Wow, holy shit. Nick’s new boyfriend was wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever, all pink and rainbows and shit. But Terry acted like he didn’t even notice as Nick asked everyone if they’d met Jordan.
“Oh my god, all you girls have the same name! Sarah, Cerise, Carrie, Karine? I mean, hello!” laughed Jordan and his unicorn shirt.
“I’m not named after fruit,” snickered Karine.
“Hey!” protested Cerise.
“Well it’s true!” laughed Karine.
“I love your name!” announced Jordan, shuffling over to Cerise. “You’re so lucky to be unique. Like you don’t even have to try! It just comes natural!”
“Yeah, I guess,” smiled Cerise.
“Oh my god, all of you are so pretty,” Jordan went on. “I can’t believe all your friends are so good looking. I’m used to being the pretty one in a group but now I’m like a pile of dog vomit on a hot afternoon,” he pouted. “And shit, you’re the prettiest of all!” he said to Terry.
Terry chuckled, unsure of what to say.
“Yeah, I know, it’s ridiculous isn’t it?” asked Karine. “You’d never guess he was a hockey player by the intactness of his teeth and straightness of his nose.”
“I know!” gushed Jordan. “That’s what I like about Nick! I mean, he’s fucking gorgeous but also like all tough and macho and shit, all playing hockey or whatever. I mean I don’t even know what hockey is really. I mean, it’s the one with the skates, right? So hot.”
“Totally,” agreed Sarah as the other girls nodded along.
“But what I wanna know is what your dick looks like,” he said to Terry.
The girls all burst into laughter as Nick sighed and looked pained. Terry raised an eyebrow and simply stared at Jordan.
“I mean, I’m really happy with Nick’s package. Sometimes with athletic guys, they’re all roid-ragey and shit and their balls shrivel up and shit, but Nick is like, totally happening down there,” Jordan waved his hand in front of Nick’s pants. “Really impressive shit, which I dig, obviously. So like, I’m just curious if Terry is like that too. If the perfection extends all the way down.”
“It does,” giggled Cerise and they all turned to stare at her.
“Oh?” asked Jordan, intrigued.
“They used to go out,” explained Nick.
“Right, right, Terry and Cherry,” nodded Jordan. “So go on, describe his junk.”
“Well, you know, want a picture?” Cerise blushed and briefly raised her eyes, meeting Terry’s gaze, but she instantly looked down at her drink, no doubt a Shirley Temple.
“Yes!” screamed Jordan and the others roared with laughter.
“Well I don’t have one,” giggled Cerise. “But Terry’s not shy, I’m sure if you get a couple drinks in him he’ll flash you.”
“It’ll take more than just a couple drinks,” chuckled Terry, not sure if this situation was funny or awkward.
“Well let’s get wasted then!” said Jordan, clapping his hands with glee.
Jay and the guys sat outside, knowing it was too risky now to try to smuggle Willy in, since Nick and his unicorn had spotted them. Willy asked them to bring him out a beer and they declined, mocking him as usual. Finally their boredom was enough to convince them to try to infiltrate the party, tub-o-lard and all.
“Fall in boys!” commanded Vani and they all stood in a queue, with Vani in the front, Karl next, then Willy and Jay pulling up the rear.
“How are people not gonna notice this?” asked Jay.
“Let’s get real,” sighed Karl. “No one in there even cares about us, so like, seriously, no one’s gonna notice.”
It was a fair point. They shuffled in, not being the least bit subtle. In fact, Jay was trying his best to draw as much attention to them as possible, mostly because he was bored, but also because he rather enjoyed Willy being on the outs. Unfortunately Vani steered them towards the kitchen, which was more or less empty and certainly devoid of anyone of import.
Before they’d quite reached their destination, Janice rushed in and made a beeline for the living room. Jay dropped off from the queue with the guys and followed her.
“Bitch! Happy birthday!” she hollered at Karine, throwing a gift bag into her hands.
“Hey! Thanks loser!” Karine laughed joyfully.
“Whore!” smiled Janice gleefully.
“Cunt,” Karine returned with equal delight.
Man, chicks were weird.
“So what’s this I hear about you getting a promotion?” asked Janice with just a touch of bitterness. “Did you like totally hook up with Jeremy in the freezer?”
Jay wasn’t sure if that was a euphemism but he hoped so.
“Oh my god, he so wishes!” laughed Karine. “He’s so into me it’s like insane. At first I thought he wanted a little somethin’ somethin’ in exchange for the promotion, you know, but no, he totally wants to like mentor me to be like, the next manager of like Dairy Queen or whatever. And I’m like, trying to be nice about it and like, of course I took the pay upgrade, but like, seriously? Um, my ambitions are a little higher than managing a fucking ice-cream shop, you know?”
They all laughed and laughed, agreeing that this Jeremy guy was a big loser, but managing a Dairy Queen didn’t seem like that bad of a career path to Jay. Did you need to go to school for that? Business school maybe. Didn’t Corcordia have a business school? Jay wished he could have done what he wanted with his life, instead of just doing what his parents wanted. Then again, what he really wanted was simply to play video games all day. He could become a game tester, couldn’t he? That was a real job. How did someone get into that? Maybe he should just go on one of those job websites. Maybe if he got a good job he could quit school altogether. That’d be sweet.
“I can’t believe she’s even here,” hissed Karine when Janice had finally left the room.
“Seriously,” agreed Sarah.
“Is it really that big of a deal?” asked Cerise.
“Not really, but sort of. Whatever. Like I even care.”
It was pretty obvious Karine did care but Cerise didn’t push it. Instead they turned their attention to Nick, who was dancing with Jordan.
“Oh, they’re so cute together!” gushed Karine, even though they seemed rather mismatched to Cerise. She wondered if she was slightly homophobic for being somewhat put off by this guy, or if it was just hipsters who annoyed her.
“I dunno. There’s something off about that guy,” said Terry, echoing Cerise’s thoughts.
“Oh my god, I was seriously just thinking the same thing!” she said and they shared a smile.
“Are you guys on crack?” asked Karine with irritation. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Yeah, he seems cool,” nodded Sarah.
“I dunno, he’s trying too hard,” shrugged Terry.
“Please,” snickered Karine. “You’re just jealous.”
“What? Jealous of what?” he scoffed. “It’s just that he’s kinda…”
“Kinda…” Karine prompted.
“Kinda,” Terry went on.
“Yeah, kinda?” Karine asked. “Kinda like he’s not you?”
“What are you even talking about?” asked Terry with a frown.
“Please, you’re jealous that Nick isn’t all about you anymore. He’s finally getting a life of his own.”
“And I’m happy for him!” Terry insisted.
“No you’re not. You enjoyed having him as your little lap dog. You know he had a crush on you and you know you enjoyed it.”
“That’s not it,” he said. “I think you have me confused with yourself.”
“Like even!” Karine laughed.
“I just don’t want him to get hurt is all. He’s in a vulnerable place right now, all exploring his sexuality and stuff. And this Jordan guy is obviously like the male Janice.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” nodded Sarah.
“I just hope he’s like sensitive to Nick’s deal.”
“Seriously?” asked Karine skeptically.
“Yeah, I mean, Nick’s like a traditional guy. Like he wants a boyfriend, not just a fuck friend. This Jordan dude, I mean, he just wants to fuck.”
“Aww!” sang Karine. “That’s like so sweet!”
“Seriously, it’s so nice that you’re so concerned,” agreed Sarah as Cerise nodded along.
“But like, you do enjoy him being into you,” Karine stated.
Terry sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Oh shit! They’re looking at us!” said Sarah. “Ok, I’m gonna do recon. Come on, Cerise.”
And with that, Cerise was dragged over to Nick and Jordan, who sure enough, were discussing Terry.
“Jordan’s worried that Terry’s into me, which is like, so not, I mean like, I wish, right? Hah!” laughed Nick.
“Oh my god, totally. We all wish,” laughed Sarah. “So like why do you think Terry’s into Nick?”
“Oh my god, look how protective he’s being,” said Jordan. “He’s like totally giving me the evil eye and he like totally hates me. I mean either he’s a serious gay basher or he like, wants to have Nick all to himself, which like, I totally don’t blame him. Nick is seriously hot. And gives a serious blow job.”
Nick looked pained.
“I mean, let’s be real,” said Jordan conspiratorially. “Like, if you close your eyes, you don’t know who’s going down on you, so like, why even care if it’s a guy or a girl, right?”
“So you don’t care if it’s a girl going down on you?” asked Sarah.
“As long as someone’s doing it! Am I right?” Jordan laughed.
“Sounds like Terry was right about you,” said Sarah under her breath, but loud enough for both Nick and Jordan to hear.
“Why? What’d he say?” asked Nick.
“That Jordan is the male Janice,” shrugged Sarah.
Cerise was pretty sure that had been said in confidence but whatever, far be it from her to stop whatever it was that was happening right now.
“Is that a bad thing?” asked Jordan. “Who’s Janice?”
“Oh, she’s a party girl,” shrugged Sarah. “Kind of a whore,” she smiled.
“Yeah, I guess that’s accurate,” Jordan smiled. “But like, so what? Why would that make Terry want to kill me? I mean, look at him, he clearly hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” said Cerise. “He just wants to make sure you’re good enough for Nick.”
“Really?” asked Nick with the biggest smile Cerise had ever seen on him.
“Wow, he’s totally into you,” said Jordan. “Protest too much and all that shit. I think he wants to beat me up.”
“No!” said Nick. “I mean, Terry’s harmless. Well, I mean, he does beat people up sometimes if he’s pissed at them but other than that…” he trailed off.
“So he actually does beat people up?” asked Jordan with fascination.
“He’s only done it twice that I know of,” shrugged Nick like it was no big deal.
“Yeah, he can be a bit of a brute, I must admit,” nodded Sarah.
“Well he’s definitely not into me,” insisted Nick, looking over at Terry wistfully.
“God, he’s so into you,” said Karine with a sigh.
“No he’s not,” said Terry, though he sort of realized Karine was right. Maybe Nick did have a bit of a crush on him, which was cool. Terry didn’t mind, he wasn’t threatened by that or anything. But his concern about Jordan was genuine. He wasn’t jealous; he just didn’t think Jordan was the type of guy Nick needed. Not that he knew what type of guy he did need or why Terry was making it his own personal mission to find such a guy. Maybe he was jealous. Could Karine be right? Did he just enjoy people being into him, even if he wasn’t into them? Nah, that would be totally gay! And Terry definitely wasn’t gay, even though he was totally cool with others being gay. Totally cool.