Monday, June 17, 2013

Season 3 – Episode 13 – Act I

            “Crazitude!” laughed Jay and his stupid mop of ever growing dandelion weeds atop his head.
            “Totally!” agreed Sarah while Vani and Karl smirked in amusement and Cerise sighed heavily.
            They were gathered in the bakery, as usual, enjoying pizza and poutine.  Though they’d gotten rid of Willy, they were still allowing Jay and his stupid hair to hang out with them.
            “I know,” nodded Karine.  “It was totally messed.  I mean she just slaps her right in front of everyone and then she just like, runs away!”
Karine seemed to be taking a lot of pleasure in recounting the tale of Porta-potty chick’s humiliation but Cerise seemed agonized. Terry felt bad for her, though he couldn’t quite muster the effort to feel bad for her stalker. 
            “My mom fired her,” Cerise finally said, when Karine was done with her third retelling of the event.
            “Well good!” said Karine triumphantly.  “That is just like, not appropriate work-place behaviour!”           
            Nick walked in then, with his corporate outfit stained with sweat and Karine retold the tale yet again.  He deemed it to be insane but probably for the best to let her go from the bookstore, since she was such a nutbar.
            “So it’s confirmed she’s a lesbo,” mused Vani.
            “That was confirmed a million years ago, Vani, try to keep up,” snarked Karine.
            “What a whack-job,” Vani went on.
            “You trying to say gay people are whack-jobs?” asked Nick with a frown.  Terry could tell he was just messing with Vani, though Vani seemed unsure.
            “Uh no, I love the gays.  Me and the gays are tight.”
            Karl laughed, saying that Willy would have something snarky to say at this point.
            “We don’t need Willy to make jokes about Vani being tight with the gays.  It’s a pretty obvious setup,” said Terry.
            “Seriously, I can make Vani tight with the gays,” grinned Nick, putting his arm around Vani, who cowered and whispered that he was scared.
            “Anyway,” said Karine with a roll of her eyes.  “I’m having a party next weekend.”
            While the rest of them expressed enthusiasm, Jay and his sea anemone haircut asked what the occasion was, prompting the rest of them to remind him of Karine’s upcoming birthday.  Seriously, if the kid was so obsessed with Karine, you’d think he’d remember her milestones.  Christ, he couldn’t even obsess over someone properly.  What a useless turd.
            “We don’t have to bring gifts, do we?” groaned Karl.
            “You don’t even have to bring yourself, Karl,” smirked Karine.
            “Can we bring Willy?” asked Vani.  “It could be like an anti-gift.”  As he spoke, he slunk away from Nick, who still had his arm draped over Vani’s shoulders.  Vani shuffled over to Terry and nudged himself under Terry’s arm instead.  It was pretty funny and they all chuckled, while Vani pretended like he had no idea what was so amusing.
            “Are you guys still talking to Willy?” asked Sarah.  “How’s he doing?”
            “Like we care?” snorted Karl.  “He’s prob’ly sitting in a pool of his own drool.”
            Jay and his moronic afro started to rap.  “Sitting in a pool, of his own drool, feelin’ like a fool and… um, windin’ up a spool.”
            Again, they all laughed, except for Terry, because seriously, it wasn’t even funny.  Jay was such a dork. 
            The rap song went on and Terry went out to get more beer, with Karine and Nick coming along for the walk. 
            “So you bringing that Jordan guy to my party?” asked Karine.
            “I dunno,” shrugged Nick.  “He’s ok, but a bit over the top for my taste.  I mean fuck, it seems like all the gay dudes are total hipsters.  I’m sick of their glasses and their suspenders and shit.  It’s so like, poseury.”
            “Some might accuse you of being a poseur ‘cause you’re a jock,” shrugged Karine.
            “It’s not an act.  I genuinely like sports.”
            “And maybe Jordan genuinely likes obscure bands and genuinely stops liking them when they go mainstream,” smirked Terry.
            “Whatever.  I’m just not attracted to him,” said Nick.  “I mean we fucked, but like, I think I’m done with him now.”
            “Ugh, you’re such a player!  I thought you wanted a boyfriend!” said Karine.
            “Yeah, but I want someone cool. And someone who works out.  Besides being annoying, Jordan’s too skinny.”
            “Oh, invite him to the party anyway.  He was funny,” said Karine.
            “And maybe you can change him,” grinned Terry.  “Get him into the gym and make him stop watching Glee, and like, make him listen to Pitbull and like…”
            “I don’t like Pitbull!” insisted Nick.
            “Yeah right,” smirked Terry.  “You totally have like an entire Pitbull album on your phone.”
            “Well… I mean… there are a couple good songs,” Nick said weakly.
            “Oh my god, you totally love Pitbull!” laughed Karine.  “You’re a total douche!”
            “It’s good to dance to!” said Nick.
            “Oh my god, you totally have to bring Jordan to my party.  ‘Cause like, you need to learn to be more gay.”
            Karine was so over Janice, but they still had to work together three days a week so it was kind of awkward to ignore her.  And when Sarah started talking about Karine’s upcoming party while all three of them were working, Karine couldn’t exactly not invite Janice.
            “Oh you’re having a party?” Janice asked casually, like she didn’t really care.
            “Yeah, for my birthday.  You gonna come?” Karine said like it was obvious everyone was invited, even though she’d prefer if Janice was busy that night.
            “You haven’t even told me what day it is.”
            “This Saturday.  Like hello, Sarah just said as much.”
            “Yeah, I had to overhear it from Sarah.  Karine, if you don’t want me there, it’s fine, it’s not like I really give a shit,” Janice snarked as she angrily cleaned the ice-cream spoons.
            “Wow, bitchy much?” replied Karine with a slight chuckle.  “What’s up your ass?”
            “Oh my god, seriously?” Janice snapped.  “God, Karine, you are such a mean girl.  Seriously, you’ve been freezing me out for weeks and now you’re gonna act like I’m the one with an attitude?”
            “Oh my god, I don’t even know where this is coming from!” said Karine incredulously, turning to Sarah for support, who wisely shrugged her shoulders and turned away to refill a napkin dispenser with more concentration than was really required.
            “Oh god, whatever Karine, I so don’t have the energy for this,” sighed Janice dramatically.  “You know full well you’ve been pissed since I made out with Terry.  God, everyone knows you’re into him, why do you still deny it?  It’s so pathetic.”
            “Wow, I can’t believe you’re still not over that.  Janice, you’re seriously projecting in like, a totally insane way.  Just because Terry is like your white whale that you just can’t land, doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same.  You seriously need to chill and stop being pissed at me because he’s not interested.”
            Janice snickered and shook her head.  “Ok, Karine, whatever.  Do your mean girl thing.  Twist things around, use my words against me, whatever it’s fine.  You’re the one who has to live with yourself.  It’s all good.”
            “Ok, whatever,” Karine said dismissively, wanting to get the last word.
            “Yeah, whatever,” nodded Janice, apparently feeling the same way.
            Sarah coughed and asked if maybe they should order more fudge ripple, obviously trying to change the subject and make things less awkward.  Thankfully, Jeremy came in from the back at that point and asked who would be staying late tonight to help him with inventory.
            “I already have plans,” said Janice quickly.
            “I did it last time,” said Karine. “It’s your turn, Janice.”
            “I don’t mind doing it,” offered Sarah.
            “Actually, Karine,” said Jeremy as he straightened his tie.  “You and I were so efficient last time, I think we’ve really got it down to a science.  I think the fastest way to go is to have you help me again.”
            “Yeah, you guys are such a good team, you should totally do it, Karine,” said Janice with a huge grin.
            Karine wanted to protest but she knew she wouldn’t win this fight.  Besides, staying late meant she’d get paid overtime, so she might as well do it.  “Fine, I’m good to go,” she said brightly.
            Jeremy thanked her and went back to his office.
            “Guess it doesn’t always pay to be boss’ favourite,” said Janice in a sing-song voice.
            “What are you talking about?” said Sarah.  “Karine’s totally lucky she gets this much overtime.  She’s gonna make like, double what we do by the end of summer.”
            “Whatever,” said Janice, still snickering.
            Karine couldn’t think of anything to say and was glad when a whole gaggle of children came in, loudly conversing about Pokemon or whatever the hell kids were into these days.

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