Monday, July 4, 2011

Season 2 – Episode 1 – Act I

            Beads of sweat dripped down Jay’s face as he and the boys hauled their lasers out of the water and began stacking them on shore. 
            “Good job out there, guys!” said stupid asshole jerk instructor guy as he sauntered away. 
            “Thanks, Blake!” said Vani with way too much enthusiasm. 
            What a fucking tool.  “God, I hate that guy,” snarked Jay.
            “Who, Blake?  He’s cool,” smiled Vani, probably knowing perfectly well what a sycophant he was being.
            “He’s an asshole!  He struts around like he’s so fucking cool but his hair is retarded.”
            “Like you should talk,” said Karl automatically.
            “Agree-age with Jay-age.  Total lamebot,” nodded Willy.
            “He’s only two years older than us but he acts like he’s a fucking king!”
            “Well he is our instructor.  He is king of his particular castle,” said Vani.
            “Total ponce,” insisted Jay.
            “Much as I like disagreeing with Jay I have to go along with him on this one.  Blake has definite poncipalities,” nodded Karl.
            “Total wigbot,” agreed Willy.
            “He megatastically talks down to us,” said Karl.  “Like, I know what a boom is, ok?  He doesn’t need to tell me.”
            “Yeah but he has Bieber bangs.  That makes him cool,” shrugged Vani.
            “It makes him a wannabee!” shrieked Jay.  “Even I know Justin Bieber is lame!  He’s just a stupid hipster and he’s totally stupid and stuff!”
            “Well argued, Jason,” smirked Karl.
            They made their way across the pebbled shore and jumped onto the dock, walking towards the lawn.
            “Well ponce or not, I think this’ll be the best summer ever,” enthused Vani.
            “The bestest ever!?” Karl shook his fists with excitement.  “Woweewoo!”
            “Mock if you must,” said Vani with a smile.  “But we’re not in high school anymore. That officially means we’re cool.”
            Karl could only sigh heavily and press his finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose.  “God, you’re stupid,” he finally mumbled.
            “Seriously,” said Jay in annoyance.  “This summer is gonna megatastically suck.”
            “Well so far things are going pretty good,” shrugged Willy.  “I didn’t dump out there,” he gestured toward the water.
            “Only one way to fix that,” said Karl with a suppressed grin.  He pushed Willy towards the lake and while Willy fought back he was no match for all of them, even though he probably outweighed them all by like, a ton. 
            Willy fell over into the lake and flailed around as they all laughed with glee.  The drowned rat climbed back up and tried to retaliate but they were too fast and he had no choice but to join them on the lawn, soaking wet. 
            “You’re such a bunch of fucking assholes!” he raged.
            “So classic,” laughed Vani.
            “Here, dry off,” said Karl, pulling a Kleenex out of his pocket.
            “Fuck you!” Willy swatted the tissue away. 
            “Ooh, someone dumped,” said Sarah, as she joined them, skipping across the lawn with all her bouncy girliness. 
            “I did not!” protested Willy.  “Karl pushed me in!”
            “Well done,” she smirked.
            “It’s a gift really,” smiled Karl.
            “Oh my god!”
            They all turned to look at the clubhouse, where Jay was staring.  There, like an angelic apparition, was Karine Cavalière in all her complete hotness.  She was wearing a BYC t-shirt and white short shorts.  Totally short short shorts.  Her legs were so long and lean and smooth and fuck, Jay felt that stirring in his pants that meant he needed to calm the hell down. 
            He really needed to get over Karine.  She’d been totally mean to him at grad and everyone was saying that she’d hooked up with that total jerkwad Andrew Lester even though she’d been Jay’s date and she wasn’t even worth it except oh god, those legs and those boobs and that face.  Shit, she was so undeniably hot!  If she was working at BYC this summer then Vani was actually right for once!  This would totally be the best summer ever!

            Shauna was watching TV in the den, minding her own damn business when her mother appeared and asked her why she wasn’t outside enjoying this beautiful summer day. 
            “’Cause I’m in here enjoying this show,” mumbled Shauna.
            “Bowling, Shauna?  If you want to watch people bowl why not go to a bowling alley and get some exercise?”
            Shauna stared at her mother, hoping she might spontaneously combust if she just concentrated hard enough. 
            “Just go outside!” bellowed her mother, turning off the television. 

            God damn, it was hot!  Summer was great for the whole lack of school thing but what was up with this stupid heat?  How could Terry possibly be expected to work under these conditions?  It might not be so bad if he could wear shorts but the city of Beaconsfield had this rule where you had to wear long pants if you worked the grounds.  Something about safety around machines and stuff.  Like if the lawnmower blades were to go haywire his legs would be protected by his jeans.  So lame. 
            Once he’d lugged the lawnmower back to the shed behind the city hall he strode up to the main building where there was some nice shade and took off his baseball cap.  He lifted his t-shirt up to wipe the sweat off his brow and when he dropped the shirt back down he was face to face with some chick.  She was about his age but wearing office clothes so she probably worked inside the building, maybe a file clerk or receptionist or something.   
            The girl had an unlit cigarette in her hands and Terry dug his lighter out of his pocket and lit it for her as she leaned towards him, perching the cigarette on her lips.  Once he’d lit her up he took out his own cigarette and lit it. 
            “Thanks.  You’re Terry, right?”
            “Yeah,” he nodded.
            “I’m Isabelle,” she smiled.
            Oh gross.  She had totally yellow teeth.  If you’re gonna be a smoker, it’s a good idea to brush your teeth regularly, or else you’re totally rank.  Terry smiled back at her anyway.  No point in being rude.
            “It’s fucking hot, eh?” she went on.
            “Yeah,” Terry nodded.
            “Must suck for you.  Having to be in the sun all day.”
            “It’s actually freezing inside.  They have the air conditioning up so high.  It’s a relief to come outside.”
            Well, back to work.  Those weeds weren’t going to whack themselves.  Terry was about to flick away his cigarette, but since he was responsible for keeping the city hall grounds clean he thought better of it and decided to put it out in the designated smoker’s pole, which was actually a little way’s away.  He didn’t bother saying bye to the office chick as he walked off. 

            It was with great trepidation that Jay entered the clubhouse.  Sarah lead the way as though she was a member or something, which she totally wasn’t and they really should have prepared a strategy first since Karine was in there and they didn’t want to go in acting all spazzy or whatever, but they didn’t have time to prepare anything because Sarah just totally went in like it was nothing and like Karine wasn’t even in there being all hot and stuff and this was totally gonna go badly, Jay could just feel it!
            Karine was behind the bar with some other chick in the same BYC t-shirt but it was totally all baggy and not hot on her while on Karine it was totally hot.  Karine would totally make a paper bag look hot.  Oh god, she was sooo hot!
            “Hey, Karine!” said Sarah all brightly.
            “Hey, Sarah, I didn’t know you went here,” Karine replied with a smile.
            “I’m not a member but these guys are,” Sarah jutted her thumb out at the boys.  Jay tried not to look too spazzy as she did so.  “I go to BDYC.  I didn’t know you worked here.”
            “I just started.  I live so close; it seemed like a good idea.  I was getting sick of the mall and thought working outdoors might be fun.  But fuck, the kitchen here is so small and we have no AC, right?  So like, when we’re cooking or when the dishwasher is running it gets crazy hot in there even with all the windows open.  It’s totally insane.  But oh well, whatever, right?”
            “Totally,” nodded Sarah.  “Anyway, you remember Karl and Vani and Willy and…”
            “Jay!” Jay splurted out.  “I’m Jay!”
            Karine scrunched up her face like she’d just smelled a fart.  “Yeah thanks, Jay, I know your name.  We went to grad together, remember?” 
            “Yeah!  Yeah I remember.  I wasn’t sure you would though.”
            Oh god, he was being such a spaz.  Karine still had the fart look on her face. “Yeah well, anyway,” she shrugged.
            “So how’ve you been?” he asked, desperate to save the conversation.
            “Fine.”  She stared at him.  “You?”
            “Good.  I’m in Silver.”
            Karl sighed and finally took pity on Jay.  “Silver.  It’s a level in sailing.  Like you start off White and then go to Bronze and then Silver.”
            “Oh great.  Cool,” said Karine, totally not meaning it.
            “Yeah, sailing’s fun…” muttered Jay, hoping to god he didn’t have any boogers hanging from his nose.
            “So do you guys wanna order anything?” asked Karine.
            “Yeah,” nodded Karl.  “Club sandwiches all around.”
            “And cokes,” added Vani.
            “I’ll have a vitamin water,” said Sarah.
            “Ok, cool,” Karine nodded and pulled out a bunch of payment chits.  “Who’s paying?”
            They all wrote down their parents’ account numbers and signed their chits.  Karine gathered them up and strode off to the kitchen.
            “Fuck!” breathed Jay once she was gone.
            “Sailing’s fun!” mocked Karl.
            “I’m in Silver!” squealed Vani.
            “Remember when we went to grad?” snorted Willy.
            “Shut up!” growled Jay.
            “Loser,” snickered Willy while Sarah giggled with glee.
            Ugh!  Why did Jay have to have such asshole friends?

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