Lately
Terry had been waking up before his alarm but last night he’d slept like a rock. His phone blaring into his ear was an
unwelcome interruption to a cool dream where he was flying over Africa.
He found
his jizz-stained t-shirt on the floor and quickly tucked it into his duffel bag. So then, it had really happened, right? He and Cerise had hooked-up? Like they’d actually had full-on sex, and
he’d even come inside her? It wasn’t
just a dream?
When he got
to the kitchen all the Laframboise ladies were there, including Cerise, who was
eating peanut butter on toast.
“Morning,”
he said.
“Oh my
god!” squealed Jules. “What the fuck
happened to your hands?!”
“Language,”
counselled their mother.
“Sorry,
what the fuck happened to your primary appendages?”
“Nothin’,”
he shrugged. “Just hockey.”
“Sports are
insane,” said Simone. “You know
statistically speaking, athletes actually have lower I.Q.s than regular people
‘cause of all the brain damage from hitting their heads all the time. Like soccer players especially, ‘cause of how
they do that like head-butt thing with the ball.”
“Well, no
one’s ever accused me of being the brightest tool in the shed,” shrugged
Terry. “Chicks still dig me though, so
it’s all good.” He winked and grinned
widely and they all laughed, even Angela.
He poured
himself a bowl of cereal and then sat next to Cerise. At first she ignored him, like nothing had
happened but he squeezed her knee under the table and she squealed and smacked
him on the shoulder. They laughed and
when she looked at him he could see it, for the first time ever he saw love in
her eyes. Like for real, like in the
movies or something. She looked at him
the way Christina had always looked at him, like he was really important.
He couldn’t
help it, he had to kiss her and it was only after he’d pulled away that he
remembered everyone else in the room.
Cerise seemed to recall at the same time and she turned red and looked
around.
“So I guess
you guys are back together, eh?” snarked Jules.
“Called
it!” proclaimed Simone.
“Um, I uh,
I can find somewhere else to live,” said Terry.
“You can
still live here,” said Jules. “I mean
right, mom? It’s no big deal, it’s not
like they’re gonna be fucking all over the place or anything.”
“Julie!”
exclaimed Cerise.
“I won’t
even bother telling you to watch your language,” sighed their mom.
“Have you
guys already done it?” asked Jules.
“God, none
of your business!” whined Cerise, obviously embarrassed.
“That means
they have,” smirked Jules. “God, I can’t
believe you’ve actually had sex.” She
turned to Terry. “Did you puke when you
saw her naked?”
Terry was
stunned, and had no idea how to respond.
This was so weird.
“Have you
guys been doing it this whole time? Do
you like sneak up to her room at night?”
“Oh my god,
Julie, shut up,” interrupted Simone.
“Even if they do, it’s none of your business. Like you’ve never fucked a guy in your room.”
“Julie! You’re fifteen!” exclaimed Angela, burying
her face in her hands.
“So
what? Cerise is doing it!”
“I’m
practically eighteen! Like, an
adult. I can almost vote.”
Angela
sighed and clutched her mug of coffee like it was a life-line. “Julie, Cerise is on the pill, she’s being
responsible. Can you say the same?”
“Ok, so if
I go on the pill can I do it in the house?”
Terry tried
really hard not to picture Jules having sex with his brother, or with himself or
with anyone. Angela shook her head in
exasperation.
“Do you
guys do it while the rest of us are home?” Jules went on.
Angela
narrowed her eyes and smirked. “Your
father and I used to make love all the time while you girls were home.”
“Oh gross!”
said Cerise while Simone cringed.
“Moooommmm!”
screeched Julie.
“Well how
do you think you all came to be? It’s
actually a funny story about how we named you, Cerise. The night you were conceived your father and
I were eating cherries and...”
“Oh my
god! I don’t wanna hear it! Like my name isn’t traumatic enough already?”
“So I guess
this is reverse psychology?” frowned Jules.
“You’re trying to make me never have sex ever again?”
“Sound
strategy,” whistled Simone.
“I’m simply
trying to have an honest and open discussion with my three daughters who have
all become beautiful young women.”
“Right on,”
said Terry, finally feeling that it was safe to speak. “I wouldn’t mind hearing the cherry story.”
“And we’re
done!” said Cerise, standing up. “Terry,
let’s get going.”
“Oh come
now, Cerise,” Angela smiled sweetly. “I
thought we were all mature adults. You
said yourself you’re almost eighteen.”
“You can
almost vote,” smirked Terry.
“You wanna
go for breakup number four?” Cerise snarled.
“Oooh, too
soon,” said Terry, clutching at this chest.
He tried to play it like he was in on the joke, but it actually did kind
of hurt.
“Ugh, I’m
traumatized for life” whined Cerise as she dragged Terry out of the kitchen.
“Trippiest
conversation ever,” he said while walking upstairs with her. “Your mom’s pretty cool though, you gotta
admit.”
“I’m just
glad I don’t live with my dad.”
“No shit.”
This was
seriously worse than living at Stan’s.
All this fucking work was making Shauna completely suicidal! She was scrubbing the tub in her bathroom and
had to admit the work itself wasn’t really that horrible, but having her mother
hovering over her the whole time was making her nuts! And to make matters worse, her mother’s idea
of a reward for a job well done was totally stupid: shopping.
They went
to Fairview and
Shauna was briefly horrified by the idea of someone seeing her with her mother
but the only alternative was being seen alone, which was probably worse. And it’s not like anyone’s opinion of her
could possibly get lower.
Oh god, oh
god no! Now her mother was dragging her
to one of those makeup counters and she wanted to give her a complete
makeover. This was truly the most
heinous experience of Shauna’s life.
Well, next to the whole porta-potty thing. But it was definitely worse than getting
frostbite on Cerise’s back porch.
Cerise and
Terry were running through a meadow, wearing flouncy clothes and carrying
wreaths of flowers. They ran into each
other’s arms in slow motion and embraced, then twirled around, putting the
wreaths on each other’s heads.
Seriously, watching them make out in the halls was totally that
sickening.
“So I guess
Cerry are back together,” noted Sarah as she joined Karine in Casgrain. “Or should we call them Terise?”
“Terise is
better,” Karine replied, trying not to show her disgust.
“Well good
for them!”
“Yep, good
for them.”
“They seem
so happy,” Sarah beamed.
“They look
like a fucking toothpaste commercial.”
The two
love-birds finally dislodged their tongues from each other’s mouths and joined
Karine and Sarah. Terry’s hands were all
wrapped up in gauze and Sarah asked him what had happened.
“Just
hockey,” he shrugged, meeting Karine’s eye for a second and then looking away.
“You didn’t
have a game yesterday,” Karine said.
Like she didn’t know what had really happened.
“It was
during practice,” he responded.
“You fight
even with your own team?” asked Sarah.
“It’s my
job,” he shrugged again.
“So you
guys are back together?” Sarah changed
the subject.
“Yeah!” they
said in unison and then giggled and kissed.
“Oh, you
guys are so cute!” laughed Sarah.
Barf.
“Punchotronic,”
sang Vani as Terry and the others joined the gang at the Munch Box. “Total punchotronic.” He danced around Terry. “I mean, you’ve been Punchy McPunchotron,
right? Hence the hands?”
“It
happens,” Terry shrugged. He’d been
getting minor hockey injuries his whole life and no one ever noticed. How come now all of a sudden his taped-up
hands were like a flashing neon sign?
“And you
say you’re not a goon,” snorted stupid Jason Harris and his stupid poseur hair.
“I never
said I wasn’t a goon,” Terry glowered, pushing Jay out of his chair and onto
the floor. It was a dick move, but
everyone laughed. As he sat down in
Jay’s seat, Terry restrained himself from tossing Jay’s lunch on the floor, but
he did push it aside and put his own lunch down.
“You’re so
Captain Kirk,” laughed Vani.
Jay picked
himself up and stood to eat the rest of his food, since there weren’t enough
seats. Cerise sat on Terry’s lap, which
caused everyone’s eyebrows to raise.
“You guys
into seat conservation, or you back together?” asked Vani.
“They’re
back together,” smiled Sarah, who was sharing a seat with Cassie, while Karine
sat on the edge of the table. “We’re
calling them Terise from now on.”
“So was
this hockey related?” asked Vani, delicately lifting one of Terry’s wrists.
“We always
punch each other during warm up. It’s a
whole thing,” Terry smirked.
“Seriously?
Wow, that’s so cool! I wish I was big enough to play hockey. And could skate. And you know, could master the ancient art of
coordination.”
They all
chuckled but Sarah went on a rant about how hockey is stupid because it’s so
brutal. Karl agreed and said pretty much
the same thing Simone had, about brain damage and stuff.
“No way,
man, Terry’s cool,” smiled Vani. “He’s like,
the physical manifestation of all my characters. Except you know, he hasn’t killed anyone, or
conquered any worlds, and he doesn’t live in fear of being assassinated and as
far as I know he doesn’t have a harem of concubines. Although you could argue…”
They all
stared at Vani.
“I’ve said
too much,” he whispered.
They all
kept talking about whatever the hell, but Terry couldn’t concentrate on the
conversation. Not with Cerise on his
lap. He couldn’t wait ‘till the day was
over so they could go to his place and… oh wait, he didn’t have a place
anymore. Would they be able to fool
around at her house? What if Jules or
Simone were home? Would Cerise be
comfortable doing stuff with them around?
Angela usually worked late but what if she didn’t? Maybe they could go to Terry’s dad’s house in
secret. His dad never got home before 7,
6 at the earliest. And Evan and Joey
usually got home pretty late too, but even if they got home early they wouldn’t
go to the basement, so if Terry and Cerise were quiet enough…
“Right,
Terry?” said Vani, nudging Terry in the exact spot where he had that bruise on
his ribs.
“Ow, dude,”
Terry winced.
“Did I
actually hurt you?” Vani seemed elated.
“He got hit
there,” Cerise explained.
“So
brutal,” Sarah rolled her eyes.
“No shit,”
Karl snickered.
“Goon,” Jay
mumbled.
Terry shot
him a death glare and Jay averted his eyes.
But he kinda had a point, didn’t he?
It was a total Neanderthal move to beat someone up no matter how much he
deserved it. And hockey was kind of a
Neanderthal sport. None of these nerds
understood the amount of skill and strategy involved but it’s not like Terry ever
came up with amazing plays. All he
essentially did was skate around and push dudes into the boards. He was
a goon.
Maybe he
should quit hockey. That would leave him
with way more time for hanging out with Cerise.
And it’s not like he particularly liked the game. He liked to skate and he liked the
camaraderie with his fellow players (even though they could sometimes be dicks)
and he really enjoyed the attention he got from girls – but the game itself
wasn’t that great. It wasn’t bad. It was exciting and fun enough but it
certainly wasn’t Terry’s passion.
What was
his passion? Maybe he needed to find
something to do in life that would really get him going. The only thing he could think of that he
really loved was Cerise. And sex. And having sex with Cerise was pretty much
the penultimate. Last night had been
awesome. Well, sort of awesome. If he was being strictly truthful he’d admit
that it hadn’t been the best sexual experience of his life. The first time he’d gone down on her, that
had been better, probably because he’d given her an orgasm. Last night was good, but there had been an
awkwardness to it. They were both
nervous about getting caught, and it had been rushed. He’d liked that she’d been on top though.
Watching her move around, trying to find the positions that felt good
was a total turn-on. But it’s almost
like she’d been constantly distracted, or in a hurry to get it over with. He hoped she’d hadn’t done it just to make
sure they were back together, or to prove she loved him or something. He wanted her to want it as much as he
did. That was probably impossible since
it was unlikely that anyone on the planet wanted sex as much as he did, but
still. He wanted her to want it as much
as was possible for a girl. Was that
sexist? That Janice chick seemed to want
sex as much as he did even though she presumably had two X chromosomes. Woah, check it, he totally remembered
something he’d learned in bio. Or was it
dudes who had XX and chicks had XY?
Whatever, he was horny, and chicks could be horny too and he had no
reason to believe Cerise wasn’t genuinely into getting it on with him.
Yeah, he was totally gonna take
her to his dad’s house this afternoon, even if the whole family was home.
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