Season 3 – Episode 3 – Act V

            “Toniiiiiggghhhht!  We are young…ung…ung… So let’s set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the suuuuuuun!”

            They always had to start each gaming session with a song and lately Vani was into We Are Young.  Jay liked the song too and always tried to outsing Vani.  They were practically yelling by the time they got to the chorus and at first Jay didn’t notice when Cerise and Karine came in.  He stopped as soon as he saw them but then he figured that’d be like admitting he was embarrassed so he just kept going, singing even more loudly, being super obnoxious about it and even jumping on the furniture.  Vani followed suit and they were soon flying around the room.

            Karine cracked up when the song was over.  Why was she in his house?

            “Well I guess this means we can’t game anymore,” sighed Karl, putting away his dice.

            “I don’t mind if you guys play your little game,” smiled Karine.

            “Mmm, indeed,” scoffed Karl, stuffing all his books back into his backpack. 

            “How come we spent all summer at the bakery instead of here?” asked Karine, sinking into a couch.  “This place is way more comfortable.”

            “Parental units, duh,” said Vani.

            “Oh right,” nodded Karine. 

            “Where’s Terry?” asked Vani.

            “He’s out with Nick,” explained Cerise.

            Vani frowned.  “Really?  Well.  He and Nick certainly seem very chummy these days.”

            “What’s your damage against Nick?” Cerise chuckled.

            “No damage!  None at all!” Vani threw up his arms in exasperation.

            Karl smirked and began to sing.  “People let me tell you ‘bout Terry’s best friend, he’s Nick and not Vani ‘cause Vani don’t play hockey.  People let me tell you ‘bout Terry’s best friend, he’s big and buff and tall and he’ll beat up all o’ y’all.”

            “I acknowledge the well-doneness of that improvisational ditty while denying that I would ever be jealous of that buffoon,” scowled Vani.  “I’m totally jealous!” he wailed a moment later.

            “He thought he was the only man in Terry’s life,” smiled Jay as Cerise and Karine giggled.

            “I thought our love was pure.  But he’s betrayed me.”

            Willy shook his head.  “I don’t get why everybody makes gay jokes about me when Vani practically walks around with a gay stamp on his forehead.”

            “Our love is not homosexual love.  It’s just man love.  Like in Greek times.

            “Yeah, that was homosexual love,” explained Karl.

            “The purest love of all,” nodded Vani.

            “What about that chick?” asked Terry as he straightened up from the pool table.

            Even though the last time they’d gone out they’d gone downtown and it had been awesome, this time they were more lazy and just went to a pool bar in Ste-Anne’s.  Everyone here would be a student at JAC so it was a good place to find a girlfriend and not just a hook-up.  Not that Nick even wanted a girlfriend.  It seemed like he wasn’t into that although it also seemed like he wasn’t into just casual sex.  Terry couldn’t quite figure him out.  He was being super picky, having dissed every single chick Terry pointed out.

            Nick shook his head and took a shot, missing it.

            “What the fuck is your problem?  You’re dissing everyone.”

            “Guess I’m just lazy,” Nick shrugged.

            “You’re gonna lazy yourself into some major blue balls if you don’t get some action soon.”

            “That’s what the internet is for,” Nick smirked.

            “Yeah but fuck, don’t you ever get the urge to have someone real?  Fuck, I’d be freaking out if I couldn’t put it in a real pussy at least a couple times a week.”

            “Yeah,” nodded Nick.  “When I get desperate I’ll let you know.  You can pick someone out and we’ll double stuff her.”

            Terry laughed.  “Double stuff like V and A or V and M?”

            Nick shrugged.  “Hey I’ll take any hole as long as it’s well lubed.”

            Terry laughed again.  “You ever done anal?” he asked, looking around to make sure no girls were listening.

            Nick nodded.

            “Was she into it?  ‘Cause I’ve done it a couple times but never with a chick who was super into it.  I know girls like that exist ‘cause the internet says so and the internet never lies, right?”

            Nick laughed.  “Yeah, there are people who um, prefer it.”

            “Yeah,” Terry nodded.  “I wanna ask Cerise but…” he shook his head.  “I can’t.  I mean, she’d never.  It was hard enough to get her to do it the normal way.”

            “Maybe she’d surprise you.”

            “Yeah right.  She doesn’t even drink.  I’ve only done it with drunk girls.”

            “That sounds suspiciously like sexual assault.”

            Terry looked at Nick, not sure if he was trying to be funny or if he was seriously accusing Terry of being a date rapist.

            “I’m kidding!” Nick exclaimed.  “Shit, the look on your face!”

            Terry forced a laugh.  “But seriously, that’s not funny.  I knew a guy who did that for real.  Like you know, did shit to a girl without her wanting it.  I’d never do that.”

            “Me neither!” insisted Nick. 

            Terry nodded in relief and went back to their game.

            “Fuck, Shauna.  You’re drinking me under the table,” Leanne chuckled.

            “Well at least I’m good at something,” shrugged Shauna.  She adjusted her seat slightly so she wouldn’t have to look at Cerise’s boyfriend play pool across the bar with one of his big friends. 

            Suddenly the Glue Sniffers were hovering over their table.  “Well, well, if it isn’t Porta-potty chick.”

            “You know we never did give her that present from grad,” giggled Wendy.

            Shauna was sure it was a terrible present.  She looked up at Leanne but didn’t know what to say.  What was she supposed to do?  She could wait for the terrible thing or run away she supposed.  Leanne stood up and stared down the Glue Sniffers, asking them what their problem was.  They said she was.  Leanne yelled at them to go away and they actually did.  For now.

            “You ok?” Leanne asked Shauna.

            She couldn’t hold back the tears.  It was embarrassing but she just couldn’t help it. 

            “Hey, it’s ok,” said Leanne as she rested her hand on Shauna’s shoulder. 

            “And he was all like, your experiment failed to yield significant results and I was all like, says you mother-fucker and he was all like, your methodology bites my ass and I was all like, bite this asshole!  And then I killed him.  Except without the part where I kill him.  Or talked back in any way.  Or showed up for class that day.”

            Karine laughed.  Jay’s stories were always so random and pointless.  It was hilarious.

            “So Brady’s pretty cute,” said Cerise. 

            “I know, eh?” agreed Karine.

            “You gonna go out with him?”

            Karine tried not to show her annoyance.  Why was Cerise bringing this up?  She looked at Jay, trying to be casual about it.  Sure enough he seemed upset; he had that mildly panicked look in his eyes he always got when he thought he wasn’t making any headway with Karine.  So was Cerise doing this on purpose?  But maybe it was a good idea to get Jay jealous.  It might spur him into action.  Yeah right.  He was inert, like a gas.  He was about as effective as one of Willy’s farts when it came to asking her out.

            “Yeah, I might as well, right?” she replied.  “I mean he’s nice, he’s cute, he makes a great Captain Von Trapp.”

            “A Captain you say?” asked Vani.  “Who is this military leader of whom you speak.”

            “My male lead in Sound of Music,” explained Karine.

            “I don’t like him,” pouted Jay.

            “You’ve never even met him!” laughed Karine.

            “Well he sounds like bad news.”

            Karine kept giggling and Jay went on to say that anyone with the name Brady must surely have several siblings and be stuck in the ‘70s.  It was a recipe for disaster.  Jay was such a dork.  If only Karine didn’t find him so endearing. 

            “So you gonna be ok?” asked Leanne as she and Shauna stepped off the 211.

            Shauna nodded with embarrassment.  It’s like she was an infant. Being escorted home by a friend was utterly humiliating.  But she didn’t want to risk going home alone with the Glue Sniffers running around.  And Leanne had offered.  She really was her friend, wasn’t she?

            “So you wanna talk about it?”

            Shauna certainly didn’t, but she felt obligated now that Leanne was like her bodyguard.  “I dunno.  They’re just assholes I knew in high school.”

            “They bullied you?”

            Shauna nodded.

            “You want me to come in?”

            Shauna must have looked worried because Leanne immediately backed off, assuring Shauna that everything would be ok and that they’d talk more at school on Monday.  The west-bound bus arrived and Leanne ran across the street to catch it, telling Shauna to call if she wanted to talk.

            The last thing Shauna wanted was to talk.  All she wanted was to die.

Season 3 – Episode 3 – Act IV

Band rehearsal that Saturday had been relatively brief, consisting of only a few hours, which was a change compared to all the time they’d put in during the tour but Cerise was glad it hadn’t taken too long.  She enjoyed being in the band but she was really looking forward to rehearsals for Theatre Workshop.  The Sound of Music was a great choice and she was super eager for all the costumes and classic songs. 

She lingered at Tom’s house to discuss the awesomeness with him as the other guys took off and after a few minutes she went outside and whipped out her phone, intending to consult the STM site for the bus schedule.

“Need a lift?” asked Jeff, leaning against his car, which was parked across the street.

“Ok,” she said, wondering if he had an ulterior motive.  She didn’t trust him, not after all the weird passes he’d made during their tour but a lift would be way faster than the bus.

“That movie reeks,” said Jeff after she’d told him what play they were doing at school.

“I like it!” she replied, adjusting the passenger sunshield thingy to keep the sun out of her eyes.

“You would,” he snarked.

“What does that mean?”

“You’re totally the type of chick who makes lolcats.”

“I so don’t!  I don’t even like cats.  I’m allergic to them.”

“Doesn’t stop you from liking whiskers on kittens and warm woollen mittens.”

“You have a pretty good grasp of Favorite Things for someone who thinks The Sound of Music sucks.”

“Well I mean who doesn’t like brown paper packages tied up with string?  Am I right?  Especially when they carry the dismembered body parts of Chinese exchange students.”

“You’re such an ass!” said Cerise.

“Hey, it’s important for Canada to keep up with the States in all things, be it Olympic medals or sociopathic killers.”

“You’re gross.”

“So speaking of sociopathic killers,” he said as he stopped at a red light.  “You still with that boyfriend of yours?”

Cerise sighed.  “Jeff, don’t do this.”

“Do what?” he asked innocently.

“Say mean shit about my boyfriend.”

“Geez, relax, I was just kidding.”

“Well it’s not funny.  And you know, it makes me uncomfortable when you…”

“Ok fine, jesus, sorry.  What the fuck happened to your sense of humour?” he asked, not unkindly.

“I save it for when jokes are actually funny.”

“I bet you would’a laughed at something like that before you started dating a serial killer.”

“What the fuck…” she exclaimed.

“Relax!  Man, that temper of yours…” he whistled.

“What about it?” she asked between gritted teeth.

“I missed it,” he snickered.

She sighed heavily.  “You’re such a fucking ass.  If you weren’t driving I’d punch you in the face!”

“There she is!  There’s that feisty cherry!”

“Oh my god, shut up!”

She knew he was goading her and part of her was genuinely annoyed but another part was enjoying the banter.  Terry had been right; this sort of thing was flirting, wasn’t it?  This was the way she and Terry used to interact.  But now Terry was always exhausted or taking care of Britt.  Cerise wasn’t the least bit attracted to Jeff but it was fun to joke around like this. 

He pulled up at her house and she thanked him for the lift, calling him an asshole as she undid her seatbelt.

“Anytime, bitch,” he replied.

“Fuck you,” she smirked. 

Just as she was about to get out he took her hand and pulled her towards him, kissing her on the side of her mouth.  She pushed him away and made a noise of disgust and he instantly raised his hands in defence, apologizing profusely with a wide grin that indicated he wasn’t sorry in the least.

“You can’t just go around kissing me and then cancelling it out by apologizing.”

“Well it’s hard.  I mean it’s hard being around you sometimes, ok,” he said pathetically.

“Well what do you want me to do about it?”

“Just keep it hard, right here.”  He took her hand and was about to place it over his crotch but she yanked it away just in time.

“Jesus fucking christ!  You’re such a perv!” she screeched.

“I’m kidding, don’t hit me!”  He covered his face with his hands.

“You’re such a dick,” she said, trying not to laugh.

He peered at her from between his fingers and chuckled.  “There’s that sense of humour.”

“Goodbye.”  She opened the door.

“Wait!”

“What?”

“Wanna make out?”

She gave him a grossed out look.  “Are you gonna chill or am I gonna have to kick your ass?”

“I’ll take the ass kicking,” he grinned.

She rolled her eyes and stepped out of the car, forcefully slamming it shut behind her.  She could sense him watching her as she walked up to her house and went inside.  He seriously was an asshole.  Why did she put up with it?  Was she just a stereotypical girl after all?  Pretending she was into nice guys when really she liked bad boys?  God, she was such a loser.  She decided to call Terry but then realized he’d be with Britt and it would be annoying to talk to him.  So she sent him a text of smileys and hearts and then went to watch TV.

“Well, Cerise kinda thinks maybe I should move back in with one of my parents but… I dunno,” Terry shrugged.

“You know, it might have been an idea to transfer to a different school,” said Nick.  “Like if you went to Dawson it’d be easier, it’s so much closer to your place.”

“And leave all this behind?” laughed Terry, spreading his arms to indicate the JAC campus.  He and Nick were doing their daily run around the track field but today there were no girls watching them so they could just be chill.  “Besides, it’s just one more year.  I might as well finish my DEC here.  Next year I can go to Concordia.  The Loyola campus is like two seconds from Vicky’s apartment.”

“You wouldn’t rather go to McGill?” asked Nick in surprise.

“I bet Concordia’s easier to get into.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you rather be a Redman than a Stinger?  I mean, there’s more prestige with McGill.  The Redman are like, the first hockey team ever.”

“Whatever fuck,” Terry snorted.  “Like I give a shit about hockey.  It’s not a given I’m gonna play at all next year.”

Nick stopped running and stared at Terry.  “You have so much talent.”

“Shut up,” Terry scoffed, trying not to sound embarrassed.

“Seriously, I bet if you took it seriously you could go pro.”

“I’m an enforcer, Nick.  I’m a fucking goon.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“Whatever.  You have a cigarette?”

“Not on me.  We’re supposed to be exercising.  Besides, I thought you quit.  I was gonna quit too.”

“Yeah, I quit,” he groaned.  “Cerise would smell it on me in a second anyway.”

“That sounds like a complaint,” said Nick with a smirk.

“Nah, we’re fine.  She can be intense but sometimes, I mean, no, it’s cool.  That’s what I like about her, that she’s so intense.  But sometimes it’s like fuck, chill, you know?”

“I guess,” shrugged Nick.

Terry sighed heavily and looked around.  “We should go out this weekend.  Get drunk, pick up chicks.  That’s what I miss about being single.  Just the fun of picking up chicks.  So how ‘bout it?  We’ll go out and you can pick up some chick and I can live vicariously through you.”

Nick chuckled.  “It would probably work best if you did the picking up and then we blindfold them and I take your place.”

Terry looked at his friend dubiously.  “You always say shit like that.  Like I’m some fucking chick-magnet and you’re Quasimodo.  Don’t act like you don’t know you’re hot.”

“Oooh, you think I’m hot?” Nick asked in a fey voice.

“For real, asshole!” Terry laughed.  “All my chick friends are constantly drooling over you.  You could have anyone you wanted.  So fucking hook up with someone so we can talk about your love life for a change!”

“Ok, I’ll work on it,” Nick grinned.

“Hey!” said Leanne brightly, appearing out of nowhere.  How’d she even know where Shauna’s locker was?  Was she stalking her?  That’d be funny, if Shauna had a stalker now.  She sort of liked the idea.

Shauna returned the greeting and agreed when Leanne asked her to join her for lunch in the cafeteria.  She’d never been to the cafeteria before.  She didn’t even know where it was.  Leanne was proving to be quite handy.  Maybe they’d become best friends and always do stuff together all the time, like even on the weekends and everything!

Rehearsal was going awesome.  They hadn’t gotten to any songs yet but Karine had done a scene at the convent and one with the kids and one with the Captain and they’d all been awesome.  This Brady guy was ok.  He had that sort of Ryan Reynolds smarmy quality that worked well for the Captain.  He was charismatic but also slightly douchey.  Karine decided he was well cast even though he was only first-year.  Nadine’s Captain Von Trapp was Ed and he was a bit more filled out so he looked more imposing but he just didn’t have that it factor that Brady had.  Karine was really pleased with her cast; it was way superiour to Nadine’s.  Even though they were only a couple of weeks in, the class was already dividing itself into cliques based on cast.  It hadn’t been that way with Alice in Wonderland but she didn’t mind the split now.  Everyone in Nadine’s cast was lame.  Hers was awesome.

They were all hanging out in the Green Room after class and Brady asked her if she wanted to rehearse their kissing scene.  She agreed and they jokingly made out while kissing their own hands.  Everyone got a good laugh out of it. 

“No but seriously,” he said.  “You wanna hang out this weekend?”

She should have known he’d ask her out.  She was the only girl in class pretty enough for the likes of him.  But she wasn’t sure she wanted to go out with him.  Oh, might as well.  She needed someone to warm her bed while she tried to decide if she wanted to give Jay a try.  She didn’t want to sound too eager though so she told him she was busy this weekend but free the next. 

“Cool,” he smiled.

It was ballsy of him to ask her out in front of everyone.  Not every guy would have the guts to do that.  It was a very Terry move. 

“So tell me your life story,” instructed Leanne as they took a seat in the crowded cafeteria.

“There’s nothing to tell,” shrugged Shauna, digging into her poutine.

“Bullshit.  What was the deal with that blonde chick?  How come shit was so weird with you two?”

“I dunno.”

“You have to actually answer questions if you expect me to learn everything about you.”

Shauna shrugged and stuffed her face with more fries so she wouldn’t have to answer.

“Ok, fine.  I’ll start.  I grew up in Baie D’urfe.  I know, riveting so far, right?  My parents are total hippies and they’re super supportive of me being gay, like sometimes they’re so into it I wonder if maybe they somehow made me gay.  ‘Cause I’m adopted and they’re total hippies and so like, is it a coincidence that I got adopted by the most tolerant people ever?  Sometimes it’s like they’re too supportive you know?  Like they go to Pflag and all the parades and shit and sometimes it’s like they’re making it all about them, instead of me.  I dunno, I shouldn’t complain.  They’re good people.  Ok, now you.”

Shauna stared at Leanne.  She’d tried to forget the lesbian stuff.  Was she always gonna make every conversation so gay?  That would be weird.

“Where do you live?” asked Leanne.

“Pointe-Claire.”

“Where’d you go to high school?”

“St-Thomas and then BHS for my last year.”

“How come you switched?”

“Long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

“It’s not important,” Shauna shrugged.

“Translation: it’s crucial.  I want all the gory details.”

Shauna just shrugged.

“Oh, you think you can deflect my curiosity.  I’ll get you to spill your guts soon enough, don’t you worry.”  Leanne laughed and smiled so happily that Shauna couldn’t help but smile as well. 

Season 3 – Episode 3 – Act III

            As soon as Terry and Cerise walked into Vicky’s apartment Brittany ran up to Terry, grabbed hold of his leg and started wailing like a banshee.

            “What’s up, Britt?” he asked.

            “Mommy won’t let me have a Elmo!”

            Vicky rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.  “She’s been impossible all day.  I made the mistake of bringing her shopping.  She saw some stupid Elmo doll and now she won’t shut up about it.  Made a huge scene right in the middle of Walmart.”

            “Elmo?” asked Terry in surprise.  “I thought she was all about Dora the Explorer these days.”

            “Me too.  But now it’s Elmo I guess.  Although if you ask me she just picked it at random because she wanted something, anything.  I can’t even go to the gas station anymore without her screaming for a toy.”

            Vicky was right.  Brittany was in a phase where she always wanted something.  All the super nanny shows said she was testing boundaries, testing authority but fuck, it was so exhausting having to deal with it on a daily basis.  Terry was strong enough to deny her all her stupid requests but he knew Vicky usually gave in rather than risk a tantrum, especially in public.  He was surprised and impressed that she’d apparently managed to resist today. 

Terry pulled Brittany off of his leg and watched as Cerise bent down to talk to her.  Before she was able to say even one word Britt freaked out and smacked her in the face and then ran away screaming.  Cerise cradled her nose and then stood up, looking at Terry in anger.  Well fuck, what did she expect?  Brittany always hit Cerise, shouldn’t she have learned by now? 

“Shit, sorry, Cerise,” he said with a sigh.  “Want some ice or something?”

“I’m so sorry, Cerise,” Vicky said in a strained voice.  “She just acts out sometimes.  Maybe she misses her father.”

Terry snorted in derision.  “How can you miss something you never really knew?”

“Then she misses the structure!  I don’t know!” Vicky snapped.  She started crying and collapsed onto the couch. 

Cerise’s eyes widened and she looked around, obviously embarrassed to be witnessing this.  For Terry it was just same old same.  He sat next to Vicky as she wailed about how this was all her fault.  He told her it was ok, it wasn’t her fault, all three-year-olds were like this, though he wasn’t sure that was true.  As if on cue, Britt ran in screaming and kicked Cerise in the shin.

“Ow!” Cerise yelped, jumping back and looking at Britt incredulously.

Terry stood up and grabbed his little sister, unceremoniously hauling her to her room and sitting her in the corner, holding her still as he explained this was a time-out.  She screamed and squirmed and he kept repeating that this was a time-out, and that she had to apologize to Cerise.  He knew the time-out had to last three minutes because of her age but he also knew that he’d have to hold on to Britt like this for at least fifteen before she’d calm down.  And getting her to actually apologize to Cerise would take at least half an hour if not longer.  He wasn’t sure he had the patience for it and wondered if Cerise did.  Would she just stand in the living room the whole time, waiting for him?  Would she leave?  He almost wished she would. 

            Shauna told her mother she’d joined a study group, having gotten the idea from that show Community.  In reality she’d decided to use her Friday evenings to go out drinking.  She walked into Cunningham’s and went to the bar, ordering herself a beer.  A few minutes later that harem pants girl, Leanne came up to her excitedly.

            “Hey!  Shauna, right?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Me and my friends are over there.  Wanna join us?”

            Shauna looked over to where Leanne had indicated though she wasn’t sure which table was hers.  Was it the two girls or the group of frat boys?  The girls, she hoped.  Although even then it might be a trap.  This might all be a setup for another porta-potty incident.  But Leanne seemed nice enough so Shauna nodded and followed her, sitting at the table with the two girls.

            Leanne introduced her as Shauna, the girl she’d been telling them about.  She wondered what she’d said or done that could possibly have been of interest.  The girls were Brenda and Kim.  Brenda was very pretty with long hair and lots of makeup.  Kim had a cool style, with short hair and boy clothes.  From far you might even think she was a boy, except for her boobs.

            Cerise wasn’t sure what to do.  Terry was off dealing with Britt and Vicky was still crying on the couch.  Was she supposed to talk to her, sit with her?  God, this was agony.  Before she could decide, Vicky stood up and went to the bathroom, leaving Cerise alone.  She walked into Terry’s room and sat on the bed, taking out her script to keep memorizing her audition monologue.  It was hard to concentrate with all the wailing in the background but eventually the noise died down and a while later Terry came in with Britt. 

            Refusing to make eye contact, the kid angrily apologized for hitting Cerise.

            “Like you mean it, Britt,” Terry instructed.

            “Sowwy!” Britt said between gritted teeth.

            “It’s ok,” said Cerise, not sure how she was meant to respond.

            Terry sighed.  “Ok, go play.”

            Britt ran off and Terry collapsed on the bed, lying down and closing his eyes.  He reached out a hand and pulled at Cerise.  She lay down with him, nestling into the crook of his arm.

            “You ok?” she asked.

            “Mmm.”

            “I mean, ‘cause like, if all of this is too much…”

            “Why should it be too much?” he asked in irritation.  “Plenty of people have it worse off than me.  Like foster kids or single mothers working two jobs.  I have it pretty sweet by comparison.  I can’t complain.”

            “Well still, it’s a lot of shit.  You’re only eighteen.”

            “I can handle it,” he assured her.

            She wondered if she should just drop it but instead she suggested that it might not be the worst idea to move back home.

            “This is my home, Cerise.”

            “So you’re never gonna go back to your parents?”

            “Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, what would happen to Vicky and Britt?  They need me.”

            That statement annoyed Cerise more than she would have thought.  Was it jealousy she was feeling?  Resentment?  She didn’t want to be that girl, the girl who wanted her boyfriend to have no life beyond his girlfriend.  But it just bugged her the way he acted like he was Vicky’s husband and Britt’s father.  She wanted to tell him how she felt about it but didn’t want to risk his ire.  She knew he wouldn’t abandon them, so why even make it an issue?  She should just be supportive and help him in any way she could.  So she kept cuddling him and read her script as she lay in his arms.  Pretty soon he was asleep and she wondered why she’d come all the way out here if he wasn’t even going to hang out with her. 

            “That chick is such a fucking cunt!” growled Brenda.

            “You mean she has such a fuckable cunt,” said Kim.

Leanne, Brenda and Kim all cracked up and Shauna stared at them, clutching her beer.

“But seriously, she’s a fucking bitch!” insisted Brenda.

“I know, but she’s so hot,” giggled Kim.

“So you’d like hook up with a girl you didn’t even like?” asked Leanne.

“I’m not saying I’d date her but I’d do her,” shrugged Kim.

“You sound like a guy,” said Brenda with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh please, don’t give me that shit.”

They went on like that as Shauna wondered how to make a graceful exit.  These girls were obviously lesbians and she’d somehow been dragged into their lesbian support group or something.  How was she supposed to get out?  Would they attack her if she tried to leave?  What if there was some sort of dyke equivalent of a porta-potty prank?  She sat there for a while longer and then finally stood up.  She tried to think of something to say but couldn’t and just turned around and rushed outside. 

She looked across the street, wondering where the closest bus stop was but then Leanne was standing next to her.  “You ok?” she asked in concern.

Shauna nodded and tried to walk away but Leanne walked with her.  “You seem upset.”

“I’m fine,” said Shauna, not sure if she should keep walking or what.

“Is it because we’re lesbians?”

Shauna shook her head and kept walking.

“Hey, slow down.  I’m sorry if I misread things.  I thought you were out.  I mean I thought you were… one of us.”

Shauna stopped and turned around to look at Leanne.  Why would someone think that of her?  She’d had a boyfriend; she’d slept with tons of random guys.  Why would she set off someone’s gaydar?  It wasn’t fair.  She didn’t want to be a dyke!  She wasn’t one!

“Come on back in, Shauna,” said Leanne with a reassuring voice.  “Just have a drink with us.  We can be cool, you’ll see.”  She smiled brightly.

Shauna did like Leanne.  Not in a gay way, just in a friend way.  She was the first person who’d spoken to Shauna since she came to JAC and she was likely to be the last.  It’s not like she had a lot of options when it came to friends.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to hang out with lesbians.  It’s not like it was catching, right?

As if she could read minds, Leanne assured Shauna that they weren’t contagious and that she wasn’t trying to recruit her.  Shauna smiled and nodded.

“Awesome!” chirped Leanne.  “We’re gonna need a fourth if we’re gonna be the lesbian version of Sex and the City!”  Shauna froze and Leanne laughed.  “I’m just kidding!  Come on!” she grabbed Shauna’s wrist and dragged her back inside.

            The auditions had gone exactly as expected.  Karine had completely rocked it and Hugh and Fred had pretty much told her straight out that she’d be Maria.  Still, she had to act surprised when she saw her posting on the cast sheet.  She made a note of everyone else’s roles so that when they congratulated her she could return the sentiment.

            “Oh, you fucking bitch, I knew you’d be Maria,” laughed Janice.

            “You’re the Baroness!”

            “Yeah, that’s pretty cool,” nodded Janice.  “I can to be all bitchy and shit.”

            “I hope you’re up to the challenge,” snarked Karine.

            “I’m Gretl?” said Cassie incredulously.  “But she has to sing.”

            Karine was equally surprised but said nothing.

            “That’s awesome!” squealed Cerise. “We’re sisters!”

            “You’re Liesl!  That’s so cool!”

            “I know!”

            “Who are you, Tom?” asked Cassie.

            “I’m Friedrich.”

            “That’s awesome!” said Cerise.

            “Yeah, we’re brother and sister, my dream come true,” he smirked.

            Cerise laughed.

            “Who am I double cast with?” Karine wondered aloud and saw that it was Nadine.  Wow, that was totally undeserved.  Sure, Nadine was a good singer but apart from that she sucked.  She could barely act and was totally fat.  Why were Fred and Hugh giving her this chance?  Her cast was gonna reek.

            “Oh my god, I’m so glad we’re in the same cast!” squealed Janice, hugging Karine.

            “We all are, thank god,” said Cassie with a smile.

            “I know, it’ll be so much fun!” said Cerise as she clapped her hands.

            “So the band’s getting together for some rehearsal this weekend,” Tom said to Cerise.  “Jeff’s become hyper motivated about the whole thing and he’s been like, trying to get us booked in more places around St-Anne’s.”

            “That’s cool,” replied Cerise.

            “Yeah, so can you come over on Saturday?”

            “Sure, it’ll be cool to get back with it.  It’ll be a shit load of shit once we get heavy in rehearsals for the play though, eh?”

            “Yeah, I know.”

            “Who’s my Captain Von Trapp?” asked Nadine as she surveyed the list. 

That was an excellent question and Karine consulted the cast sheet once Nadine and her fat ass were done with it.  “Brady?” she asked aloud.  “Who the fuck is Brady?”

“I am,” replied a boy.

He was cute.  And tall.  “Are you first-year?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“You know it’s rare for first-years to get leads.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“You must be a good singer.”

He shrugged and smiled a cocksure smile.  He sort of reminded Karine of Terry.  He had brown hair and eyes and was way less built but that confident smirk was totally Terry.  He definitely had possibilities.

Season 3 – Episode 3 – Act II

            Shauna pushed open the heavy door to Penfield… or was it Casgrain?  Who gave a shit?  Everywhere in this school was the same, all just a bunch of shitty hallways and shitty classes with shitty people.  She was only in her second week of school and already she was sick of it.  She stepped outside into a warm sunny day and lit up a cigarette.  She wasn’t sure if this was a sanctioned smoking area but there were always tons of butts on the ground here so she figured it was ok.

            This was Shauna’s favourite place in the whole school because even though a lot of people apparently smoked here it was usually deserted when Shauna took her breaks.  Sometimes she’d have to walk a little further afield and lean up against a tree if there were people using the wall but usually she could stand right outside the school and take shelter from the rain or sun or whatever. 

            Things weren’t so bad, she supposed.  Her mom was more or less leaving her alone as long as she wore the clothes she laid out for her each morning.  Shauna would simply change when she got to school, using the bathroom at the far end of the school, which was the least crowded.  She’d put on her trusty old docs, and a hoodie and cargo shorts.  She had a few variations of each tucked away in her locker.  She felt much more comfortable in these clothes and everyone ignored her when she was thusly dressed so it was perfect.

            She was about halfway through her cigarette when another girl stepped outside and stood across from her.  She fumbled through her bag and then looked up at Shauna, asking if she could bum a smoke.  Without replying, Shauna took a cigarette out of her pack and handed it to the girl.  She had thick dark hair going to about her shoulders and big dark eyes and kind of caramel coloured skin.  Shauna wasn’t sure what her ethnicity was; she could have been Mexican or Indian or anything.  Her clothes were kind of like Trista’s: all flowing skirts and silky scarves.  Actually, upon closer inspection her skirt seemed to be a really poufy harem pants deal.  It was kind of stupid looking but the girl seemed very pleased with herself.

            “Thanks,” she smiled widely.  “I’m actually trying to quit.  I only started to piss off my parents but then I found out they smoke weed like all the time so then I was like, I guess this isn’t so rebellious after all.”

            Shauna nodded politely. 

            “God, it’s so good,” the girl went on.  “Or bad I guess.  I mean we’re just ruining our lungs.  I went to that bodyworks exhibit they had at the science museum a couple years back, did you see it?  It was crazy.  They showed the lungs of coal miners and smokers and they were literally black and all shrivelled up.  It was so gross.  They also showed fat people.  That was gross too.  I quit smoking and lost twenty pounds after that.  But then like a year later I started up again with the smoking and eating!  Fuck, I’m such a lazy shit.”

            Shauna didn’t find this girl to be particularly heavy, though certainly not skinny either.  She was sort of pleasantly plump.  Shauna smiled and nodded and thought about saying something out loud but then Cerise was there!  She was walking towards Shauna and even making eye contact and everything!

            “Hi Shauna,” she said, stopping in between her and the harem pants girl.

            Shauna smiled weakly.  “Hi.”

            “So you go here now?”

            Shauna nodded.

            “How do you like it?”

            It was terrible.  “It’s good.”

            “Yeah.  Ok, well… see you around I guess.”

            Shauna nodded as Cerise smiled and hefted open the door, disappearing inside.

            “So there’s some history there I’m guessing,” said the harem pants girl.

            Shauna shrugged.

            “Yeah, I know how it goes.  My name’s Leanne by the way.”  She extended her hand.

            Shauna shook it.  “I’m Shauna.”

            “You first year?”

            “Yeah.”

            “I’m third.  Pretty pathetic, eh?”  She laughed.  “I think I’m gonna be here forever!”

            Cegep was usually only two years unless you did a technical program.  But Shauna got the impression that this Leanne girl wasn’t doing a technical program. 

            “Yeah, I think they invented the failure fee concept for me, you know?”

Shauna smiled, finding this girl much less intimidating now that she knew she was probably just as stupid as Shauna herself.

“What program are you in?”

“Social,” Shauna replied.

“Me too!”

Shauna laughed along with Leanne even though she wasn’t really sure what was funny.

It was one of those days that most people considered gorgeous.  Crazy sunny, crazy hot.  Cerise, Karine, Cassie and Janice all had a break so they decided to come outside to prepare for their Sound of Music auditions.  Or rather, Karine, Cassie and Janice had decided and Cerise went along with them even though she hated sitting out in the sun.  Fortunately they took shelter under a tree so it wasn’t so bad.

“Check it out, there’s Terry!” announced Janice.

They all looked across the track and field lawn thingy or whatever it was called and saw that Terry was jogging with Nick.

“Oh my god, they’re working out, how hot,” Janice went on.

Why did they continue to hang out with Janice?  Cerise felt bad for thinking it but she was seriously tired of her and her lustful longings. 

“That Nick guy is super good looking,” said Cassie.

“I know,” they all replied in unison, giggling at their synchronicity. 

“Is he single?” asked Cassie.

“Hands off!” announced Janice.  “I’ve got first dibs!”

“Whatever.”  Cassie rolled her eyes and stared down at her script.  “I hate it when we do musicals.  It’s so not fair for us growlers.”

“You’re not that bad, Cassie,” said Cerise with a smile she hoped seemed sincere.

“Yes I am.  I suck!  I’m probably gonna be a maid or some shit.  Who are you guys gonna audition for?”

“I’m gonna go for…” Karine began.

“Maria.” They all filled in for her and she shrugged and laughed, feigning embarrassment.

“Well it’s not for sure I’ll get it,” she said.

“Oh please.”  Cassie rolled her eyes.

“Maria is a nun.  She has short hair.  I have long hair,” Karine said dumbly.

“Oh well then, you have no chance!” exclaimed Janice.

“If only we could invent a technology that could cover up a person’s real hair length,” Cerise mused.  “Some sort of device that could mimic hair and go over one’s true hair.  Oh well, since no such thing exists I guess the role will just go to that skin-head chick.”

They all laughed.

“Well you could audition for Maria,” Karine said to Cerise.  “Hugh and Fred like you and you spent the whole summer singing.  You could get it.”

“I’m gonna go for Liesl I think,” Cerise replied.

“Oh you totally should!” Karine said enthusiastically.

“Oh my god, look at them!  Those abs, fuck!” squealed Janice.

Both Terry and Nick were doing that thing where guys lift up their t-shirt to wipe the sweat from their faces, momentarily revealing their naked torsos underneath.  Cerise had to admit they looked pretty good.  Her boyfriend was so hot.

“So things going good with you and Cerise?” asked Nick as he and Terry took their third lap.

“Yep,” Terry replied. 

“No chance of breaking up again?”

What a weird question.  Was Nick trying to give him shit or what?  Terry smirked and replied that you never knew with him and Cerise but so far so good.

“You really dig her, eh?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s cool.”

            Terry gave Nick a sideways glance.  “Why do you ask?”

            “Dunno.  It’s just cool I guess that you’ve found someone you can really care about.  And that it’s finally working out for you guys.  I remember a couple years ago you weren’t with her and you were super bummed about it.  It’s cool you got what you wanted.”

            “Yeah,” Terry huffed.  “So how ‘bout you.  Seeing anyone?”

            “Nah,” Nick said, sounding disappointed.

            “I could set you up with someone.”

            “With one of those chicks who’s always drooling over you?”

            Terry laughed.  “They drool over you too.”

            “Yeah, when you got it, you got it,” Nick grinned.

            “Oh god.  Is it wrong to be turned on by something so homoerotic?” asked Janice.

            Terry and Nick had stopped running and were now doing stretching exercises.

            “You’re turned on my laundry lint,” said Karine with exasperation.

            “So this is doing nothing for you?” asked Janice.

            They all giggled. 

            “They’re watching us you know.”

            Nick looked up and smiled.  He and Terry waved to the girls, who sat under a tree at the edge of the field.  They waved back.

            “I can hook you up with any one of them.”

            “I dunno,” Nick replied.  “No offense but none of them really do it for me.  Janice is like, sorry but I don’t go in for sluts.  I know that sounds mean.  And hypocritical.”

            “No, I know what you mean,” Terry nodded as he stretched out his hamstrings.

            “You just don’t know where she’s been,” Nick shrugged.  “And she’s not that cute, you know?”

            “I know.  What about Cassie though?  She’s short but super cute.”

            “She’s ok.”

            “Karine?  You gotta admit she’s way hot.”

            “Yeah,” Nick agreed.  “But she’s not really my type either. I mean she’s beautiful but she almost seems too girly.  I kind of go for more like tomboys, you know?”

            Terry nodded.  “Yeah, I get that.”

            “Cerise is cute actually,” Nick grinned.  “She’s got the short hair, the military shirts… she’s just my type.”

            “Hey!  Is that why you were asking how things are going with us?!” Terry exclaimed in mock horror.  “You trying to move in on my woman!?”

            Nick laughed.  “Yeah man, watch out.  I bet she chooses the better man!”  He flexed his muscles and did bodybuilder poses.

            Terry laughed and followed suit.

            “Ok, seriously?”  said Cassie.  “They’re just fucking with us now.”

            “I wish they would take off their shirts to do that,” complained Janice.

            “They said we can audition with any song from the thing, right?” asked Cerise.  “I’m gonna do Sixteen Going on Seventeen.”

            “That’s a duet with Rolf,” said Karine. 

            “Hey, I could audition with Tom.  Are we allowed to do that?”

            “Dunno,” Karine shrugged.  “I’m gonna do Favorite Things I think.”

            “I’m gonna stab myself in the eye,” Cassie whined.  “I fucking hate musicals!”

            Nick and Terry sat down and stretched out some more.  They were both being pretty lazy about this workout.  Truth be told they were more hanging out than working out.  Nick asked how Terry’s search for his bio-mom was going and Terry shrugged.

            “Not gonna look for her?”

            “I dunno.  Would you?”

            “I dunno,” Nick sighed.  “I mean I get how it like, would suck, you know?  Maybe you don’t wanna know like, the whole story.  Like if you don’t find her you can just imagine what you want.  But if you find her and she tells you her story then it’s like, I dunno, more real.  What if she says something shitty?”

            “Yeah,” Terry nodded.  It was cool that Nick got it and he didn’t have to explain.  “’Cause like, she left, you know?”

            “Yeah so like, if she wants to talk to you she’ll come back.  Like why should you have to find her, you know?”

            “Yeah.  Exactly.”

            They lay on the ground, using their t-shirts to cover their faces from the sun.

            Cerise sighed in annoyance.  “I bet he’s not even wearing sunscreen.”

            “So what?  He could use a tan,” said Karine.

            “Terry’s fair-skinned!  He doesn’t tan, he burns!” protested Cerise.

            “He tans,” said Karine like Cerise was a moron.

            “A tan is a burn!  It’s sun damage!  You’re all gonna get skin cancer!”

            Karine grinned and yanked on Cerise’s arm, trying to pull her into the sun.  Cassie and Janice laughed and followed suit, forcing her out of the tree’s protection.  She squealed in protest and fought them off and they all ended up rolling around in the grass.

            “Nice,” said Terry as he peeked out from under his shirt upon hearing Cerise’s yell.  The girls were all like wrestling or something.

Nick laughed and they watched as the girls played in the sun.

           

            Once she was back inside Karine looked at herself in the mirror and realized that she was actually getting a bit of a sunburn on her nose.  She was more annoyed by the fact that Cerise had been right than the sunburn itself.  In a day it would be a nice tan but fuck Cerise for calling it.  Whatever.  She grabbed her things and headed towards her next class only to bump into Jay in Hochelaga.  Ok, it wasn’t really a bump. He was sitting on a windowsill reading a book like he did every day and this wasn’t really Karine’s usual route but she still had like ten minutes ‘till her class so she figured she’d walk by his locker just to stretch her legs a bit.

            “Hey loser,” she said, nudging him so she could sit next to him.

            “Hey!” he exclaimed happily, smiling and giving her room.  “What’s up?”

            “Shit all.  You?”

            “All shit.”

            Karine laughed.  “We’ve been back for like a week, Jay, how bad can it be?”

            “I dunno.  I guess I just don’t like school.  And it really annoys me that Karl likes it so much.  Fuck, he’s such a piece of shit.”

            Karine laughed again.  “Yeah, I know what you mean.  So we’re doing The Sound of Music in Teedub.”

            “I hope it won’t be as long as the movie ‘cause fuck, that shit goes on forever.”

            “It’s like two hours.  Everyone’s all like saying that I’ll get Maria but I’m like, I dunno.”

            “Is Maria Julie Andrews?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well didn’t you get the main part both times last year?”

            “Yeah.”

            “So there’s a good chance then,” said Jay earnestly.

            “I guess.”

            “I mean who else would they pick for the main part?  Fucking Janice?  Yeah right.”

            Karine chuckled.

            “Isn’t the main chick a nun though?” he asked.

            “Yeah.”

            “Eww.  I mean not eww but… yeah, eww.  Thinking of you as a nun is messed up.”

            “What, like I couldn’t be all nunny?”

            “Nuns are…”

            “Religious?”

            “Celibate.”

            Karine grinned.  “Maria gives up nunning to get married.”

            “That’s pretty hardcore.  I mean to give up your shtick for someone else.”

            “Yeah, I guess.”

            “Would you do it?  Give up your shtick to be with a guy?”

            “I guess it would depend on the shtick and the guy.”

            Jay nodded, looking down at his hands.  His big, awkward, gangly hands.  Karine wondered if she was on crack for even entertaining the idea of hooking up with him.

            “Hey you guys.”

            They looked up to find Cerise staring down at them.

            “Hey.” 

            “Karine, your nose is totally red.  I told you to wear sunscreen.”

            Karine rolled her eyes.  “Ok, mom.”

            Jay snickered.

            “So are we still meeting after school today?” Cerise asked.

            “Oh god, seriously?” asked Karine.  “Did we really decide to do that?”

            “Seriously.  I don’t think it’s such a great idea,” agreed Jay.

            “I really think it would be a nice gesture,” said Cerise in her stupid, whiny, holier-than-thou voice.  God, she was such a little do-gooder.

            “Nice gestures have a way of backfiring,” said Karine.

            “Oh come on, you guys!”

            “Ok, fine, fine, we’ll be there,” Karine responded for both herself and Jay.  She looked to him and he nodded along as she’d known he would.  There was something to be said for a guy who’d always do what she said.  But hadn’t that been her dynamic with Steve?  Wasn’t that why she’d gotten bored with him?  Maybe she should get with a guy who’d be his own person.  But then she’d never get her way.

            “Ok well, I’ve got class.  I’ll see you guys later,” Cerise announced.  “Don’t think you can get out of it!  You promised!”

            “We didn’t promise,” said Karine as Cerise walked away.

            “Yeah seriously,” agreed Jay.

            He was always so agreeable.

           

            Jay totally agreed with Karine on this. This stupid plan was totally stupid.  Stupid Cerise and her stupid ideas.  He felt so weird, so awkward, so embarrassed.  He supposed there wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about, it’s not like he’d done anything wrong, but still, it was just weird.

            It was him, Cerise, Karine, Sarah and Terry Trebitotallysunburnednecksky all stuffed into the douchemobile.  At least Jay got to sit next to Karine.  But he was also sitting next to Sarah, which was maybe a bit weird.  When would he work up the courage to ask Karine out?  She was totally flirting with him lately.  Wasn’t she?  Fuck, he just couldn’t be sure.  Girls seriously sucked.  Why couldn’t they just be straight-up about stuff?

            Terry Trebiwearingpretentiousaviatorsunglassessky pulled over and they all sat in the car, staring up at the house.

            “Last chance to back out,” said Karine.

            “Oh come on,” said Sarah, getting out of the car.

            “Seriously,” agreed Cerise.

            “Those two are bad news,” said Jay.  “Each one alone is all self-righteous and shit but with their powers combined they’re like super extra righteous.  They’re like the fucking Tok’ra or something.”

            Karine looked at him blankly and got out of the car.  Fuck, he was such an idiot!  He’d have to quit with the nerd references if she was ever gonna like him.  He joined the others as Karine was asking what possible purpose this exercise could serve.  Cerise said it would make them feel better, because hadn’t it been weighing on them?  Karine said no, it really hadn’t and Jay was glad she’d spoken up so he didn’t have to.  He’d seriously forgotten all about it.  Why did Cerise and Sarah care so much?  It made no sense.

            “Willy should be here,” grumbled Terry Trebistatetheobvioussky.

            “Willy is a cowardly piece of shit,” said Cerise.  “He practically laughed in my face when I suggested it.”

            “He’s a fucking spaz,” nodded Jay.

            They walked up to the front door of the house and Karine made one last attempt to change Cerise’s mind.  “If we do this, there’s gonna be consequences, you know.”

            “Like what?” asked Sarah.

            “Like maybe she’ll take us up on our offer and she’ll become cling girl again!”

            “We can’t just abandon her,” reasoned Sarah in her most hoity-toity voice.  “She probably has like, no one in her life.”

            Jay didn’t see how that was their problem but whatever, it was too late.  Cerise had already rang the bell and two seconds later Furry Jenn answered the door.  Jay half expected her to be huge with child, even though that didn’t make sense.  She sneered at them and asked what they wanted.

            They all stood there silently for a moment and then Cerise spoke.  “We just wanted to like, apologize for what happened… with like, everything.”

            “We didn’t know what was going on,” Sarah said.

            “Willy was saying a bunch of shit about you… and stuff,” Cerise went on.

            “Yeah,” Sarah nodded.  “We were idiots to believe him.”

            “We basically just want to make sure you’re ok.”

            “Oh yeah,” Jenn sneered.  “I’m just fucking peachy, thanks for asking.”

            “Ok, well um, if there’s anything you need or if… you know… I dunno.  Even if you just wanna like, talk or something.”

            Karine gripped Cerise’s arm, no doubt trying to tell her to shut the hell up.

            “Yeah I’ll keep that in mind,” said Jenn dryly and then she slammed the door in their faces.

            “What a pointless waste of time,” grumbled Karine.  See, Cerise?  That’s what being nice gets you.”