Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Season 3 - Episode 2 - Act II

            “How come no one is dancing with me?” asked Furry Jenn as she twirled around the bakery, not even slightly on rhythm with the music.
            Everyone was there but she was the only one dancing.  She was so clueless Karine almost felt bad for her.  Almost.  Mostly she wanted to throttle her. 
            “Come on, dance with me!” she whined, jumping around the table occupied by Karine and the girls, who were painting each other’s fingernails with stripes and polka-dots.
            “We’re busy doing other stuff!” Janice barked.
            “Like what?” asked Furry.
            “Like avoiding you!” Janice snapped, eliciting snickers from the others.
            Jenn stuck out her tongue like a three-year-old and called them party-poopers.  She then proceeded to remove her shirt, revealing a child’s bikini top underneath.  God it was so embarrassing.
            “Ugh, I hate her so much,” whispered Janice.  “She’s always stealing my shtick.”
            “So now do you see?” asked Karine in an equally hushed tone.  “This is what you look like when you do it.”
            “No I don’t!  I was never even that flat as a child!”
            “So mean,” said Cerise.
            “Come on, Cerise,” complained Karine.  “You didn’t have to put up with this shit all summer.  We’re all like totally over it.”
            “She’s super annoying,” confirmed Sarah as Cassie nodded, echoing Karine’s thoughts as she noted that the bikini top was probably procured in the kiddie section at Zellers. 

            “I just wish she would stop stripping all the time,” said Karl with a sigh.
            “It is distracting,” nodded Vani as he stared at Furry Jenn and her jiggles. 
            No, scratch that, there was nothing jiggly on Jenn.  She was just skin and bones and lack of boobs.  She had nice abs though.  But if you were to block out her head you’d totally think it was Vani dancing around in a bra.  To test the theory Jay held up his palm, hiding her head.
            “If you block out her head she looks like Vani in a bra, except white,” he snickered.
            They all held up their hands, even Terry Trebiwhywasheevensittingattheir-tableifhewans’tgoingtogamewiththemsky?
            “Totally,” agreed Vani as he hid her face with his hand.  “Except she’s taller.”
            “And more muscular,” said Willy, also holding up his hand.  “We should experiment further.  You should both get naked and then we’ll see the difference.”
            “Poor girl,” sighed Paul, that guy Sarah was dating.  He was sitting next to Terry Trebialwayswearingtightshirtslatelysky and they were talking about boring shit like cars and sports while the guys gamed. 
            “I know,” nodded Terry Trebigogetmeabeerisn’tthatyourjobsky.  “It’s like embarrassing.  I mean you know, like I’m embarrassed for her.”
            “Exactly,” agreed Karl.  “It’s like we get it, you’re female, stop shoving it in our faces.”
            “I like it when she shoves her femaleness in my face,” smirked Willy and they all groaned in response.
            “Though I must admit I initially found her to be amusing, and a breath of fresh air, ever since she got jiggy with Willy I find her tiresome,” said Vani.  “She’s even worse than Janice.”
            “Janice is at least aware of what she’s doing when she’s all sexual and shit,” noted Terry Trebigodjuststoptalkingsky.  “I mean Janice doesn’t play games, she’s not coy, you know?  She’s just straight up.  But Jenn is trying too hard.  She’s like a kid playing dress up.  She doesn’t know she’s making a fool of herself.”
            “Seriously,” agreed Paul.  “She’s just not sexy.”
            “I think she’s sexy,” countered Willy.
            “That’s a whole other issue,” snarked Terry Trebithinkshecanbefunnysky.
            “Hah!  Yeah, you tell him Terry,” smiled Vani.  “I mean, what do you mean?”
            “Well what, isn’t it obvious?” asked Terry Trebijustgettothepointsky.
            “Mega obvious!” agreed Vani.  “What’s obvious?”
            “Willy’s just doing Jenn ‘cause she’s willing, not ‘cause he actually digs her.  I mean sometimes you just gotta dip your wick, you know, when you’re totally immature.  But you might wanna think twice next time, Willy.”
            “Yeah!” nodded Vani.  “’Cause… Why should he think twice?”
            “The girl is fifteen!  And you’re eighteen!  It’s fucked up to be with her.”
            “That’s only three years difference,” said Willy with a roll of his eyes.
            Jay didn’t say anything but he also found the age difference to be negligible. Terry Trebihypocritesky said it was a huge difference because an eighteen year-old was an adult and Willy was in cegep while Jenn was still just a naïve high schooler.
            “So like you’ve never fucked a fifteen-year-old?” snorted Willy.
            “Yeah, but I was fifteen at the time,” countered Terry Trebiprobablylyingsky.  “I’m just saying you should be careful.  She’s obviously a bit out of it.  The chick is starved for attention.  She wants it so bad she’s taking her clothes off in a fucking bakery for no reason other than to get people to look at her.”
            “So what?”
            “So she’s just a kid and you might fuck her up even more than she already is.  I mean it’s not like you’re known for being the nicest guy on the planet, or even in the room.”
            Karl and Vani nodded and even Jay had to admit that Terry Trebijust-showingoffsky made a good point. 
            “She has no shame,” sighed Sarah as she flapped her hands through the air, drying off her nails.
            “Yeah, it is kind of embarrassing,” Cerise admitted.  It was totally awkward to watch Jenn dance around in her bathing suit while everyone else was sitting and talking.  It was random and weird and made no sense. 
            “She is so desperate for external validation it’s sick,” said Karine.  “God, did you guys hear she’s fucking Willy?”
            “Eww!  So gross,” grumbled Janice in utter disgust.  “See, this is what I was saying, Karine.  About standards.  Jenn is the kind of slut who will fuck a total poseur like b.o. boy over there.  Some of us are above that kinda shit.”
            “Point taken Janice, thank you,” said Karine impatiently. 
            “Like you’re above fucking anyone?” asked Cassie with a sneer.
            “I wouldn’t fuck your boyfriend,” Janice replied with a self-satisfied smile.
            “At least I have a boyfriend,” Cassie countered.  “Like you’d ever be able to get a guy to stick around.”
            “Oh, is that a challenge?” Janice smiled sweetly.  “’Cause if you throw down the gauntlet it will be picked up.  I could get Jay to dump you with a snap of my fingers.  I’d have him begging at my feet after an hour alone with him.  Make no mistake Cavity, I’m single by choice.”
            “Yeah sure,” said Cassie, rolling her eyes.
            “Scared to let me try?” grinned Janice.
            “Anyway!” said Cerise because she couldn’t think of anything else to say to break the tension.  She wondered if Janice’s words were mere boasts of if she really did have some secret powers over guys.  She was undoubtedly sexually experienced but wouldn’t a guy like Jay just be intimidated by that sort of thing?  Then again, he was fickle and didn’t seem to be overly into Cassie so Janice probably could turn his head, especially because her secret methods probably involved roofies or something.
            Perhaps just to get away from Janice, Cassie said she had to go home, which spurred a conversation about curfews.  Janice made fun of Cassie for having one and mocked her for living with her parents.
            “We all live with our parents!” Sarah said, defending Cassie.
            “I don’t,” gloated Janice.  “And neither does Terry.”
            “I live with my step-mom, so…” Terry shrugged.
            “Anyway I have to go,” said Cassie, “come on, Jay.”
            “So early?” Jay looked at the clock.
            “You know my parents are cracking down since school starts in a few weeks.”
            “God, your parents are such Nazis,” Jay complained as she stood up.
            “I’ll be sure to tell my Jewish parents that you think they’re Nazis, you fucking ‘tard,” Cassie grumbled as she dragged him outside.
            “Cassie’s Jewish?” asked Jenn, now fully clothed again.
            “Yeah, so?” said Sarah.
            “I thought Jewish people had to wear those little hats.”
            They all stared at her, perhaps unsure of what to make of her comment.  Cerise was pretty sure she wasn’t joking.  Jenn blinked blankly.
            “Oh my god!” Janice erupted.  “You’re so stupid!”
            “What?!” Jenn screamed.  “Don’t they?  I mean they have to wear little hats, right?”
            Janice yelled in response.  “Ok first of all, those little hats are called yarmulkes and second of all, only guys wear those things and third of all, it’s not like they have to and fourth of all, shut the fuck up!”
            “Why are you always so mean to me?” Jenn was on the verge of tears.
            “Because you’re a fucking retard!”
            “Well you’re a fucking bitch!”
            “Thanks for the newsflash!  What you gonna do about it?” Janice stood, knocking over her chair.
            Jenn crossed her arms indignantly and told Janice to go fuck herself.
            “Ooh! Catfight!” said Vani, pulling out his phone to capture the moment.
            “You are such a fucking freak!” Janice roared.
            “Bitch!” Jenn countered.
            “Skank-ass, baby-dick sucking whore.”
            Jenn’s lip quivered.  “Bitch!”
            “Like, are you gonna come up with another insult here or what?  ‘Cause I feel like I’m talking to a wall.  In more ways than one,” Janice snickered, looking at Jenn’s chest.
            “You’re so mean!”
            “I can’t work with this,” Janice shrugged, turning back to the table.
            “Keep going, this is good stuff,” Vani prompted.
            “Stupid, dumb meanie bitch!” Jenn sulked, sucking back snot.
            “God Jennifer, just fuck off!”  Janice stomped up to Jenn, who shook visibly.  “Get your bony little, twelve-year-old boy butt out of here.  Because you do not wanna see me when I get pissed.”
            Jenn looked around at everyone and then announced that she had to go home anyway. 
            “Yeah, go home to mommy and daddy you fucking Lolita wannabe!”
            Jenn paused in the doorway and stuck her tongue out and then rushed off.  Vani and Karl laughed and so did Willy, which just proved what an asshole of a boyfriend he was.  Even Jenn deserved better. 
            “That was so disappointing,” said Vani. “There wasn’t even any hair-pulling.”
            “Yeah, pretty lame,” agreed Karine.  “I’ve seen Janice pissed and that wasn’t even threat level two.  You can so do better.”
            “If she gives me a reason,” smiled Janice.
            When Jay came back from driving Cassie home Vani showed him the footage of the rather disappointing catfight. 
            “This is totally lame,” he announced.  “Not even any hair-pulling.”
            “That’s what I said!” Vani beamed.
            “So how’s Cassie?” asked Karine.
            “Huh?” Jay turned and stared at Karine.  “What do you mean?  She’s fine.”
            “She seemed kinda pissed at you.”
            “I dunno,” he shrugged.  “I guess she gets kinda mood-swingy.”
            “I’ll show her mood swings!” Janice rolled her fists in the air like an old-timey boxer.  “God, can we be done hanging out with Jenn now?”
            “Well I guess she’s part of the fold if she’s dating Willy,” said Cerise.
            “So let’s get rid of Willy,” smirked Karl.
            “Good idea!  I can’t believe we didn’t think of it sooner,” grinned Vani.
            “Shut the fuck up,” pouted Willy.  “Jenn doesn’t even hang out with us because of me.  She was always around even before we got jiggy.”
            “Any opportunity to mention the jig…” Vani looked skyward.
            “That’s true though,” nodded Karine.  “The girl is a leech.  She just sucks on and won’t let go until you pull her off.”
            “And then she squirts blood and you’re like, ewww, there’s another one in my underwear!” Jay hollered.  They all stared at him.  “What, I’m the only one who’s seen Stand By Me?”
            “Oh, I thought maybe it was a reference to the TNG ep where that big giant space baby sucked onto the Enterprise,” said Karl.
            “You guys are so weird,” chuckled Paul.
            “Ahh!” Vani yelled, jumping out of his seat.  “It talks!”
            “Shut up!” said Sarah, getting up and crossing over to Paul, sitting in his lap.
            “Don’t worry, Paul, we know we’re weird,” said Cerise.
            “We?  I don’t think so,” snarked Janice.  “Don’t group me in with this bunch of rejects.”
            “If we’re such rejects then why are you here?” asked Sarah.
            “Oooh!” Vani smiled and clapped his hands.  “Do I smell another catfight?”
            “Must we?” sighed Cerise.  “I don’t know why I missed you guys when you’re always such jerks to each other.”
            “I think it’s time to break out the campfire songs!” Jay announced.  “Kumbaya anyone?”
            “Yes, let’s join hands,” nodded Vani solemnly, taking Karl’s hand on his right and Jay’s on his left.  Everyone else followed suit, even Paul, who appeared to be in disbelief at the situation. 
            Cerise was pleased to see that Terry joined in without hesitation, though he’d moved seats so he could hold hands with Cerise and Karine.
            “You guys are seriously too lame,” Janice cackled.  “Well I can still make a night of it.  Maybe I’ll give Mike a call.”  She winked at Karine and then strolled outside. 
            “God, I thought she’d never leave,” Sarah said with a great exhalation of air.
            “Seriously, she can be intense,” agreed Terry.
            “I too am glad of her leave-taking,” nodded Vani.  “This is as it should be.”
            “This being…” Karl prompted.
            “This gang.  This posse,” Vani explained.  “The original core group.  No extras, no trimmings.  Just us.”
            “I’m pretty sure I’m an extra,” shrugged Paul.
            “Oh my god, it spoke again!” Vani shrieked. 
            In between giggles Karine asked if she and Terry weren’t also extras.
            “No!” Vani insisted.  “You’re part of the gang.  I mean, right?  Right you guys?  Right?” he asked in desperation.
            Terry and Karine laughed and assured Vani that they loved him too.  Vani called for a group hug and they all huddled together. 
            “We should make a pact,” announced Vani in the huddle.  “That no matter what, this is the posse.  This is the posse of love, the posse for life.  It’s only with our powers combined that we can save Tokyo from Mothra.”
            “You realize that Willy’s still present right?” asked Karl.
            “Shut the fuck up,” growled Willy.
            “All for one and one for all!  Huzzah!”
            “Huzzah!” they all repeated, pumping their fists in the air.
            “So, so weird,” Paul whispered to Sarah.
            “Just go with it,” she counselled.  “Huzzah!”

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