“You have a lot of chicks hanging off you tonight,” said Townsend, nudging Terry slyly. “Pretty hot ones too.”
Terry shrugged nonchalantly as though it was completely normal for a ton of chicks to be drooling all over him all the time. The girls were being pretty attentive tonight, more so than usual but he saw no reason to let his hockey buddies know this wasn’t standard procedure. Truth was, a year ago, before Cerise it was standard procedure!
Townsend and Robertson and Morgan all grinned slyly and chuckled like they all knew Terry would be fucking all these chicks in an orgy later on. Wouldn’t it be awesome if that actually happened? Hey, even if he was exclusive with Cerise, he could still fantasize, right? Actually, had he and Cerise ever officially declared themselves to be exclusive? Maybe she was into sex with multiple chicks; maybe she was totally bi and he didn’t even know it because he’d never asked. He should totally ask. Of course, might be an idea to fuck her alone before fucking her with other chicks. Man, when the fuck was she gonna let him pop that cherry!? Hah! Cherry. He was so hilarious sometimes. No one even appreciated that about him.
Still, this was totally the best birthday ever. Even if he couldn’t bang all these chicks, Cerise was still totally awesome and everything was awesome and cool and stuff.
He threw back the last of his beer, having completely lost count of how many he’d had and asked Robertson to repeat his question, ‘cause he totally hadn’t been listening.
“You’re going out with the blonde one, right?”
“Yeah, Cerise,” Terry nodded. “She’s named after cherries. Tastes like them too.”
They all laughed. He was so on tonight.
“So the chick with the curly hair is available?”
“Karine? Yeah.”
Was Robertson gonna try to move in on Karine? Whatever. She was so way too good for him.
“What about the other ones?” asked Townsend.
“Uh, Sarah and Cassie have boyfriends, that’s the Asian one and the short one. But Janice is free. She’s the one in the shorts and leggings. I don’t get shorts and leggings. Like, if it’s hot enough for shorts, it’s too hot for leggings, right?”
“Seriously, just take off the shorts. We’ve all seen her ass anyway, why is she trying to cover it?” asked Robertson.
“Seriously, is there anyone here who hasn’t fucked Janice yet?” laughed Townsend.
“I haven’t, actually,” admitted Morgan. “Is she any good?”
“Fuck yeah!” said Robertson. “Best blowjob I ever had. I’d go back for more but she’s more of a one-night-stand type of chick, far as I know. Ok so anyway, that Karen chick…”
“Karine.”
“Right. So, put in a good word for me?”
“Yeah right,” snickered Terry. “She’s way too good for your sorry ass!”
As if Terry would ever let Robertson anywhere near Karine. Robertson was a total man whore. He was basically the male version of Janice. There probably wasn’t a slut around he hadn’t fucked and he wasn’t known to stick around for more than one night. Karine could totally do better. Actually, Morgan was a stand-up guy. Maybe he should set them up.
“You don’t look like you’re having much fun,” said Cerise, sitting next to Jay, who sat at a table staring into his half empty beer glass.
“No way, it’s a hoot and a half. I’m having a rockin’ ol’ time! Yeehaw!”
Cerise laughed and accused him of being a spaz then reminded him that he didn’t have to be here.
“Well everyone else is here,” he shrugged. “When was it decided though? You know, when was it decided that the thing to do is to go to bars?”
“I know, right? It’s like, why?”
“I mean I like a good drunken stupor as much as the next guy but like, seems to me, nights of debauchery are a lot more fun when they involve dice and fictional death than sweaty bodies bumping into me all the time.”
Cerise raised an eyebrow.
“Wow, I even surprised myself with that one,” sighed Jay. “Fuck, I’m such a nerd.”
“Yeah, I didn’t wanna say.”
“Shit. I really just revealed how pathetic I am, didn’t I? Now I’m all depressed.”
“You looked pretty depressed already,” shrugged Cerise. “Seriously, downer much? I thought I’d be the one having the worst time tonight. At least you drink. Shouldn’t you be engaging in whatever debauchery results from drunkenness, just like everyone else?”
“Yes, and yet here I am. I must now commit hara-kiri.”
“You’re not a samurai.”
“Is there no end to my misery?”
“Seriously, Jay. Why are you always so down lately? Your life isn’t that bad.”
“Oh yeah? Why not? ‘Cause there are people in the world who have it worse? Sure, ok fine. But knowing other people have shittier lives doesn’t make my life better, it just makes theirs worse. Ok, so they win at the suck Olympics but you know what, even coming in last at sucking still sucks!”
“You know the saddest part of that rant is that I actually get it. No, the saddest part is that I agree with it. Which just makes me as much of a loser as you.”
Cerise stared at Jay intently and he stared back. Then they both burst into laughter.
Janice climbed on top of one of the massive speakers and started taking off her tank top. Karine pulled her down and forced her to readjust her clothes. God, Janice could be so exhausting sometimes.
“God, slow down, Janice. Are you even drunk yet?”
“Karine, it’s not about being drunk. It’s about being…”
“A slut?”
Janice cackled with glee. “I was gonna say free. But slut works too.”
“Maybe you should pace yourself,” Karine said between laughs.
“Ok, mom. God, what is up with you? You have such a stick in your ass these days. What happened to you? You used to be so much fun. Remember back in the day you used to be so crazy.”
Karine tried not to get angry because it was a fair point. “We were kids back then, Janice.”
“We’re kids now, Karine.” Janice laughed and took Karine’s head between her hands, kissing her full on the lips.
Janice cackled and ran off and Karine laughed, acting like she was having fun, like it wasn’t agony watching Janice be the life of the party. Everyone was staring at her. She grabbed Jay’s beer and guzzled it, giggling like she was having a good time. Cerise said something about how crazy Janice was and Karine agreed, like it was cool and not completely fucking annoying as hell.
Terry came along and slobbered all over Cherry and then asked her to go play pool but Karine grabbed him and said she’d play with him so they went off together. Maybe this night could still be salvaged if she could spend some time with her one true friend.
“Let’s play pool too,” suggested Vani.
“Ok,” agreed Jay and they immediately turned to the tiny pool table Sarah had given Terry.
They played for a bit, Vani and Willy on one team and Jay and Cerise on the other. It was pretty much impossible to move those little balls with those little tooth pick sized sticks but therein laid the fun. After a while Cerise took off and went to dance with her theatre friends, leaving Jay with Vani and Willy, just like the good old days, but then Jojo came to join them and it was like the really old days and it sucked.
Jay suddenly noticed that Lee was on the dance floor, dancing with the chicks and he even seemed to be flirting with Cavity, who actually seemed to be flirting back. It was kind of funny to see that Jojo’s territory was being moved in on but kind of annoying that Lee was apparently capable of successfully chatting up chicks. Wasn’t his whole deal being weird and anti-establishment and annoying and stuff? Hadn’t Cavity found him totally obnoxious when he’d gone off at the activist meeting? Why was she now dancing with him? How come no girls ever danced with Jay?
Oh hell no. Andrew Lester and his incredible douchitude had just shown up. Cerise wished she’d stayed on the dance floor with Cassie and Janice and Sarah but a second earlier she’d joined Terry and Karine to watch them play pool. But now that Andrew was there it became another flashback from ‘Nam
Terry and Andrew shook hands in that brotastic way that irritated her so much and Andrew said hey to Karine but she barely acknowledged him.
“Long time no see, chickadee,” Andrew smarmed.
Karine didn’t even respond. She just kept her eyes on the pool table.
“So what’s up, man?” Andrew asked Terry.
“Nothin’ much. Just doin’ the b-day thing.”
“Oh right. You’re eighteen now, eh? Good times.”
“Yep.”
“I’ll buy you a beer.”
He walked off to the bar and Cerise tried not to let her hate of him emanate off of her like his hideous Axe body spray emanated off of him.
When Andrew came back, he handed Terry a beer and also had one for Karine but she turned away from him as he tried to hand it to her. She tossed her pool cue onto the table and walked away. So weird. Cerise watched her walk into the washroom and with a parting smile to Terry, she followed.
“What’s wrong?” Cerise asked Karine, who stood at a sink, staring into the mirror.
“Nothing.”
It was obviously untrue. It’s not that Karine looked extremely upset; she was rather stone faced actually. Her eyes were dead and her body tense.
“Are you ok?” Cerise asked delicately.
“Yeah.” Karine turned to Cerise but didn’t make eye contact. “I think I’m gonna go.”
“How come?”
“Can you tell Terry I had to go?”
“You’re not even gonna say goodbye to him?”
“Can you tell him, or not?” she snapped.
“Yeah, ok.” Cerise nodded, wide-eyed.
Karine walked off without another word.
“I hate Professor Channing. He’s so intense. You must learn to love physics! Love it!!!” rambled Jay as he swigged another beer.
They were all sitting down now, everyone except Terry Trebithinkshe’sso-
coolsky’causehe’slegalnowwhatafuckingassholesky and his stupid friend Andrew Lester. And Cerise who was busy tolerating Terry Trebiwhateversky and Andrew Lester. And Karine wasn’t there either. Where the hell was she?
“Yeah, he’s awesome,” smirked Karl. “Although when you think about it, if he was such a good physicist why would he be teaching at cegep?”
“Good point,” nodded Sarah. “But he still knows his stuff.”
“How do we really know though?” asked Jay. “He talks like he knows but maybe it’s all bullshit and it’s not actually valid physics.”
Karl rolled his eyes. “Implying we wouldn’t we able to tell the difference? Speak for yourself, plebe.”
“I think his wardrobe is proof that his physics are valid,” mused Lee. “He clearly spends all his time thinking about dark matter and that’s why he never changes his jacket.”
“I know!” hissed Vani. “That fucking jacket is driving me insane!”
“Nah man, it’s cool. It’s cool,” Lee smiled warmly, as if caught in a reverie of physics jackets.
“It’s cool,” nodded Vani in understanding.
“Maybe it’s ‘cause he doesn’t have any other clothes ‘cause he’s an android and he doesn’t even have a home. He just lives in the Physics department and plugs into the optics table to recharge,” suggested Jay.
“That’d be cool, man, way cool,” smiled Lee. “Even if he were an android I’d still love him. He introduced me to the wonders of optical properties.” Lee leaned over to Cavity and winked at her like speaking about optics was a pick-up technique.
Cavity giggled like she was totally buying it.
“You guys! I’m dancing all by myself over here!” bellowed that weird girl, Janet or whatever. Jay had totally forgotten about her existence, which was weird because she made a great point of making herself known. What a spaz. She and Lee should have joined up and formed some sort of spaz society for spazzing out.
Sarah and Cavity got up and went to the dance floor and Lee went with them, even putting his arm around Cavity as he went. Jojo, coward that he was, could only scowl in response and follow them. What a pussy.
“Wow, Lee is a really mellow drunk,” observed Vani.
“Seriously, he’s nicer drunk than sober,” agreed Willy. “It’s weird.”
“Somewhat disturbing,” noted Karl.
“They say your true personality comes out when you’re drunk,” said Jay.
“That’s not substantiated,” said Vani, as though offended by the notion.
“Yeah it is,” insisted Jay. “Like how Willy becomes a cry-baby.”
“Good point, well made,” smiled Vani.
“So I guess in his private life Lee collects like, bunnies or something,” suggested Karl.
“Yeah, and he makes them little bunny outfits and he sets up little tea parties for them,” laughed Jay.
“And then he like slaughters them when he thinks someone’s on to him,” giggled Vani like a little school girl.
“And then he mourns their little bunny souls and he has little bunny funerals. And he invites all the bunnies in the land to come pay their respects and then he collects them too and the cycle continues.”
“I wonder if they have a twelve-step program for that,” said Vani.
“So did you guys notice Lee macking all over Cavity?” asked Jay.
“One would be hard pressed not to notice,” said Karl. “Unless one were visually impaired or afflicted with a lack of observational skills brought on by general mental deficiency. I’m wearing my glasses so yes I noticed. Willy is retarded, so him, not so much.”
Willy just rolled his eyes in response, perhaps too drunk to fight back. It was only a matter of time before he started bawling.
“Maybe they have a twelve-step program for that,” said Vani.
“For what? For noticing shit or for macking on another guy’s girl?” asked Jay.
“I dunno, take your pick. I’m just trying to make twelve-step program catch on as like, a saying.”
“Yeah, you’ve been trying that for years and you’re still the only one who says it. Might be time to move on,” sighed Jay.
“Never!”
“Man, Jojo isn’t even doing anything about it. Like check it. Lee is practically making out with Cavity and Jojo’s just like, taking it. What a fucking loser,” said Willy.
“I thought Cavity hated Lee ‘cause he was a jerk at that meeting there,” said Jay.
“Well apparently she got over it,” said Vani. “Probably joined a twelve-step program.”
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