The guys looked like they were playing cards but they were actually playing the game. At first Cassie and Tom and Cerise had joined in but everyone else was dancing so eventually they abandoned the game and danced as well. Then Vani decided he wanted to be social so he did his Vani-robot dance and made everyone laugh.
“Let’s play topics,” he announced, still bopping around the room.
“What’s topics?” asked Janice as she flopped down onto a sleeping bag on the floor.
“It’s basically just having a conversation except only one person can talk at a time,” explained Cerise.
Janice reached over to grab a pillow Willy was half sitting on. “Can you move?” she asked in disgust and he got out of the way. She threw the pillow behind her head and reclined. “How do we start?”
“Someone picks a topic and then we discuss it,” said Vani. “It usually degenerates into a hate fest. I mean honestly, it’s just an extension of the two-minute hate.”
“The two-minute hate?” asked Janice.
“Yeah, you know, where you bitch about people you hate.”
“But only for two minutes?”
“It’s a 1984 reference,” said Karine.
“I guess I should read that thing, eh?” pondered Janice. “But fuck, there’s only so much classic literature you can get through in one lifetime. They just keep writing more shit. Can we hate anyone? Like even if it’s someone most of you don’t know?”
“Anyone is valid. Proceed,” instructed Vani, leaning forward and placing his chin on his clasped hands, like a shrink listening to a patient.
“Thank you!” exclaimed Karine.
“She’s not so bad,” shrugged Cassie.
“Who’s Laura?” asked Vani.
“A chick we know in Theatre Workshop. I was double cast with her. She’s a total bitch.”
“Takes one to know one I guess,” smirked Terry and then laughed as he dodged the pillow Karine threw at him.
“She’s not that bad one on one,” said Peter. “But I gotta admit she’s pretty insufferable when she’s you know, on.”
“She’s always on,” said Karine. “She thinks the whole world is her fucking stage. And it just pisses me off that Frank and Hugh don’t see that. I mean she’s so fucking fake and she only has one mode. Overacting. Whether she’s ordering at the Munch Box or playing Lucie, she’s just like so over the top.”
“Yeah, you were a way better Lucie,” said Cassie.
“I shall have a grilled cheese sandwich!” Janice extended her arms in the air. “With fries on the side my good man!”
They all erupted into giggles.
“She’s a total ass kisser,” laughed Janice. “I mean she actually eats lunch with our teachers. Who does that? God, she’s probably like having an affair with them or something. I bet they’re totally double teaming her.”
“Gross!” sneered Cerise.
“So you got her number?” asked Lee with a smirk, which caused Cassie to frown in annoyance.
Cerise wondered if Cassie was still into Lee and if so, why? He so wasn’t worth it.
“Down with Laura!” exclaimed Vani.
“Down with Laura!” they all chanted.
“So who else do we hate?” asked Vani, practically vibrating with glee.
“Pakis,” drawled Lee.
“Yes, Lee, down with Pakis,” said Vani indulgently. “Who else?”
“Communists and pinkos,” said Lee.
“Yes, ok, next!”
“This guy Eric Townsend on my hockey team,” said Terry. “I mean he’s an ok guy I guess but I dunno, there’s just something about him that rubs me the wrong way.”
“Go on,” advised Vani.
“I dunno. He’s seriously macking on you, Karine.”
“Him and the rest of the world,” laughed Peter without even a trace of jealousy.
“What do you care if someone macks on Karine?” Janice asked Terry.
Cerise was glad someone asked what she wanted to know.
“It’s cool if someone is into Karine, I mean as long as she’s cool with it, but the way Townsend does it is bullshit.”
“How does he do it?” asked Karine, seeming a bit uncomfortable with the topic. “I mean, I don’t remember him ever coming on to me or anything.”
“Well he did once at Cunningham’s or whatever,” sighed Terry. “But sometimes he’ll bring you up in the locker room and say shit about how hot you are, but like you know, in a gross way.”
“Like what?” asked Peter, no longer laughing.
“Don’t answer that,” said Karine. “I don’t wanna know.”
“I do!” said Janice and Vani at the same time and then they high-fived over the jinx.
“Sometimes it’s really gross and it makes me wanna punch him out,” grumbled Terry.
“Ahh yes, violence, the answer to everything,” said Sarah with an eye roll.
Karl snickered and met Sarah’s eyes. They both smiled slightly but then looked away from each other.
“Well I won’t actually do it,” said Terry. “Usually I just make some joke about how he’s such a loser he’ll never get laid or whatever and then everyone calls him a fag and shit, but whatever, my point was just that I don’t like him.”
Vani nodded and crawled forward to put a reassuring hand on Terry’s knee. “It’s an entirely valid hate, Terry. I’m here to support you during this difficult time. Henceforth this Eric Townsend you speak of shall be placed on the official hate list. If ever I come across him I’ll be sure to send negative vibes his way.”
“Thanks, Vani,” Terry chuckled.
“I know who I hate,” grumbled Willy as he sucked on a beer can.
While everyone else who’d been drinking was pleasantly buzzed, Willy was full on drunk. Cerise had noticed that whenever people got drunk they seemed to become heightened versions of themselves. Terry either got overly lovey-dovey or if he was in a bad mood, he got crazy angry. Willy was becoming increasingly lecherous and intensely annoying. Cerise had already had to tell him to go fuck himself when he’d told her she should take her clothes off.
“I know who I hate,” he repeated when no one paid any attention.
“Yeah, who? Yourself?” asked Karl. “Oh wait, that’s the rest of us.”
“No! Jojo!” Willy hollered.
“We’re not gonna discuss Jonah!” insisted Cassie vehemently.
“Why not?” asked Lee. “He’s a prime target.”
“It’s just mean you guys!”
“Way to finally get the point,” slurred Jay. He was getting pretty drunk too.
“He’s unnecessarily touchy-feely. And he says you guys all the time and he talks too much,” said Vani.
“Pot calling the kettle black but still true,” said Karl.
“Yeah well, I guess he is kind of annoying,” admitted Cassie. “I mean fuck, he was always on me! He has no concept of how to give someone space.”
“Why’d you ever go out with him in the first place?” asked Janice. “I mean you could tell just by looking at him that he was a total loser.”
“Shut up!” spurted Cassie.
“What’s with that anyway?” asked Vani. “What’s with people and going out?” He made quotation marks with his fingers.
“What do you mean?” asked Cerise in amusement.
“How many couples do we have here tonight?”
“Peter and Karine, Cerise and Tom and Cassie and Lee,” responded Janice.
“We’re not a couple,” protested Lee.
Cassie turned red and looked at her hands.
“Plus two other ex-couples,” said Vani. “People seem to have this tendency to couple up. What’s with that?”
“Are you being serious?” laughed Terry. “Ok, let me tell you a story. It’s about the birds and the bees.”
“No I know, but seriously!” insisted Vani. “Why is it such a thing to like, attach yourself to a significant other? Why not just like, get jiggy with it and then move on?”
“That’s exactly what some people do,” snickered Karine as she pointed her thumb at Janice.
“And proud of it!” Janice exclaimed, raising her wine glass in the air.
“Being in a couple is better than just having friends with benefits,” said Peter.
“How so?” asked Vani.
“Sex is better when it’s with someone you care about.”
“And sometimes you meet someone who’s so way awesome that you just wanna be with them as much as possible.” Peter grinned at Karine.
“Yeah,” nodded Tom and Terry in unison. They glanced at one another and then Tom looked away when Terry raised an intimidating eyebrow.
“Being in a couple is fun,” said Cassie. “More fun than not.”
“Or sometimes you just don’t wanna be lonely,” said Karine, staring off into space.
“Ok, good points all but still. Seems like it just gets people all worked up for nothing. Like people just go around being all, oh no, stuff is occurring in my life, it’s important… therefore I am important!”
“You sound like Karl,” said Karine.
“And indeed he makes an uncharacteristically valid point,” said Karl. “People go around making little things into big deals so they can give their lives meaning. And that’s what relationships do for them.”
“I guess that’s true,” said Terry. “But sometimes what seems like a little thing from a distance really is a big deal to the people involved.”
“Only because they believe it to be so,” scoffed Karl.
“Yeah, I guess,” nodded Cerise. “Sometimes people really do blow shit out of proportion for no reason.” She looked at her lap.
“Sometimes there is a good reason though,” said Terry.
Cerise looked up and locked eyes with Terry. “Sometimes it’s contextual, right? Like, you know, don’t cry over spilled milk, right? Well that seems like good advice but like what if you’re in a relationship where your partner spills milk every freakin’ day. Eventually you can’t help but cry over it ‘cause fuck, it’s just too much.”
Terry narrowed his eyes, but spoke calmly. “But if you understand that your partner has this thing with milk, maybe you know, pour the milk for them. That’s what relationships are for, you know? You like support each other. Help each other with things that for whatever reason you can’t quite do alone.”
“Yeah,” Cerise nodded. “But Karl has a point. Sometimes, we make things bigger than they have to be. Almost out of like, pride or whatever. Or this need to like, win. But in a healthy relationship it’s not about winning or losing. It’s just about supporting each other. Like you said. So maybe yeah, maybe they have to drink the milk together, until you know, it stops being spilled.”
Terry nodded. “Or maybe if it seriously can’t help but end up on the floor, just stop buying milk. Start drinking orange juice or something.”
“If you like milk, you should have milk.”
“Maybe I can just take calcium supplements.”
“What about vitamin D?”
“I can get a multivitamin!” Terry insisted.
“I don’t even know what we’re talking about,” Cerise laughed and then looked around, realizing everyone was staring at them. Most of them looked amused, though Jay looked confused and Tom looked downright alarmed.
“None of us know what you’re talking about!” laughed Janice. “Care to let us in on the metaphor?”
“I seriously have no idea,” laughed Terry as he hopped up and went to the kitchen. “Are we out of beer already? Who wants to go to the store?”
“I do!” hollered Vani, jumping up and running around excitedly, putting on every hat in view.
Tom looked at Cerise. “I don’t even drink milk. For real. I’m lactose intolerant.”
“Really? How did I not know that about you?”
“I dunno.” He looked seriously depressed and Cerise once again felt like shit.
The next day Bill came by again and they fucked in the bed. They were long done by the time Stan came home, watching ANTM in the living room.
“Hey man, what are you doing here?” Stan asked.
“Thought I’d come by and see what’s up,” Bill replied.
“Cool man,” said Stan, walking into the bathroom.
“I know what’s up,” whispered Shauna, grabbing Bill’s cock through his jogging pants.
Bill snickered and kissed Shauna, rubbing his hands over her boobs. When they heard the toilet flush the broke apart and tried to contain their laughter.
“What’s so funny?” asked Stan as he lazily walked to the kitchen. “Anything to eat?”
“We ordered pizza,” announced Shauna. “There’s leftovers in the fridge.”
“Cool.” Stan sat down on the couch between them. “What the fuck is this shit?”
’s Next Top Model.” America
“Are you serious?” Stan reached for the remote control but Bill snatched it away.
“I like this show! The chicks are way hot.”
“They’re practically naked like all the time.”
Shauna smiled and lit a cigarette.
“So could that have been more hilarious?” snickered Janice as she put on her pyjamas, if you could call them that.
All the girls except Cerise were gathered in the bedroom putting on their night clothes, but Janice just had this basically transparent tank top and boy shorts and rainbow legwarmers.
“I mean like, I thought for sure Cerise and Terry were gonna like, start fucking right then and there. Did you see Tom’s face? I thought he was gonna die.
“I know!” hissed Sarah. “Like oh my god, they were obviously talking about whatever the hell reason they broke up. And to do it right in front of Tom is pretty bad.”
“Do you think they’re gonna get back together?” asked Cassie with concern.
“Of course!” said Sarah. “Those two are practically soul mates.”
“Gimme a break!” said Karine in annoyance. “First of all, there’s no such thing as soul mates and like, Cerise has way more in common with Tom. If she’s soul mates with anyone it’s him.”
“No,” Sarah shook her head. “Opposites attract. Cerise doesn’t want a guy like the guys, all like into gaming and comiccon type shit. She needs a guy who pulls her into like, the real world. Otherwise she drifts inwards. She needs Terry.”
They all stopped and thought about this. It was actually a pretty interesting observation. Was it true? Did Cerise need Terry? Karine didn’t want it to be true. “Well Terry doesn’t need Cerise,” she said without certainty.
“Yeah he does,” insisted Sarah. “For him she does the opposite. She makes him self-reflective. She calms him, soothes him.”
“No she doesn’t,” Karine protested. “He’s way more wigged and stressed ever since he met her. He used to be totally chill. But now he’s always like freaking out over something or another.”
“I don’t think so,” said Sarah. “I think that chill thing was just a persona. I used to think he was dumb. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, ‘cause like, that’s just a stereotype, right? The dumb, good-looking jock guy? But since he started seeing Cerise he’s like way more interesting to talk to.”
“Terry’s always been interesting! You just weren’t friends with him before,” said Karine.
A knock was heard at the door and then Cerise’s voice announced that it was just her. She walked in and said the bathroom was free.
“We were just talking about you,” said Janice, the idiot.
“You gonna get back with Terry?”
Cerise looked at Janice in surprise and then surveyed all their faces. Karine tried to look indifferent but she wasn’t sure she was successful.
“Uh, I’m with Tom,” Cerise said with a shrug.
“Oh come on, who dates Tom Brown when they could have Terry Trebichavsky?” asked Janice with a snort.
“What’s wrong with Tom?” asked Cassie.
“Cassie, the grown-ups are talking,” Janice snapped.
“Fuck you!” Cassie made a sound of annoyance then walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar. “Hey Vani, can I add Janice to the hate list?”
“Oh don’t worry, she’s already on it,” was the reply.
“What the fuck?!” Janice screeched and everyone laughed.
Seriously, how could Janice be so clueless?
Well the day hadn’t been completely crap, but mostly. Jay lay in his sleeping bag and stared up at the ceiling as the girls came out of the bedroom and positioned themselves on the floor. Cerise lay next to that Tom guy and Karine snuggled up with that Peter guy. Janice lay next to Terry Trebiseriouslysleepingtoplesssky and curled up with him. He sort of shifted so she wouldn’t be all over him and holy shit, she was totally wearing a see-through shirt, like you could totally see her tits, like totally! She wasn’t really the hottest girl ever but Jay certainly had no objection to her walking around with her tits hanging out. All the guys were staring at her.
“Nice shirt,” smarmed Terry Trebiskeevesky.
“Thanks, you too,” the slut giggled, draping herself over his naked chest.
He casually took hold of her shoulders and lifted her off of him. “I can’t see your boobs if you’re on me like that,” he smirked.
She giggled and lay on her back, her saggy tits flopping down to her sides. She seriously wasn’t even hot.
Sarah rolled her eyes and zipped herself up into her sleeping bag, which was right next to Jay’s. He caught her eye and made a face and she giggled.
“Do I have your permission to suck your cock while you’re sleeping?” asked Janice. “I don’t wanna like, be arrested for sexual assault.”
Sarah rolled her eyes again and Jay made another face. They both snickered.
“Uh, well, better not. I mean, I wouldn’t want you to like, choke to death or anything. I’m told it can be a lot to handle,” said Terry Trebiproblyhasthesmallestdick-inhistorysky.
“Oh, is that true? Is it a lot to handle, Cerise?” laughed Janice.
“I’m not in this conversation!” said Cerise.
“Nobody’s in that conversation, Janice, fucking chill out for one night of your life,” counselled Karine.
“I can’t go a night without fucking,” the slut insisted. “Peter how ‘bout we hook up?”
“Uh, I have a girlfriend,” he replied.
“She can join,” chuckled Janice.
“Oh my god, seriously, shut up!” Karine threw a pillow across the room.
“Yes! It’s started!” exclaimed Vani, jumping up. “Pillow fight!” He grabbed his pillow and started wacking Cavity, who grabbed her own pillow in defence.
Jay shrugged and took his pillow, lowering it over Sarah, who just had time to react, rolling out of the way and reaching for her pillow. Jay took hold of it first and held his arms in the air. Sarah grasped at him, practically climbing him as she tried to take the pillows, while Jay kept swinging his arms around.
Sarah’s tits were shoved in his face as she jumped up and tackled him, and next thing he knew she was sitting on his chest, holding his arms down with her feet. She raised a pillow high in the air and repeatedly wacked him in the face with it. He hoped no one could see his giant erection straining through his Toy Story pyjama pants. How had he never noticed before how insanely hot Sarah was? Well, he’d always known she was cute but now that she was on him like this he was pretty sure he’d die if he didn’t get to at least kiss her.
That moment of perfection was ruined when Willy the wanker came along and thwacked Sarah in the back of the head. She fell forward and for a second it was awesome because her crotch fell right in his face. He could smell her, like actually smell her pussy and it was amazing. He almost wanted to pass out. But an instant later she was up and running after Willy, pummelling him aggressively. Didn’t she realize that this was sexual? That Willy was totally getting off on it? He was attacking Cerise now, hitting her legs while Sarah was still pounding his back. Cerise kicked out her leg and knocked Willy over so he lay there while Sarah hit him and sure enough, his cock was hard.
“Ewww, Willy’s willy is wiggling!” shrieked Vani.
Sarah freaked out and turned to Cerise, who hugged her supportively. Their tits were being squished together. Jay crawled under his sleeping bag so no one would see he was rock hard.
Terry almost felt bad for Willy. Everyone was making fun of him but come on, how could a pathetic virgin like him be expected to maintain control when in the middle of a pillow fight with a bunch of hot chicks? Even Terry had to concentrate on dead puppies and stuff to prevent arousal. Janice wasn’t even that attractive but when she’d offered him a blow job he’d had a hard time not pinning her down and shoving his cock down her throat. Watching her boobs swinging around now as she wrestled with Cassie and Karine was pretty intense.
Suddenly Vani jumped out of nowhere and descended on Terry. Terry caught him and swung the little guy over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and then strolled over to the door in the kitchen, which served as the cabane’s backdoor. He opened it and tossed Vani outside and Vani howled as he hit the snow. Everyone cracked up and Vani ran back inside clutching snow in his little fists. He threw the snow at Terry and Karl yelled that they were not to destructerate the house so Terry grabbed Vani and tossed him back out the door and then ran outside himself.
They both yelled hysterically as they ran around in their bare feet, throwing snow balls at each other. It was crazy cold but Terry found that if he kept running it wasn’t so bad. Soon enough Peter and Karine and Janice had joined them and then everyone was running around in the snow, freaking out about how cold it was. They only stayed out for a couple minutes and then they all ran back inside and huddled around the little wooden stove, trying to dry off their wet clothes.
Even though everyone had already brushed their teeth, they made hot chocolate and roasted marshmallows and one by one everyone drifted off. Terry slept a little but kept waking up. Eventually the sun rose and he couldn’t get back to sleep. He turned around and looked across the room. There was Cerise, staring right at him. She smiled slightly and he smiled back. Then he was kissing her in a rowboat, in a river with cartoon singing frogs. That part may have been a dream.