Season 2 – Episode 5 – Act V

            It was like a flashback to high school.  Everyone running around the dressing room frantically, super excited about the dress rehearsal.  But Cerise wasn’t feeling it this time around.  For one thing the play they were doing was totally lame but mostly she was sad about Terry.  He would probably still come to the play because of Karine but he wouldn’t be there for her.  He wouldn’t give her flowers and there would be no congratulatory kiss or hug or cuddle.  She was alone and it sucked.

            But she had her friends.  Cassie was excited enough for both of them and she squealed and giggled as she tried to put on her French revolutionary costume and ended up putting it on backwards.  Cerise laughed and helped her put it on correctly.  Cassie would be Jenny this evening but this afternoon it was Cerise’s cast and her costume was a simple blouse with a greenish vest, brown culottes and a jaunty grey cap.

            As she disrobed and put on the costume she was faintly aware of eyes on her.  She looked up and from the boys’ side of the room Tom turned red and quickly looked away.  Had he been watching her?  Did she care? Whatever, everyone could watch anyone get undressed in here.  It was like last year; at first you feel weird with everyone watching but then you get used to it surprisingly quickly.  Still, just to make a point, Cerise kept her eyes on Tom.  He looked up at her a few times but then always looked away.  She watched as he sheepishly got undressed and put on his background player costume.  His body was kind of flabby, more so than she would have guessed.  In clothes he always looked normal, not fit exactly but standard.  It wouldn’t kill him to hit the gym. 

            Finally she turned to the mirror and saw herself in the ridiculous Jenny costume.  If she was dressed as a boy why had they changed Jerry to Jenny?  Why not just leave the character as a boy?  Maybe she’d been cast simply because she had shortish hair and barely there breasts.  With the newsies cap on she seriously looked about ten-years-old.

            And there was Karine, flouncing by in a beautiful pink dress, her hair a cascade of curls under a white bonnet tied with a bow.  Déja-freakin’-vu.

            Cerise sauntered out to the green room with everyone else, and waited for her cue.

            “Wow, our costume really sucks,” said Cassie, looking at Cerise’s outfit.  “And it’ll look even dumber on me.”

            Cerise wanted to protest but everything Cassie had said was true.  Cassie was so short and skinny that she would swim in the costume.  She’d look even more like a little boy playing dress-up than Cerise did.  They laughed about it, mocking each other for being such ugly boys and Tom interrupted by assuring Cerise she could never be ugly.

            Even Cerise, as clueless as she was about boys had to admit that Tom was into her.  Could she be into him? 

            “So you get Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.  And I get Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday Matinee,” said Cassie, reading from the play schedule, kindly ignoring Tom’s attempts to flirt with Cerise.

            “I’m glad I don’t have the matinee,” responded Cerise, also ignoring Tom for now.  “I hear the kids throw pennies and shit.”

            “I know.  But you’ll be in the crowd scene so you won’t be spared.”

            “Fun.”

            The stage manager, a boy Cerise had never bothered to get to know, came in and called for the cast C opening scene crowd to take their places.  Cassie jumped up excitedly and Cerise advised her to break a leg.

            The green room was nowhere near empty but it was now less suffocating.  Still, Tom chose to move closer to Cerise rather than further away. 

            “You going to the cast party?” he asked nonchalantly.

            “I guess so, who’s having it?”

            “Karine.”

            Really?  How did Tom know this but Cerise didn’t?  She supposed it was her own fault for being so out of it lately.  “That’s typical.  She was notorious for throwing parties in high school.”

            “Oh yeah?”

            “Yeah, they were legend.  As far as I remember they kinda sucked though.  Although I only ever went to one.”

            “So you’re gonna go?”

            “Isn’t everyone going?”

            “Well you want a lift?  ‘Cause I’m gonna drive so… yeah.”

            “Yeah sure,” said Cerise, even though she didn’t really need a lift.  It would be a simple thing to hop on the 211 since it went right by Karine’s house.  But maybe she should give Tom a chance.  He was certainly a sweet guy and there was nothing egregiously wrong with him.  And it’s not like she had any other options at this point.

            Was it Jay’s imagination or was Cavity wearing like, a shit load of makeup?  She bounded up to them in Hochelaga super excitedly, and they all sort of recoiled at the sight of her looking like a harlequin whore.  They being Jay, Vani, Willy and Lee.  Karl was notably absent and had been all day. 

            “We just did a dress rehearsal, that’s why my face is all spackled.  We’re doing another dress tonight so I haven’t bothered cleaning it off yet, although I’m being Jenny tonight, which is totally Jerry, who’s like, totally a boy so I could probably stand to tone down the rouge a bit but whatevs, so what are you guys doing on Friday?  I have a performance in the evening but then I’m free and you guys always game all night, right?”

            They all stared at her for a second, absorbing her speech.  She still wanted to game with them even though she’d broken up with Jojo?

            “You still wanna game even though you kicked Jojo to the curb?” asked Vani.

            “I didn’t game with you guys ‘cause of Jonah,” she said, seemingly offended by the notion.

            “I dunno, Cavity,” Lee sucked in air between his teeth.  “You may be too tolerable without Jojo around.  My understanding is that the game is all about pain and suffering.”

            “Why do you guys call me Cavity?”

            “’Cause you’re so sweet, duh,” said Lee, with what was probably a smile, though on Lee it might also count as a grimace.

            “Oh well I guess it’s a compliment then.”

            “Naturally.  I can’t imagine anyone having any reason to insult you,” Lee went on.

            Cavity smiled and giggled and they all sort of turned to Lee.  Was he trying to mack on her?  Well he certainly wasted no fucking time!  What the hell?  If Cavity was gonna start going out with one of them it should be Jay!  ‘Cause Jay was, well, just ‘cause!  He was more entitled to a girlfriend than Lee!  Lee was just a newcomer!  A hanger-oner!  Jay was here for keeps.  Jay was… well, Cavity was perhaps more suited to Vani because they were both oompa-lumpas but really, Lee?  Not Lee.  Surely not Lee.

            Cavity giggled some more and then flitted off again and Willy made some fart noises while half-heartedly trying to mock Lee’s flirtation efforts but they all knew Lee had game.  Somehow, inexplicably, even though he was a completely obnoxious shit-head he’d won over Cavity and Willy was just jealous.  Jay could at least take comfort in the fact that as piss poor as his own love life was Willy’s would always be non-existent. 

            And so would Jojo’s now that Cavity had come to her senses.  He joined them all later that afternoon even though they weren’t in their usual hang-out place.  Karl was still mysteriously absent so Jay, Vani and Willy tried a few likely spots but he was nowhere to be found.  Jojo on the other hand had somehow managed to sniff them out and almost immediately asked them what they were up to on Friday.

            They all stammered and spoke over each other, insisting they had nothing planned and certainly weren’t going to be gaming.  At this point it was maybe even true since Karl seemed to have been sucked into a black hole or something. 

            “You guys aren’t going to be gaming?” asked Jojo, slow to catch on as ever.

            “Nope,” insisted Jay.

            “Noooo,” mooed Vani.

            “No,” growled Willy.

            “No?” asked Jojo.

            “No,” insisted Willy.

            “Oh.  Well wanna do something else?”

            “No.”

            “No?”

            “No!” hollered Willy with such finality Jay didn’t feel it was necessary to chime in.  Sometimes Willy was good to have around even if he did stink up the joint.

            “Well ‘cause you guys could come to my house if you wanted.  We could watch movies and stuff you guys.  I have lots of  DVDs you guys!”

            “No thanks,” said Vani with a pained smile.

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yeah, we’re sure.”

            “Ok well what are you guys doing now?”

            “Uh, we have class,” said Jay as Vani simultaneously announced they had a study group.

            “Um, what?”

            “Take a hint, Jojo!  We don’t like you anymore now that Cavity ripped out your heart and pissed in the… well, in the cavity left behind.  Fuck, I think that’s the single most clever thing I’ve ever said.”

            “It’s true, you’ll never top that,” agreed Vani.

            It was true.  Willy had managed to be both witty and cruel all at once and it was a thing of beauty.  Jojo was on the verge of tears and ran off in a hurry.  It was a glorious and terrible thing to witness.  If only Karl had been there to enjoy it. 

            Finally, finally they were able to locate him.  He was in the library of all places, reading a book or some such.

            “Karl!  Jojo just tried to join us for Friday,” announced Vani and Willy practically tripped over himself trying to recreate his takedown.

            “I told him he had a cavity in his heart, no I mean I said Cavity pissed in his heart.  Fuck, no, it was awesome, it was awesome.  I said the best thing.  I said Cavity had his heart and pissed in it.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “Willy pissed on Jojo and then said he had a cavity.  It was pretty weaksauce actually,” explained Jay.

            “Shut up!  It was awesome!  Vani, tell Karl what I said!”

            “Something about piss. It doesn’t matter.  Cavity’s gonna come on Friday.”

            “Come to what?” asked Karl, seemingly bored.  Or maybe angry.  It was hard to tell.

            “The game!”

            “Oh.  I don’t wanna game on Friday,” said Karl, still angry/bored.

            “What?”

            “I don’t feel like it.”

            “Well it’s not really up to you, is it?” asked Vani with authority.

            Karl sighed and closed his eyes briefly.  Did he have a headache or something?

            “What is your major malfunction?” asked Jay.

            “Nothing.  I just have exams coming up.”

            “So?”

            “So nothing.”

            “So we’re gaming then,” said Vani.

            “Yeah, yeah,” nodded Karl, defeated.

            “No seriously, it was really awesome.  I said Cavity ripped out his heart and stomped on it, I mean pissed on it, I mean, fuck, what was it?  It was really good.”

            “Willy, would you shut up?” Jay demanded.  “You made some non-sequitur about bonobo monkeys and we all stared at you wondering when the nice people from the institution would be back to collect you and take you home.  Would you settle down now?”

            Willy sighed and stomped his foot.  What a moron. 

            Shauna spent a lot of time in the washroom.  Even if she wasn’t taking a bath sometimes she’d just hang out in there and smoke and absent-mindedly scratch at her legs.  Eventually Stan would need to pee or something and he’d pound on the door, yelling at her to get out.  Sometimes she’d take her time and finish smoking her cigarette, delaying the inevitable.  But other times he’d be really pissed so she’d get out and slink by him as he went off on one of his tirades.  Often she would go to bed once he started yelling. His rants always made her so tired.

           

            He hadn’t expected her to come, but still, when Terry skated out onto the ice he looked up to the stands at Cerise’s usual spot.  Karine was there and so was Sarah but no Cerise.  He hadn’t thought she would be but still, he thought maybe.  Weren’t they at least going to stay friends? 

             

            She wished she had gone.  They could at least remain friends.  If a junior hockey game were the sort of thing to be televised Cerise would have watched it at home, though perhaps that was some sort of self-flagellation.  It was best to have a complete break from Terry.  Although she really wanted them to at least stay friends.  She definitely should have gone to the game. 

            Tonight Shauna didn’t want to go to bed.  Usually she had no trouble sleeping when she was this bored but she needed a change of pace so she sat in the front of the TV.  Stan was taking a dump or something so he’d be a while.  She changed the channel and settled on America’s Next Top Model.  That show was hilarious but all the girls were too skinny.  They were kind of gross. 

            Stan came out and sat next to her, putting his arm around her like they were pals.  He took the remote out of her hand and changed it back to whatever dumb sports show he was watching.  She should have gone to bed.

            He kissed her and stroked her, although the way he did it was more like vigorous rubbing, like he was trying to sand a deck.  “How’s my little ugly duckling?” he asked.  She hated this nickname.  “Pretty, pretty hair,” he murmured.  She should cut her hair.  He pulled off her clothes as she watched the TV, wondering who was being eliminated on ANTM. 

            “Fuck, Shauna!  Again?”

            She looked down to see what he was talking about.  Her bare legs, scarred and bloody were exposed, raw.  She shrugged.

            “Why do you do this?”  He seemed about to touch her legs but thought better of it and recoiled.

            It hadn’t been her original intent but his disgust was a welcome reaction to her mutilation. 

            “You look like you got mauled by a fucking tiger or something!”

            “Leave me alone,” she said, reaching for her sweat pants.

            He swatted her hands and grabbed them, inspecting her fingernails.  “Why do you do it?”

            “I was itchy!”

            “When you’re itchy you scratch, you don’t fucking rip your own skin off!  This is gross!”  He sighed and pushed her away, ordering her to put her pants back on.  “Go down on me,” he said, grabbing her head and pushing her down.

            “Fuck off!” she said, pushing his hand away.

            “Fine!” he yelled, reaching over to his laptop and opening it.  “I’ll do it myself!”

            He was going to surf porn.  You’d think this would allow Shauna to use the TV but no, he never let her watch what she wanted, even when he was otherwise occupied.  No wonder she preferred to spend her time in the bathroom. 

            She got up to go but seeing him jerk off was too much for her today.  She snapped and yelled.  “I hate you!”

            She expected him to yell back but the rage in his eyes was indescribable.  She ran immediately but couldn’t decide if she would hide in the bedroom or the bathroom.  Her indecision was her downfall as he caught her in no time and pulled her back to the couch.  She struggled but he held her down, telling her to shut up as she screamed for him to let her go. 

            “What the fuck did you say to me, you bitch!”

            “I hate you,” she whimpered, already losing her resolve.

            “God, Shauna, fuck you!  He let her go and looked at her, his face registering only sadness and defeat.  “I love you, Shauna!  And this is how you treat me?  I let you stay in my fucking place for free and this is what I get?  You never wanna have sex and whenever we do you go hide in the bathroom and fucking mutilate your legs to hell!  What the fuck is wrong with you?”

            “Nothing,” she shrugged, trying to tune out.  A moment later she was crying.

            “There is something seriously wrong with you, Shauna.  Seriously fucking wrong.”

            I know, she thought.  “No there isn’t,” she said.

            “There really is, Shauna.  You need like, fucking therapy or some shit.”

            He gently touched her hair but she recoiled at his touch.

            He looked greatly offended.  “Why are you scared of me?  How come I can never touch you?  Have I ever hurt you?  I would never fucking hurt you, Shauna.  There is really something wrong with you.  I really think you need to get help.  Like, really.”

            She wiped away her tears and he swooped her up into his arms, placing her in his lap, cradling her like an infant.  He kept repeating how much he loved her and how much she needed to get help. 

            It was true, she supposed.  She was fucked-up.  Stan really did love her and all she could do was fuck herself up.  All she could do was fuck up their relationship.  She was seriously the biggest fuck-up in the world.  Obviously she needed to get moving on that plan of hers, the one to off herself in the bathtub.  No time to waste anymore.  Stan was growing impatient with her and soon enough he’d kick her out if she didn’t become normal.  No time to lose now.  But maybe she’d just wait until the end of the current ANTM season.  Then for sure she’d get her act together. 

Season 2 – Episode 5 – Act IV

            It was always comforting to contemplate suicide.  Shauna liked imagining the different ways in which she could do it.  Maybe something dramatic like jumping off the overpass.  If the fall didn’t kill her then the cars running over her would.  But that might be too painful.  And too much trouble to go all the way to the overpass.  Better just to swallow a bunch of pills.  But that was such a pussy way to go.  Besides, she didn’t exactly have access to any pills so slitting her wrists was the only option.  It would hurt but maybe in a good way.  She could do it in the tub while Stan was at work so when he came home she’d be dead in a pool of blood stained water.  That would be totally awesome. 

            She was taken by surprise when Stan came home.  Was it that time of night already?  Shauna must have lost track of time.  She was watching one of those shows about making big cakes.  Stan popped a DVD into the machine and took the cigarette out of Shauna’s mouth, finishing it off himself.  What an asshole.  A second later there was a knock at the door and Bill came in.  Stan declared him to be just in time and the movie started. 

            Seriously?  They were gonna watch a porno?  Wasn’t that completely gay?  For a guy to watch porn with another guy?  Was her presence meant to make it less gay?  Shauna hated Stan’s porn.  It was always so full of dicks.  Shauna had no interest in watching dicks waving around all over the place.  It was so gross.

            After a while she got up and went to the bedroom.  Was it her imagination or did Bill watch her walk away?  She crawled into bed and put a pillow over her ears to block out the sounds of porn stars moaning.  They were only on the second floor so jumping out the window probably wouldn’t kill her.  Tomorrow then.  She would wait until she was alone and enact her bathtub suicide plan.  It’s not like she had anything better to do.

            Cerise knew she couldn’t avoid everyone forever so she finally went back to eating at the Munch Box.  The boys were there along with Sarah and that Lee guy.  Much to Cerise’s surprise and relief no one gave her a hard time.  It also worked out quite nicely that as soon as Cassie arrived she announced she’d broken up with Jojo, thus deflecting attention away from Cerise.

            “Yes!” exclaimed Willy upon hearing the news. 

            Everyone looked at him quizzically.      

            “I mean… aw screw it, I mean yes.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.”

            Cassie looked like she wasn’t quite sure how to react to that.  After a while of awkward eating in which Lee talked about bio weapons, Jonah came along and Cassie immediately got up.  The look between them was excruciating and Cerise fought back tears.  She wondered if Terry was feeling as badly as Jojo looked.

            Cassie walked away and Jojo sat down in her seat, looking like a wounded puppy.

            “Did we just lose Cavity?” asked Vani in shock.

            “For you?” screeched Willy, looking at Jonah accusingly.

            “I like Cavity,” pouted Jay.

            “Me too,” nodded Karl, confirming that she was good at the game.

            “Yeah, she rocked.  She was all, you sunk my battleship fother-mucker!  Pew, pew, pew, pew!”  Jay shot an imaginary gun at Jojo.

            “Yeah, you suck, Jojo!” Willy growled.

            Cerise couldn’t believe the guys were being such assholes.  It wasn’t unprecedented behaviour; in fact it was pretty standard.  But still, you’d have thought they’d have matured a bit since high school.  Sarah was obviously just as appalled as Cerise because she totally blew up, angrily asking the boys if they were seriously going to be such assholes.

            “It is our way,” snickered Karl, though he spoke with less confidence than usual.

            “Fuck your way!” Sarah hollered, pushing the remains of her food aside and standing up and stomping away.

            “Whoa, someone’s on the rag,” laughed Willy.

            Cerise didn’t even bother saying anything when she left.  There didn’t seem to be any point.

            At first she was going to follow Sarah but then she found herself in the green room.  There were a few kids there including Cassie. 

            “Hey, are you ok?” she asked, sitting next to her on one of the benches against the wall.  Was it her imagination or were these benches getting increasingly uncomfortable over time?  It was like the cushioning kept getting depleted.  Or maybe she was such a horrible person she just felt uncomfortable no matter where she was.

            “Yeah, I’m ok.  Did Jonah say anything after I left?” asked Cassie.

            “No, but the guys were total assholes to him.  So both Sarah and I took off.”

            Cassie sighed deeply.  “All guys are assholes, aren’t they?”

            “Is that why you broke up with Jojo?  I mean Jonah?”

            Cassie sighed again, even more deeply.  “No.  I’m the asshole in this break-up.  He never did anything wrong.  I was just bored is all.”

            Cerise nodded.  She could sort of relate, about being the asshole, if not about being bored.

            “Hey wow, who died?” asked Tom as he joined them.

            “I broke up with my boyfriend,” explained Cassie.

            “Oh,” said Tom awkwardly, sitting on a chair across from them.  He took out a pack of gummy candy and offered them both the open bag. 

            They both reached in and chewed on the gummies.

            “Another?” Tom offered, handing Cerise the bag. 

            She took a candy and passed the bag to Cassie.  Cassie took a candy and gave the bag back to Tom, who gave it back to Cerise a second later, insisting she keep it.  He even pulled a pack of caramels out of his pocket and tried to give those to her too, but she declined even though she really liked caramels.  It was just getting a little weird.

            Cassie and Cerise gave one another a look and then left the green room together, mumbling something about going to the bathroom.  Instead they walked towards Hochelaga while Cassie declared Tom to be pretty blatant in his efforts to woo Cerise.

            “You think he’s into me?”

            “Well I’m not the one with the gummy bears am I?”

            Cerise sighed and shrugged.  Soon enough they were at Sarah’s locker, where she stood staring into her backpack. 

            “Hey, you ok?” asked Cerise, offering Sarah a gummy.

            Sarah looked up and asked them the same question as she pulled a couple bears out of the candy bag.  Both Cassie and Cerise shrugged noncommittally.

            “So do you think I should break up with Karl?”

            “What?”

            “Well, it seems like the break-up season, right?”

            “You’re gonna break up with Karl just because it’s all the rage?” asked Cerise, allowing herself to be amused by the idea.

            “Well no obviously,” said Sarah.  “It’s just that… I dunno. Sometimes it’s almost like we’re too similar.  It’s like we compete at everything, you know?  I don’t wanna have to compete with my own boyfriend.”

            “Compete how?” asked Cassie.

            “Well like with school.  It’s always who can get the higher grade you know?  A throwback to when we were like, rivals in high school.”

            “Yeah, that was annoying,” nodded Cerise.

            “But on the other hand it’s like we have nothing in common.  I mean, I’m all into doing stuff and he’s all into like, not doing anything.  He just hates everything.  I mean, he’s so negative about fucking everything!  Except like, the game which is like, so lame.”

            “Have you ever played it?” asked Cerise, slightly defensive.

            “Yeah right!  Like he’d let me!  Which is so fucking insane, right?  I mean you guys play so it’s not like a ban on all girls, it’s just me.  What the hell is that about?”

            “Karl actually said you can’t play?”

            “Well I guess I never really asked, but he should have offered!  I mean I’m his girlfriend!  Why doesn’t he want to do shit with me?  ‘Cause like I’m never invited to do his guy stuff and he never wants to do any of the stuff I like.  Like, I’m always all wanting to go places and wanting to try new things and like, join groups but he just nay-says fucking everything!”

            “With Jonah it’s the opposite!” Cassie interrupted, suddenly quite irate.  “He’s so clingy.  It’s like, I couldn’t ever do anything without him being there.  Like, I join the activist group so he decides to make a fucking documentary about them!  I only joined in the first place so I could have something of my own!  And then he like, takes ownership of it.”

            Cerise found that sort of sweet, but she kept her opinion to herself as Sarah confirmed it was totally annoying. 

            “It’s like, why can’t they just find a happy medium?” Sarah asked.

            “Terry liked doing stuff with me.  But it was cool if I went to hang with the guys without him,” Cerise admitted.

            “Well yeah,” Sarah cocked her head.  “Terry was like, the perfect boyfriend.  I mean no offence Cerise but he totally was.”

            “No he wasn’t.  He was always trying to get me to do shit I didn’t wanna do.”

            “Like what?” asked Cassie with concern.

            “Like go to bars.”

            “Oh wow, trauma,” said Sarah bitingly.  “He wanted to hang out with you in a social situation?  What an asshole,” she rolled her eyes.

            “Well I don’t like bars ok and he’d like always be hanging out with… with stupid people I don’t like and stuff.”

            “Well you have to compromise in a relationship, Cerise,” said Sarah.

            “Yeah, it can’t just all be how you want it to be,” added Cassie.

            “Yeah, his opinion counts too,” confirmed Sarah.

            Cerise sighed.  She wasn’t sure what was more annoying.  How almost everyone loved Terry so much or how Jay hated him.  Why did he inspire such deep feelings in people?  Obviously Cerise cared about him deeply but sometimes she felt like she wasn’t quite in on the secret of what was up with Terry Trebichavsky. 

            Sarah approached Karl tentatively.  She would have preferred doing this while they were alone, but she didn’t want to do it in her house.  That would just make it worse.  And she certainly didn’t want to do it at his house, where his robot sister would no doubt be eavesdropping.

            She texted him, asking him to meet her at his locker and then when they were face to face she angrily accused him of letting Cassie play his little game.

            “What?” he asked in confusion.

            “Your game thing!”

            “You mean the game?”

            “Yeah.”

            “What about it?”

            “So how come everyone in the world gets to join in except me?”

            “I’m just sparing you the horror,” he said like it was obvious.  “You’d hate it.  It’s just a spectacle of debauchery.  Vani’s self-involvement coupled with Willy’s body odour.”

            “Oh, so I don’t even get to decide for myself?  You just decide for me?”

            “It’s not your type of thing,” he insisted.  “It doesn’t involve community service.”

            “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she asked, gritting her teeth.

            “You’re into helping people and I’m into blowing them up.”

            “So that means I can’t even hang out with you guys when you play?”

            “You can if you want to but trust me, you’d hate it.  It’s an experience in pain.  I don’t even enjoy it.  I just do it ‘cause it’s a tradition.  An obligation.  But it’s pain.  I mean, remember how you couldn’t even sit through Dune?  Well the game is like that except the special effects consist of shadow-puppets courtesy of Lee.”

            “Yeah, Lee, who you’ve known for about two nano seconds.  You invite him to play and now he’s so entrenched in the tradition he gets top billing. But I’ve never been invited once!  So I guess that really says it eh?  I just don’t fit in to your world.”

            “Uh…” he stammered.

            “And you obviously don’t fit in mine since you’ve never even tried.”

            “Um…”

            “So fine, whatever.  That’s pretty much why I think this has to end.”

            “Uh, what?”

            “I think we need to break up.”

            “Just because you haven’t seen Willy lose consciousness while Vani plots how to take over the world?” Karl asked incredulously.

            “You’re not even getting it.”

            “Look, if you wanna game, then game.  I really don’t care!”

            “No, you really don’t, eh Karl?  And that’s the problem.  You don’t care.  About anything.  Least of all me.”

            To anyone else Karl would have seemed unfazed but Sarah could detect the nuances in his facial ticks and she knew he was angry and forcing himself not to react.  But she wanted him to react.  She wanted sadness but even anger was better than nothing, if he’d just express it.

            “So you’re not even gonna say anything?” she asked desperately.

            “What should I say?”

            “Nothing I guess,” she sighed, turning on her heel and walking away.

Season 2 – Episode 5 – Act III

            Every once in a while the mess in the kitchen got to Shauna and she did the dishes.  It always made Stan happy when she did so but she wasn’t sure anymore that she wanted him to be happy.  She sort of preferred him when he was angry and annoyed.  Sure, he was scary that way but she was starting to feel like the two of them were in a war and the way to win was for the other one to be upset.  She was upset whenever he was home though she didn’t think he was aware of this.  She worked hard never to raise her voice, never to react to anything, just to be neutral and seemingly bored.  Life here was boring but it was also really, super crazy annoying and gross.  Shauna was so tired of Stan always being around and always touching her and stuff.

            After she finished the dishes, Stan dragged her to bed and did his thing all over her.  She always thought about other stuff when he was fucking her so she’d have the strength not to gauge out his eyeballs.  He was just so fat and hairy and stinky and yucky and he grunted and sweated and he always left her covered in disgusting grossness.  At least he’d stopped asking her to call him daddy or say and do other weird things.

            When he was done she went to the bathroom as usual and wiped off his cum.  She could hear that he’d turned on the TV and was watching one of his stupid game shows.  She’d have some time to herself.  She’d never really been a bath person before but it was a good excuse now to lock herself in the bathroom for an hour or so.  She sat in the hot water and lit a cigarette and picked at the scabs on her legs.  At first she’d shaved her legs to please him but she was way over that now.  She just scratched them now.  Scratched until they bled.  She’d do one leg at a time, propping it on the side of the tub and picking at it and them immersing it, turning the bath water pink.  She never really used her bath time to wash up and it had been ages since she’d scrubbed the tub itself but she always felt much cleaner when she was in the tub than when she was out of it. 

            Sarah felt like such a bad friend.  Cerise and Terry had been broken up for days and she hadn’t even known about it!  Why hadn’t Cerise told her?  Probably she was too upset to talk about it but still, it totally sucked to be so left out of the loop.  It was Karine who finally mentioned it, almost in passing, when Sarah wondered aloud why Cerise and Terry were never coming to lunch anymore.  And now Karine wasn’t coming to the Munch Box anymore either.  At first Sarah thought it was because she was so wrapped up in her play but it was probably because she had no interest in hanging out with the gang if Terry wasn’t around.  That was totally not cool!  Did Karine only hang out with them because of Terry?  Did she not consider Sarah to be an actual friend?  Did Cerise consider her to be an actual friend?  Apparently not!  What the hell?  When had all of Sarah’s friends become guys, more specifically Karl’s friends.  Was she really that girl now?  That girl who lets her life become all about her boyfriend?  And was Karl worth it?

            It was with this confusion and anger swirling in her head that Sarah told the others and Cerise and Terry’s breakup.  None of them seemed particularly surprised, except perhaps Vani who pronounced the situation mega.  That new guy Lee whom Sarah still wasn’t sure whether or not she liked wondered what was so mega about it and Vani explained that Terry and Cerise were like a Hollywood couple and had been together since high school and it was like a total thing.  Lee was unimpressed.  He was always unimpressed.  He was annoying, and kind of mean and always giving Cassie a hard time about her little activist group.  Cassie was cool.  Maybe she could become Sarah’s new BFF.  Maybe she should join her activist group and make that her new thing.

            Sarah definitely needed a new thing.  She wasn’t on any sports teams anymore and she wasn’t doing any extra-curricular activities besides her weekly volunteer work and her constant essay writing for scholarships and whatnot.  She was so bored these days.  Her classes were ok but nothing that was too much of a challenge and she was also kind of getting tired of Karl.  He was a good guy deep down and when they were alone he was always sweet to her but how come that didn’t translate to their public lives?  She was getting so sick of his robot act around the guys and it totally was an act.  He wasn’t like that at all when it was just the two of them.  Why did he feel the need to put on such an exaggerated persona?  Unless the way he was with her was the act.  Either way it sucked. 

            “Does this mean Terry will stop hanging out with us?” asked Vani, jarring Sarah back to reality. 

            They were all hanging out in Hochelaga, near Karl’s locker.  Why did it have to be near Karl’s locker?  Why not near Sarah’s?  Why did everything always have to be about him and what he wanted to do?  And how come she was never invited to those stupid game sessions he always had with the boys?!  Cerise went to them and now apparently Cassie was going too!  Why the hell couldn’t Sarah go?!  Like seriously, what the hell?

            “Seems to me like he’s already stopped hanging out with us,” said Karl in his smug voice of total smugitude. 

            “Thank god for that,” smirked Jay.

            “But how long will it last this time?” asked Willy, quite rightly.

            “Seriously, they’ll get back together and then he’ll be back, it’ll all be ok,” said Vani with relief.

            “God!” exclaimed Jay.  “Cerise is better off without him!  He was all, I’m so cool and she was all, yeah, you are.  And he was all, damn straight.  And she was all, oh Terry Dreamychavsky!  And he was all suck it, and now I have to throw up.”

            “Get over it, Jay-bird.  Terry rocks. He brought a certain respectability to our group that was severely lacking otherwise.”

            “Agreed,” said Sarah.  They all stared at her.  “Well it’s true!” she insisted.

            “Hey but maybe Terry needs comfort in his time of need.  Maybe he’ll want his boys to like, rally ‘round him and stuff.  We can be his bros!  I can finally be in a situation where I will come before a ho!”

            “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for the rest of us to control our gag reflexes when you speak, Vani?” asked Jay.

            “So why’d they break up this time?” asked Willy.

            It was funny how easy it was for Sarah to forget Willy was even around considering how obnoxious and fat he was.  Not to be like, a fat shamer or anything, but Willy seriously gave overweight people a bad name by being so generally unhygienic. 

            Sarah suddenly realized they were all staring at her.  “What?”

            “Why’d they break up?” asked Karl.  “Not that I care.”

            “Oh, ‘cause he’s started smoking again or something.  I dunno.”

            “That’s valid,” said Karl.

            Really?  Was it valid?  Sure smoking was gross but if you’re in a committed relationship you don’t break up with somebody because they have an addiction, you support them and help them quit… or not.  It actually was a pretty good reason.

            “That’s retardo-vision,” said Vani.  “True, smoking is retarded and anyone who smokes has issues, especially someone who smokes because they’re trying to be cool but they’re really just a poseur.  Willy.”

            “Whatever,” said Willy with a roll of his eyes.

            “But Cerise is way too hardcore about that,” Vani went on.  “Actually, being that hardcore is kinda cool.  You gotta admire someone with such intense convictions.”

            “Yeah and it’s good ‘cause now Cerise can start hanging out with us again,” smiled Jay.  “I mean, more, you know, like back in the day.  She can get back into the campaign and stuff.”

            “Not so much actually,” said Cassie.  “Our play is getting into the dress rehearsal stage so it’s like, we’re constantly rehearsing.  Pretty soon we’re gonna be busy every night.”

            “Oh right, Cerise and her stupid play thing,” grumbled Jay.  “She’s all like, I like acting, I like theatre… stuff…” he trailed off.  “Yeah, I got nothing.”

            “Well that’s all well and good but I personally don’t see what any of this has to do with salamanders growing extra limbs,” said Lee.

            Vani hopped around in his enthusiastic way.  “I know, right!  So cool!  Did you watch that video in bio?  Us too.  Soon we’ll be building a race of super humans who can regenerate at will!  Are you guys gonna see the new Spiderman movie or are we boycotting it?  ‘Cause I’m thinking maybe Spiderman is played out.  Maybe I feel some sort of misguided loyalty to Tobey Maguire.  I’m not sure why as he’s made of suckletron juice but somehow I just can’t see Stan Lee giving his stamp of excelsior on this one.”

            Sarah chose to tune out at that point. 

            “So then she really did break up with you because you won’t quit,” said Karine as she joined Terry outside of Casgrain.

            He had a cigarette planted between his lips and he was lazily puffing away.  He looked slightly embarrassed when Karine called him out on it and passed the cigarette to her.  She took a drag and offered it back to him but he shook his head so she kept it. 

            “So how you holding up?” she asked.

            He shrugged wordlessly.

            “How are your classes going?”

            “What is this?  Small talk?”

            “God, you always get pissed at me when you’re pissed at her!”

            He shrugged again.

            “You shouldn’t be all stressed out.  Don’t you have like a big game on Friday?”

            “Yeah.”

            “So relax then or you’ll just fuck it up.”

            “Ok, great advice, Karine.  Thanks.”  He rolled his eyes.

            “Ok fine, whatever.  I won’t ever talk again,” she pouted.

            “Do you think she’ll come?”

            “Huh?”

            “Do you think Cerise will come to the game?”

            Karine stared at Terry.  It was her turn to be silent.  She seriously had no response to that question.

            “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he sighed.

            It was completely undeniable that Cerise Laframboise had totally ruined Terry Trebichavsky.  If Karine could turn back time and ensure they’d never met she’d totally do it.

            Cassie and Janice motioned Cerise to join them as they hung out in the wings.  When she did they said they’d heard that she and Terry had broken up.  She confirmed that indeed, this was the case.

            “Are you like, totally on crack?” asked Janice.  “No matter what he did it can’t be that bad.  I mean guys as hot as Terry don’t normally exist outside of Photoshop.

            Cerise sighed and explained that she didn’t want to talk about it.

            “Ok so like, can I go out with him?” Janice asked with a smile.

            Cerise glared at her with undisguised contempt.

            “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” she laughed.  “Sorta.  I mean no I’m totally kidding.  Only not really.  I mean I’d never, unless you were cool with it.  So like, seriously, can I have a crack at him?”

            Cerise was honestly surprised Janice was even asking for permission.  “I’d rather you didn’t,” she said with a sigh.

            Janice’s face showed sympathy as she reasoned that Cerise was still into Terry.

            “Of course I am!” Cerise exclaimed.

            “Then get back with him!  If he’s single I can’t handle it!  It’s just too much of a temptation!  Do whatever it takes, Cerise!  Grovel if you have to!”

            “Janice, seriously, it’s complicated ok?  Just leave it alone please.”

            Janice made a guttural exclamation and walked off in a huff.  Cassie smiled awkwardly and informed Cerise that she’d been thinking of breaking up with Jonah.

            “What?  How come?” asked Cerise, glad for the change in subject.

            “There’s someone else I’m kind of into.”

            “Oh yeah?  Who?”

            “I’m kind of embarrassed to say,” she said cryptically.

            “Ok well, is he into you?”

            “I think so.”

            “Then go for it I guess.”           

            “You think?”

            “Well, if you’re embarrassed to say then maybe not.  But if you’re sure he likes you too then yeah I guess.  ‘Cause if not then you’ll just end up alone and bitter and you’ll become one of those crazy cat ladies who lives all locked up in a huge house with a million cats.”

            “Yeah,” Cassie nodded.

            “It’s a good thing I’m allergic to cats.”

            “They have antihistamines.”

            Cerise nodded, conceding the point.

            Karine already had the entire play memorized, even the lines that weren’t hers but she poured over the script anyway whenever she had a free moment.  She liked having the distraction; she liked having something to focus on.  So she was pretty annoyed when Cherry angel came along and sat next to her in the green room and asked if she’d heard the news?

            “What news?” she asked, trying to contain her irritation.  Karine supposed she was still technically friends with Cerise, even though she was no longer with Terry.  It would be no good to alienate her because if the past was anything to go by this latest break-up wouldn’t last forever.

            “That Terry and I broke up.”

            “Oh yeah, sorry to hear it.”  Karine tried to sound sincere but wasn’t convinced she’d nailed the performance.

            “It’s kind of a weird thing that happened, actually,” Cerise went on.

            Karine put down her script.  Clearly Cherry wanted to talk about it, though it was anyone’s guess why she was choosing Karine as her confidant.  Wouldn’t Sarah or Cassie be a better choice?  Why did Cherry always have to act like they were best buds?

            “Yeah it’s just like, well, I mean, did Terry tell you what happened?”

            “Sort of,” Karine shrugged.

            “What’d he say?”

            “You sure you wanna know?” asked Karine, realizing she now had an opportunity to hurt Cerise if she wanted to.  But she didn’t really want to hurt Cerise; she just wanted her out of the way.

            “Um yeah, I guess,” said Cerise.

            “Well he was majorly pissed.  Majorly.  He kept saying how you were being completely unreasonable.  And I mean, I don’t know all the details but from what he told me it’s like, yeah.  Pretty much Cerise.  I mean, you have to let him live his life.  Be who he wants to be.  Like chill on him you know?”

            Cerise stared at Karine in confusion.  What was she not getting?

            “Did he say anything more specific?”

            “I dunno, like I dunno.  What do you mean?  What did happen between you guys?”  She was genuinely curious now. 

            “Nothing, it’s just.  I mean… I guess I kind of like, you know...” she trailed off, looking supremely uncomfortable.

            Karine sighed.  “Ok well you know, it’s probably not such a bad thing for you guys to take some time apart.  I think Terry needs some time you know?  I think you should leave him alone for a while.”

            “So you don’t think I should go to his hockey game on Friday?”

            Karine paused for a second but then went on.  “No, I really don’t.  It would probably throw him off his game so…”

            “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

            Karine nodded.  She knew she was being a total bitch but fuck, it seriously would do Terry some good to get some space from his little cherry angel for a while.