Not for the first time in his life, Jay wondered if he was particularly stupid. He’d always thought of himself as being of above average intelligence but every so often there was evidence to the contrary. Live theatre was one such example. It totally sucked. But wasn’t it supposed to be more high-brow than movies and TV? Jay seriously didn’t get it. He had never been able to focus during a live production and always ended up completely bored out of his mind. Last year had been especially harsh since Karine’s play was Shakespeare, which was like double the torture. Jay didn’t get Shakespeare at all. He didn’t feel too bad about that, since Vani and Willy didn’t get it either. Karl did but then again, maybe he didn’t. Maybe he just pretended he did ‘cause it’s not like the rest of them could tell the difference anyway. Jay often tuned out when Karl talked about non-game related stuff.
In any case this year would hopefully be better because it wasn’t Shakespeare but Dickens wasn’t much better. He’d had to read a Dickens’ book, he forgot which one, back in high school and it was totally boring. He basically understood it, but it was a struggle. So it’s not that Jay was dumb, it’s just that he had little patience for boredom and couldn’t really be expected to absorb the content if the context was like totally dullsville. See, that was totally smart right there! Can’t absorb the content for the context. If the medium is lamo, then the message will be lost. Jay smiled to himself, proud of this revelation. He was totally the new… that guy there from the Canadian heritage commercial who said that famous quote.
Jay stood in Casgrain that evening with Vani and Willy and Karl. Lee hadn’t come because he wanted to see Cavity’s cast. Tonight was Cerise’s cast, and Karine’s. It was good they were in the same one ‘cause it would totally suck to have to see this shit-fest twice. Not that it would necessarily suck, although obviously it would ‘cause both Karine and Cerise had said it was basically lamo.
They looked over the poster board that carried photos of the cast when Sarah walked up and joined them.
“Hey,” she said to no one in particular.
“Hey,” Jay and Vani and Willy said back.
Karl stood motionless, completely ignoring her. She ignored him right back. Were they fighting or something? Come to think of it, Sarah hadn’t been around much lately.
“So… think it’s gonna be a good play?” she asked casually.
“Doubtful,” shrugged Vani. “Cerise says it’s suckotronic.”
“Yeah well…” Sarah trailed off.
Karl suddenly walked away, just a few paces and stared out of one of the windows that looked down at the swimming pool below on the lower level of Casgrain. Sarah made a throaty noise and then walked off in the opposite direction, joining some people she apparently knew but Jay didn’t.
Vani looked at Jay quizzically and pointed his hands in the two directions their friends had gone.
“So what the fuck?” asked Willy.
“They broke up you guys,” said Jojo, appearing out of nowhere.
“Jesus Christ, where the fuck did you come from?” yelped Willy.
“I’ve been here the whole time,” said Jojo, scrunching up his face in what was either annoyance or confusion.
“They broke up?” asked Vani, trying to get the conversation back on track. “No wonder Karl has been in such a funk lately!”
Willy snorted. “He’s always in a funk!”
“He’s been way more robotastic than usual these days though.”
“So when did this happen?”
“Last week, you guys! They all went on a fucking dumping binge!”
It was funny to hear Jojo swear. It was funny to see him do anything outside of his Keebler elf tree.
“Who’s they all?” asked Vani.
“Hello?!” Jojo sang out, like it was obvious. “First Cerise and then Cassie and then Sarah. It’s like they all got together and decided to have a dumping party!”
Willy sighed heavily. “Jojo, why are you even here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you trying to hang out with us?!”
“I think Willy is asking why you’re here to see Cassie’s show if she broke up with you,” asked Vani, softening Willy’s insult unnecessarily.
“I’m not gonna waste the ticket,” Jojo pouted.
“Cerise and Cassie are double cast and Cerise is on tonight. Why do you have a ticket in the first place?” asked Willy accusingly.
“I have a ticket for every showing!”
“I wanted to be supportive, you guys!”
“Wow, there’s a fine line between supportive and pathetic,” snorted Jay.
“No there isn’t. Even if they were still together this would still be straight up pathetic,” chortled Willy.
“You guys are such assholes,” Jojo grumbled.
“Stop saying you guys! Man, Cavity was so right to dump your annoying ass!”
“Shut up, Willy!”
“Well he’s got a point, Jojo,” said Vani gently. “It’s kinda sad to get a ticket to the shows she’s not even in.”
“She’s still in the crowd scenes!”
“Why not resell the tickets? Or just accept the waste of money. I mean you’re just torturing yourself, Jojo.” said Vani, still seemingly sympathetic to Jojo’s plight.
“Are you guys ever gonna stop calling me Jojo?” he asked with a sigh.
“No,” all three responded in unison.
Terry Trebiwhyisheevenheresky strolled up at that moment, glowering. He positioned himself in front of the poster board and stared at it.
“See!” Jojo exclaimed. “Terry’s here and him and Cerise broke up. But he came anyway.”
Terry Tryingtobeintimidatingandtotallyfailingwellokprettymuchsucceedingsky slowly turned to them, still glowering. “I’m here for Karine,” he said, walking off a moment later and smiling at Sarah, walking into the theatre with her.
The rest of them followed, even Karl.
Thank god for Karine. Thank god he had a reason to be here. Even the guys thought it was pathetic to show up to his ex-girlfriend’s play. As pathetic as Jojo Cupryk. Terry knew he would have shown up even if it wasn’t for Karine. He might even come to another showing. Any excuse to see Cerise. God, he really was pathetic, just as bad as her stalker, that fucking porta-potty loser. Was she seriously still stalking her? Well it was a good thing he just happened to swing by Cerise’s the other day. Someone had to look out for her, protect her from that nut-job. Terry wasn’t actually stalking Cerise himself. Not really. He just went to her place a couple times, just to make sure she got home ok after those late night rehearsals. And so why had he come here tonight? To make sure she got through the play ok? Whatever, he was so seriously pathetic. He hated that Cerise could do this to him; reduce him to such a fucking loser. He needed to break away from her. He needed to get his shit together.
And there she was, looking hilarious in a stupid boy outfit, delivering her one line, and not even delivering it particularly well. But looking so fucking adorable all the same. Almost snickering as she said her line, hopping off the stage almost mockingly, her tight ass hugged beautiful by those tight little boy pants. How the hell was Terry supposed to forget about her when she kept on being so incredibly fucking cute?
“Well I thought it went well,” chirped Cassie.
“Yeah, it was fine,” nodded Cerise.
They sat with Tom at the Munch Box, eating their daily poutines. Cerise was definitely going to need to cut down on the junk food. Her costume had barely fit the night before. Most people get fat when they get comfortable in a relationship, but she was getting fat now that she was single again. Now she’d never get a boyfriend. Except for Tom she supposed. He was telling her she’d been great, and she returned the compliment without considering if it was true.
“I can’t wait for my turn tonight!” Cassie giggled.
“Yeah, it was pretty fun even if we have shit to do,” agreed Cerise. She appreciated Cassie’s enthusiasm and had to admit that the performance actually had been decently amusing.
“Oh there’s Lee!” Cassie tittered nervously.
“Lee? Is that the guy you’re into?”
“Yeah, isn’t he hot?”
Was he? Cerise regarded him as he stood in line. Cassie jumped up and joined him and they stood there talking, he staring down at her coolly, she giggling and jumping up and down.
“Do girls really go for that type?” asked Tom, seemingly as confused as she.
“The weird facial hair and psychotic shifty eyes type.”
Cerise laughed. It was a genuine laugh and she was pleased to be truly amused by something Tom said. She was glad anytime he showed himself to be appropriate boyfriend material because she was thinking more and more about elevating him to that status. “Some girls I guess,” she replied. “Not me though.”
“Nah, I prefer guys who are as nerdy as I am.”
Oh puke! Cerise was all laughing and smiling and shit and that fucking skinny-ass nerd guy was totally drooling all over her, looking down her shirt every two seconds, leaning in to her to talk. Terry’s hands got sore and he realized he’d been holding them in fists. Well fuck them both! Fuck Cerise for moving on so quickly and so easily and fuck that nerd guy for being such a fucking nerd! Fuck!!!!
Terry pulled himself together and walked outside just as he received a text from Karine, beckoning him to the back door outside Casgrain. He joined her there and shared her cigarette as she admonished him for not having said anything.
“Oh yeah, right. It was good. You were really good.”
“Thanks so much,” she sighed, rolling her eyes, clearly aware that he hadn’t been paying attention during the production.
“No seriously, you were really good,” he said, pretty sure it wasn’t a lie.
“I know it’s a boring play.”
“Well you were really pretty in that pink dress.” This was definitely true.
“Thanks. Closing night is Saturday. Do you wanna come to the cast party? It’s at my place.”
He sort of shrugged, trying to indicate that he wasn’t sure. He knew Cerise would be there and he desperately wanted to be there too but wouldn’t she be there with that stupid nerd guy from stupid Theatre Workshop? That was maybe just a bit too much torture even for Terry.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. It’s a big house, you don’t have to cross paths with Cerise if you don’t want to.”
“Well I mean, do you think I should though? I mean, do you think she’d be willing to like, talk to me? Maybe enough time has passed. Maybe we can work things out.”
“Whatever, Terry. I have class.” Karine walked off without another word.
“Whatever, Terry. I have class.” Karine walked off without another word.
Well fuck her too then! Terry definitely wasn’t going to go to that fucking party! Not if Cerise was gonna be there! Well, maybe just for a little bit. Just to make sure she wasn’t making out with that nerd guy. No! What was he thinking? What if she was making out with him? What would he do then? There was nothing he could do so he might as well spare himself the pain. He took out his phone and sent a text off to Andrew, making plans for that night. He would get drunk and he’d get laid by some random hot chick and that’s all there was to it.
So it was completely random and not at all on purpose that he ended up in Hochelaga sort of eavesdropping on Cerise talking to that spaz muffin Jason Harris and his spasmodic hair of spazitude. He was just walking past to get to class, honestly, when he saw her walking towards Jay stupid hairris and sitting next to him on the ground and talking to him and cheering him up when he complained about how he was doing really shitty in calculus and he had an exam coming up in like two seconds. She seemed pretty incredulous that he was only starting to study now and he admitted to being a loser. Hah! Terry could have told him that years ago. Jay said how it didn’t matter, even if he studied like crazy he’d never get it ‘cause he was no Wesley Crusher and Terry wasn’t really sure who that was but Cerise seemed to think it was no one to aspire to be. Jay said this Crusher guy’s twitter was pretty interesting and Cerise confessed to not being so into twitter. Jay made fun of Cerise for being a luddite and Terry wasn’t sure what that was but Cerise seemed to think it was a pretty good joke and sarcastically admitted to being one.
What?! So gross! Why was he touching her neck? He was saying stuff about charging up and needing a plug-in and Terry didn’t even know. Why was Cerise letting him touch her like that? So nasty. Only Terry could… he caught himself. Was he really stalking his ex-girlfriend, getting all jealous ‘cause she was hanging out with some stupid guy who was so clueless he’d never be able to maintain an erection for more than two seconds anyway? Cerise could hang out with whoever she wanted, Terry didn’t give a shit. She could even fuck around with whoever… and now that stupid Tom guy was joining the party? What, was it gonna be some sort of orgy or something? Cerise and a bunch of losers? Jay and Tom and Porta-potty chick and Wesley Crusher all going down on her and shit? Ugh! Terry seriously had to get himself together.
Cerise walked off with that stupid Tom guy and Terry knew he should walk away but he didn’t. He found himself walking up to Jay, who was standing up and putting his books away.
“Hey,” said Terry icily.
Jay looked up at him and froze, obviously intimidated. “Uh hey,” he stammered, looking majorly uncomfortable.
Terry just stood there, staring down at him, not smiling, not smirking, not anything, just staring. Jay was unable to maintain eye contact. He kept looking around, his eyes coming back to Terry’s face every so often and then looking away in fear. Beads of sweat began forming on his forehead.
“I have an exam,” he finally whispered and hugging his books to his chest, he crept away, shoulders hunched.
What a fucking loser.