“You slept at Cerise’s,” said Karine as soon as she saw Terry. “You were totally wearing that yesterday.”
“Do you keep like a log or something?” he asked.
They stood in Penfield at his locker, which was weird ‘cause she never came to Penfield otherwise. It was totally the ass end building of this school.
“So what’s going on?” Karine asked.
“It’s the whole deal with my parents. You know how I showed you those baby pics of me with this rando woman?”
“So my real mom’s name is Bridget Thompson and my dad cheated on her with my mom, like, you know, my new mom. She was actually being like my nanny or some shit but like in secret or whatever and when my bio-mom found out she flipped and left and my dad divorced her and hasn’t heard from her since.”
“I know, right?” he sighed.
“That’s like, completely insane. I mean even more so than we thought.”
“I know. So like my bio-mom abandoned me and doesn’t even send like fucking birthday cards or anything and like my parents lied to me my whole life. It’s like they never even would have told me if I hadn’t figured it out myself.”
“That’s so wrong.”
Karine gave Terry a hug and he pulled away more quickly than she would have liked, although he was a bit rank wearing yesterday’s clothes. They went their separate ways and a few hours later she met up with Cerise in the green room.
“So I can only guess Terry told you everything?”
“Yeah, so you know the whole deal?” replied Cerise.
“So nuts, right?”
They were having their first dress rehearsal today and Karine had to admit that Cerise didn’t look half bad in her White Queen costume. She kind of looked like a ghost and it was a rather arresting visual. Maybe she was only cast as the White Queen because she was so pale.
“He’s like way upset about how his parents lied to him,” Cerise went on. “I mean god, it’s just so like, cruel.”
“Totally. And like his mom was actually his dad’s mistress? It’s like a TV movie!”
“I know, so nuts.”
Karine looked rocking as
Alice. Everyone said so. She had on a flouncy blue dress with a white
apron and black mary-janes with white ankle socks. So cute.
Playing dress-up was seriously half the fun of acting.
“I think I’d be most freaked out to learn my biological mother had abandoned me. I mean, she hasn’t contacted him in eighteen years. How’s he supposed to interpret that? It’s like she doesn’t even care.”
“Yeah, that would suck,” Karine nodded while touching up her makeup. More blush? Less lipstick? She was supposed to look like a little girl.
“I feel so bad for him,” Cerise sighed.
Karine gave Cerise a sideways glance. Hopefully she didn’t feel too bad for Terry. He should really be crashing at Karine’s place, not Cerise’s.
Cerise washed off all her makeup before going to lunch but Karine kept hers on and frankly, she looked like an idiot. It was pretty obvious that it was stage makeup and that’s probably why she’d kept it on. Most of the others had as well. It was like they were trying to show off, trying to show how cool they were because they were in a play. But to Cerise they just looked like a bunch of pretentious twanks.
“Did you like trip and fall into the makeup bag of a fifty-year-old French lady?” asked Terry as Karine and Cerise joined him at the Munch Box.
Cerise snickered as Karine explained that it was her
makeup and there was no point in washing it off since they’d be having another
dress rehearsal this evening. A good
point, Cerise supposed but still, there’s no way she would have gone to class
looking like that.
“So you gonna go back home?” asked Karine.
Terry frowned. “You mean like to live or to get my shit?”
“Like to live.”
“No way. I don’t wanna live with either of those fuck-ups. I mean you think I’m being a brat about it?”
“No way!” exclaimed Cerise. “Your actions are totally justified. I bet my mom will be cool with you crashing on our couch for a while.”
“Why would he stay at your house where there’s like a million people when he could just stay at mine, which is like way empty. I have like two spare rooms,” snarked Karine.
“Would that be cool?” asked Terry.
“Totally,” nodded Karine. “I mean I never really know when my mom will be home so like, you’d have to keep your stuff hidden. Like you could keep everything in my room like in the closet or whatever and you could sleep in my room too. I’ll sleep in my mom’s bed. And if she comes home then I guess you can use a sleeping bag or something? If I take all my shoes out of my closet I think you could fit in there.”
“That sounds kinda complicated,” interjected Cerise.
“Well it still makes more sense than sleeping on your couch.”
“Does it? At my house the den will basically be his room. I mean we’d use it in the day but he’d have privacy at night. He wouldn’t have to hide in a tiny closet.”
“Can’t we just ask your mom if it’s ok for me to crash?” Terry asked Karine. “I mean why would I have to be all hidden?”
“I’m not gonna start interacting with my mother!” snapped Karine like it was the most insane suggestion in the history of all time. “If I bring it up it’ll be a whole thing and if she sees your stuff she might ask questions. Remember in Sec 4 when she had my aunt come over and stay with me ‘cause she noticed Steven’s shit all over the place. I’m not gonna fucking go through that shit again!”
Terry nodded in understanding even though Cerise thought Karine was being pretty unreasonable. He suggested they go to his parents’ houses after school and get some of his things, which he’d keep in his car until he decided where he was gonna go with it all.
“You need our help?” asked Cerise. “I totally have like three hours to kill between my last class and our dress tonight.”
“Totally,” nodded Karine.
“Yeah, that’d be cool,” smiled Terry.
They all turned to see Vani coming towards them while flailing his arms around his head. Jay, Karl and Willy all kept a respectable distance since Vani’s gesticulations were completely out of control.
“What’s retarded?” asked Terry as the boys joined them.
“Does that even still play?” asked Cerise.
“I dunno,” sighed Vani. “Maybe it got cancelled, maybe it’s just on hiatus. But I miss it.”
“It was terrible!”
“I know! That’s why it’s so retarded. There was so much punching in that show. So much punching,” said Vani wistfully. Then he snapped to attention and stared at Terry intently. “The main guy in that show was just like you! Always punching shit!”
“I don’t always punch shit,” said Terry defensively.
“You punch shit all the time. I mean don’t you hit someone in like every one of your hockey games?”
Terry seemed equal parts offended and startled. “Well I mean… not every game.”
“Totally,” muttered Jay under his breath.
“There’s a movie out right now about that, like a hockey dude who’s all like violent and shit. It’s called Goon. We should see it together. Like double date style,” suggested Vani.
“Neither one of us is dating anybody,” said Terry, clearly amused by the suggestion.
“We can bring a couple randos as our dates. But it’ll really be a bro-date,” smiled Vani. “We can share popcorn!” he hissed in excitement.
Sarah and Cassie came along and Sarah immediately addressed Terry, asking him with great concern if he was ok. Terry looked at both Cerise and Karine accusingly and Cerise looked at Karine as well, who smiled awkwardly and shrugged guiltily.
“Why wouldn’t he be ok? What’s the dealio?” asked Vani, bouncing up and down in his seat with great fervour.
Terry rolled his eyes. “It’s no big, whatever. My parents are shit-heads.”
“Tell me more,” said Vani, leaning forward.
Terry sighed heavily and Cerise could tell he was trying hard not to show how upset he was. “Ok so like my mom isn’t my real mom. My real mom is my dad’s first wife and she like left when I was a baby because my dad was having an affair and he married his mistress, who like became my mom and my parents never told me any of this. I like discovered it and confronted them and they were like, surprise!”
They all stared at Terry.
“Mega,” Vani finally replied. “I’m here for you,” he went on, placing a hand on Terry’s shoulder.
“Gay much?” Terry laughed awkwardly, shaking off Vani’s hand.
“I feel like such a loser,” said Sarah. “I mean I was all like worried about my stupid problems and like you have an actual problem, like for real.”
“It’s really not that big of a deal,” said Terry dismissively. “I mean I always knew my dad was a dick and it’s like not news that he’s a serial cheater.”
Willy chuckled and then had to explain that he was imagining Froot-Loops cheating on Rice-Krispies with Mini-Wheats or something.
“Yeah well anyway, I’m gonna go grab a smoke. I’ll see you guys later,” announced Terry, leaving the table before he’d even finished his lunch, which was a pretty clear indication that he was extremely upset. Karine went with him and Cerise wished she could do the same but it would be weird, considering she didn’t smoke and they weren’t dating anymore.
“God, Willy, you’re such a loser,” said Cassie with disgust. “Way to be insensitive.”
“Oh fuck off,” replied Willy with surprising intensity.
“You fuck off!”
“Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be sucking Jojo’s dick?!”
“Seriously?” interrupted Sarah. “What the fuck, Willy?” She turned to Karl and Jay. “Why do you guys even hang out with this asshole? Oh right, ‘cause you guys are also assholes.”
Jay seemed highly offended by this statement but Karl simply kept on eating his poutine without reacting in the slightest.
“So is there something we should like do for Terry?” asked Cassie. “I mean is he the type who’d prefer if we just ignored all this or does he want like a party or whatever as a distraction? Maybe we should invite him to the cast party.
“Well it’s at Karine’s so he’s invited anyway,” said Cerise. “I mean you all are. You know I honestly don’t know if Terry will wanna come. But I guess whatever he does I’ll hang out with him, I mean if that’s what he wants. He’s definitely not the type to wanna be alone through this type of shit.”
“Totally, I’ll hang with him too, I mean if that’s what he wants,” nodded Sarah.
“So like I’m the only one who finds this shit funny?” asked Willy.
“Oh shut the fuck up!” said Sarah with exasperation. “Come on, let’s go.”
And with that, Cerise and Cassie gathered up their lunches and followed Sarah as she indignantly left the table, leaving the boys to their extreme jerkitude.
“I’m not the only one who finds it funny, right?”
“It’s pretty hilarious,” grinned Jay.
In truth Jay had felt a moment of guilt for always hating Terry Trebidouchsky so much but then he’d realized that just because someone had shitty parents was no reason to excuse their own shitty behaviour. Terry Trebistillanasssky was still an ass, regardless of what an ass his dad was. And honestly, it was pretty awesome to discover his parents were such weirdos. Jay had spent an inordinate amount time imagining scenarios wherein Terry Trebiarrogantbastardsky’s life went to shit and to have it actually happen was perhaps a sign that he really did deserve it. Karma and all that.
“Admit it, Van,” grinned Willy. “Even you think it’s hilar.”
“Well, I’ll admit to a slight degree of hilaritude but I’ll deny it if you tell Terry.”
Terry really enjoyed hanging out with Cerise and Karine together. Having his two favourite chicks getting along was pretty sweet. The best would be if they could all get along to the point of having a threesome, like not just a one-time deal either, like for always. Monogamy was kind of bullshit anyway and if Karine and Cerise were into each other as well as being into him it would be… as gross as his dad was. Terry’s stomach churned as he realized what a douche he was being. This was exactly his father’s attitude, wasn’t it? Wanting to bang every chick in the universe and not even caring how they felt about it.
It was early afternoon and they were at his dad’s house, hurriedly gathering up his things before anyone else got home. He’d found an old hockey bag and the girls were stuffing it with clothing.
“Do you wanna take everything?” asked Karine.
“Nah, just the stuff I need,” he replied, tossing Stir-Fry the chicken into the bag when Cerise’s back was turned.
“What do you want from the bathroom?” asked Karine as she walked towards it.
“Uh, just toothbrush, razor, comb, shampoo I guess.”
“Hair gel?” asked Karine, coming back with arms full of toiletries.
“I haven’t gelled my hair since high school,” he replied.
“I know, I kinda miss that spiky look.”
“No way, I prefer it like this,” said Cerise. “More floppy, more boyish. It’s cute.”
“Yeah but the spikes were cute too.”
“Yeah but this way you can run your hands through his hair and not have it be all gross. He has soft hair for a guy,” Cerise smiled.
“Yeah, he uses conditioner. It has like, aloe vera,” Karine said as she read off a bottle in her hands.
“Yeah I know, it smells good.”
“Yeah, a hint of mango.” Karine held up the bottle of conditioner.
“You guys done?” asked Terry, taking the things in Karine’s hands and dumping them into his bag. He was acting like they were being annoying but it was actually pretty fun to have them fussing over him like this.
They both giggled in the cutest way ever and rearranged his bag, talking about how they had to isolate the liquids so they wouldn’t spill onto his clothes and stuff. He allowed himself the briefest fantasy in which they were all in a polyamorous relationship and then guiltily chastised himself for being a douche-nugget.
Even though Karine thought it was totally stupid, they’d agreed to bring Terry’s things to Cerise’s house. Yeah, Terry would have to hide his stuff at Karine’s place but at least most of the time he’d have privacy and his own bathroom. He could always just pack up and go somewhere else when her mom was home, which might not even ever happen. Karine admitted to herself that such an arrangement might be a bit stressful, with never knowing when he’d have to go, never knowing if he could just walk around freely but still, crashing at Cerise’s place was totally idiotic. Why couldn’t he stay at a guy friend’s house? Like that Nick guy or whatever? Or Vani’s house? Vani would love to have Terry stay with him! It just didn’t make any sense at all to stay at Cerise’s! For one thing this couch was like way small!
“You seriously slept on this thing?” Karine asked as Terry dropped his duffel bag next to the couch. “You don’t even fit.”
“It’s not so bad,” said Terry, lying down on the couch to show them how not bad it was. His feet totally hung over the edge. He arranged a pillow under his knees so his legs would be comfortably bent and pretended to snuggle up, making sleepy, smacking noises.
It was pretty cute and Karine chuckled in appreciation. Cerise laughed too and even nudged him playfully and then he nudged her back and it was absolutely horrifying. He seriously couldn’t sleep here! Those two would obviously hook up if he did! They talked a bit about how he didn’t want to impose and they’d have to ask Cerise’s mom about it and the sexual tension was so thick that Karine wasn’t sure if she should puke or take up sharp-shooting so she could assassinate the two of them.
Cerise brought up the cast party and he agreed that he’d like to come and Karine immediately started thinking about how if he slept at her place for the party she could probably get him to stay a few nights after that and then forever.
“Terry!” Cerise’s little sister ran into the room and jumped on Terry, practically humping him she was hugging him so hard.
He laughed awkwardly and pulled her off of him, actually blushing! Oh Christ, Karine hadn’t even thought about the fact that Cerise had two sisters. Obviously Terry just wanted to stay here so he could hang out with three hot chicks all the time. What a fucking horn-dog.
“Are you moving in?” the little sister squealed.
“Just for a bit,” Cerise explained. “If mom says it’s ok.”
“That’s so cool! It’ll be so much fun! I can bring my boyfriends home and you can like, intimidate them!”
What a completely idiotic thing to say. Terry laughed and agreed to the plan while Cerise looked like Karine felt: totally nauseated.
“So this is like your bedroom now?” the little girl screeched like a hyena. “Maybe we should move the computer back upstairs. Unless you don’t mind me like, hanging out with you all the time!”
Terry laughed awkwardly while the chick sat on the chair in front of the massive, 1990’s era computer and turned it on. After about two million years of booting up a picture of Terry in his swim trunks appeared on the desktop.
“Oh my god, you still have that there?” Karine laughed.
“What do you mean still?” asked Terry in confusion, a huge grin on his face, obviously getting off on the fact that this girl was totally into him.
“It was Julie!” insisted Cerise. “I totally didn’t put it there! I told her to take it off!”
The way Terry looked at Cerise made Karine want to puke again. God, they were so disgusting. She seriously had to come up with a plan to separate these two.