Karine sat at a poker table with Terry and Christina and Erica and Steven and of course, Andrew. They were eating Chinese food and Christina offered to eat Karine’s portion, since she wasn’t touching it. Andrew wondered if she’d also eat his portion.
Suddenly Karine was on top of the table, pole dancing, which bored Steven to tears. He asked when she’d be done, since he had rugby practice. Karine responded by kicking Erica in the head and then jumping into Andrew’s lap. Naturally, Erica was annoyed and dragged Chrissy away from the table. Chrissy took Terry with her, and Terry in turn dragged Steven away, leaving Karine alone with Andrew.
Karine woke with a start. She was seriously sick to death of these stupid Asshole dreams. Were they supposed to be symbolic or something? Did she feel deep down like the only person in her life was the Asshole? Had Terry already abandoned her by going out with Christina? She deserved the dreams, didn’t she, for being so jealous of Chrissy. Karine knew that Christina’s heart would eventually be broken, again. She knew with a certainty that Terry would tire of her, and yet she still felt nothing but resentment for a supposed friend. Oh well, fuck her.
“Sometimes it’s cool to have a girls only meeting,” smiled Leanne as she presided over a Queer Collective group meeting, in which, for whatever reason, no boys had shown up.
“Yeah, so maybe Kim should leave,” snickered Brenda.
“Seriously? That kind of humour is so tired! What are you, a comedian from the ‘90s?” scoffed Kim.
Shauna thought for sure a fight would erupt but Kim and Brenda simply laughed as they called each other Bitch and Butch and Leanne rolled her eyes, interrupting to ask the group if they thought Shauna should tell Cerise that she was into her.
Shauna wanted to protest, or say something, anything, but no words would come out of her mouth.
“What would be the point in telling her?” asked Kim. “She’s not even gay so like, there’s no chance, so what would it do to say something?”
“Wow, usually you’re the first one to push for telling everyone everything,” said Brenda with a wry grin. “But like, you know, just ‘cause she’s not gay doesn’t mean she’d never go there. Everyone has the potential to be bi. I mean, just saying.”
“Please, we’re talking about normal people here,” sneered Kim. “Just ‘cause you won’t be satisfied till you’ve fucked every human on the planet doesn’t mean everyone else is like that.”
“Where the hell is that coming from? I’m been with less people than you have!”
“Fewer people,” said Leanne under her breath. “Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I think Shauna should tell Cerise how she feels because it could be cathartic. She’s carried these feelings for like, five years or something. She needs to get them off her chest. Cerise is probably the most important person in Shauna’s life so it could be like, helpful in terms of coming out.”
“Yeah, ok,” nodded Kim. “So she can tell this chick she’s gay, but there’s no need to tell her she’s hot for her.”
“Tell her everything,” counselled Brenda. “’Cause like, why not? If she wants no part of it, then fine, at least you still came out. But if she’s the least bit intrigued, hey, you’ve got that.”
Well there was certainly no chance that Cerise would be the least bit into Shauna. But there was still a part of her that wanted Cerise to know the whole truth. Not that Shauna necessarily knew the whole truth. All she knew for sure is that she was a big loser and deserved to die.
Uh, hey Cerise, wanna be friends again? I’m an idiot and everyone hates me. Isn’t that great? Hey, Cerise, hated anyone lately? Hey, so let’s say I wasn’t the biggest loser ever, would you still hate me? Would you still date me?
Jay sighed as he watched Cerise at her locker, silently rehearsing the speech he wanted to say to her. Everything he came up with was more ridiculous than the last. It was hopeless. He supposed he’d just have to wing it. Walk up to her and say hey and see what she said in response. But just as he was about to take the leap, Terry Trebiseriously?rightnow?sky showed up and sauntered up to Cerise like he owned the world.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Cerise responded with a smile, obviously ready to jizz all over him.
“Happy birthday,” he said, handing her a box wrapped in red paper.
“Oh my god, you remembered,” she said, clearly pleased.
“It’s nothing really,” Terry Trebishowoffsky shrugged.
The gift was a fancy looking book. Cerise looked really happy about it too, like suddenly she loved stupid, fancy books. She gushed about how beautiful it was and Jay tried not to puke all over his Converse. Terry Trebishutthefuckupalreadysky said it was a journal or like, for writing poetry or whatever and Jay had to contain his laughter. How fucking lame! Like anyone wrote anything on actual paper anymore. How completely retarded. And yet Cerise ate it up, thanking him profusely, looking like she might cry. So gross.
Ugh! Jay hated himself for being so useless. He’d totally forgotten about Cerise’s birthday. Shouldn’t Facebook have alerted him? Shit! What day was it? Was it today? Was it the weekend? What the fuck?! But of course Terry Trebimemorysky had remembered. Even a douche like Terry Trebislimysky was a better boyfriend type guy than Jay.
“So I’m going out with Christina Penna again. You remember her,” said Terry Trebismarmsky.
Cerise nodded, obviously deflating like she was all disappointed that she couldn’t jump his bones right then and there. Terry Trebirudemuchsky shrugged and said it was going well and then sort of rushed off, leaving Cerise looking all sad and shit. Jay thought about going up to her but fuck, he still didn’t have anything to say.
Karine wanted to talk about the dreams she’d been having, if only just to get the imagery out of her head, but who could she talk to about it? Certainly not a guy and somehow it’d even be awkward with a girl. But when she found herself hanging out with Janice one afternoon, she sort of just asked the question, without even having planned to.
“Have I ever had any weird sex dreams?” Janice laughed. “A better questions would be, are there any weird sex dreams I haven’t had. And haven’t then acted out.”
“No, but seriously, any dreams that weren’t sexy. That were sexual but not in a good way,” Karine pressed, even though she knew it was pointless.
“Karine, sex is like chocolate. Even when it’s bad it’s good.”
“Oh shut up, you know that’s not true,” sighed Karine.
“Ok, so like, you had a dream where a guy couldn’t get it up?”
“Yup. That’s exactly what I dreampt about,” Karine sighed.
“Man, that would suck,” said Janice.
“Yup.” Why did she even bother?
She excused herself and went outside for a smoke, and saw Terry and Nick hanging out nearby, ostensibly working out, though they seemed to be doing more talking than jogging. They ran over to her and Nick took a drag of her cigarette, though Terry declined.
“Does this mean you’re back with Cherry Angel?” asked Karine.
“Pretty much,” nodded Nick before Terry could respond. “He gave her a birthday present.”
“Oh right, her birthday. I forgot. Guess I’m an asshole,” shrugged Karine. “So what’d you give her?”
“Just a notebook. It was no big deal,” said Terry. “We’re not getting back together. I’m still with Chrissy.”
“It wasn’t just a notebook,” said Nick. “It was all fancy and shit, like leather bound or whatever, with like, this imprint of like, a fairy on it, ‘cause I guess Cerise likes fairies or whatever.”
“It was just a small thing,” insisted Terry. “I told her about me and Chrissy.”
Karine wondered which option bothered her more; Terry with Cerise or Terry with Christina. Ugh. “So like, speaking of weird things, have you guys ever had any strange sex dreams?” She couldn’t even believe she was bringing it up.
“I dreampt about a girl once,” said Nick. “That was kinda weird. Or well… when I first started dreaming about guys I thought it was weird but then it just turned out I was gay so it wasn’t really all that weird after all.”
Karine chuckled. “So if you dream something, do you think it means you want it?”
“Why? Did you dream a fucked up thing and now you think you’re a perv?” Nick grinned.
“No,” Karine smirked.
“Was it beastiality? ‘Cause that’s messed up, Karine and I won’t stand for it,” Nick chuckled.
“Or like, did you dream you were having an orgy with a bunch of chicks?” asked Terry with a grin. “’Cause I think that’s perfectly normal and maybe you should even try it out. I could videotape, just so you’d have a frame of reference later.”
“In fact, that’s exactly what I dreampt about,” Karine smirked. “And you were there too! Right in the middle of it!”
“Awesome!” Terry laughed.
“You’re such a loser,” Karine replied with a roll of her eyes.
“Hey, Terry, if it’s any consolation,” smiled Nick. “when I dream about orgies you’re always there.”
They all laughed and Terry punched Nick in the arm so Karine warned him that such an act could be seen as homoerotic.
She couldn’t believe she was about to do this. And yet, there she was, walking towards Cerise, in the middle of a Casgrain hallway, one foot in front of the other. She was going to tell her. She was just going to do it. She’d say she was gay and always had been and once she said it to Cerise it would be true. She would even say that she used to like Cerise, like in that way and then she’d say she didn’t anymore and they could be friends again. No, she’d just say she was gay. She’d start with that. That was enough for now.
“Uh hey,” said Shauna, rather awkwardly.
“Hey,” Cerise nodded, looking a bit shell-shocked.
“Hey,” Shauna repeated.
“Hey,” Cerise smiled.
Cerise shrugged. “Yeah, I think we’ve covered that word.”
“Yeah well, I just wanted to um… to wish you a happy birthday. That’s all.”
“Oh, well thanks,” she smiled again, all pretty and stuff.
“Ok, well um, bye!” Shauna rushed off and ducked into the nearest bathroom she could find. Fuck!
Karine checked her Facebook and realized that Cerise’s birthday had been about a week ago. That wasn’t so bad, she supposed. She caught up to Cerise at the bus stop and wished her a belated happy birthday.
“Thanks,” Cerise replied with a smile.
“You didn’t have a party or anything, did you?”
“Nah, I didn’t feel like doing anything this year.”
“Yeah, ok,” Karine nodded.
The bus came and they got on it, finding seats near the back.
“So are you prepared for your exams?” asked Cerise.
“I only have one. It’s no big.”
“Same here. Oh hey, didn’t you have an audition at Concordia? How’d it go?”
“Extremely well, actually. Yeah, it was cool.”
“That’s awesome,” Cerise enthused.
They sat in silence for a while and then Karine turned to Cerise. “You know, I never meant to encourage Jay. I’m sorry for all the shit that happened. I hope you don’t think I like, tried to like, break you guys up or anything.”
“No, I know it was his own stupidity. All the guys, they’re so messed up. And I mean, it’s not your fault he’s obsessed with you.”
“Well he’s not obsessed.”
“He totally is,” insisted Cerise. “But it’s fine. I mean, whatever. I’m totally over him at this point.”
“Are you?” asked Karine.
“Well,” Cerise looked down at her little baby hands. “I dunno. But whatever I guess.”