Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Season 3 – Episode 2 – Act III

Terry locked up the bakery and they all dispersed for the night.  Sarah took off with Paul while Karl drove Vani and Willy.  Jay was about to take off alone when Karine asked if she could get a lift with him.  That was weird.  Since when did Karine want to ride with Jay and his stupid hair?
            “I can give you a lift,” Terry offered.
            “It’s ok, no need to go out of your way,” snarked Karine.  “I know how much you hate doing anything for anyone who isn’t Cerise.”
            “Yeah right,” groaned Cerise.  “But actually yeah, I can catch a lift with Jay and Terry can take you home.”
            “Isn’t Terry staying with you tonight?” asked Karine.
            “Yeah,” Terry nodded.  “But I can meet her there ten minutes later.  It’s not like your place is that far out of the way.”
            “Just fucking go home with your Cherry angel.  Jay can give me a lift.”
            “But Jay and I live next to each other,” reasoned Cerise.  “Why should he go all the way to your place first?”
            “Why should Terry?”
            “Yeah, um,” Jay and his stupid hair finally piped up. “You two lovebirds go on home.  I’m in no rush, I’ll drive Karine home.”  They all looked at him and after a beat he kept rambling.  “I mean driving around is totally my thing these days.  I take Cassie home and then I take Karine home.  And then I take myself home.  And stray cats if I spot any.  Hitchhikers and whatnot.”
            “Sucks that Cassie always has to go home so early.  It’s stupid that you have to drive her and then come back,” said Cerise.
            “Yeah, I guess,” admitted Jay.  “Was my Nazi joke really that bad?  ‘Cause she was like uber pissed.  All like sulking all the way home.”
            “I think she was more upset about Janice getting all in her face,” suggested Cerise.
            “Then how come she took it out on me?” whined Jay.
            “Welcome to the wonderful world of women,” Terry snarked and then regretted it two seconds later as Karine and Cerise glared at him.
            “I don’t do shit like that,” Cerise protested.
            “You do equally weird shit,” Terry shrugged.
            “Whatever, like you’re always Mr. Logical,” scoffed Cerise.
            “I don’t think Cassie was pissed at Janice,” said Karine.  “She was pissed at you, Jay.  And with good reason.  Janice was all saying shit about how she could get you no problem and how like you’d dump Cassie as soon as you tasted Janice’s meat or whatever.  And you said shit-all.  You just sat there like not even defending your relationship with Cassie.  I bet that made her feel like shit.”
            “Yeah, good point,” nodded Cerise.  “You suck, Jay.”
            “I’ve always thought so,” Terry said with a grin.
            “Whatever fuck!” Jay spurted out.  “God, girls are so much work!”
            “No shit,” Terry muttered under his breath and Cerise glared at him.
            “I really don’t think Cassie is that high-maintenance.  You’re just an asshole,” countered Cerise.  “And I’m not high-maintenance either, you fucking dipshit!”  She playfully swatted at Terry’s arm while he chuckled.
            “Whether she’s high-maintenance or not isn’t the issue,” said Karine.  “If you’re not into her then you’re not into her.”
            “Well I’m into her,” said Jay without a trace of conviction.
            “Doesn’t seem like it,” shrugged Karine.
            “Well I mean, she can be annoying but she’s still, you know…”
            “Female,” smiled Terry.
            “Yeah, pretty much,” agreed Jay.
            Cerise sighed and rolled her eyes.  “Cassie is a perfectly nice girl!”
            “Yeah but if he’s not into her then… I mean it’s like I was telling Willy,” said Terry.  “There comes a time when you want more than a warm place to stick your dick.”  Cerise stared at Terry with disgust.  “If you don’t like her for real then fucking find someone you do like!”
            “Seriously,” agreed Karine.
            Terry instantly regretted his advice.  He really didn’t want Karine to hook up with Jay and his stupid hair, though he couldn’t really say why not.  Cerise looked from Jay to Karine and back to Jay, perhaps divining what was really going on here. 
            After a bit more back and forth, Jay drove Karine home and Terry drove in silence as he went to Cerise’s.  God, why did she even like Jay?  He was such a dork!  Why did Karine like him?  Why would any chick like such a sack of shit?!  Maybe if Karine got together with Jay it would be good for his relationship with Cerise ‘cause she’d finally stop caring about him.  No, that made no sense.  Somehow Terry knew that Cerise would only be annoyed and perhaps even jealous if Karine hooked up with Jay.  But why should she be jealous if she was dating Terry?  Wasn’t Terry a million times better than a loser like Jay?  Cerise only liked him as a friend, right?  God, seriously, why the fuck would anyone ever be into Jason fucking Harris!  It made no fucking sense!

            “Ugh!  It’s so depressing!” hollered Janice as she burst into the bakery, still wearing her Bonne Glace uniform.
            “Oh shut up already,” replied Karine, who’d changed into a tank top and shorts that were so short they were practically panties.  She looked way hot.
            Jay looked at Cassie, hoping she didn’t have telepathic powers.  While driving Karine home last night, Jay had almost worked up the nerve to ask her out but then he’d pussied out and said nothing.  He knew Karine wouldn’t hook up with him until he dumped Cassie, but he didn’t want to risk dumping her if Karine wasn’t a sure thing.  Then again, even the possibility of Karine was better than the reality of anyone else.  Still, what if she rejected him anyway?  Even though she was hot, she was also undeniably bitchy and into trickery and shit.
“What’s depressing?” asked Sarah as she bit into a slice of pizza.  They’d ordered three larges but clearly that wasn’t enough.  Everyone seemed to be voracious tonight. 
Terry Trebigiantpigsky had eaten like a billion slices and Vani kept trying to match his pace.  They were going to end up ordering poutine as well, just like they did every night.  It was a mystery why they didn’t just order the poutine upfront, rather than waiting an hour.  Then again, if they ordered it right away it would be cold and gross by the time they got to it.  Perhaps their dinner ordering system wasn’t so bad after all.  Still, they were in a freaking bakery, shouldn’t they eat bakery food, like sandwiches or whatever?  But Jay supposed Vani and Terry Trebitotalcowardsky were too afraid of Brown to dip into his inventory or something.
            “Oh my god, way to like leave none at all you assholes,” said Karine as she peered into a near empty pizza box.
            “School starts in like no time at all!” wailed Janice.  “It totally sucks!”
            “I like school,” shrugged Sarah as she shared her slice with Karine.
            “You’re such a fucking nerd,” scoffed Janice.
            “I’m sure she’ll remember you said that when she’s running a Fortune 500 company and you’re still slinging ice-cream,” said Karl with a hint of a smile.
            “Yeah seriously,” agreed Paul.  “smart chicks are hot.”
            Karl and Sarah exchanged a look but Jay couldn’t decipher what it meant.  In an instant the moment had passed and Karine was talking about how she too was looking forward to going back to school because she was eager to do another play.  Janice admitted that Theatre Workshop was cool and Cerise and Cassie seconded that motion. 
            Jay was about to offer his two cents about how school totally sucked but then Furry Jenn walked into the bakery looking a bit more morose than usual.
            “Oh god, if it isn’t little Miss underage,” snarked Janice.
            Jenn ignored the insult and told Willy she needed to speak to him.
            “So talk,” he burped.
            “Like, in private.”
            “Just a sec.  I’m eating.”
            Jenn totally flipped out.  “You’re always eating!  I wanna talk to you now!”
            “Fucking chill, dude!” barked Willy.
            “You fucking chill you fucking asshole! I wanna talk to you right now!”
            “Ok fuck!”  Willy yelled, stuffing the last of his pizza in his mouth and stomping outside with Jenn.
            “What the fuck?” said Karine as she went to the window to watch Willy and Jenn gesticulate at each other.
            They all followed suit, looking out the window and not even trying to be subtle about it.  They weren’t talking loud enough for the gang to hear but Jenn was waving her arms around, clearly upset and Willy kept shrugging as though he couldn’t care less about what she was saying. 
            “Whoa! This is way juicy!” laughed Janice.
            “For once I must agree with the ice-cream slinger.  ‘Tis indeed a situation of much juice,” nodded Vani.
            “I wonder what’s going on!” said Sarah.
            “Maybe she finally realized she’s going out with Willy,” suggested Karl.
            Willy took his wallet out of his jeans and took out some money, handing it over to Jenn.
            “What the… is he paying her for her services?” asked Jay.
            “That would explain a lot,” said Karl.
            Jenn took the money and then threw it on the ground, yelling loudly enough for them to hear her call Willy a fucking asshole.  Ignoring the money on the ground he stomped back into the bakery and they all looked around nonchalantly, Vani even going so far as to whistle a tune.  
Jenn rushed inside and kept yelling.  “So that’s it?  You don’t even fucking care?”
“What do you want me to do?” he asked.
“I want you to give the slightest fuck!  You think you can throw money at me and I’ll go away?”
“Isn’t that usually how it works with whores?”
Janice snickered but Jenn looked destroyed.  Her eyes darted around the bakery and they all avoided eye contact, or at least Jay did.  Jenn started to cry and then ran outside.  She stopped to pick up the discarded cash and then rushed off. 
“So what the fuck was that?” asked Jay.
“I dunno,” shrugged Willy, peering into the empty pizza boxes.
“What happened?” asked Cerise.
“She’s just pissed ‘cause I dumped her ass.”
“Well good riddance,” smiled Janice.
“Why would you dump her?” asked Vani in confusion.
“Well, it’s like Terry said…” Willy trailed off with a shrug.
“I didn’t say you should make her feel like shit,” objected Terry Trebitotallyhisfaultsky.
“Why not?” asked Janice.  “That girls needs a wakeup call.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to shit up her shitty life even more,” said Cerise with great concern.
“Whatever, I say good riddance to bad skank-head,” said Janice.
“That’s like way harsh,” said Sarah and Cassie agreed.
“Well, that’s that I suppose,” said Vani with finality.  “As much as I get why she had to go I’m still amazed you had the balls to break up with her.”
“Why?” asked Karl.  “Willy has a well established history of being an asshole.”
“Yeah but he was getting some,” reasoned Vani.
“There’s more to life than getting some,” shrugged Willy.
“Really?” asked Vani with surprising surprise.
“Why are you all surprised?” asked Terry TrebiactuallyonthesamepageasJaysky.  “You’re the one who values gaming over chicks.  You’re always saying how relationships are dumb and people should just get jiggy and then be done with it.
“Yeah but you said it’s all about regular jig.  And you seem to enjoy the shackles of Cerise’s cherry love.”
Terry Trebiprobablynotsmartenoughtoknowthewordshacklessky just laughed and shrugged while Cerise gave Vani an annoyed look.
Cassie seemed equally peeved, which was so like her.  She started saying stuff about how relationships were hard work but they were worth it ‘cause it wasn’t just about regular jig but like about emotional support and shit like that.  Jay couldn’t help but wonder if Cassie’s definition of emotional support was being driven around like Miss Daisy whenever she wanted.  But then out loud he was like, “yeah.”
Karine seemed to sense what he was thinking and chuckled to herself.  When Cassie asked what was funny she smiled wickedly and asked Jay to elaborate on how relationships were worth it.
Before he could say anything Vani saved him with an insult, sarcastically accusing him of being a relationship guru.  “You’re so fucking wise, oh great one, please do impart your wisdom.”
“Shut up,” huffed Jay.
“No really, let us know how you’re rocking your relationship with Cavity, as she clearly thinks you’re da bomb!”
“Ok, enough,” said Cassie with a giggle.  “He’s not that bad.”
“Yeah, Jay wasn’t the worst boyfriend I ever had,” said Sarah. “No wait, I think he actually was.”
“Hoohoo!” Vani perked up.  “I think I can guess your ranking.  Jay, then Karl, then Popo, from worst to best.”
“Pretty much,” agreed Sarah, eliciting a wide grin from Paul and no reaction at all from Karl.
“You were such a fool to break up with this one,” Vani said to Jay, jerking his thumb at Sarah.
“What?” Sarah snapped.  “He didn’t break up with me!  I broke up with him!”
“Intriguing,” said Vani, cupping his chin in his hand and regarding Jay with interest.
“I knew you’d never have the guts to dump a girl,” said Willy.  “We should go through with that expulsion!”
“What expulsion?” asked Sarah suspiciously.
“Oh yeah, didn’t you know?” asked Willy.  “Karl was all torn up about you and Jay rubbing genitals so like we told Jay if he didn’t dump you we’d expulse him.”
Everyone looked at everyone else, perhaps trying to decide if the story was true.  Damn Willy for being such a tattletale.
“Well I guess you learn something new everyday,” said Sarah with a smile.
They all nodded and Terry Trebifinallyusefulforoncesky broke the tension by suggesting their order some poutine.

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