Friday, March 29, 2013

Season 3 – Episode 9 – Act V

            “So what about the Cardassians?” asked Vani as he plopped himself down onto the couch in Jay’s basement.
            Willy and Karl followed him in and sat down as well, as Karl responded to Vani’s question nonchalantly.  So that’s how they were going to play it then.  They were going to ignore Jay’s outburst at the Munch Box, acting like it had never happened.  Jay supposed that was fine with him.
            “I say we kill ‘em,” said Willy, opening a bag of chips.
            “Who?” asked Jay.
            “The Cardies!”
            “Disagree,” said Vani.  “We can propose a treaty.  The Cardies are better as an ally than an enemy.”
            “Jay?” asked Karl.  “What say ye?”
            Jay tried to think about it.  He knew it was an important mission and that the Cardassians were breathing down their necks.  Vani was probably right, they made better allies than enemies but they were basically evil.  It wasn’t right to align themselves with a villain.  Jay’s character was Scrupulous after all. 
            “Jay!” prompted Willy.
            “I’m thinking!” he shot back.
            “It’s not bad enough you made everybody hate us, now you have to suck at the game too?!” yelled Willy.
            “Jay always sucked at the game,” snickered Vani.
            “You’re the one who sucks!  At the game and at life!  Both of you,” Jay said angrily.
            “Here we go again,” said Karl while rolling his eyes.  “At first your motor control issues were amusing but now they’re getting annoying.”
            “Well fuck!  She hates me!”
            “And who would she be?” asked Karl knowingly.
            “Cerise hates you too,” pointed out Willy.
            “Everyone hates you,” said Vani.  “And us by extension, which is totally unfair.”
            “Whatever, who cares?” asked Karl.  “We have way more time for the game now so it’s all good.”
            “It’s not good!” countered Vani.  “This whole situation sucks to the power of tron.  It’s like being back in high school.”
            “That much is true,” mused Karl.  Terry’s beating on us, Karine looks down on us, Sarah hates us, it’s like we don’t even know Cerise.  Yeah, it’s like being back in grade 10.  Oh well, la plus ça change, la plus ça stays the same.”
            “The only friends we have anymore are each other,” said Willy with disgust and Vani shuddered visibly.  “And it’s all your fault, Jay!”
            “You’re the one who gave me the ultimatum!” Jay growled at Willy.  “And you guys went along with it!”
            “Well we didn’t think you’d make the wrong choice!” said Karl. 
            “Seriously, you fucking cock!” agreed Vani.  “Just because you’re so fucking obsessed with Karine Cavalière and her fucking tits, everyone fucking hates us now!  All the work we did in the past two years to become cool is all for nothing!  You just destroyed it in like a month!”
            “You never should’ve gone out with Cerise in the first place,” sighed Karl.
            “No shit,” agreed Willy.  “But you just couldn’t ignore your throbbing cock.  You just had to fuck every chick in the vicinity.”
            “Yeah,” nodded Vani emphatically.  “You just had to get in her pants, eh?  Well, all you’ve done is turned everything into suck!”
            “Fuck you!  Fuck all of you, you fucking cock-suckers!” Jay raged, not even caring that he was yelling at the top of his lungs and his mother was home.  “At least I’m trying to do shit!  What have you losers done?  Karl’s had one girlfriend, and he didn’t even have the guts to go after her.  He waited for her to make the first move, and then she fucking dumped him because he’s such a fucking robot.  And Willy went out with the only chick who was desperate enough to tolerate him and he promptly got her pregnant and then ditched her and her wiggling foetus.”
            Vani giggled.  “Wiggling foetus.”
            “And you Vani, you’ve never even gone out with a chick!  You’re so fucking scared of women that you can’t even ask one out!  All you can do is come on to Terry Trebichavsky and his giant hockey stick!  At least I’m trying!”
            “Better not to try at all than try and fail,” pouted Vani.  “And turn everything into suck.”
            “I can’t believe you actually believe that.  You’d rather do shit all ‘cause you’re a fucking coward and you actually think that makes sense!  God, I can’t stand you assholes!  Get the fuck out of my house!”
            “Oh wow, I think this is the zenith of Jay’s motor control,” said Vani languidly while the others chuckled.
            “Fuck your fucking motor control!” Jay yelled and stood, upturning the table as he went.  Karl’s books and dice went flying.
            The guys all looked at the table in shock, then up at Jay, who was heaving in anger.  Then they all burst into laughter.
            “Motor. Fucking. Control!” laughed Karl.
            Jay sighed and slumped down onto the couch.  “I hate you guys so much,” he said, uttering a chuckle of his own.  He gently kicked Willy in the face and told him to pick up the dice. 

            “I think I hate Kim,” said Shauna as she sat with Leanne at a table in Cunningham’s.  They were watching Kim and Brenda dance.
            “You wouldn’t be the first,” Leanne shrugged.
            Shauna had been thinking about it and she decided that Kim had been rude to her and her half-hearted apology had been bullshit.  True, it was an apology, which was more than most people had ever done, but still, she was basically a bitch.  “She acts like everything is so easy.”
            “Yeah,” Leanne nodded.
            “It’s annoying.”  But then again, Shauna was in no position to dismiss people who could be potential friends.  “I think I hate her, but I’m not sure.”
            “You maybe like her a bit too?”
            “I dunno.  Not really.  I mean, I know I should hate her.  She’s like all the people I always hate.  She acts like she’s so great.  Like she’s better than me.  And I guess she is.”
            “No she isn’t.”
            “She acts like she doesn’t give a shit about anything.”
            Leanne nodded.
            “Do you think she hates me?” asked Shauna.
            “What’s weird?” asked Leanne as she drank her newly arrived beer.
            “Usually I hate people ‘cause they hate me.  It’s weird to hate someone who doesn’t hate me first.  Like I tried to hate you but it didn’t work.”
            “You tried to hate me?” asked Leanne with a furrowed brow.
            “It didn’t work.  You’re too nice I guess.”
            Leanne chuckled.  “I was really proud of you, you know.  When you bitched out Kim at group.  You really showed her.”
            Shauna grinned.  “Thanks!”
            “Well, turning over furniture is helpful, Jay, no question about that but it’s not helpful enough,” said Vani as he stroked his chin, which was peppered with spotty and embarrassing facial hair.
            “We need a plan is what we need,” agreed Karl.
            “A scheme shall we say,” nodded Vani.
            Jay sighed and listened as he ate Willy’s chips.
            “Something crazy.  Something zany.  Something thirsty.  Something pastry.  No wait, I think I’m just hungry,” said Karl. “Pass me those chips!”
            “We need something to turn the fabric of the Universe back to its proper course,” suggested Vani.
            “Like what?” Jay asked.
            “A party?” suggested Vani.
            “Could do,” shrugged Karl.
            “Yeah,” snorted Willy.  “We invite everyone and make them like us again!  It’s foolproof!  Except no one would even come!”
            “Well I had that party after grad and people came.”
            “Most of those people didn’t even know who you were.  And it’s not like we hung out with anyone at that party except ourselves,” said Jay.
            “Concurrence,” conceded Karl.   “We might as well just accept our fate.  It was fun while it lasted but it was doomed to fail.”
            “Such a naysayer!” lamented Vani.  “We can’t just resign ourselves to being losers for all time.”
            “But it’s what we are. Just deal with it,” said Karl.
            “No, we gotta try something!” said Willy.
            “Meh, effort,” said Karl.  “Let’s just keep gaming.”
            “Way to make my point, Karl,” scoffed Jay.  “It’s because you’re so fucking lazy and scared to do anything that your lives suck.”
            “No, our lives suck because you alienated everyone we’ve ever met!” countered Vani.
            Karl finished the thought.  “Because you just had to get into the pants of every girl we’ve ever come across!”
            “I’m not the one who alienated…” Jay thought for a moment.  “Jenn!”
            “Alienating Jenn was a good thing, Jay.  Try to keep up,” said Vani.
            “Yeah, freak,” smirked Willy.
            Karl sighed.  “Ok, so about those Cardassians.”
            “Alliance!” insisted Vani.
“I think we should torture them until they break,” said Willy.
“Yeah, ‘cause Cardies are really known for their easy breakability,” scoffed Karl.
“There are five lights,” said Jay quietly.
“It’s four lights, Jay.  There are four lights,” said Karl condescendingly.
“I suppose I see five,” said Jay.
“God, you’re so easily broken,” said Karl as he shook his head.

Karine finally made good on her promise to Christina and invited her over for a night of drinking and watching movies.  They were pretty much ignoring the movies and just bitching about everyone they knew.  Karine spent a good deal of time ranting about the play and how it sucked, and how everyone was trying to steal her spotlight by like, totally rewriting the thing.  Especially Cerise, who was clearly trying to become the star of the show, even though she was only in three scenes.  It was actually embarrassing for her.  Who did she think she was?  Christina totally got what Karine was saying, ‘cause she knew Cerise could be that way, always trying to take what wasn’t hers.  God, such a bitch! 

For the first time ever, Shauna was dancing in public.  She’d danced in her bedroom before but now she was on a dance floor in a bar with other people!  Strangely enough, it was Kim who’d dragged her out to the dance floor.  Brenda and Leanne were dancing too, and they were one big group.  It was fun.  And Shauna wasn’t even drunk!  Buzzed maybe but not drunk.  It was crazy!  She couldn’t remember when she’d ever had such a good time.  And she didn’t even need Cerise for it!

Nick had been on a date with one of the guys from the gay club but apparently it hadn’t gone well because it was still pretty early when he came over to Terry’s.  They put Brittany to bed and stepped out onto the balcony, which was really more of a fire escape, and shared a joint.  It had been so long since Terry had smoked up.  And he didn’t even need to feel guilty about it.  Cerise would have made him feel bad, but they weren’t together anymore and probably never would be again.  And that was ok.  Life would go on.  He’d find a new girlfriend and everything would be fine. 

Once the guys had gone, Jay left the basement a mess and went up to his bedroom.  He wasn’t tired but he went to bed anyway.  Life seriously sucked now, didn’t it?  And the guys were basically right.  Even though it was their own dick move to force a ridiculous ultimatum on Jay, he’s the one who made the wrong choice. Karine really was indifferent to him at best, and hated him at worst.  And who would he usually turn to, to talk to about these things? Certainly not the guys.  He needed to talk to Cerise of course, and yet he’d alienated her as well.  Dumping her had probably been the stupidest thing he’d ever done, next to going out with her in the first place.  What had he been thinking?  He truly was a moron.  But why couldn’t Cerise just chill about it?  She’d seemed cool there for a while.  Why had she suddenly decided she hated him?  Fuck her and her stupid female emotions.  Girls so weren’t worth the trouble they caused.

            No new messages.  Cerise thought she’d heard her phone chime, but it must have been her imagination.  Oh well.  She supposed if she wanted to do something on a Saturday night it was up to her to call her friends.  But she was too lazy for that.  She’d just stay home and watch SNL alone.  Sometimes it was nice to be alone. 
            Had her phone chimed?  She picked it up.  Nope, no email and no texts.  Oh well.

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