Lately Terry had been waking up before his alarm but last night he’d slept like a rock. His phone blaring into his ear was an unwelcome interruption to a cool dream where he was flying over Africa.
He found his jizz-stained t-shirt on the floor and quickly tucked it into his duffel bag. So then, it had really happened, right? He and Cerise had hooked-up? Like they’d actually had full-on sex, and he’d even come inside her? It wasn’t just a dream?
When he got to the kitchen all the Laframboise ladies were there, including Cerise, who was eating peanut butter on toast.
“Morning,” he said.
“Oh my god!” squealed Jules. “What the fuck happened to your hands?!”
“Language,” counselled their mother.
“Sorry, what the fuck happened to your primary appendages?”
“Nothin’,” he shrugged. “Just hockey.”
“Sports are insane,” said Simone. “You know statistically speaking, athletes actually have lower I.Q.s than regular people ‘cause of all the brain damage from hitting their heads all the time. Like soccer players especially, ‘cause of how they do that like head-butt thing with the ball.”
“Well, no one’s ever accused me of being the brightest tool in the shed,” shrugged Terry. “Chicks still dig me though, so it’s all good.” He winked and grinned widely and they all laughed, even Angela.
He poured himself a bowl of cereal and then sat next to Cerise. At first she ignored him, like nothing had happened but he squeezed her knee under the table and she squealed and smacked him on the shoulder. They laughed and when she looked at him he could see it, for the first time ever he saw love in her eyes. Like for real, like in the movies or something. She looked at him the way Christina had always looked at him, like he was really important.
He couldn’t help it, he had to kiss her and it was only after he’d pulled away that he remembered everyone else in the room. Cerise seemed to recall at the same time and she turned red and looked around.
“So I guess you guys are back together, eh?” snarked Jules.
“Called it!” proclaimed Simone.
“Um, I uh, I can find somewhere else to live,” said Terry.
“You can still live here,” said Jules. “I mean right, mom? It’s no big deal, it’s not like they’re gonna be fucking all over the place or anything.”
“Julie!” exclaimed Cerise.
“I won’t even bother telling you to watch your language,” sighed their mom.
“Have you guys already done it?” asked Jules.
“God, none of your business!” whined Cerise, obviously embarrassed.
“That means they have,” smirked Jules. “God, I can’t believe you’ve actually had sex.” She turned to Terry. “Did you puke when you saw her naked?”
Terry was stunned, and had no idea how to respond. This was so weird.
“Have you guys been doing it this whole time? Do you like sneak up to her room at night?”
“Oh my god, Julie, shut up,” interrupted Simone. “Even if they do, it’s none of your business. Like you’ve never fucked a guy in your room.”
“Julie! You’re fifteen!” exclaimed Angela, burying her face in her hands.
“So what? Cerise is doing it!”
“I’m practically eighteen! Like, an adult. I can almost vote.”
Angela sighed and clutched her mug of coffee like it was a life-line. “Julie, Cerise is on the pill, she’s being responsible. Can you say the same?”
“Ok, so if I go on the pill can I do it in the house?”
Terry tried really hard not to picture Jules having sex with his brother, or with himself or with anyone. Angela shook her head in exasperation.
“Do you guys do it while the rest of us are home?” Jules went on.
Angela narrowed her eyes and smirked. “Your father and I used to make love all the time while you girls were home.”
“Oh gross!” said Cerise while Simone cringed.
“Moooommmm!” screeched Julie.
“Well how do you think you all came to be? It’s actually a funny story about how we named you, Cerise. The night you were conceived your father and I were eating cherries and...”
“Oh my god! I don’t wanna hear it! Like my name isn’t traumatic enough already?”
“So I guess this is reverse psychology?” frowned Jules. “You’re trying to make me never have sex ever again?”
“Sound strategy,” whistled Simone.
“I’m simply trying to have an honest and open discussion with my three daughters who have all become beautiful young women.”
“Right on,” said Terry, finally feeling that it was safe to speak. “I wouldn’t mind hearing the cherry story.”
“And we’re done!” said Cerise, standing up. “Terry, let’s get going.”
“Oh come now, Cerise,” Angela smiled sweetly. “I thought we were all mature adults. You said yourself you’re almost eighteen.”
“You can almost vote,” smirked Terry.
“You wanna go for breakup number four?” Cerise snarled.
“Oooh, too soon,” said Terry, clutching at this chest. He tried to play it like he was in on the joke, but it actually did kind of hurt.
“Ugh, I’m traumatized for life” whined Cerise as she dragged Terry out of the kitchen.
“Trippiest conversation ever,” he said while walking upstairs with her. “Your mom’s pretty cool though, you gotta admit.”
“I’m just glad I don’t live with my dad.”
This was seriously worse than living at Stan’s. All this fucking work was making Shauna completely suicidal! She was scrubbing the tub in her bathroom and had to admit the work itself wasn’t really that horrible, but having her mother hovering over her the whole time was making her nuts! And to make matters worse, her mother’s idea of a reward for a job well done was totally stupid: shopping.
They went to
Shauna was briefly horrified by the idea of someone seeing her with her mother
but the only alternative was being seen alone, which was probably worse. And it’s not like anyone’s opinion of her
could possibly get lower.
Oh god, oh god no! Now her mother was dragging her to one of those makeup counters and she wanted to give her a complete makeover. This was truly the most heinous experience of Shauna’s life. Well, next to the whole porta-potty thing. But it was definitely worse than getting frostbite on Cerise’s back porch.
Cerise and Terry were running through a meadow, wearing flouncy clothes and carrying wreaths of flowers. They ran into each other’s arms in slow motion and embraced, then twirled around, putting the wreaths on each other’s heads. Seriously, watching them make out in the halls was totally that sickening.
“So I guess Cerry are back together,” noted Sarah as she joined Karine in Casgrain. “Or should we call them Terise?”
“Terise is better,” Karine replied, trying not to show her disgust.
“Well good for them!”
“Yep, good for them.”
“They seem so happy,” Sarah beamed.
“They look like a fucking toothpaste commercial.”
The two love-birds finally dislodged their tongues from each other’s mouths and joined Karine and Sarah. Terry’s hands were all wrapped up in gauze and Sarah asked him what had happened.
“Just hockey,” he shrugged, meeting Karine’s eye for a second and then looking away.
“You didn’t have a game yesterday,” Karine said. Like she didn’t know what had really happened.
“It was during practice,” he responded.
“You fight even with your own team?” asked Sarah.
“It’s my job,” he shrugged again.
“So you guys are back together?” Sarah changed the subject.
“Yeah!” they said in unison and then giggled and kissed.
“Oh, you guys are so cute!” laughed Sarah.
“Punchotronic,” sang Vani as Terry and the others joined the gang at the Munch Box. “Total punchotronic.” He danced around Terry. “I mean, you’ve been Punchy McPunchotron, right? Hence the hands?”
“It happens,” Terry shrugged. He’d been getting minor hockey injuries his whole life and no one ever noticed. How come now all of a sudden his taped-up hands were like a flashing neon sign?
“And you say you’re not a goon,” snorted stupid Jason Harris and his stupid poseur hair.
“I never said I wasn’t a goon,” Terry glowered, pushing Jay out of his chair and onto the floor. It was a dick move, but everyone laughed. As he sat down in Jay’s seat, Terry restrained himself from tossing Jay’s lunch on the floor, but he did push it aside and put his own lunch down.
“You’re so Captain Kirk,” laughed Vani.
Jay picked himself up and stood to eat the rest of his food, since there weren’t enough seats. Cerise sat on Terry’s lap, which caused everyone’s eyebrows to raise.
“You guys into seat conservation, or you back together?” asked Vani.
“They’re back together,” smiled Sarah, who was sharing a seat with Cassie, while Karine sat on the edge of the table. “We’re calling them Terise from now on.”
“So was this hockey related?” asked Vani, delicately lifting one of Terry’s wrists.
“We always punch each other during warm up. It’s a whole thing,” Terry smirked.
“Seriously? Wow, that’s so cool! I wish I was big enough to play hockey. And could skate. And you know, could master the ancient art of coordination.”
They all chuckled but Sarah went on a rant about how hockey is stupid because it’s so brutal. Karl agreed and said pretty much the same thing Simone had, about brain damage and stuff.
“No way, man, Terry’s cool,” smiled Vani. “He’s like, the physical manifestation of all my characters. Except you know, he hasn’t killed anyone, or conquered any worlds, and he doesn’t live in fear of being assassinated and as far as I know he doesn’t have a harem of concubines. Although you could argue…”
They all stared at Vani.
“I’ve said too much,” he whispered.
They all kept talking about whatever the hell, but Terry couldn’t concentrate on the conversation. Not with Cerise on his lap. He couldn’t wait ‘till the day was over so they could go to his place and… oh wait, he didn’t have a place anymore. Would they be able to fool around at her house? What if Jules or Simone were home? Would Cerise be comfortable doing stuff with them around? Angela usually worked late but what if she didn’t? Maybe they could go to Terry’s dad’s house in secret. His dad never got home before 7, 6 at the earliest. And Evan and Joey usually got home pretty late too, but even if they got home early they wouldn’t go to the basement, so if Terry and Cerise were quiet enough…
“Right, Terry?” said Vani, nudging Terry in the exact spot where he had that bruise on his ribs.
“Ow, dude,” Terry winced.
“Did I actually hurt you?” Vani seemed elated.
“He got hit there,” Cerise explained.
“So brutal,” Sarah rolled her eyes.
“No shit,” Karl snickered.
“Goon,” Jay mumbled.
Terry shot him a death glare and Jay averted his eyes. But he kinda had a point, didn’t he? It was a total Neanderthal move to beat someone up no matter how much he deserved it. And hockey was kind of a Neanderthal sport. None of these nerds understood the amount of skill and strategy involved but it’s not like Terry ever came up with amazing plays. All he essentially did was skate around and push dudes into the boards. He was a goon.
Maybe he should quit hockey. That would leave him with way more time for hanging out with Cerise. And it’s not like he particularly liked the game. He liked to skate and he liked the camaraderie with his fellow players (even though they could sometimes be dicks) and he really enjoyed the attention he got from girls – but the game itself wasn’t that great. It wasn’t bad. It was exciting and fun enough but it certainly wasn’t Terry’s passion.
What was his passion? Maybe he needed to find something to do in life that would really get him going. The only thing he could think of that he really loved was Cerise. And sex. And having sex with Cerise was pretty much the penultimate. Last night had been awesome. Well, sort of awesome. If he was being strictly truthful he’d admit that it hadn’t been the best sexual experience of his life. The first time he’d gone down on her, that had been better, probably because he’d given her an orgasm. Last night was good, but there had been an awkwardness to it. They were both nervous about getting caught, and it had been rushed. He’d liked that she’d been on top though.
Watching her move around, trying to find the positions that felt good was a total turn-on. But it’s almost like she’d been constantly distracted, or in a hurry to get it over with. He hoped she’d hadn’t done it just to make sure they were back together, or to prove she loved him or something. He wanted her to want it as much as he did. That was probably impossible since it was unlikely that anyone on the planet wanted sex as much as he did, but still. He wanted her to want it as much as was possible for a girl. Was that sexist? That Janice chick seemed to want sex as much as he did even though she presumably had two X chromosomes. Woah, check it, he totally remembered something he’d learned in bio. Or was it dudes who had XX and chicks had XY? Whatever, he was horny, and chicks could be horny too and he had no reason to believe Cerise wasn’t genuinely into getting it on with him.
Yeah, he was totally gonna take her to his dad’s house this afternoon, even if the whole family was home.