um,” Jay and his stupid hair finally piped up. “You two lovebirds go on home.  I’m in no rush, I’ll drive Karine home.”  They all looked at him and after a beat he kept rambling.  “I mean driving around is totally my thing these days.  I take Cassie home and then I take Karine home.  And then I take myself home.  And stray cats if I spot any.  Hitchhikers and whatnot.”
            “Sucks that Cassie always has to go home so early.  It’s stupid that you have to drive her and then come back,” said Cerise.
            “Yeah, I guess,” admitted Jay.  “Was my Nazi joke really that bad?  ‘Cause she was like uber pissed.  All like sulking all the way home.”
            “I think she was more upset about Janice getting all in her face,” suggested Cerise.
            “Then how come she took it out on me?” whined Jay.
            “Welcome to the wonderful world of women,” Terry snarked and then regretted it two seconds later as Karine and Cerise glared at him.
            “I don’t do shit like that,” Cerise protested.
            “You do equally weird shit,” Terry shrugged.
            “Whatever, like you’re always Mr. Logical,” scoffed Cerise.
            “I don’t think Cassie was pissed at Janice,” said Karine.  “She was pissed at you, Jay.  And with good reason.  Janice was all saying shit about how she could get you no problem and how like you’d dump Cassie as soon as you tasted Janice’s meat or whatever.  And you said shit-all.  You just sat there like not even defending your relationship with Cassie.  I bet that made her feel like shit.”
            “Yeah, good point,” nodded Cerise.  “You suck, Jay.”
            “I’ve always thought so,” Terry said with a grin.
            “Whatever fuck!” Jay spurted out.  “God, girls are so much work!”
            “No shit,” Terry muttered under his breath and Cerise glared at him.
            “I really don’t think Cassie is that high-maintenance.  You’re just an asshole,” countered Cerise.  “And I’m not high-maintenance either, you fucking dipshit!”  She playfully swatted at Terry’s arm while he chuckled.
            “Whether she’s high-maintenance or not isn’t the issue,” said Karine.  “If you’re not into her then you’re not into her.”
            “Well I’m into her,” said Jay without a trace of conviction.
            “Doesn’t seem like it,” shrugged Karine.
            “Well I mean, she can be annoying but she’s still, you know…”
            “Female,” smiled Terry.
            “Yeah, pretty much,” agreed Jay.
            Cerise sighed and rolled her eyes.  “Cassie is a perfectly nice girl!”
            “Yeah but if he’s not into her then… I mean it’s like I was telling Willy,” said Terry.  “There comes a time when you want more than a warm place to stick your dick.”  Cerise stared at Terry with disgust.  “If you don’t like her for real then fucking find someone you do like!”
            “Seriously,” agreed Karine.
            Terry instantly regretted his advice.  He really didn’t want Karine to hook up with Jay and his stupid hair, though he couldn’t really say why not.  Cerise looked from Jay to Karine and back to Jay, perhaps divining what was really going on here. 
            After a bit more back and forth, Jay drove Karine home and Terry drove in silence as he went to Cerise’s.  God, why did she even like Jay?  He was such a dork!  Why did Karine like him?  Why would any chick like such a sack of shit?!  Maybe if Karine got together with Jay it would be good for his relationship with Cerise ‘cause she’d finally stop caring about him.  No, that made no sense.  Somehow Terry knew that Cerise would only be annoyed and perhaps even jealous if Karine hooked up with Jay.  But why should she be jealous if she was dating Terry?  Wasn’t Terry a million times better than a loser like Jay?  Cerise only liked him as a friend, right?  God, seriously, why the fuck would anyone ever be into Jason fucking Harris!  It made no fucking sense!

            “Ugh!  It’s so depressing!” hollered Janice as she burst into the bakery, still wearing her Bonne Glace uniform.
            “Oh shut up already,” replied Karine, who’d changed into a tank top and shorts that were so short they were practically panties.  She looked way hot.
            Jay looked at Cassie, hoping she didn’t have telepathic powers.  While driving Karine home last night, Jay had almost worked up the nerve to ask her out but then he’d pussied out and said nothing.  He knew Karine wouldn’t hook up with him until he dumped Cassie, but he didn’t want to risk dumping her if Karine wasn’t a sure thing.  Then again, even the possibility of Karine was better than the reality of anyone else.  Still, what if she rejected him anyway?  Even though she was hot, she was also undeniably bitchy and into trickery and shit.
“What’s depressing?” asked Sarah as she bit into a slice of pizza.  They’d ordered three larges but clearly that wasn’t enough.  Everyone seemed to be voracious tonight. 
Terry Trebigiantpigsky had eaten like a billion slices and Vani kept trying to match his pace.  They were going to end up ordering poutine as well, just like they did every night.  It was a mystery why they didn’t just order the poutine upfront, rather than waiting an hour.  Then again, if they ordered it right away it would be cold and gross by the time they got to it.  Perhaps their dinner ordering system wasn’t so bad after all.  Still, they were in a freaking bakery, shouldn’t they eat bakery food, like sandwiches or whatever?  But Jay supposed Vani and Terry Trebitotalcowardsky were too afraid of Brown to dip into his inventory or something.
            “Oh my god, way to like leave none at all you assholes,” said Karine as she peered into a near empty pizza box.
            “School starts in like no time at all!” wailed Janice.  “It totally sucks!”
            “I like school,” shrugged Sarah as she shared her slice with Karine.
            “You’re such a fucking nerd,” scoffed Janice.
            “I’m sure she’ll remember you said that when she’s running a Fortune 500 company and you’re still slinging ice-cream,” said Karl with a hint of a smile.
            “Yeah seriously,” agreed Paul.  “smart chicks are hot.”
            Karl and Sarah exchanged a look but Jay couldn’t decipher what it meant.  In an instant the moment had passed and Karine was talking about how she too was looking forward to going back to school because she was eager to do another play.  Janice admitted that Theatre Workshop was cool and Cerise and Cassie seconded that motion. 
            Jay was about to offer his two cents about how school totally sucked but then Furry Jenn walked into the bakery looking a bit more morose than usual.
            “Oh god, if it isn’t little Miss underage,” snarked Janice.
            Jenn ignored the insult and told Willy she needed to speak to him.
            “So talk,” he burped.
            “Like, in private.”
            “Just a sec.  I’m eating.”
            Jenn totally flipped out.  “You’re always eating!  I wanna talk to you now!”
            “Fucking chill, dude!” barked Willy.
            “You fucking chill you fucking asshole! I wanna talk to you right now!”
            “Ok fuck!”  Willy yelled, stuffing the last of his pizza in his mouth and stomping outside with Jenn.
            “What the fuck?” said Karine as she went to the window to watch Willy and Jenn gesticulate at each other.
            They all followed suit, looking out the window and not even trying to be subtle about it.  They weren’t talking loud enough for the gang to hear but Jenn was waving her arms around, clearly upset and Willy kept shrugging as though he couldn’t care less about what she was saying. 
            “Whoa! This is way juicy!” laughed Janice.
            “For once I must agree with the ice-cream slinger.  ‘Tis indeed a situation of much juice,” nodded Vani.
            “I wonder what’s going on!” said Sarah.
            “Maybe she finally realized she’s going out with Willy,” suggested Karl.
            Willy took his wallet out of his jeans and took out some money, handing it over to Jenn.
            “What the… is he paying her for her services?” asked Jay.
            “That would explain a lot,” said Karl.
            Jenn took the money and then threw it on the ground, yelling loudly enough for them to hear her call Willy a fucking asshole.  Ignoring the money on the ground he stomped back into the bakery and they all looked around nonchalantly, Vani even going so far as to whistle a tune.  
Jenn rushed inside and kept yelling.  “So that’s it?  You don’t even fucking care?”
“What do you want me to do?” he asked.
“I want you to give the slightest fuck!  You think you can throw money at me and I’ll go away?”
“Isn’t that usually how it works with whores?”
Janice snickered but Jenn looked destroyed.  Her eyes darted around the bakery and they all avoided eye contact, or at least Jay did.  Jenn started to cry and then ran outside.  She stopped to pick up the discarded cash and then rushed off. 
“So what the fuck was that?” asked Jay.
“I dunno,” shrugged Willy, peering into the empty pizza boxes.
“What happened?” asked Cerise.
“She’s just pissed ‘cause I dumped her ass.”
“Well good riddance,” smiled Janice.
“Why would you dump her?” asked Vani in confusion.
“Well, it’s like Terry said…” Willy trailed off with a shrug.
“I didn’t say you should make her feel like shit,” objected Terry Trebitotallyhisfaultsky.
“Why not?” asked Janice.  “That girls needs a wakeup call.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to shit up her shitty life even more,” said Cerise with great concern.
“Whatever, I say good riddance to bad skank-head,” said Janice.
“That’s like way harsh,” said Sarah and Cassie agreed.
“Well, that’s that I suppose,” said Vani with finality.  “As much as I get why she had to go I’m still amazed you had the balls to break up with her.”
“Why?” asked Karl.  “Willy has a well established history of being an asshole.”
“Yeah but he was getting some,” reasoned Vani.
“There’s more to life than getting some,” shrugged Willy.
“Really?” asked Vani with surprising surprise.
“Why are you all surprised?” asked Terry TrebiactuallyonthesamepageasJaysky.  “You’re the one who values gaming over chicks.  You’re always saying how relationships are dumb and people should just get jiggy and then be done with it.
“Yeah but you said it’s all about regular jig.  And you seem to enjoy the shackles of Cerise’s cherry love.”
Terry Trebiprobablynotsmartenoughtoknowthewordshacklessky just laughed and shrugged while Cerise gave Vani an annoyed look.
Cassie seemed equally peeved, which was so like her.  She started saying stuff about how relationships were hard work but they were worth it ‘cause it wasn’t just about regular jig but like about emotional support and shit like that.  Jay couldn’t help but wonder if Cassie’s definition of emotional support was being driven around like Miss Daisy whenever she wanted.  But then out loud he was like, “yeah.”
Karine seemed to sense what he was thinking and chuckled to herself.  When Cassie asked what was funny she smiled wickedly and asked Jay to elaborate on how relationships were worth it.
Before he could say anything Vani saved him with an insult, sarcastically accusing him of being a relationship guru.  “You’re so fucking wise, oh great one, please do impart your wisdom.”
“Shut up,” huffed Jay.
“No really, let us know how you’re rocking your relationship with Cavity, as she clearly thinks you’re da bomb!”
“Ok, enough,” said Cassie with a giggle.  “He’s not that bad.”
“Yeah, Jay wasn’t the worst boyfriend I ever had,” said Sarah. “No wait, I think he actually was.”
“Hoohoo!” Vani perked up.  “I think I can guess your ranking.  Jay, then Karl, then Popo, from worst to best.”
“Pretty much,” agreed Sarah, eliciting a wide grin from Paul and no reaction at all from Karl.
“You were such a fool to break up with this one,” Vani said to Jay, jerking his thumb at Sarah.
“What?” Sarah snapped.  “He didn’t break up with me!  I broke up with him!”
“Intriguing,” said Vani, cupping his chin in his hand and regarding Jay with interest.
“I knew you’d never have the guts to dump a girl,” said Willy.  “We should go through with that expulsion!”
“What expulsion?” asked Sarah suspiciously.
“Oh yeah, didn’t you know?” asked Willy.  “Karl was all torn up about you and Jay rubbing genitals so like we told Jay if he didn’t dump you we’d expulse him.”
Everyone looked at everyone else, perhaps trying to decide if the story was true.  Damn Willy for being such a tattletale.
“Well I guess you learn something new everyday,” said Sarah with a smile.
They all nodded and Terry Trebifinallyusefulforoncesky broke the tension by suggesting their order some poutine.