Season 2 – Episode 7 – Act III

            It really sucked when there was no snow on the ground during Christmas.  Cerise looked outside, trying to will the skies to open up with some powder.  Even just a short flurry would be enough.  What was the point of winter without snow?  All the Christmas decorations in the neighbourhood looked so stupid without snow, as though they were in a mall, all fake and stuff.

            Speaking of fake, André was over for the traditional Christmas dinner of vegetarian lasagna and he’d brought his pretentious daughter Trista along for the ride.  She couldn’t possibly have been more insufferable if she’d been switched with Jar-Jar Binks.  She had dreadlocks.  She was a white girl with blonde dreadlocks.  The hair was long, reaching practically to her waist and was even adorned with little beads and things here and there.  She wore purple harem pants and a grey sweater made of coarse wool.  Even with a gun to her head Cerise couldn’t have designed a more perfect example of someone riding the line between hipster and hippie.

            “It was just so beautiful.  It was all made of wood and the ceiling was really high, almost like a cathedral, which is appropriate because it really felt like a sacred place.  And it seemed as though, if you were completely silent, you could hear the wood speaking to you.”

            “You could hear the wood speaking to you?” asked Simone with much more restraint than Cerise could have mustered.

            “It was very spiritual,” Trista nodded pretentiously.

            “It was a sugar shack,” Simone deadpanned.

            Cerise let out a giggle, as did Julie. Their mom shot them a look.

            “Yeah, you could almost sense the memories of the people who built it.  You could feel the essence of the 18^th century.”

            “That place was built in like, the ‘80s,” said Julie with as much disdain as Cerise felt.

            “Well in any case, it was just gorgeous.  I’m just lucky that I’m the kind of person who can appreciate that kind of beauty.”

            Cerise had to struggle to keep from vomiting and Simone and Julie were clearly having just as much trouble.  Their mother actually agreed with Trista and gave her some sort of generic compliment while André encouraged her to tell them about the fabulous documentary she was working on.

            “Oh, I’m in a group at school,” said Trista with a pretentious smile.  “An activist group.  We’re protesting the deforestation of Canada’s forests.  There’s a boy, a film student making a documentary about it.”

            Small world, thought Cerise and then asked if the boy was named Jonah Cupryk.

            Trista pretentiously confirmed this fact.

            “I know him,” said Cerise.  “Do you know Cassie Rosen?”

            “Cassandra?” Trista said, dripping with pretention.  “Yeah, she’s not in the group anymore.  She just didn’t have the kind of dedication required for that kind of commitment.”

            “Uh huh.”

            “So how come we’re not having turkey like normal people?” asked Julie as she poked at her vegetarian lasagna.

            “It is so wrong to eat animals,” preached Trista.  “I think when you reach a certain level of enlightenment you just naturally become vegetarian.

            “You know Hitler was a vegetarian,” said Simone without missing a beat.

            Cerise and Julie openly snickered while Trista turned red.  “Is that true?” she asked in irritation.

            “Google it,” smiled Simone.  “I guess he’d just reached a certain level of enlightenment.”

            Trista’s bitchface was priceless and the rest of the meal was mercifully silent.

            Everyone seemed to be having a good time and Jay couldn’t really figure out why.  Even his sister, Amy seemed perfectly happy to be eating overcooked carrots and undercooked potatoes with all their stupid cousins at the kids’ table.  This year his aunt and uncle had invited a neighbour family over so the house was full to overflowing and anyone under the age of thirty was relegated to a pillow on the floor surrounding a small coffee table, which was all they had to hold their plates.  All the guys were right about Toronto.  It totally sucked balls.

            Karine rolled her eyes as Peter texted her again.  He was like Steven the sequel with his constant badgering.  Of course he’d tried to rope her into joining him and his family for Christmas but she was so not having it.  She used her usual excuse of visiting her aunt up north, making sure to stay vague about the exact location but also mentioning that they had shitty cell reception up there.  She knew she was being a total bitch and hell, she might have even enjoyed herself at Peter’s but she preferred to celebrate the holidays in her own way. 

She’d decided to treat herself this year.  She’d gone to Rockaberry’s and gotten herself a couple slices of different pies to be her official Christmas dinner.  This was definitely going to be her new Christmas tradition. Maybe she’d even make it her thing for every holiday.  Or every night even.  Then she could get all fat and gross and get a reality show about being fat and gross.  Seriously, why were there so many shows about being fat?  It’s like all you needed to be famous in the States was to be a total loser.

              Christmas dinner at Terry’s dad’s place was business as usual.  They talked about nothing in particular and the atmosphere was sort of tense.  When John’s phone rang Vicky didn’t even pretend like she didn’t know what was going on.  She slammed her fork down onto her plate loudly and stared at her husband with wide, angry eyes.  John actually took the call and stepped away from the table without even excusing himself.  It was such a dick move.

            “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Vicky cursed under her breath, but loud enough that they all heard.

            Brittany, clearly sensing her mother’s mood started crying and Terry grabbed her so Vicky wouldn’t have to.  He hugged her and bounced her on his knee, whispering that everything was ok while she bawled.  Vicky’s eyes teared up as well and she rushed off to lock herself in the bathroom.  She’d been doing that a lot lately.  She always came out with puffy eyes, all acting like nothing was wrong.  Like the rest of them didn’t know what was going on.  Even Brittany knew some crazy shit was going down.

            “Why mommy cwy?” she asked in a panic.

            “She’s just tired,” explained Terry.  “She did a lot of cooking today so she needs to take a break.”

            Brittany seemed confused and unsatisfied but she stopped asking questions and her blubbering turned into hiccups, which made her giggle.

            “God, I fucking hate him,” said Evan bitterly.

            “Me too,” agreed Joey.

            “I know,” nodded Terry.  He really wished Vicky would just get on with it and file for divorce already ‘cause this shit was getting old.

            Thank god Shauna had caught a cold.  It wasn’t a particularly bad cold but she milked it like crazy and acted like she couldn’t even get out of bed.  She wiped her nose vigorously with rough toilet paper anytime Stan wasn’t in the room so her nose would get super red and she’d look even worse than she felt.  It was the perfect excuse not to go to his family’s house for dinner. 

            Stan had gone without her and she’d had the entire apartment to herself for five merciful hours.  She’d taken a long bath and then watched Christmas movies on TV while chain-smoking.  Life didn’t get much better than that.  But then Stan had to ruin it all by coming home so she coughed and let her nose run as she lay on the couch, covered in more blankets than she really needed. 

            Stan brought her chicken soup and it was just Lipton Cup-a-Soup but it was still good.  They exchanged gifts and Shauna opened a package wrapped in newspaper.

            “Your coat?” she asked in confusion, holding up the used garment.

            “Yeah, it’s yours now.  Put it on!” he said excitedly.

            She sat up and pulled it on.  It was much too large, not to mention ratty as hell.  

            “It looks great!”

            “Thanks,” she said, forcing a smile.

            It wasn’t that Shauna wouldn’t wear such a coat.  It was basically her style, in that it didn’t really have any style at all and she’d been known to wear Stan’s clothes whenever it suited her, but seriously?  He was seriously giving her his old shit as a gift?  Not that she’d gotten him anything much better.  She didn’t have much money so she’d made him a 2012 calendar, with a different image for each month.  For the pictures she’d printed photos of all his favourite things, and made collages, including pics of him and his friends, which she’d gotten off of facebook.  She also included some pictures of herself and even made the effort to smile for them.  In the end it wasn’t that great or anything but she was pretty proud of it ‘cause it was completely personalized for Stan and it had taken her weeks to put together.  She’d always worked on it when he was off at work so it would be a surprise.

            “A calendar?” he scoffed.  “Nobody uses paper calendars anymore.”  He tossed it aside without even looking at the pictures.

            She knew he was right and it was kind of shitty but at that moment she hated Stan so much that she was honestly considering suffocating him with the coat.  She could wrap it around his face and use the arms to strangle him and she could sit on his head until he had no air left and then she’d use a butcher knife to cut him up and she’d get a tub made of the right plastic and get some acid and dissolve him like in Breaking Bad.

            A few tears rolled down her cheeks but she quickly wiped them away, pretending like it was just her cold acting up.

            When John was done with his phone call he came back to the table but Vicky never did.  She emerged from the bathroom and went upstairs.  John followed her and they argued.  Not loud enough for Terry to make out what they were saying but loud enough that they were obviously fighting.

            John came downstairs and walked into the dining room.  “Terry, I’ve got to go to work, some last minute things… make sure to clear the table… and clean the kitchen…” he trailed off and then just walked away.

            “Why does he even bother lying?” asked Evan.  “Like does he seriously think we believe him?”

            “He’s gonna go see his ho, right?” asked Joey.

            “Ok, I’ll clean the kitchen,” said Terry.  “One of you has to give Britt her bath and the other has to clear the table.  I’ll let you guys choose which one you do.”

            Evan and Joey stared at each other, presumably trying to figure out which task was less onerous.  Terry stood up and began walking away.

            “Why should we do anything?” whined Joey.  “Fuck dad!”

            “We’re not doing it for dad, we’re doing it for Vicky!” said Terry with more patience than these brats deserved.

            Evan brought the dishes in from the dining room while Terry loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the kitchen counters.  Vicky was usually very tidy when she cooked, sort of cleaning as she went but today she’d left a lot of spills unattended.  She must be crazy stressed. 

            Once he was done in the kitchen he collected Britt from the bath and dressed her for bed.  He put her down, reading her a story about Santa Claus.

            “Is Santa real?” she asked.

            God, she was only three and a half.  She shouldn’t be doubting Santa Claus but Terry felt uncomfortable lying to her.

            “Do you think he’s real?”

            “I tink the pwesents is fwom mommy.  ‘Cause I see her wap dem.”

            “Sure, the gifts under the tree are from mommy but what about the stuff in your stocking?  Who gave you that stuff?”

            Britt’s eyes went wide as she considered the question.  “Santa!?” she breathed, balling her hands into fists as she gripped her blanket tightly. 

            “I dunno, I’ve never seen him myself but that’s what people say.  That’s what people say,” Terry shrugged, smiling, trying to look as excited as she did.

            Brittany smiled brightly and requested her new raccoon or whatever doll, which had arrived in her stocking that morning.  It was a totally freaky looking thing, all pink, with massive red eyes like it was stoned or something.  But Britt seemed to like it so what the hell.  Terry tucked it in next to her and she hugged it tightly, whispering to it, asking it what the North Pole was like.  The whole scene was so freaking adorable Terry almost wanted to cry or like punch a wall or something.

            Instead he turned off the lights and left Britt’s bedroom door slightly ajar so she could still see the hall light.  She was going through a mild fear of the dark phase. 

            He walked towards the master bedroom and knocked on the door.

            “Yes?”

            “Vicky?  It’s me, Terry.”

            “Oh, come in.”

            He walked in and found her staring into her walk-in closet, her back turned towards Terry.  “Britt’s in bed,” he said.

            “Did she ask for me?”

            He wasn’t sure if it was better to say that she hadn’t asked, ‘cause that meant she was fine, or if she had asked ‘cause that meant she still needed her mother.  Terry shrugged.  “She did at first but I let her know everything’s ok.  I said you were napping.”

            “Thanks Terry,” she sighed, still staring at her clothes.  “I know this is shallow of me but I’m really gonna miss this closet.”

            “You’re leaving?”

            She turned around and sat on the bed, facing Terry.  Her face was a mess, with her eye goop all smudged.  “I’m gonna file for divorce.”

            He nodded.

            “Do you think that’s the right thing to do?”

            It was so weird to have an adult ask for his opinion.  Of course, he was eighteen now so technically an adult himself but still, it was weird.  “I think it’s about time.”

            She chuckled.  “Yeah.  But I don’t wanna take Britt away from her home or from you guys.”

            “Well aren’t you gonna ask for the house?  I mean dad’s the one who should move.”

            “But he has you boys.  I don’t wanna take your house away from you.  I’m actually thinking of moving in with my mother for a while.  Just while I figure things out.”

            “Yeah,” he nodded.

            “I think I’m gonna head out there in the morning.  Do you think maybe you could pack a bag for Britt?”

            “Of course.”

            “Thanks for being so strong through all of this.  For shielding Brittany from it.”

            “Well I don’t know if I really did that great of a job.  She knows something’s up.”

            “Yeah,” Vicky nodded.  “I guess I haven’t really been that subtle.”

            “You’ve been fine.  It’s dad who’s been a fucking asshole.”

            Vicky smiled and even chuckled lightly.  “I know, right?”

            “He’s a fucking shithead and you should take him for all he’s worth.”

            “I don’t want anything besides Britt,” she sighed.

            “You gonna ask for full custody?”

            “Well, I dunno.  I want you to stay in her life.  She needs you.  She already only sees you part-time, I don’t want her to see you even less.”  Vicky walked to her dresser and laughed at herself, seeing her face in the mirror.  She grabbed a Kleenex and wiped her cheeks but gave up quickly.

            “Even if you keep her full time I’ll still visit, no matter where you’re staying.  I mean, you’re gonna stay in the West Island, right?”

            “Well my mom lives in NDG.”

            “Oh, well that’s not so far.  I’ll still babysit and stuff.”

            “God, I’m such an idiot,” she said, staring at herself in the mirror.

            “What do you mean?” he asked tentatively, kind of agreeing that it was dumb to have stayed with John for so long.

            “This is exactly what he did to your mom I guess, eh?” she turned to look at Terry earnestly.  “He had an affair with me while he was married to her.  And I knew it.  I knew he was married.  I mean he always said he’d divorce her but it’s her who finally left him.  And now it’s the exact same fucking thing, except this time I’m the wife.  So I mean, I can’t exactly be surprised, can I?”

            Terry held his tongue and simply shrugged.  Everything she’d said was totally true.

            “So I’m getting what I deserve I guess.”

            Pretty much.  “Well, he’s still the bigger asshole,” Terry said.

            “And I’m the moron who fell in love with an asshole.”

            “Live and learn I guess.  At least you got Britt out of the deal,” Terry smiled, hoping he wasn’t coming across as a dick.

            Vicky turned to him and smiled widely.  “Yeah.  Thanks, eh?  For being such a good brother to her.”

            “It’s no big.”  He smiled back.  It was kind of dorky, he supposed, but having Vicky acknowledge what he did for Britt was pretty cool.  It felt pretty good to be appreciated for something he was good at and actually cared about. 

            “Pow!  Hitler was a vegetarian!  That was so awesome!” Cerise cackled with delight.

            She and her sisters were gathered in Simone’s bedroom, all sprawled on her black duvet.  André and Trista had gone home for the night, after an awkward gift exchange in which they gave the Laframboise girls some homemade tea that smelled rank and they received a set of wooden coasters Simone had made in one of her art classes.  You could tell Trista was actually kind of impressed by the coasters but by that point she hadn’t wanted to give an inch and just sort of thanked them with an air of pretentious superiority. 

            “I could hear the wood talking to me because I commune with trees,” mocked Simone.

            “Oh my god, I wanted to claw my eyes out!” Julie said way too loudly.

            “Shh, mom’ll hear!”

            “Oh, who gives a shit?  She needs to get the hint that she should totally break up with that asshole!”

            “Yeah well, mom’s allowed happiness too I guess,” shrugged Cerise.

            “There’s actually conflicting information,” said Simone, scrolling through her phone.  “Some say the Hitler vegetarian thing is a myth but other sites totally confirm it.”

            “It doesn’t matter if it’s true, it made her shut up,” grinned Cerise.

            “Only for like two seconds,” Julie whined.  “Seriously, I learned way too much about tea tonight, like seriously.  I don’t think I’ll ever drink it again.”

            “I know, we totally have to ban tea,” agreed Cerise.

            “It’s too bad, ‘cause I used to like tea,” frowned Simone.  “But when you’re right, you’re right.”

            “To no more tea!” Cerise thrust her hand forward.

            Her sisters put their hands on top of hers and they all cheered, raising their arms in triumph.  “No more tea!”

            Shauna had hoped Stan would work on Boxing Day but he’d gotten it off so she’d had to endure an entire day of him playing GTA with Rod and Bill.  They’d all gotten drunk off egg-nog and were being total losers.  Shauna was glad for the excuse to stay in bed all day and avoid them but it was getting pretty boring so after a while she joined them.

            “Shauna!” yelled Bill.  “Get yer ass over here!”

            Shauna smiled weakly and walked towards Bill.  She was about to sit next to him but he grabbed her and placed her on his lap.  He shoved his carton of egg-nog in her face and tried to force her to drink.

            “I have a cold, you’ll catch it if we share.”

            “It’s ok, I’m not worried,” he laughed and then stuck her nose in his mouth.

            “Gross!  What the fuck!?” she tried to push him away.

            Stan and Rod erupted into riotous laughter.  They all laughed and laughed and laughed and Shauna deeply regretted getting out of bed, but then again, the egg-nog was pretty good.

            Terry brought more pie, officially making this the craziest, most pie intense Christmas ever.  Karine was maybe getting a little tired of pie at this point.

            “So she left this morning?”

            “Yep,” nodded Terry, finishing off the leftovers from her various pie slices.  “My dad didn’t even come home last night.  So Vicky just took off first thing with Britt.  And then my dad came home a few hours later and was being a total dick, all complaining about how the house was a total mess even though it was fucking spotless so I drove Evan and Joey back to my mom’s place.”

            “How’s Britt handling it?”

            “Well she doesn’t really know what’s going on yet.  She was excited to go to her grandma’s house and didn’t even ask about dad.  I think she’s already figured out that he’s unreliable.”

            “Well I guess that’s good, ‘cause she won’t freak out as much about the change when Vicky leaves for good.”

            “Yeah, still sucks for her though,” he sighed.  “Would’ve been nice if at least one of us had a, you know, stable home or whatever.”

            “Yeah but she’ll be ok as long as she has you,” Karine smiled up at Terry.

            He smiled back.  “I wonder if he’ll get married again.”

            “You think he will?”

            “It’s his thing.  Apparently mom isn’t even his first wife,” he said with a furrowed brow.

            “Really?  I didn’t know that.”

            “Neither did I.  And he didn’t even tell me.  I found out ‘cause like, I dunno, like maybe a month ago or something I was rummaging through the garage and I randomly found this like old shoe box and there’s all these old photos of a wedding and it’s him and some woman I don’t recognize.”

            “What?  That’s crazy!”  It was like a soap opera or something!

            “Yeah, and from like the style and everything it doesn’t even look like it’s that long ago.  He looks a bit younger in the pics, but not like crazy young.  He must have divorced this woman and then gotten together with my mom all in like, the same day I bet.”

            “That’s so nuts!”  It was so exciting!

            “I know.”

            “And he never even told you about it?”

            “It gets worse.”

            Karine gasped.  “What?”

            Terry frowned and sighed.  “Well, there’s like baby pictures.  There’s pics of this woman, his first bride in a hospital holding this baby.”

            “He has another kid?  Like before you?  Oh my god, you have another sibling?  That’s like totally crazy!”

            “Yeah,” he frowned.

            “It’s so weird how like, you have too much family and I don’t have enough,” she chuckled.

            “Yeah but, we’re family, right?”

            Karine smiled weakly.  If he was going to say she was like a sister to him she seriously didn’t want to hear it.  Without another word he got up and walked off.  A moment later he came back with his messenger bag, which he’d left in the front hallway.  He sat back down and rummaged through it, pulling out a few photographs. 

Karine inspected them.  “Oh my god, she’s totally pretty!  What a cute baby!”  Karine narrowed her eyes and looked at the pictures more closely.  Then she looked up at Terry.  “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Terry, it’s you.”

Season 2 – Episode 7 – Act II

            Cerise felt like shit.  Part of her felt sad and guilty that she’d hurt Terry but another part was angry that she’d ended up apologizing to him for having sex with another guy.  They were broken up! She could do whatever and whomever she wanted!  Still, he had a good point.  He’d never pressured her and her fears when with him had been pretty lame.  No doubt losing her virginity would have been a lot more special and enjoyable if she’d done it with him.  Being with Tom was pretty much one of the biggest mistakes she’d ever made and she had no idea how to get out of it now.  More than ever she wanted to get back together with Terry but she had so completely fucked everything up that she seriously had no idea where to even start. 

            With classes officially over the school was deserted and the Munch Box wasn’t even open but the gang had gathered there anyway, buying lunch from vending machines.  Cerise didn’t even have an exam that day but everyone else seemed to so she’d agreed to come to school just to hang out.  It was a good excuse to not be alone with Tom, who was similarly unencumbered by exams. 

            They’d spent the last two days in the library working on all their final essays, which Cerise would have preferred to write at home but Tom wanted them to be together so Cerise made sure Cassie would also be there.  For probably the first time ever, Cerise had no problems with procrastination when it came to schoolwork.  It was amazing how much she could accomplish when she was avoiding being alone with her boyfriend. 

            In the meantime he’d managed to completely infiltrate her life.  Karl was over his heartbreak enough that they’d started gaming again and Tom had recently made a character.  Good for him but shitty for Cerise.  Now it would be even harder to dump him. 

            As they ate chips and chocolate bars, Vani talked about all the awesome things they’d do over the holidays while Jay periodically interrupted to complain about how he wouldn’t be available on this or that date because of familial obligations in Toronto.  He was always duly mocked, which just made him all the more whiny.  Was it Cerise’s imagination or was Jay becoming more annoying as time went by?  She mused that it was probably a good thing he was getting on her nerves because that meant she was officially over him once and for all.  Although… it was pretty cute the way he absent-mindedly yanked on his hair every time he complained about exams or other things that were stressing him out.  As a result of all the recent hair yanking, the curls near his forehead were sort of stretched out and the frizzy bangs constantly flopped over his eyes.  It looked absolutely ridiculous and the boys had made a point of ribbing him about it nearly a zillion times that day alone.  Of course this just made him fuss with his hair all the more.  Why didn’t he just cut it?  He probably hadn’t seen a pair or scissors since grad last year.  His afro would soon be spilling over into mullet territory if he didn’t get it under control soon.

“Hey you!”

They all looked down the hall and saw Lee running towards them, his trench coat flapping behind him.  He ran towards them purposefully, looking angry as usual but just as he reached their table he kept going and ran right past.  They all laughed and he came skipping back.  Cassie greeted him enthusiastically and Vani made some comment about how he hadn’t gamed in a while.  He retorted with some nonsense about killing lab rats or something.

            “We’re all going to Karl’s cabane for Christmas!  Well not for actual Christmas but at some point during the break. You should totally come!” Cassie gushed.

            “You’re all going?” Lee inquired.

            “Apparently,” drawled Karl with obvious annoyance.

            “Ok well I guess that’d be cool.  I assume it’s BYOB.”

            “It’s bring your own beer, it’s bring your own food, it’s bring your own fucking sleeping blanket if you intend to not freeze to death.  It’s not a fucking chalet, people, you understand that, right?  It’s a literal log cabin.  It’s not gonna be comfortable or fun or anything.”

            “Obviously,” sighed Vani.

            “It’s gonna be one long gaming session and if that’s a problem for anyone they are perfectly welcome to not come!”

            “So beach blanket bingo then?” Lee smirked.

            “Yeah!” laughed Cassie, hugging Lee’s arm with affection while he looked down at her like she was a fungus. 

            God, what an asshole.

            Terry liked the school in this state: quiet and nearly empty.  It was a relief not having to wait in line at the cafeteria.  He’d taken to eating in the caf since he’d abandoned the Munch Box.  Sometimes he’d eat outside but it was getting a little chilly for that.  On Tuesdays his schedule had worked out with Morgan and two other guys from their hockey team so they’d all eat together and on Thursdays he ate with Karine.  They’d already organized their schedules for next semester so they’d still have Thursday lunches together. 

He thought he’d be eating alone today but suddenly there was Karine and Sarah, joining him at his large, empty table.  He asked Karine what she was doing there since she didn’t have any exams and she said she’d come to use the library.  Sarah happily announced that she’d just finished her last exam, which she’d undoubtedly aced.

  Terry welcomed them brightly.  He liked having lunch with chicks because it made him more attractive to other chicks.  Some girl in his anthro class who’d been the only person to stay in the exam room as long as him was totally checking him out from across the caf.  She wasn’t particularly cute but hey, every chick had a cunt and practically any cunt was worth fucking.

            “Is this whole cabin in the woods thing at Christmas seriously gonna be one long gaming session?” asked that Tom guy, Cerise’s new boyfriend.  “’Cause like that’s cool and all but I hope we’ll do some other stuff too.”

            He nuzzled Cerise’s neck and she giggled dutifully but was it Jay’s imagination or was she sort of not into it?  As much as he hated Terry Trebitoolazytocomeupwithamean-nicknameatthemomentsky he had to admit that Cerise always seemed totally into his constant and disgusting public displays of grossitude.  Jay definitely liked Tom better than Terry Trebidoesheevenstillexistisurehopenotsky but this guy was also sort of a drip.  He’d made a character in the game but he wasn’t much of a gamer.  In fact he seemed to have no purpose whatsoever.  Wasn’t he in a band or something?  How utterly hipster and emo and pretentious.  Jay was pretty sure he should expend a little more energy hating this guy; though at the moment he could barely muster the effort to acknowledge his existence. 

            Cerise and her new beau walked off together hand in hand and Willy declared the scene to be vomitorius.  Jay concurred.

            “Damage?” asked Vani.

            “This Tom guy’s not much better than Terry,” Willy grumbled.  “What’s with Cerise and guys with T names?”

            “What’s wrong with Tom?” asked Vani.  “He seems utterly inoffensive.  In fact my only problem with him is how bland and unmemorable he is.”
            “How is he bland?” asked Cavity as though offended.  “He’s like borderline goth and he’s in a band, a geek band.  I would have thought you guys would be totally into that.”

            “And yet he’s utterly forgettable,” shrugged Vani.  “Cerise can do better.  And she has.  Fortunately I’m confident she’ll eventually get back together with Terry, as their pre-established pattern suggests.”

            “Well I think Cerise and Tom make a totally cute couple,” Cavity huffed indignantly.

            “He’s a drip,” Willy snorted.

            “You think everyone’s a drip,” said Karl, “which is ironic considering the source.”

            Willy was about to say something but Karl wouldn’t let him.  He went on to say that Tom was indeed in a band and even though it was a geek band, it was still a very mainstream activity to engage in and therefore worthy of their scorn.  That he would try to geekify something so clearly associated with non-geekitude smacked of pretension.

            “Yeah it’s like he wants it both ways.  He wants to be a geek but he also wants to be cool, which signifies that he is a nouveau-nerd,” Vani expanded.

            “What does that mean?” asked Cavity.

            “Karl explained.  “Nerd culture is becoming more acceptable but only in the most cursory way.  Every normal out there thinks of himself as a geek because they obsess over some particular thing but they don’t understand what geekery actually is.  Obsessing over Gossip Girl or some such is not geekery, it’s entirely mainstream.  By the same token, an attempt to hipify something inherently nerdy is so past the point or irony nowadays that it just ends up going all the way back to utter mainstream ordinariness.”          Lee snorted in derision.  “Eveything you just said describes Vani to a tee.”

            “Agreed,” Karl nodded with a smile.

            “It’s all irrelevant anyway,” Lee went on.  “You don’t need to point to Tom’s pretentions to hate him.  Just point to the dead squirrel he calls a haircut.”

            “You guys are so mean,” pouted Cavity.  “Not to mention full of shit.  You spend so much time deriding anything that’s mainstream but that’s like the most stereotypically hipster thing to do ever.”

            “There’s a difference between deriding something because you truly cannot abide it or even understand it and deriding it because deep down you love it but wish you didn’t,” said Karl.

            “I know for a fact that Vani watches Gossip Girl,” smirked Cavity.

            “I don’t pretend to watch it ironically!” Vani smiled.  “That show’s awesome!  Chuck Bass is totally my hero.  If I had to rank all my heroes I think he’d make fourth place right after Terry and Shatner and Donald Trump.”

            “What about Leonard Nimoy?” asked Karl.

            “Oooh right, list revision… I dunno man, I think I’m gonna need a spreadsheet to properly figure this out.”

            Karl sighed but dutifully opened up his laptop while Cavity rolled her eyes dramatically.  She truly was a simple soul.

            It wasn’t as though Karine was completely avoiding Peter but it’s not like they’d made any real commitment to be exclusive either.  They’d had a few dates and she really did genuinely like him.  He was cute and even kind of hot but whenever she wasn’t actually with him she sort of forgot he existed.  It was always a bit of a surprise when he called or texted because she always had to take a moment to realize, oh yeah, she had a boyfriend, sort of.

            So she shouldn’t have been jealous when some skanky ho came up to their table in the caf to bug Terry while she and Sarah were having a perfectly pleasant lunch with him.

            “Hi Terry,” the skank said, trying to be sexy but just coming across as a Snooki impersonator. 

            “Hey,” he said lazily, barely lifting his eyes.  God, he was such a flirt.

            “So like, do you wanna get together tonight and study?”

            “Study what?  We just finished our exam,” he smirked and Karine and Sarah giggled.

            “Oh right well, wanna get together and like, celebrate?”

Terry seemed to actually be considering the offer, which was pretty disappointing because if he was suddenly going to drop his standards so low then she really didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.  She had no choice but to take matters into her own hands.

            “Terry’s busy tonight,” she said.

            “Oh really?” the skank replied, all dripping in skank juice.

            “Yeah, we’re going out.” 

            The skank asked where they were going and for some reason Terry actually told her they were going to Cunningham’s.  Sarah interjected to invite herself along, which was bad enough but the skank saying she too would show up was beyond what any mortal could be expected to endure.

            “Actually,” Karine said sweetly.  “Tonight is ladies’ night and they won’t be letting in pathetic skank whores.  So… I don’t think so.”

            “Excuse me?” the skank said, mouth agape.

            “You’re excused.  In fact, you’re dismissed.”

            She gasped and momentarily looked to Terry for support.  He simply chuckled and looked at her wryly.  It was pretty awesome.

            “Well fuck you!” the skank said, more to Terry than Karine, which made it all that much more hilarious.

            Even Sarah was suppressing a laugh although she also said that Karine had been inexcusably mean.  Terry grabbed Karine’s hands and examined her fingers.  When she asked him what he was doing he said he was looking to see if she’d retracted her claws. 

            “I’m just trying to protect you, Terry.  That chick is totally rank.  I’m not gonna let you start dating hos just because you’re single now.”

            “I wasn’t gonna date her.  Maybe just fuck her once or twice,” he snickered.

            “Eww!” squealed Sarah.  “You don’t know how many diseases she has!”

            “The point is you can do better,” insisted Karine, looking at Terry pointedly.

            “Oh yeah?” he asked with a sly grin.

            “Yeah!” agreed Sarah a bit too enthusiastically.  Was it Karine’s imagination or was Sarah smiling at Terry a little too much and leaning in towards him a little too strongly?  No way in hell would Karine let some other bitch move in on her guy!

            Julie had enough self-awareness to realize she probably hated Tom on sight simply because he wasn’t Terry.  If she were being logical she’d be glad that Cerise had broken up with Terry because it would mean an increased chance of her getting together with him.  Not that Terry would date his ex’s little sister, not that Julie would date her sister’s ex, except she totally would ‘cause Terry was totally hot and it totally sucked that he never came around anymore.  This Tom guy was such a total loser!  He was just like Jay except in darker clothing!  Why did Cerise always like such lame guys, Terry notwithstanding? 

            Simone agreed, at least about the part where Tom was a step-down from Terry.  They peered into the den where Cerise was watching TV with her new boyfriend and had a short discussion wherein they determined that he was totally lame and Cerise was a total loser for dumping the greatest guy ever to go out with this dork.  Not that Cerise had broken up with Terry for Tom but still, it was totally weird.  Julie seriously couldn’t fathom why Cerise had ever broken up with Terry at all.

            All these Trebichavsky thoughts made Julie remember the brief night she’d spent with Evan, Terry’s brother.  She should probably hook up with him again.  He was almost as hot as Terry and seemed like a good enough guy.  She’d facebook friended him and they had a few friends in common so Julie made a mental note to attend any parties where he might show up.  If she couldn’t have Terry, at least she could have Terry 2.0.

            Terry hadn’t planned on getting drunk but he was just a few drinks in and already feeling kind of buzzed.  It didn’t usually take so little to get him going but he supposed all that time spent not drinking with Cerise had lowered his tolerance a bit.  Just another reason it was the right move to no longer be with her.  She’d already changed him way too much.  There was nothing wrong with the him he used to be, before her.  All she did was make him feel dumb and hang out with stupid guys who made him feel dumb and stuff.  Fuck her and fuck them. 

            But not Karine though, she was still cool, matching him drink for drink and seemingly holding her liquor better than him.  Even Sarah was keeping pace.  Sarah was way cute, he should totally hook up with her.  It would be totally awesome if he hooked up with both of them and had a totally hot threesome.  Even Andrew would be jealous then.  He totally should.  Totally, totally should.

            Aww hell, here was Morgan and Townsend and Robertson coming along to spoil everything with their testosterone.  Terry went to make introductions but they’d all met before and started talking about boring ass school stuff.  Then the guys talked about equally boring hockey stuff, all complaining about their coach and shit, like whatever and Karine was getting totally bored.  She said she wasn’t but then Townsend asked her if she wanted to dance and she said ok except that they should all dance so Terry danced with her and Sarah while the guys sort of did that white boy shuffle, except Morgan who was actually kicking ass on the dance floor, which was pretty impressive.  Sarah was impressed too and started dancing with him and Karine got all up on Terry, which was pretty fun.  He totally should have hooked up with her back in the day when he’d had the chance. 

            They all sort of drifted into a circle and took turns going to the middle to do their moves and Morgan was totally killing it.  Terry had to represent!  He took his turn and killed it too!  Dancing was so much fun!  He started grinding with Karine and Sarah both at the same time; it was totally awesome.  He even heard Robertson say to Townsend that both these chicks seemed pretty into Terry and Morgan was like, hey can you blame them?  Yeah, Morgan totally knew that Terry was a total chick magnet and the rest of them shouldn’t even bother competing.  Terry could fuck any chick he wanted anytime he wanted!  He was fucking Khal Drogo except without the dying part!  He was awesome!  Fuck Cerise and her stupid new boyfriend!  Terry didn’t give a shit that he wouldn’t be with her this Christmas!  Who gave a shit!?  So what if he’d been looking forward to it all summer, the idea of being with a girl for a holiday, of having someone with him to help ease the pain of all that family shit, of dealing with his dad, who was totally cheating on Vicky.  Of dealing with the shit he’d found in that photo album in the garage that time. 

            Terry felt a little light headed and went to sit down.  Karine was gonna go with him but he told her to keep dancing.  She was having a good time with his hockey friends, dancing up a storm.  Maybe she’d hook up with one of them, they were obviously all into her, except Morgan seemed more into Sarah, or at least Sarah seemed more into him.  Nick Morgan was a good guy.  Terry would be totally cool with him going out with Sarah or Karine or even Cerise.  He’d be better that that poseur goth guy she was fucking.  Oh god, Cerise.  It sucked so hard that they weren’t together anymore.  Fuck, Terry was so goddamned lonely.