Season 3 – Episode 9 – Act III

            “So you guys kissed?” asked Nick with great interest.

            “Yup, but I stopped it,” nodded Terry as he drove downtown, making his way towards the village.

            “What?  Why?” asked Nick, horrified.

            “Yeah, why?” Karine piped in from the back seat.

            “Well ‘cause,” Terry said.  “I just don’t trust her.  I think she still has feelings for ass-wipe.”

            “Yeah, I agree with you,” said Karine.

            “Oh she does not!” said Nick with irritation.   

            “Well she hates me!” said Karine.  “She was a total bitch to me in rehearsal!  Apparently it’s the same old story.  Jay dumped her ‘cause he’s into me and Cerise was all bitter about it.”

            “She was mean to you?” asked Terry, not even sure if he was surprised.

            “Well, she snapped but then apologized I guess,” said Karine.  “God, I dunno.  Girls always do shit like that.  Like blame me for shit.  Remember when Cassie and Sarah were all hating me?”

            “Yeah, gee I wonder why,” snorted Terry.

            “What the fuck does that mean?”

            “You do have a way of manipulating situations, Karine,” he chuckled.

            “But I didn’t fucking do anything in this case!” Karine snapped.

            “And Cerise apologized so don’t shit all over her!” Terry snapped back.

            “Yeah, and you don’t still have feelings for her,” drawled Nick.

            “Still don’t fucking trust her though,” Terry sighed.  “Ok, where am I gonna fucking park?”

            “Try up on Sherbrooke,” suggested Karine.

            “Fuck!  How come you can’t fucking turn left in this town?!” Terry growled as he tried to navigate the tight streets.

            “Still, I feel like everyone is always hating me all the time.  Especially Cassie, god I’m so over her!”

            “Stop being such a girl,” said Nick.

            “Oh fuck you!  You wish you could be a girl!”

            “I’m not trans, bitch.”

            “Well I’m not a bitch, tranny!”

            “Except you are,” snickered Nick and Terry laughed too.

            “Well fuck!  Maybe I am!  Maybe I will go out with Jay, just to like, show them!”

            “Show them what?  That they’re right about you?” asked Nick in amusement.  “Oh there, there’s a spot!”

            “God, whatever,” said Karine.  “Like I’d ever go out with such a tool.”

            “Yeah, seriously, don’t even joke about that, Karine.  I seriously would not be able to handle it if you went out with Jason Harris and his Bozo the clown hair,” said Terry, pulling into the spot Nick had pointed out.

            Nick jumped out to check the parking signs and then shot Terry a thumb’s up.

            This was so much fun!  Karine had never been to a gay bar before and it was just as she’d imagined, based on what she’d seen on TV.  A lot of guys were dancing with their shirts off and holy crap, they were hot!  Why couldn’t straight guys be that hot?  She supposed some were, but they were always the douche bags.  Perhaps that was true of gay guys as well; the hotter they were, the douchier.  But everyone here came across as really nice and friendly and no one was being rude to her just ‘cause she was a woman.  In fact, several guys had complimented her on her outfit.  This was awesome!

            And Nick seemed to be having a good time.  Terry too.  In fact, Terry seemed to be enjoying himself more than he had in a long time.  He was drinking and dancing and maybe even flirting?  Wow, Karine was impressed.  He wasn’t being homophobic at all.  Not that she was surprised, but still. 

            They congregated near the bar and topped up their drinks, Terry pointing out a cute guy for Nick to ask to dance.

            “Meh, not my type,” Nick shrugged.

            “What’s wrong with him?” asked Karine.

            “Too old.  Most of the guys in here are like, in their 30s.”

            “There are plenty of young guys,” Terry said.

            “Besides, maybe you should go for an older guy.  Like sugar daddy style,” winked Karine.

            “Gross,” said Nick, sticking out his tongue.

            “Ok, that guy,” said Karine.

            “Are you kidding?  He’s a midget!”

            “That guy?”

            “A giant.”

            “That guy?”

            “Too white.”

            “That guy?”

            “Too pretty.”

            Both Karine and Terry glared at Nick.

            “Are you being this picky on purpose?” asked Terry.  “’Cause like, you’re scared or something?  I mean fuck, if I was in a room with this many chicks I’d be able to pick one in two seconds flat.  Especially if so many of them were topless.”

            “Well I guess you’re just not very discriminating.”

            “I guess I’m not chicken-shit of hooking up with someone.”

            “Come on, don’t be so hard on him,” Karine counselled.  “Think back to when we were discovering our sexuality.  It can be scary.”

            “I was never scared,” scoffed Terry while Nick cringed in embarrassment.

            They discussed it a while longer but finally Terry lost patience and walked up to the guy who seemed least objectionable.  They talked for a while and after a moment came back to join Nick and Karine.  They all danced together, with the guy getting pretty friendly with Nick, who was obviously still embarrassed, but getting into it all the same. 

            “Why am I even here?” asked Cerise as she walked into Cunningham’s with Sarah and Cassie.

            “You need to have some fun,” replied Sarah.

            “Yeah, a girl’s night out will do you good,” confirmed Cassie.  “One without Karine,” she added bitterly.

            “God, don’t go back to hating Karine,” sighed Cerise as they sat at a table.  “It’s really not her fault Jay likes her.”

            “Of course it is!  She’s done plenty to encourage him!”

            “Even if she did, it’s still his choice to leave Cerise,” said Sarah.  “Ok, explain again how Willy is involved, ‘cause I don’t even get it.”

            “I’m not sure I get it either,” shrugged Cerise.  “Except to say the guys always get involved when it’s none of their business.”

            “No shit!” exclaimed Sarah.  “It’s like they’re so fucking bored with their own lives they have to create drama around them!  I mean even Karl does it.  He fucking loves to see others suffer.  It’s ridiculous.”

            “Yeah, it really is,” nodded Cerise. “But we knew that about them.  We’ve known it for years so it’s not exactly surprising.  They’re little shit-starters and drama queens.”

            “Well it’s all for the best in the end,” said Cassie.  “I mean, we all tried to go out with Jay and it didn’t work out with any of us, ‘cause like, no matter what his friends did, it’s really up to him to be a decent boyfriend and he just wasn’t.”

            “He’s incapable of it,” nodded Sarah.

            “Too bad he’s so funny.  And cute,” sighed Cerise.

            “But totally on crack,” smirked Sarah.

            “On Karine crack!” said Cassie angrily.

            “Don’t blame Karine,” said Cerise.  “I mean, she pisses me off too sometimes but it’s like you just said, it’s Jay who’s incapable of being a good boyfriend, regardless of what she does.”

            They all stared at one another.

            “You really were good in theatre today though,” Cassie smiled.

           

            Terry and Karine sat down, having hovered around a table for a full half-hour, waiting for it to be vacated.  They watched Nick dancing with that guy and hey, now they were kissing!

            “Oh my god!” squealed Karine.  “So cute!”

            Terry shrugged and nodded.  He was glad Nick was getting some and also pretty proud of himself for not being grossed out by any of it.

            “You’re not grossed out?” asked Karine, echoing his thoughts.

            “Why would I be?” he smiled.

            “Dunno,” she shrugged.  “Hey, is it really a thing with guys to be like into two chicks together?”

            “Yeah, I guess so,” Terry nodded. 

            “Why?  I mean, is it just a voyeuristic thing?”

            “Well yeah, but I guess it’s also like, you put yourself in there too.  ‘Cause like, one chick is hot… and two chicks is hotter… and two chicks with me is even hotter and so on.  I mean, as long as they are in fact hot and not all old and fat and nasty or whatever.”

            Karine nodded.  “Does it turn you on to think of a chick you’re into being with another chick?”

            “Yeah, I guess,” said Terry.

            “Ok, back when you were with Cerise, did it turn you on to think of her with another chick?”

            “Yeah I guess.  If I imagined it I always put myself in there too.”

            “Is that something you’d really want?  A threesome?”

            Yes indeed it was but Terry wasn’t sure if that was something Karine wanted to hear so he just shrugged. 

            “Do you still imagine it?” she went on.  “Like does it turn you on to think of her now with another chick?”

            Where was she going with this?  He decided to make a joke and say he wasn’t into it if the other girl was gonna be Porta-potty chick.

            “No but seriously,” Karine laughed.

            “It doesn’t turn me on to think of her with anyone but me.”  He stopped and considered it a moment, imagining Cerise with a faceless hot chick. Yeah, it was hot.  “Yeah I guess it’s a turn on to think of her being with another girl, just in a general sense.  I mean, in a fantasy way.  I think if I found out she was like, suddenly gay and fucking other chicks I’d still be jealous, same as if she was fucking other guys.”

            Karine nodded.  “Speaking of other girls.  Have you ever fantasized about me?” she asked.  She didn’t seem to be flirting, but rather asking an honest question, genuinely interested in the answer.

            “You know I have.  I mean, I used to be into you, back in high school.  You know that.”

She smiled and nodded and he went on.  “Sometimes I’d think about you joining me and Christina.

            “Eww! Really?”

            “Yeah, and back before I got to know Erica I even thought about all three of you getting it on.”

            “Eww!”

            “Is it really that gross?” he asked with a grin.

            She shrugged.  “I dunno.  Doesn’t turn me on.”  She paused for a moment and then went on.  “Do you still fantasize about me?”

            “No,” he replied.  Karine was undeniably hot and he knew he’d have sex with her if there was a guarantee she wouldn’t get all weird about it; if he knew for sure she wouldn’t develop feelings for him, but it wasn’t worth the risk.  If they were to sleep together things would definitely get weird and he valued her too much as a friend to mess around with her.  So it was better if she believed he never thought about her in that way. 

            She nodded, but seemed disappointed by the answer so he asked if she ever fantasized about him.

            “Yeah,” she laughed.  “Sometimes I’d imagine you when I was with Steven.”

            Terry laughed as well, glad they were talking about years ago and he didn’t have to worry that she was pining for him or something.

            “Do you ever think about what if?”

            “What if what?” he asked hesitantly.

            “What if you’d never met Cerise?”

            “Then we might’ve gotten together?” he asked.

            “Yeah,” she said neutrally.

            “I’m glad we didn’t.  ‘Cause you’re my best friend.  And it’s best if we don’t fuck around with that.  You know, literally.”

            “Yeah, totally,” she agreed with a smile.

            They looked at each other and he wondered if they should hug or something but then she laughingly asked if he’d ever fantasized about her and Cerise together.

            “Nah, that’s just fucked up,” he lied.

            “Really?  You never thought about it?  Not even once?”

            “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that my answer might be yes.  But, I mean, I only ever thought about it in the way that I’ve thought about every fucking woman I’ve ever met and every conceivable combination of women I’ve ever met.”

            “You are one horny fucking guy, Terry,” she laughed.

            He nodded and turned to look at Nick, who was full-on making out with that guy from the dance floor.  “Holy shit!  You can totally see that guy’s hard-on through his pants!  Fucking nasty.  You’re supposed to hide that shit in public!”

            “Maybe that’s not how it works in gay bars,” mused Karine.

            “I guess Nick is getting lucky tonight.”

            “Nick doesn’t have a hard-on though.  We sure he’s gay?”

            Terry smirked.  “He just has the decency to wear pants that don’t show everything.”

            “This was a nice thing you did,” Karine smiled.  “Getting Nick out here.  Helping him hook up.  You’re a good friend.”

            Terry shrugged, feeling embarrassed.  “Hey, everyone needs a little somethin’ somethin’ every so often.”

            “Yup, we all do,” she agreed.

            Was he really such a good friend, genuinely helping Nick or was he just trying to get Nick to stop bugging him about Cerise, distracting him by forcing him to get his own love life?  Maybe it didn’t matter.  He did want Nick to be happy and at this particular moment he seemed to be, so mission accomplished, Terry supposed.

Season 3 – Episode 9 – Act II

            Well fuck Jay and his stupid stupidity!  What a fucking asshole!  And fuck Willy too for taking such pleasure in being an asshole! 

            Cerise supposed her mood must have been apparent when she got home because her sisters eyed her speculatively as she moped around the house.

            “So what crawled up your ass this time?” asked Simone as she sat next to Cerise on the couch. 

            “Nothing, leave me alone.”

            “Fight with Terry?”

            “No!”

            “Fight with Jay?”

            Cerise crumbled and suddenly tears streamed down her face.

            “Ok, so Jay then,” said Simone.  “What’d he do?”

            “He didn’t really do anything,” Cerise said as she blew her nose into a tissue.  “He just fucking hates me and he loves Karine and he always will.  Fuck, and I can’t even be pissed at Karine! She doesn’t even like him back.  She thinks he’s an ass for dumping me.  She totally took my side.  And yet he still loves her.  God, why?  I mean I know she’s pretty and everything but why doesn’t he like me?  What’s so horrible about me?”

            “Well for one thing you look like a bloated baboon when you cry,” smirked Simone.

            Cerise blew her nose again, laughing into her tissue.

            “Sounds like Jay is a lower life form.  Just forget about him.”

            “Why don’t people like me?”

            “You’re ugly and stupid?”

            “Seriously,” Cerise sighed.

            “Cerise, don’t ask me to feel sorry for you.  Terry liked you and he’s a way better catch than Jay.  I don’t see what there is to complain about.”

            “Yeah, I guess,” Cerise shrugged.

            Simone was right; there was no use pining over Jay or being upset about any of his stupidity.  What did it matter when Terry was the quality guy anyway? 

The next day Cerise walked straight to Nick’s locker, having found out the location from Karine, before she could lose her nerve.  Sure enough, Terry was there, hanging out with Nick.

            “Hi,” Cerise said, joining them.

            Apparently Nick could sense that something was up because he discreetly made himself scarce.

            “Hey,” replied Terry.

            “We should talk,” she squeaked, trying to sound confident but coming across as a bewildered goat.

            “Yeah, I guess I should apologize,” he nodded.

            “For what?” she asked, taken aback.

            “Well, for hurting you.  You know, like for leaving you or whatever.”  He sounded sheepish, maybe embarrassed.

            “Oh well, yeah.  That’s ok.  I mean, I deserved it.”

            “No one deserves to get hurt.  Except Jay,” he smirked.

            “Yeah,” Cerise chuckled.  “I never talked to you about that stunt you pulled with him.  The one involving your fist and his face.”

            “Yeah,” Terry was definitely embarrassed now.  “Sorry about that.”

            “You know what?  Fuck it.  I’m glad you did it!”

            “Seriously?”

            “Yeah, he’s a fucking piece of shit and he deserved it.”

            “Well, ok.  Yeah.”  Terry smiled awkwardly, nodding hesitantly.

            “Anyway, I’m sorry too.  For hurting you.  It was, you know… shitty.  You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.  I mean, you were right.  About like, me having a thing for Jay.  And so you were right to dump me.  And so I guess like me getting with him was just proving your point.  And then him dumping me was like, karma or whatever.  I needed to see what he’s really like.”  Cerise inhaled deeply and let out a breath.  “So yeah.  Sorry.”

            Terry smiled widely and Cerise smiled back.  They looked at each other for a second and then awkwardly moved towards one another, going in for a hug.  They laughed at the awkwardness and then embraced; holding each other for a bit longer than a friendship hug should last.  When they broke apart they stared at each other and Cerise felt certain they would kiss.

            He had to kiss her.  He just had to.  And before he could think better of it, he did.  Cerise returned the kiss eagerly and for a second everything was perfect again.  But Terry knew this wasn’t right.  He pulled away and stammered out an apology.  She looked crushed.

            “It’s just, I’m sorry but I can’t,” he tried to explain. 

            “Yeah, no, it’s fine.  You hate me,” she sulked.

            “I don’t hate you!  It’s just, I dunno.  I guess I don’t trust you.”

            Again, she looked crushed, even more so now.  “Why not?”

            “I don’t know if you really hate Jay now.  I mean, I know you still like him because you hate him.”

            She screwed up her face skeptically.

            “You know what I mean.  I mean if you just like didn’t care, that’d be fine.  But you do care.  You’re all pissed at him.  You don’t even care that I hit him, which like, normally you’d be all over that, like upset that I would do something so stupid.  But you’re just glad he got hurt, which means you hate him.  And hating him just means you still care, you know?  It means you’re still into him.”

            She stood there, stunned, unable to form a response.

            “I’m sorry, Cerise.  I still like you.  I still care about you a lot.  I guess I always will, but with Jay between us it just can’t work.  I’m so sorry.”  Terry couldn’t even believe he was saying these words.  On the one hand he felt like an idiot for rejecting the girl he was in love with but on the other hand he was supremely proud of himself for making such a mature choice.  Because really, what he’d said was completely true.  He didn’t want to be with her if she was just going to be thinking about Jason Harris and his sea anemone hairdo all the time.  He deserved better than that.  He actually really did. 

            Things were finally getting back to normal.  The guys were getting bored of their motor control gag and lately they were just playing the game a lot, and hanging out with the girls at lunch.  Finally.  Jay wasn’t sure how much more bullshit he’d have been able to endure otherwise.

            They were hanging out at Karl’s locker when Cerise walked by.  They all called out to her, saying hey but she simply glared at them.  She didn’t even slow her pace.  Didn’t say a word.  Just glared in disgust, like they were all made of dog shit.

            “Well, fuck, now she hates us again!” hollered Vani once she’d gone.

            “Thanks a lot, Jay,” said Karl in exasperation.

            “Yeah, thanks a lot, Jay!” sneered Vani.

            “Yeah, Jay, thanks a lot!” smirked Willy.

            Fuck.

            Karine hopped up on stage with her male lead and they ran through the scene where they first met.  She wasn’t sure it was really gelling but Hugh and Fred wanted to get on with things so they skipped ahead to the scene where he comes to pick her up and meets all her roommates.  It was a funny scene she supposed, if played properly.  Tom and Cassie were doing a good job with Big and Little Al, making them sort of a physical comedy duo.  In fact, they were stealing the scene, which was good, ‘cause the play needed some humour but Karine couldn’t help but be annoyed.  It was really meant to be her scene, wasn’t it? 

            Then Cerise came in.  Wasn’t this part of the scene meant to be cut?  Karine supposed Hugh and Fred hadn’t gotten to that yet, which was good because cutting her out didn’t leave enough time for Janice to change backstage for her next scene. 

            Whoa, what the hell was this?  Cerise was totally sidling up to the male lead like he was made of chocolate.  She was even throwing in a few extra lines, flirting with him like a maniac!

            “Bernice, do you mind?” Karine recited her line, not even having to act.  She came across as stunned, which she was.  Cerise was killing it.

            “Oh no, Elaine, I don’t mind at all,” said Cerise, dripping with sarcasm and maybe even loathing.

            “It was nice meeting you,” said male lead dude, grinning from ear to ear from all the attention.

            “It was nice meeting you too,” said Cerise-Bernice, practically licking his face.

            “Maybe I’ll see you again sometime,” said the producer, totally throwing in the line.

            “I certainly hope so,” grinned Cerise.

            “Bye Bernice,” said Karine, making Elaine annoyed but not angry.  It didn’t fit Elaine’s personality to be angry at her friends, even though Karine would have throttled anyone for flirting so outrageously with a guy she was into.

            “Yeah, bye Elaine,” snapped Cerise condescendingly.

            Karine and her guy exited stage left and Hugh and Fred burst into laughter.  “Fantastic!” beamed Hugh.  “This is what we’ve been asking for, Cerise!  Well done!”

            “Now we see that Bernice wants something from the producer and that’s she’s jealous of Elaine!” Fred went on.

            “Yeah, now we see she’s a bitch!” Janice called out from the wings.

            Everyone laughed and Cerise blushed adorably.  Well, it seemed like Cerise had really taken Karine’s advice to heart.  Finally doing something with her role.  So why was Karine so annoyed by it?

            She had to be cool about it; not act all jealous or whatever.  So at lunch she joined the girls as usual, though they were eating in a stairwell at Cerise’s request.  She supposed they were back to avoiding the guys for whatever reason.

            “So I see you took my advice,” said Karine as soon as she joined them.  “You were great today.”

            Cerise smiled and shrugged and Cassie explained to Sarah that Cerise had rocked it in rehearsal that morning. 

            “I knew you could do something with Bernice if you just put your mind to it.”

            “Well gee, Karine.  Thanks so much.  It really means a lot coming from you.  I mean, the star of the show and everything.”

            Janice, Cassie and Sarah all perked up and looked at Cerise with interest, then turned to Karine for her reaction.

            “What the fuck, Cerise?” Karine said, trying to stay calm.

            Cerise sighed.  “I’m sorry.  I guess I’m just in a bad mood.  Which I guess is why I did so well in the scene.  Turns out I’m method.”

            “What’s wrong?” asked Sarah.

            “Is it Jay?” asked Cassie.  “That why we’re boycotting the Munch Box again?”

            “Yeah,” Cerise confirmed.  “I found out why he dumped me.  It had nothing to do with fear of Terry.”

            They all stared at her expectantly. 

“He dumped me ‘cause he likes you,” she said, motioning to Karine.  “As ever.”

“Well, so that’s not my fault!” said Karine, perhaps a bit too defensively. 

“No, you’re right,” said Cerise with pursed lips.  “It’s not your fault.  It’s just Jay being a shit.  Apparently like, he dumped me ‘cause Willy called dibs on me or something.  Like Willy said that he had to choose between me or the possibility of you.  And he chose you.”

“What?” asked Cassie.

“I don’t know!” Cerise wailed.  “It makes no fucking sense, but that’s what Willy said.  And he was a total shithead when he said it.  He was gloating.  ‘Cause he asked me out, but I said no, so he like, became a total dick-wad and was like rubbing it in, all saying how Jay hates me.”

“Well, whoa, this is a lot of information to take in,” said Sarah.  “How can you believe Willy if he was angry ‘cause you rejected him?”

“’Cause it makes sense,” said Janice.  “Jay is totally the type of guy who would fuck over someone just to get to fantasize about the girl of his dreams.  That’s how nerd guys are.”

They all conceded the point. 

“Well, who cares!?” exclaimed Sarah.  “Jay’s no good anyway!  We all know you belong with Terry.  Why don’t you get back with him?  He’s still into you.”

Cerise deflated.  “I asked him to get back together.  Just this morning.  He said no.  Says he doesn’t trust me.  That I still have feelings for Jay.  Which I guess is true.  He said if I hate Jay it must mean I still care.”

“Do you still care?” asked Karine delicately.

Cerise just shrugged and bit into her sandwich.  Cassie awkwardly patted Cerise on the back and looked up at Karine.  Was she looking at her accusingly?  God, it wasn’t Karine’s fault Jay had the hots for her!    

Season 3 – Episode 9 – Act I

            “It was nice meeting you.”

            “It was nice meeting you too,” smiled Cerise.

            “Bye, Bernice,” said Karine as she left with her male lead.

            “Bye, Elaine,” replied Cerise, unsure of how to play the scene.

            Sure enough, both Fred and Hugh sighed with frustration and told Cerise that she had to play it with more interest.  She was supposed to be attracted to the producer; she was supposed to be trying to steal him away from Elaine.  Cerise didn’t see any of that in the script but she nodded in agreement anyway.  They redid the scene and this time Cerise was much more flirtatious, but Fred and Hugh still seemed dissatisfied. 

            “Well, we could always cut the scene,” suggested Fred.

            “We’re still running long,” nodded Hugh.

            Cerise sighed and tried not to show her annoyance with this stupid play and these stupid directors who last year seemed so professional and wise and this year seemed so amateurish and haphazard.  After all, they wouldn’t be teaching CEGEP if they knew what they were doing. 

Later, at the Munch Box with the girls, Cerise expressed these complaints out loud, to general agreement, though Karine defended Hugh, if not Fred.  Cerise went on to say she didn’t know what to do to make the scene work.  Not that it mattered, since they would no doubt cut it anyway.  By the time they were done she wouldn’t have any scenes left at all.

            “Well, to be fair, Cerise, you’re really not doing much with  Bernice,” said Karine.

            “There’s nothing to do with her!  She’s boring as hell!” protested Cerise.

            “Yeah but that’s true of all the characters,” countered Karine.  “It’s up to you to make it work.  I mean I’ve made Elaine way more aggressive than she is in the script and Hugh and Fred are loving it.”

            Cassie and Janice nodded in agreement, with Janice going so far as to say she was trying to do the same with her character.  Cerise didn’t have the heart to tell her she was simply making her character as much of a slut as herself.  By the looks on Cassie and Karine’s faces, they were similarly unimpressed, but choosing to stay equally silent on the issue. 

            Before it got awkward, Sarah saved them by plopping herself in a free seat and asking if they all thought it was important to go to University.

            “It’s a great place for meeting guys,” said Janice with a wink.

            “No but for real, like as a life choice.  For like, the future,” Sarah went on.

            The rest of them talked about it for a bit, all agreeing that it was important and Sarah lamented that Paul didn’t want to further his education.

            “Who’s Paul?” asked Janice.

            “Hello?  My boyfriend!”

            “That’s still happening?”

            Sarah rolled her eyes and went on.  “He hasn’t even applied!  Hasn’t even left the option open!  He says he’s gonna take at least a year off, and maybe not even go at all!”

            “Well there’s more to life than school,” said Cassie helpfully.  “I mean he’s gonna get a job, right?”

            “Yeah,” sighed Sarah.  “But I mean, am I a huge snob because I think this is a big mistake?  I mean seriously, I just can’t see myself dating a guy who works in like, a blue collar job.”

            “Well you’re definitely a snob,” smiled Karine.  “But so what?  I mean, so am I.  We all are, aren’t we?  We grew up middle class, we don’t wanna date below our station.”

            “I’d date a guy of a lower class than me,” said Janice.  “Or at least I’d fuck him.”

            They talked about it some more, all pretty much agreeing on their preference to date a guy with more prospects than working at Tim Horton’s.  Cerise had to admit to herself that one of the reasons she’d always been a bit hesitant about Terry was because he was a jock and not a brain.  But he was going to University, or at least he’d applied.  In fact, he’d apparently been more motivated about it than Cerise had. 

            She missed him.  He wasn’t even using their locker anymore so she hardly ever saw him.  She hadn’t seen him since they’d hung out at a bar that night he’d driven her and Karine home.  Did it mean their relationship was on the mend or just that he was too nice to refuse to help her out?  She supposed the only way she’d know how he felt about her was to talk to him about it.  Too bad she was such a coward about everything.

            “Stop trying to live bi-curiously through me,” said Terry after Nick had brought up Cerise for the billionth time.

            “You mean vicariously,” Nick chuckled.

            “Yeah, I was making a pun,” Terry nodded, pushing aside his empty lunch tray.

            “It was clever,” smiled Nick, finishing off an apple.

            “Yeah, so stop it.  ‘Cause you are.  We always talk about me.  Let’s talk about you.”

            “Nothing to say,” shrugged Nick, tossing the apple core into a nearby garbage can.

            “Good shot,” said Terry.  “So let’s get you a boyfriend.  Or at least get you laid.  Maybe we should just play it old school and go to a gay bar.  I mean, aren’t there like a billion bars in the village?  We should go this weekend.  We can bring Karine, she’ll get a kick out of it.”

            “So it’s just about your entertainment?” said Nick with a frown.

            “God, stop being such a baby,” sighed Terry.  “Why do you just shit all over all my ideas?  You didn’t wanna do the online thing, you don’t wanna go to bars, you hate all the guys in your gay talky times group.  Well, you’re gonna be single forever if that’s your attitude!”

            Nick shrugged.  “I guess.”

            “Is it ‘cause you’re nervous?  Like scared of what it’s like?  I mean in a gay bar or whatever?  Or just scared of putting yourself out there?”

            “I dunno,” Nick shrugged. 

            “Let’s just try it for one night,” said Terry.  “Just like, try it out.  I mean you won’t be alone.  Me and Karine will be there too.  Or just me if you want.”

            “Aren’t you afraid of guys hitting on you?”

            Terry shrugged.  “No, I mean, who cares?  If they do I’ll just say I’m straight and then I’ll tell them to ask you to dance or whatever.  It’ll be fine.”

            Nick smiled shyly and shrugged.  “Well ok, I guess.”

            “Excellent!”

            “You know, it’s interesting,” mused Karl.  “Now that Jay has all these insane motor control issues, I find my hostility towards Willy subsiding.”

            “Yeah, it’s like there’s only so much ire to go around,” agreed Vani.

            Jay just rolled his eyes, not wanting to be accused of losing his shit again.  It seemed no matter what he did lately he was accused of losing motor control.  He knew the guys were just goading him, but still, it was pretty effective goading.

            “Speaking of waning hostility towards me,” said Willy.  “I think it’s time I make my move.”

            “What are you talking about?” asked Jay.

            “Whoa! Calm down, Jay!  No reason to get upset until we know what Willy’s talking about!” warned Vani.

            Jay took a deep breath and tried not to get upset.

            “Yeah, I’m gonna make my move on Cerise.  Now that we’re all agreed I have dibs on her and everything.”

            “Oh this’ll be good,” smirked Karl.

            “You actually think you have a shot?” snorted Jay.

            “Calm down, Jay,” counselled Karl.

            “Yeah, I think I do,” confirmed Willy.  “I’m gonna rock her world, Willy style!” 

Willy then proceeded to thrust his groin towards the rest of them, making disgusting sex noises.  It was enough to make Jay puke but he knew he couldn’t react.  Vani and Karl looked at Jay in amusement, just waiting for him to lose his shit.  Jay simply gritted his teeth and thought about puppies and pandas.

“Uh, uh, Willy style!”  More thrusting.

“Yeah, Willy style!” laughed Vani.  “This is gonna be awesome!”

Shauna was grabbing her coat from her locker, getting ready for her afternoon smoke when Kim came up to her.  That was her name, wasn’t it?  Kim was the butch one.  Brenda was the girly one. 

“So hey, uh, listen,” Kim began.

Shauna simply stared at her.

“Yeah like uh, I just wanted to say like I’m sorry and everything.  You know, if I offended you at the meeting the other day.”

“It’s ok,” shrugged Shauna.  “I’m hard to offend.”

“Yeah well, you know,” Kim smiled awkwardly.  “I didn’t realize you had it that bad.  Like at home or whatever.”

Shauna shrugged.

“Ok well um, still though, you know.  You should think about coming out and stuff.  Or not, I mean, whatever.”

“I don’t know if, I mean…” Shauna trailed off, unwilling to say what she was thinking.  That she wasn’t even sure she was gay or whatever.

“Ok, well, anyway,” Kim smiled and nodded.  “See ya later.”

“Ok, bye.”

Kim walked off and Shauna put on her coat.

Oh god.  What was this going to be about?  Willy so rarely texted Cerise and the last time he’d done it she’d gotten to witness Terry beating up Jay.  This time he was asking her to meet him outside the library.  She considered not going, but what if Terry and Jay were in another fight?  She had to see for herself.

Fortunately it was only Willy who stood waiting for her.  

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked, shoving her hands in her pockets.  She always felt weird just standing around, with nothing to do with her hands.  Sometimes she considered carrying around books just for the sake of having something to hold but her next class was Theatre and she didn’t want to risk forgetting any books in the green room.

“Um, I dunno.  Just wanted to talk to you,” he said with a smile.

“Ok, what about?”  Cerise felt bad for inching away from him slightly but Willy seriously had body odour issues.  The guys made fun of him for it but it wasn’t a joke, it was true.  He seemed to get sweaty just from standing around.  She couldn’t imagine how bad it would be if he ever did any physical activity.

“Um, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out sometime.”

Cerise stood transfixed.  Had Willy just asked her out?  Had she heard that right?  He hadn’t even seemed nervous about it.  In fact, he seemed supremely confident, cocky even.  “Um, what?” she asked, just to be sure.

“You wanna go out?  Like to a movie or something?  Dinner maybe?”

“Like on a date?”

“Yeah,” he smiled.

Oh god.  How the hell was she going to get out of this?!  She didn’t want to hurt his feelings but Willy was about the last person on Earth she’d ever want to go out with.  “Um, well, I mean, it’s just…” she stammered.  “No offense or anything but I’m kind of not in a place right now where I’m looking to go out with anyone.  You know, what with… everything.”

“Oh yeah, well maybe in a few weeks or something?” he asked, undeterred.

“Well the thing is, I’m not really planning on um, ever dating again ever.”

The smile on Willy’s face disappeared and he looked at Cerise wryly.

“Well it’s just, um, I’m not, um.  Well, I just don’t think of you like that, Willy.  I mean, we’re friends,” she said, trying not to be mean.

“You went out with Jay even though you were friends with him.”

“Yeah well but, exactly!  We all know how well that worked out!  It just doesn’t work with friends, right?”

Willy smirked condescendingly.  “It didn’t work with Jay because he’s a fucking retard who didn’t even like you enough to fucking…” he trailed off and snorted in derision.

“What?  He didn’t like me enough to what?” she asked with trepidation.

“Nothing,” Willy shrugged the shrug of someone with a delicious secret.

“Just say it, Willy,” she sighed.

“Jay dumped you ‘cause I had dibs on you,” he sneered.

“What do you mean?”

“He had to dump you ‘cause I had dibs.”

Cerise narrowed her eyes.  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I put dibs on you and so he had no right to be with you anymore.  So we made him choose.  Either he got expelled from the group or he dumped you.  He chose the group.”

Cerise’s jaw dropped as she tried to think a thought.  “What the… Why the fuck would you have dibs on me?  What about what I wanted?”

“Why can’t you want me?” he asked angrily.

“Because you’re a freak!  And you’re an asshole!  You got Jenn pregnant and then deserted her!”

Willy simply smiled.  “Right.  Well, the situation is a bit more complicated of course.  It was actually Karine I put dibs on, ‘cause Jay was already going out with you, but that didn’t sit well with Jay.  So I said fine, you can have dibs on Karine, but then you have to give up Cerise.  You can’t have dibs on both of them.  And it wasn’t really much of a choice, was it?  It took him about two seconds to dump your ass just for the possibility of being with Karine.  I mean, she doesn’t even want him!” Willy laughed.  “He knew he couldn’t have her!  But just the right of dibs was more important than being with you.  He was just like, fuck Cerise, I don’t even like her.”

Cerise swallowed, her anger subsiding as the pain flowed in.  She knew Willy had to be exaggerating.  The pleasure he was taking in delivering this news had to be a result of her rejecting him.  But still, it wasn’t a difficult story to believe.  There had to be some truth to it.  In fact, it sounded like exactly the sort of thing Jay would do.  And it explained why he’d been so torn up when he’d dumped her. 

“And I don’t blame him,” Willy went on.  “Seeing as you’re such a fucking bitch ass, cunt!”

Without even thinking about it, Cerise’s hand flew out and she slapped Willy across the face.  The sound was sharp and satisfying and her hand instantly stung.  Willy’s eyes grew wide as he stared at her, cradling his cheek. 

“Fuck you,” said Cerise, walking away. 

Season 3 – Episode 9 - Prologue

       

           “I just don’t think it’s really coming out unless you come out to everyone.  Your family included,” said Kim.

            Was it Shauna’s imagination or did this Kim chick have a real attitude?  She was acting like she was better than everyone else just because the people in her life knew she was gay, but that wasn’t such an accomplishment; you could tell just by looking at her.  And maybe for others it was a little bit more complicated than that.

            “Yeah well, for some of us it’s a bit more complicated, ok?” said Nick.

            Wow, he said exactly what Shauna had been thinking.  That was weird.  Or maybe it wasn’t.  Maybe the gay experience was kind of the same for lots of gay people; not that Shauna was for sure gay.  But she’d come to another one of these Queen Collective meetings just for the heck of it, just to see. 

            “Not everyone has a family as accepting as yours, Kim,” said Leanne.  “There’s still a lot of homophobic people in this world, even in a big city like Montreal.”

            “Well that’s just it, isn’t it?” said Nick.  “We don’t live in the city, we live in the suburbs and mom and dad and their fucking white picket fence aren’t so cool about it.”

            “Whatever,” snorted Kim.  “Everyone should just be themselves and fuck anyone who can’t deal with that, including parents.”

            “So what?  I should just go live on the street?” said Nick angrily.  “My parents are crazy religious.  If they knew they’d kick me out, or like make me go to one of those things where they try to convert you.  Not to mention my fucking hockey team; they’d make my life hell.  Fuck, you don’t even know what a risk I’m taking just by being in this group.”

            “Why would you wanna be on a team that wouldn’t accept the real you?” asked Kim, causing others in the group to nod their heads.

            “So I should just give up on something I love?  That’s unfair.  I mean I don’t love all the guys on the team but I love the game.  And trust me, the athletic world is still like way homophobic.”

            “Whatever,” said Kim in annoyance.

            “Let’s not be dismissive, ok, Kim?” said Leanne.  “Can any of us offer some constructive advice to Nick?”

            “Oh my god!” exclaimed Kim.  “Enough with the shrink talk!  God, you over dramatize everything. But if you just tell people what the deal is, if you’re just honest then eventually they get over it and come around.  And if they don’t, then fuck them.  ‘Cause who needs them anyway?”

            “You’ve heard nothing I’ve said,” sighed Nick.

            “You’re not hearing!” countered Kim.

            Shauna spoke up then, for the first time ever in this group.  “If I told my family I was gay my brother would beat me up and my dad would kick me out of the house.  It’s easier to live with secrets.”  She could feel her cheeks getting hot as everyone looked at her.  She couldn’t believe she’d admitted to being gay out loud.  Not that this was necessarily an admission.  It was more of a hypothetical, really.

            “Exactly, you’re just doing what’s easy,” said Kim.  “But it’s not about doing what’s easy.  It’s about doing what’s right.”

            “I think for you it’s about what’s easier,” replied Shauna.  “It’s easy for you to act like it’s no big deal.  ‘Cause for you no one cares.  You’ve never had anything bad happen to you.  But it’s not so easy to say it’s no big deal when you’re bleeding on the floor ‘cause your father or brother just cracked your skull open or you’re sleeping outside in winter ‘cause you’re afraid to go home.”

            They all stared at her but she wasn’t embarrassed anymore; she was angry.  Screw Kim and everyone else who had it so easy.  Leanne smiled at Shauna proudly and Nick smiled too, nodding his head in agreement.  In fact, except for Kim they were all nodding and smiling.  So this is what it was like when people didn’t hate you.