Season 3 – Episode 12 – Act II

“You bonded over hitting each other with a basketball?” asked Karl snidely.

“Yeah,” beamed Jay, refusing to let his good mood be squashed by Karl’s negativity.

“So this means we’re friends with everyone again?” asked Vani excitedly.  “Awesome!  So give us the play by play!”

“There is no play by play.  She just, I dunno, we played basketball,” shrugged Jay.

“Well what’d she say?” asked Willy with great curiosity.

“None of your fucking business, you piece of shit, let’s fucking game.”

“Oh, so now he wants to game,” said Karl.

“Cut your fucking hair, you hippy!” said Willy, shoving Jay aside.

Jay shoved him back and they ended up on the floor, wrestling.

“Ok, so we’re still on the Cardassian ship,” said Karl.  “’Cause apparently you losers can’t work out a deal.”

Deciding they should get some exercise, the girls all went for a walk and found themselves on the overpass overlooking BHS.

“Our old stomping grounds,” smiled Sarah nostalgically.

“So this is where you guys went to high school?” asked Cassie.

“Yep.  It was ok,” shrugged Cerise.

“I had a good time through most of high school,” said Karine.  “Which scares me because they say that the people who peeked in high school go on to have shit lives.”

“Well I think we can all say that so far it just keeps getting better,” said Sarah.  “So let’s not worry about being high school peekers.”

Cerise wondered if she’d peeked in high school.  Overall it wasn’t a great experience, but could she say things were getting better?  She’d been dating Terry in high school and now she was alone.  “I still hate Willy,” she announced suddenly.

“Huh?” asked Karine.

“Did I tell you guys he called me a bitch ass cunt?”

“Oh my god!  What an asshole!” exclaimed Sarah.

“He asked me out.”

“Ewww!” said Karine, making gagging motions.

“Yeah, and when I said no, well that’s when he got all angry and called me names and told me the stuff about the dibs with Jay and you.”

“So we still hate Willy then?” asked Cassie.  “We should still hate all of them.  They’re like a hive mind.”

“They’re not the Borg,” said Cerise.  “Is it fair to be pissed at all of them just ‘cause of Willy’s nonsense?”

“But they all went along with it,” said Cassie.

“I thought we’d already decided we were gonna forgive them,” said Sarah.

“Not Willy though,” said Karine.  “Those guys are always talking about expulsion, right?  Like, they’re always threatening to kick each other out of their pathetic little group.  Well let’s do that to them.  I mean, to Willy.”

“Oh my god, of course!” laughed Cerise.  “We’ll do to them what they basically did to us.  An ultimatum.  We tell the guys that we won’t be friends with them unless they get rid of Willy.”

“That’s so mean!” laughed Sarah.

“That’s how mean they are!” Karine also laughed.  “It’ll be a taste of their own medicine.”

“Ooh, it’s Machiavellian,” said Cassie with glee.

“High-five on expulsing Willy!” announced Cerise and they all smacked their palms together.

Terry woke up with a start.  Fuck.  He hated waking up from his alarm.  It was so much more soothing to wake up naturally, or even being woken by Britt was less annoying.  He’d set his alarm ringer on the most soothing sound the iphone offered, which was harp music, but still, it pissed him off to no end.  Getting to work two hours before opening so he could bake the morning’s bread meant waking up at the fucking ass crack of dawn; even earlier than school, even earlier than hockey practice.  It sucked that he was an adult now and had to work during the summer, instead of sleeping in and playing video games like when he’d been a kid.  Fuck this shit. 

He showered and got dressed, then drove to the West Island, glad to be going against traffic, more or less, though he still got stuck in a bit of a jam on the highway. 

He parked his car in front of Brown’s bakery and looked around for Brown’s car, hoping he wouldn’t have to talk to the man in person.  He couldn’t see the car so he walked up to the place and unlocked the door, walking into the kitchen and grabbing his apron. 

“Terry!” Vani beamed, immediately greeting him with a hug.  “I wasn’t sure you’d still be working here.  I mean, Brown said you were but I thought he might just be messing with me.  ‘Cause he also said you were gonna butt-fuck me so it’s hard to tell.”

“Is he here?” asked Terry with trepidation.

“No, he’s not in yet.”

“Good, I can’t stand that asshole. Fuck, I don’t know why I decided to keep working here.  It’s retarded.  I should get a job in NDG.  Or downtown.  That’d be way cooler than working in this hellhole.”

“Yeah, but then we couldn’t hang out,” said Vani with a pout.

“You’re such a spaz,” laughed Terry as they took out the morning’s dough from the fridge.

“So are you still friends with that Nick guy?”

“Yeah, of course, why?”

“No reason,” Vani shrugged, expertly dividing the dough into baguette segments.

“Vani, you’re not gay are you?”

Vani didn’t even flinch, he simply responded that no, he wasn’t.

“’Cause Nick thinks you might be and you know how they are… they have like, a homing signal for that kinda thing.  Maybe you are gay.”

“Well, maybe.  Can you still fuck chicks if you’re gay?”

“Are you fucking any chicks now?”

“Well no, but I reserve the right to wish I were.”

“Yeah, no shit,” chuckled Terry.

“So who you banging these days?”

“Your mother!”

“Oh!” Vani laughed, clutching his chest as though wounded.  Then he punched Terry in the shoulder.  Terry responded in kind, only to have Vani stumble into the counter and cradle his arm in pain.

“Shit. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine!”  Vani grinned in embarrassment and went back to the dough.

Many hours later, after a hectic day of serving old ladies croissants, when the bakery was closed and he was mopping the floors, the guys came to the door.  Terry straightened and glared at them through the glass as Vani jumped to go open the door for them.  They were all wearing their work uniforms, with Karl and Jay in their BYC gear while Willy was wearing a white button down shirt, no doubt still working at a grocery store.  It was all wet with pit stains.  So gross. 

Karl immediately sat down at a table and opened his laptop while Willy approached the food counter.  Jay and his giant fright wig walked in hesitantly, refusing to make eye contact with Terry.  He sat across from Karl and stared at his hands.

Terry’s shift was over; he could leave if he wanted to.  But Karine had texted to say she’d be coming over, so he wanted to stay even though Jay was here with his stupid hair.  He casually walked over to the table occupied by Karl and Jay and started mopping under it.  Karl lifted his feet without even looking up from his laptop while Jay squirmed uncomfortably, and got up from his chair, skulking away with shoulders hunched.  Terry followed him with the mop, wiping up each spot on the floor after he stepped on it.  Jay chuckled slightly and then hopped up on the breakfast counter.  Terry lifted up the mop and pushed it in Jay’s face.

Jay sputtered and pushed the mop away as the rest of the guys erupted into laughter. 

“Hah!  Now we have two reasons to call you mop head!” Vani cheered.

Terry snickered while Jay hastily wiped his wet face with napkins. A knock was heard at the door and they all turned to see the girls.  Karine, Cerise, Sarah and Cassie.  They were all laughing uproariously.  Terry crossed the bakery in two strides and let them in, giving Karine a hug as she entered.

“Oh my god, that was hilarious!” she giggled.  “Now we can call you mop-head and pretend it’s not about your hair!”

“That’s what I said!” laughed Vani.

“So we have an ultimatum for you guys,” announced Cassie as the girls took seats at the breakfast counter, forcing Jay to get out of the way.

“Whoa! Jump right in, why don’t you!” said Karine with a chuckle.

“I see no reason to delay,” said Cassie with indignation.

“So um, yeah,” said Cerise awkwardly. 

“Kinda weird to say it with Willy right here,” said Sarah.  “I mean, should we ask him to leave the room so we can propose our plan to the rest of the group?”

“Fuck that!” said Cassie.  “Let him listen.  I mean, he didn’t ask Cerise to leave when he called her a cunt!”

“You called her what?” asked Terry, dropping the mop with a clang and then striding over to Willy, who cowered against the front counter, clutching the can of coke he’d just gotten himself. 

“He called her a bitch ass cunt,” said Cassie.

“Give me one reason not to punch your fucking lights out right now,” said Terry with gritted teeth. 

“Because this isn’t Sparta?” said Willy with a nervous laugh.  “I mean, it was a joke!”

“No it wasn’t,” countered Cerise. “You were being serious.”

“Like we can’t say fucking bad words anymore?  I was just angry, fuck!  Like you’ve never called a chick a cunt before?” Willy snapped at Terry, who responded by leaning forward, pushing Willy with his chest. 

“Ok, calm down, Terry,” said Cerise, walking over to them and laying a hand on Terry’s arm.  It was like an electric shock and at the same time, like a soothing blanket.  He just wanted everyone to leave so he could hold her and cradle her and kiss her and fuck her against the breakfast counter. 

Terry snapped out of his reverie and turned to Cerise.  “What happened? Why’d he say it?”

“He asked me out and I said no and so he called me… he said all that.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Willy said weakly.

“You never told us you asked her out!” exclaimed Jay and his now damp hair.

“I said I had dibs!”

“What?” asked Terry in confusion.

“Yeah ok,” began Cassie, facing Terry.  “So when you broke up with Cerise, Willy called dibs on her I guess and then Jay started going out with her and then Willy said that Jay had to break up with her so he did.”

Sarah shook her head.  “No, it’s like, Willy said Jay had to choose between Karine and Cerise, like he could put dibs on Karine, on the like, impossibility of Karine, or like be with Cerise.  Or something.  Right?”

“I dunno, whatever,” said Cassie angrily.  “The point is Jay is a fucking coward and an asshole and a loser and…”

“This isn’t about Jay,” said Cerise.  “It’s about Willy, remember?  Willy wanted to expulse Jay if he didn’t break up with me.  Which is like a total bullshit move.”

“And Jay went along with it!” said Cassie.  “’Cause he’s a coward and a loser!”

“Yes, but it was Willy’s stupid ultimatum,” said Cerise.  “So we think that if Willy loves expulsions so much, he should be expulsed.”

“Yeah!” snickered Karine.  “Expulsion!”

Terry looked around, not sure he completely understood what was going on.  “So you guys want to get rid of Willy, or Jay?”

“Willy!” said Cerise and Karine and Sarah, with Cassie nodding along, though she was glaring at Jay.

“Yeah, I’m on board with that,” shrugged Terry.

“Intriguing,” said Karl, getting up from his seat and coming closer to the group.  “So basically what you’re saying is either we stop hanging out with Willy and his body odour or we stop hanging out with you girls… ladies… women-folk.”

“Yeah, that’s basically it,” nodded Cerise.

“Fuck you all!” said Willy.

“Shut up,” said Terry, pushing Willy backwards with his palm.

“Let’s consult,” said Vani, motioning for the guys to join him.  Jay and Karl went to the corner of the room with him but when Willy tried to move, Terry pinned him down his with hand.

The guys whispered to one another and then after a few seconds, they came back.  “It is done,” announced Vani solemnly. 

“You accept the terms?” asked Cerise.

“We do,” nodded Karl.

“You see, Willy!” said Jay with a smile.  “All your fucking bullshit is coming back to haunt you!  How does it feel?”

“I wouldn’t be so self-righteous if I were you, Jay,” sneered Cassie.  “You’ve done some pretty shitty things too you know, and the night is still young!”

“Yes well,” Jay stammered.  “I begin silence now.”

They all chuckled and then looked at Willy, who stood there, shocked.

“Well?!” asked Terry.

“Fuck you all!” said Willy, guzzling the remainder of his coke and then burping at all of them.  He stomped to the front door.

“Wait!” hollered Vani.  “That’s it?  Terry, you punched out Jay when he fucked up, doesn’t Willy get beat up a little bit?”

Terry grinned at Willy, who immediately ran outside, his fat bouncing as he jogged down the street.  Jay and his stupid hair chuckled with satisfaction, and Terry glared at him, shutting him up.  They all looked at one another.

“Ok, so that went well,” shrugged Cerise.

Season 3 – Episode 12 – Act I

            “I made a wish!” cheered Brittany after she blew out the candles on her birthday cake.

            Terry and Vicky clapped and hollered in excitement and Vicky cut them each a piece.

            “What’d you wish for?” asked Terry as he stuck his fork in the chocolate goodness.

            “”I can’t tell!” his sister squealed.

            “You’re right, you shouldn’t tell!” he laughed.

            Vicky took various pictures of the happy occasion and then they went to the park, like one big, or small happy family.  Terry kept an eye on the time, knowing he’d have to leave eventually to go to work, but not wanting to spoil Britt’s big day.  Maybe he should just quit that stupid job at the bakery.  He hated it there, he hated Brown, he hated commuting to the West Island, all of it.  He should get a job here, in NDG.  But then he’d be even more cut off from the group.  All his friends were in the West Island, he didn’t want to lose touch with them completely. 

            “Push me, Tewwy, push me!” commanded Britt as she climbed onto the tire swing.

            Yeah, he’d keep the job for now.  After all, working so far from home was a good excuse to get away from this happy family whenever it got to be too much. 

It wasn’t often that they hung out at Cerise’s house, and Karine didn’t mind it, though she still felt it made more sense to hang out at her house, since it was always empty.  Of course, Cerise’s mom and sisters weren’t home at the moment, so this was essentially the same thing, but still.

Karine, Cerise, Sarah and Cassie sat in the den, watching MuchMusic and eating pretzels, having convinced themselves that they were healthier than chips. 

“I don’t really wanna go back to the yacht club but I guess it’s better than nothing,” said Sarah.

“You could get any job.  Don’t go back to BYC if you don’t want,” counselled Cerise, stuffing her face with food.  It was a wonder she wasn’t a hundred pounds, the way she ate.

“Yeah, ‘cause it’ll be kinda awkward with Jay and Karl being there.”

“Oh hell, let’s just be friends with them again,” said Cerise with a sigh and a roll of her eyes.  “It takes too much effort to remember who’s on the shit list at any given moment.”

“Seriously,” nodded Karine, glad Cerise was getting over herself. 

“But those guys are all freaks!” protested Cassie.

“But they’re our freaks,” said Karine with a grin.

“Yeah, but Cassie has a point,” said Sarah.  “Maybe it’s time to move on.  I mean, they’re like, our high school friends.”

“So?” wondered Cerise.

“They’re not even our high school friends,” said Karine.  “For you and me, Sarah, they’re our high school enemies!”

They all giggled and Cassie accused them of being weird, saying the relationship they had with the guys was fucked up.  When Cerise asked her to elaborate she said that the boys were all assholes and all the shit they’d done with the dibs and everything still existed.

“Yeah, but what are we supposed to do?” asked Cerise.  “Never be friends with guys?”

“Not all guys are like that,” said Cassie.

Karine, Sarah and Cerise all stared at Cassie and finally Karine asked for an example of one boy who wasn’t a piece of shit.

“Jonah was always a good guy,” shrugged Cassie.

“But he was short and ugly,” said Karine.  “I mean, no offense.”

“Yeah, none taken,” said Cassie sarcastically.

“Well anyway,” said Sarah.  “I guess Jay and Karl being at BYC is maybe actually a plus.  They did make it fun last year.   But still, I’m sick of being there.  I should move on.”

“I thought you liked being an instructor,” said Cerise.

“Meh, I dunno.  It’s ok, I guess.”

“Why don’t you come work with me at the ice-cream place?” suggested Karine.  “They always need people in the summer and if you apply now, before the rush, you’re sure to get in.  Besides, I’ll just put in a good word and the job is as good as yours.”

“Yeah, that could be cool,” nodded Sarah.  “For sure it’d be more fun to work with you than the guys.  Although I guess it’s not fun being cooped up in a freezer all day.  At least at BYC I’m in the sun, on the water.”

“Well, stay there then, whatever,” shrugged Karine.

“But I’m so sick of those whiny kids!  They are so useless!  I swear I wasn’t like that when I was a kid.  I could like, wipe my own nose and shit!  But these kids, I mean they’re teenagers, they should have some basic life skills, like tying shoes and shit, but I swear, they look at me like I’ve lost my mind when I try to teach them to tie knots.  They have no fucking frame of reference.  I swear if it’s not on an ipad they have no interest.”

“Wow, you sound old,” laughed Cassie.

“I know!  I’m such a loser!”

“Is Terry gonna be working at the bakery again?” asked Cerise nonchalantly.

“He said he was, even though he’s hating the guys now as much as we are,” nodded Karine.  “Well, no, he only hates Jay, same as ever.  He likes working with Vani I think.”

“How ‘bout you, you gonna be at your mom’s bookstore?” asked Sarah.

“Yep,” nodded Cerise.  “I was thinking of applying at like, Chapters or something though, ‘cause my mom doesn’t pay much but then like, I looked it up and saw that they don’t really pay much there either so it’s worth staying at my mom’s just for the flexibility.  At least for the summer, before I move downtown.”

God, Cerise would never shut up about her stupid move downtown.  She was so proud of herself, being the first one to move out and everything.  Like that was so special.  Karine had essentially been living on her own since she was fourteen. 

“Is your stalker gonna be working there too?” asked Sarah.

“I dunno,” replied Cerise.  “Maybe. That’ll be weird I guess.”

“Yeah, ya think?” laughed Karine.

“She came up to me the other day.  Just like, randomly.  And she was like, I dunno, she like, asked me to join her club.”

“What club?” asked Cassie.

“You mean the Queer Collective?” snickered Karine.  “Oh my god, she wants you to go gay!”

“I don’t think she meant it that way,” shrugged Cerise.  “I think she was trying to like, come out to me or something, but she was just like, awkward about it.”

“God, she’s so rank,” scoffed Karine.  “So gross that she’s into you.”

“No need to be so hostile,” said Cerise, as though offended.  “You have something against lesbians now?”

“No, I have something against that freakshow!”

“Why, what’d she ever do to you?”

“Seriously?” asked Karine, looking to Sarah and Cassie to help her out.

Sarah nodded.  “Yeah, it’s not that she’s like, a threat to us, Cerise, it’s just like, she’s so weird.  She’s so like, sorry, but unhygienic.”

“She’s really not that bad,” shrugged Cerise sadly.  “She just has a shit home life.  And I mean, if she’s gay, that just puts it all into perspective, I mean even more so.  Her parents are religious and strict and weird.  She’s probably lived her whole life in fear of them.  Things for her have always been shit.  I think it’s nice that my mom is helping her out, work wise.”

“Ok, whatever,” said Karine, rolling her eyes and exchanging looks with Sarah and Cassie.

Leanne looked at Shauna with a mixture of amusement and pity.

“Shut up,” sulked Shauna.

“I didn’t even say anything!” chuckled Leanne.

“But I know you’re thinking it.  I’m an idiot,” said Shauna, slumping down in the park bench overlooking the St-Laurence. 

Leanne had dropped by to check up on her, Shauna supposed. Now that school was over, Leanne probably wanted to make sure Shauna didn’t kill herself or something, which she was seriously contemplating. 

“You’re not an idiot,” smiled Leanne.  “God, it’s not even that bad.  So you told her you’re gay, so what?  That’s good!  That’s part of the process.”

“I didn’t say I was gay, I asked her to join the club, and she looked at me all confused.  She thinks I was hitting on her or something.”

“Well, weren’t you?”

“No!”

“Come on.  Acknowledge your feelings.  It’s healthy.”

“I can make things right,” said Shauna.  “I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be working at her mom’s store and I’m gonna be there too.  I emailed her mom yesterday to ask about it and she totally said yes, so it’s totally good.  We’ll be friends again.”

Leanne simply looked at Shauna with a grin.

“Oh shut up!  I’m not into her in that way.  I just wanna be friends.”

“Well, that’s not true but ok.”

“God, Leanne, stop it!  I’m not into Cerise in that way, ok!  Fuck!”

“Relax, geez!” Leanne chuckled.

“Stop laughing at me!” shouted Shauna as she stood up.

“God, sorry, calm down,” said Leanne, also standing.

“I am calm!” Shauna yelled.

“It’s ok, Shauna.  It’s no big deal.”

“It is a big deal!  You think I’m a big, stupid loser!  You hate me!  Everyone hates me!”

Leanne blinked at Shauna in confusion.  “Shauna, where is this coming from?  Are you ok?”

“I’m fine!” said Shauna, stomping away. 

Season 3 – Episode 12 - Prologue

           

         Cerise reviewed what she’d just written.  It was pretty bad.  The first part of the exam was multiple choice and that part was easy but then at the end there were two essay questions.  One of them she felt pretty confident about but the other she wasn’t so sure.  She couldn’t quite remember which dude was Manet and which one was Monet.  It was entirely possible she’d just answered a question about Manet by writing a whole paragraph about Monet.  Oh well, that part was only worth a quarter of the mark.  Even if she’d utterly failed it, she’d still pass the overall exam. 

            She brought the exam to the invigilator and signed out, then went to her locker, where she emptied it out, though it wasn’t particularly full to begin with, and brought the lock to the student services office in Herzberg. 

            “Sarah, I didn’t know you worked here,” she said as she placed her lock on the counter and looked up to see Sarah’s smiling face.

“It’s just a volunteer thing, which I guess is silly, I mean, our University applications are already in, volunteering now won’t change anything but I guess I started, might as well finish.” 

Sarah gave Cerise the five dollars back she’d earned from renting the lock and successfully not losing or damaging it.  Apparently not everyone could be trusted to accomplish such a Herculean feat. 

“So you’re done with exams?” asked Sarah.

            “Yeah, you?”

            “Yep.  So you gonna go to convocation?”

            “Nah, for CEGEP?  What’s the point?”

            “I’m going.  My family’s into that sort of thing,” shrugged Sarah. 

            “You’re not valedictorian again, are you?”

            Sarah chuckled.  “No, I’m a small fish now.  I mean, I’ve got top honours though, so yay I guess,” she shrugged. 

            “You seem sad.”

            “I dunno, I’m excited for McGill, I got in by the way.”

            “Like there was ever any doubt!”

            “Right, but I guess I’m sad to leave this place behind.  It was fun here, don’t you think?”

            “Yeah I guess, although I’m glad it’s over ‘cause I guess this last semester wasn’t so great.  I mean, it was fun here for sure, with all the plays and cast parties and stuff.  But this last semester just sucked.  It seriously did.  I feel like I lost all my friends,” sighed Cerise, and then hurriedly went on.  “I mean not all of them!”

            Sarah chuckled.  “Yeah, you’ve still got the ones that count!”

            “Yeah, exactly.  All I lost were dumb boys.  And I’m better off, right?”

            “Right!” said Sarah brightly.

            So how come it didn’t feel that way?  Cerise took her leave, promising to get together with Sarah later that week. 

When she got home, she found Jay half-heartedly playing basketball in his driveway.  She went to her house and turned to look at him, only to see him staring at her, basketball in hand.  He waved and smiled.  She considered scowling or something but what the hell, she supposed her grudge had gone on long enough.  She waved back and apparently that encouraged him because he hopped up onto the lawn their houses shared and ran towards her, throwing the basketball in her direction.

She tried to dodge but it was too late and the ball hit her in the shoulder.  “What the fuck?!” she yelled out angrily.

“Fuck, I’m sorry!  You were supposed to catch it!”

“You know how good I am at catching stuff!” she replied, dropping her bookbag and picking up the ball, which had landed in the yard.  She threw it at him vigorously, only to have it drop to his feet.

“You suck at throwing too!” he laughed, grabbing the ball.

“You suck at life!” she said, running over to him and trying to get the ball away from him. 

He let her get it and she skipped onto his driveway, tossing it towards the net and missing by a mile.  He chuckled, retrieved the ball, threw it and also missed.  So back to normal then.

Season 3 – Episode 11 – Act V

            Jay walked through the nearly empty hallways, having just completed his first exam.  He met up with the guys in Hochelaga, and Karl suggested they go to Jay’s basement for some gaming.

            “I don’t wanna game,” sighed Jay.  “Besides, I can’t.  I have another exam tomorrow.  I need to study.”

            “You know what we should do,” began Vani.  “We should get a Jay replacement.  This model’s no good to us anymore.”

            Karl cocked his head to the side. “Its batteries are simply depleted.  We just need to plug him in somewhere.”

            “I know what he wants to plug into,” smarmed Willy, thrusting his hips at Jay.

            “Ugh, never move, Willy, you make jiggling noises,” said Karl in disgust.

            “Let’s get Mylo in on the game,” suggested Vani.  “Or we could get Lee.”

            “We just need a new mission for Jay to sink his teeth into,” said Karl.

            “I know what he wants to sink his teeth into,” grinned Willy.

            “Ok, well I’ll see you guys tomorrow. I’m gonna go to the library,” said Jay, heading towards his locker.

            “Man, he’s the king of uselessness now,” said Vani.

            Karl said something in response but Jay couldn’t quite hear him, though he clearly heard Vani say they should contact Lee or Mylo or even Cerise, since Jay wouldn’t be there to offend her.  Then Willy mockingly suggested they contact Jojo, because even he was better than Jay.  They all laughed as Jay walked away, choosing to ignore the insult.

            “Hey there,” said Tom as he sat across from Cerise at the Munch Box.  The food stand was closed but it was a good place to sit and study.  Cerise didn’t like to study in the library since it was always too full of people and therefore distractions. 

            “Hey, what’s up?” she asked, happy to put aside her text on Art History. 

            “I’m almost done everything.  Just one more essay to hand in and I’m good.  You?”

            “One essay and one exam on Art History,” she replied, holding up her textbook. 

            “Ready for it?”

            She shrugged.

            “Soooooooo,” he drawled.  “Ready to come back to the band?  We’re back to sucking without you.”

            “I thought I was out for good,” she replied.

            “We discussed it and you can come back if you want.”

            Cerise sighed.  “I don’t need your pity.”  Tom was about to protest but she went on.  “Besides, I don’t really wanna hang out with Jeff these days.”

            “Want us to kick him out?”

            Cerise laughed.  “No, I mean, it’s not even just Jeff.  I dunno, Tom, that band thing, it was fun, it was like a fantasy but it’s not really my thing, you know?  There are so many people for whom, like, that’s their whole dream.  But for me, it’s not.  Besides, I’m super busy these days.  I have a really full schedule of being depressed.”

            “Oh come on,” Tom laughed.  “Don’t be so dramatic.”

            “No, I know, but seriously, I think I’m over that band stuff.”

            “Well, good to know it was all just a whim for you,” he said with a touch of bitterness, perhaps talking about more than the band.

            “Well I’m sorry I’m not more like you, Tom.  But I’m not.  And I’m not gonna fake it.  That would just be… I dunno, inauthentic.”

            “See?  You’d fit right in!”

            They both laughed and Tom wished her well with her exam, then left her be.  She wondered how honest she’d been with him.  Was it true that she didn’t have any interest in being part of the band anymore?  It was true that music wasn’t her calling in life; she’d never considered herself to be a particularly musical person, but it was definitely exciting to live a rock and roll lifestyle, though she wasn’t even sure exactly what that meant. 

            Whatever, one thing at a time and right now she had to finish CEGEP.  She kept reading her book, but it was tough to get through, since her mind wandered so often.  She was really a terrible reader, wasn’t she?  Everyone always assumed she was a huge bookworm, perhaps because she was geeky and did well in school but in truth it always took her about a million years to get through any text because she always had trouble concentrating for any given length of time.  But had that always been true or was it a recent development? Oh shit, there she went again, analyzing her lack of reading skills instead of actually reading.

            She closed her book with a sigh, acknowledging that she wasn’t going to get any further with her studying today.  Maybe she’d go home and try again after dinner. She packed up her things and walked out to the bus stop.  As she was walking across the lawn, she was suddenly confronted by Shauna and Cerise gasped in surprise.  “Oh, hey Shauna. What’s up?” she asked, trying to sound polite.

            “Nothing much, you?”

            “I’m good,” Cerise smiled.  There was a pause, and they both stood there.  “I’m going to the bus stop,” announced Cerise, as she kept walking.

            “Me too,” nodded Shauna.

            “How are your exams going?” asked Cerise.

            “Good.  Well, no, bad I guess.  I’m pretty sure I failed at least one of them.  That’s the one I tried to pass without cheating.  Boy, was that a mistake,” she laughed.

            “Yeah,” chuckled Cerise awkwardly.

            “My dad’s prob’ly gonna kill me,” Shauna said, kicking the grass as they walked.

            It didn’t seem like an off-handed complaint.  Shauna sounded genuinely fearful and Cerise didn’t know how to respond.  “So, things still suck at home, eh?” she finally said.

            “Yeah.  You?”

            “Oh, things are fine with me.”  She almost started talking about her plans to move downtown with Simone but then thought better of it.  “Yeah, they’re fine.”

            “Yeah well, so, you know how, um?” A pause. “You know how…”

            “Know what?” prompted Cerise as they reached the bus stop.  There was another kid there but he was listening to his ipod. 

            “Know how we used to hang out?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, that was fun, eh?”

            “Um, I guess,” said Cerise, hoping Shauna wasn’t about to invite herself over or something.

            “So I joined this club,” said Shauna.

            “Oh, that’s great!” said Cerise with genuine enthusiasm, glad Shauna had somewhere to go.

            “A club at school. It’s about, I mean it’s for, like, um…”

            She probably meant the Queer Collective.  “Yeah, I think I know what club you’re talking about.”

            “You do?”

            “Yeah, like Nick Morgan is in the club too, right?”

            “The hockey guy, yeah,” nodded Shauna.  “It’s a good club.”

            “Well, that’s great!”

            “Really?” asked Shauna with a shy smile.

            “Yeah.  Good for you,” Cerise smiled.

            “Oh well yeah,” Shauna beamed.  “Maybe you should join!”

            Cerise stopped, looking at Shauna curiously.  “Well, why would I do that?  I mean, it’s not really…”

            “Oh no, I didn’t mean like join, I just meant, I mean, no, you’d never join.”

            “Yeah I mean, I don’t think it’s for me.”

            “Right,” said Shauna with some discomfort.  “I just meant, like, whatever,” she shrugged.

            “Right,” nodded Cerise, wondering if even that nod was too much encouragement.

            “Ok well, I’ll see ya,” announced Shauna, suddenly walking away and lighting up a cigarette, which she pulled out of her hoodie pocket.

            Ok, that was weird.  The bus arrived and Cerise hopped on, sitting up front because even though she knew only old ladies sat up front, she preferred the view from the driver’s window. She had a tendency to lose track of where they were when she sat in the back, not paying close enough attention to the outside world, and sometimes missing her stop.  Wait a second, had Shauna just come out to her? 

Season 3 – Episode 11 – Act IV

            Cerise and Karine walked into Karine’s house, and headed straight for the kitchen, where Karine pulled out a couple boxes of Kraft Dinner. 

            “So Terry’s back with Christina?  How fucked up is that?” asked Cerise, trying to sound nonchalant about it, like she didn’t really care for her own selfish reasons, like she was just shooting the shit about the latest gossip. 

            “I know, it’s insane,” said Karine as she boiled some water.  “And you just know it’s not gonna last.  It never does.  He’s trying to be nice.  Trying not to be a total asshole, but she’s still obsessed, like she always was and I tried to warn her not to fall into that trap again, but she never listens.”

            “But like, why is he even going there again?”

            “Well, like, I mean, not to like, hurt your feelings or anything but like, he ended up hooking up with her.  At my party.  You know, the cast party.  Hey, how come you didn’t come?”

            “I was sick, remember?  So like, they hooked up?” asked Cerise, again, trying to remain as disinterested as possible.

            “It’s what he does, Cerise!  He gets drunk and fucks an easy lay.  And Chrissy is the easiest of them all, I mean when it comes to Terry.  But then he felt all guilty about it, about using her or whatever, so now he’s trying to be her boyfriend.”

            “Well I guess that’s nice of him, to not like, just leave her in the dust,” said Cerise.  “I mean, that’s basically what I did with Tom.  Like I mean I had sex with him and then felt weird about it, but like, I couldn’t just leave him.  I had to go out with him.”

            “And we all know how well that turned out,” snickered Karine.  “No offense.”

           

            “Are you gonna stay for dinner?” asked Christina.

            Hells no!  Terry wasn’t about to have dinner with Chrissy’s family!  It would be totally awkward!  In fact, her mom would be home any minute now, which was a good excuse to hightail it out of there.  “Your parents don’t want me here,” he said kindly as he got out of bed and got dressed.

            “My mom is totally chill these days,” shrugged Chrissy.  She doesn’t care if I have my boyfriend over.  “I’ve already told her about you.”

            Oh god. Terry wanted to say something rude, to break up with her here and now but he smiled and apologized, explaining that he had to get home to take care of his sister, which was true enough.  Vicky was home, but still.  But horror of all horrors, Chrissy offered to come with, since she just loved Brittany and everything. 

            “Well, you know, I don’t know.  I have to study and stuff.  I have exams coming up.”

            “Me too,” she said brightly, putting on her clothes.  “We can just study once we’ve put Britt to bed.”

            “I just, I mean, if you’re there, you’ll be a distraction,” he said, hugging her, smiling, trying to make it seem like she was irresistible.  “And I really need to get some work done.”

            She giggled and hugged him back but insisted she wouldn’t be a distraction, that she’d even sit in the other room if necessary.

            “That doesn’t even make any sense, Chrissy,” he said in annoyance.

            “You’re supposed to be my boyfriend but you never wanna hang out!” she hollered.

            “Fuck, Chrissy, chill!” he insisted loudly.  “I hate it when you get like this!”

            “Like what?”

            “All fucking clingy and shit!”

            Oh fuck.  She was starting to cry.  Fucking goddamn fucking fuck.

            “Shauna came up to me today,” said Cerise as she dug into her Kraft Dinner.

            “Huh?  Who?” asked Karine.

            “Um, my stalker.”

            “Oh right.”  Like Karine was supposed to remember the name of some completely insignificant chick.  “What’d she want?”

            “She wished me a happy birthday.”

            Oh good, so Karine wasn’t the only one who’d given her well wishes late. 

            “And then she just like, ran off,” Cerise went on.

            “That girl is such a freak.”

            “I dunno.  I feel bad for her,” said Cerise, polishing off her dinner.

            “Well I don’t,” said Karine, placing their bowls in the sink and grabbing a box of cookies, motioning for Cerise to follow her to the den.  They sat down in front of the TV but didn’t turn it on.  “I mean, she’s a lesbian, remember.”

            “So?’ asked Cerise, her mouth full of cookies.

            “She probably just wants to get in your pants.”  Karine tried not to show how grossed out she was by the idea. 

            “I highly doubt that,” said Cerise with an eye roll.  “But I mean, even if… god, gross.  I hope not.”

            “Totally gross.  Stay away from her, she’s a freakshow.”

            “Yeah, I guess.”

           

            “Terry!” cried Christina as she followed him out of her house.

            He wouldn’t let himself be manipulated by her tears.  If it was Cerise or Karine he’d stay and hug them, make sure they were ok.  But fuck, Chrissy was so high maintenance.  He couldn’t deal with this shit.  Besides, even if he just left, she’d still be back the next day.  It didn’t even matter what he did.

            She tugged at his sleeve as he unlocked his car, accusing him of using her.  “Chrissy!” he yelled, shaking her off.  “I don’t wanna be mean here ok, but fuck!  Just chill.  I’m leaving.”

            “You’re such a jerk!” she wept.

            “Yes! I am a jerk!  Ok?  I’m a jerk!  Why don’t you go cry about it some more?”

            Her face was all blotchy as she sobbed.  “How can you be so mean?  You can’t do this, Terry!  You can’t be so mean to your girlfriend!” 

            She was such an ugly crier.  All now she was doing that thing where she was hiccupping between each word.  It was actually kind of funny, but he tried not to laugh. 

            “So it’s… hic… just like in… hic… high school?  Hic… You just… hic… use me for… hic… sex… hic…and then like… hic… dump me?”

            “I’m not trying to use you, Christina,” he said as kindly as he could. “It’s just, you’re so intense.  You’re so much work.  Just so needy and clingy.  Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, Chrissy.  I’m sorry but you make my skin crawl when you act like this.”

She wiped her face on her sleeve.  “So everything’s my fault?”

“No, it’s my fault,” he sighed.  “You’re a great person, Chrissy.  You really are.  You’re beautiful and you’re nice and fun and you’re… really great.  But I’m just not the type of guy that can deal with a 24/7 type thing.  I need space.  And you need someone who’s gonna fully appreciate how great you are.  So I think… I think we’re better as just friends.”

“That’s not what you were saying when you were inside me!”  And the tears flowed anew.

“I’m sorry, Chrissy, I really am.  I am so, so sorry.  But hooking up with you at Karine’s party, it was a mistake.  We never should have gotten back together.”

She emitted a sound, some sort of guttural scream and then told him to fuck off.  She was screaming so incoherently that he wasn’t entirely sure what she was saying but he caught something about how he thought he was god’s gift and something about how he was worse than Andrew, how he just used girls and threw them away. 

Then she slapped him.  He actually leaned down so she could get his face, when he sensed she was reaching up to do it.  He wanted her to get the slap in.  He wanted to feel the sting, though her tiny hand didn’t carry much force.  She stomped away, back to her house and he got into his car.  He only wished the slap would leave a bruise, but knew it wouldn’t.

“So I’ve been having those dreams again,” said Karine nonchalantly.

“Oh no, not the ones with And… eurk, Asshole guy?” Cerise asked, aghast.  Bless her for refusing to say his name, somehow knowing how much the sound of it made Karine want to retch.

“Yeah, god, I dunno.  I mean, they’re not like, way crazy or anything.  The most recent was kind of bizarre, I knew it was a dream even as I was dreaming, it wasn’t one of those ones were it feels totally real.  So it’s fine I guess.  But I dunno.  I just wish I could dream about puppies and rainbows and shit.”

“Yeah, I feel you,” Cerise nodded.  “Fucking sucks that we can’t control our subconscious better.  Although apparently we can.  I mean, there’s lucid dreaming, right?  You could learn to do that.  And then any time you dream of him, you can like, kill him.  That could be cool.”

“Yeah, that could be cool,” Karine nodded.  Finally a decent suggestion!  And maybe learning lucid dreaming could help her with her theatre career.  She could rehearse things even in her sleep. 

“Goodnight, Britt,” said Terry, kissing his sister as he tucked her into bed.

“Nite nite,” she mumbled, already half asleep.  He’d read her an extra bedtime story, to get in some extra cuddle time. 

“Promise me you’ll never, ever get involved with boys.”

“Boys stinky,” she nodded.

“Yeah, totally.  Boys are stinky.  Remember that.  Remember the stink.”

“But one boy at daycare, he give me cookies.”

“Never trust a guy’s cookies, Britt.”

“Wha?” Her eyes opened and she frowned at him.

“I just hope you turn out to be a lesbian.”

“Wassa wesban?”

“A good girl.”

“I be good,” she assured him, turning over and hugging her toys.

Terry turned off the light in her room and gently closed the door, then joined Vicky on the couch so they could watch Big Brother Canada. 

“Well you’ve certainly been in a mood all night.  I haven’t seen such brooding since David Boreanaz,” she snarked.

“I guess,” he shrugged.

“So why exactly did you just tell my daughter to become a lesbian?”

Terry shrugged apologetically.  “’Cause guys are assholes.”

“Even you?” she asked.

“Especially me!  I’m a huge asshole!  I just broke up with Christina.  Again.  I only lasted like two weeks!  Which is longer than I thought I’d go!  I knew I’d break up with her.  I never had any intention of being with her for real.  And yet, I still slept with her.  Repeatedly.”

“Well that certainly does sound rather asshole-ish.”

“See?  I’m a complete shit head.”

“Well why’d you do it if you knew it was wrong?”

“I don’t know!” he whined, embarrassed to be ranting like this, but wanting to get it out.  “’Cause I’m a guy!  She was there, I was horny.  I didn’t think it through.  And then she was like, we’re a couple and I was like, ok, fine.  But then she got all clingy and annoying and I just wanted to kill her.  So I slept with her again ‘cause that’s the only time I can stand her.  ‘Cause that’s the only time she’ll shut up.  And I know how shitty that is, I know!  And I felt like shit the whole time.  I knew I was being an asshole so I thought, hey maybe if I give her multiple orgasms it won’t be so bad!”

Vicky laughed and then covered her mouth, motioning for him to go on.

“Like that’s the only way I could think to make it up to her.  But that just makes it worse.  ‘Cause then she just clings ever more.  And I’m just thinking, god, get away from me, you annoying little freak!  And I couldn’t take it anymore!  So I dumped her!  I dumped her right after we had sex!”

“Oh ouch.  That’s terrible!”

“I know! I know how bad that is!  And it gets even worse.  ‘Cause she started crying, when I said I didn’t wanna hang out with her tonight.  She was all crying and shit and it just annoyed me so much that I broke up with her!  But I couldn’t help it!  I just couldn’t stand to be with her for one second longer!  She’s just so irritating!  Fuck, I am a complete and utter asshole!”

Vicky stared at him, shocked and dismayed, but also seemingly amused.  “Well,” she began. “I got nothing.  That really is shitty, Terry.”

“I know!”

“But at least you know you did something wrong.  That makes you redeemable.  And at least you’re not an asshole all the time.  You were cruel to this girl, but you’ve always been a good man where Britt and I are concerned.”

“That’s different.  You guys are family.  I’m always mean to real girls.  I use them for sex.”

“I don’t think you just used Cerise for sex.  Besides, bastards are bastards all around, even to family. Your father cheated on me even though I was his wife.  He neglected Brittany even though she’s his daughter.”

“Oh, I met his new girlfriend by the way, did I ever tell you?  She’s barely out of her teens.”

“God, whatever, like I care,” she snorted.  “Is she seriously that young?  What a fucking ass!  I wonder if she’s the one he cheated with.  Did you ever cheat on your girlfriends?”

“No, I guess not,” Terry admitted.  “I always broke up with them if I wanted a different chick.”

“Well, that’s something I guess,” she shrugged.

“I never cheated on Cerise.  I never wanted to.  I never wanted anyone else.”

“See?  You’re capable of being a good boyfriend.  You were good to her.”

“Yeah, until I dumped her ‘cause I was a big jealous asshole who couldn’t handle her being human.  God, I’m so fucking like, proud of myself all the time.  All thinking I’m better than dad.  Thinking I’m a good guy, thinking I’m right about shit.  But I’m just like dad.  And I’m just like,” he paused.  “I used to know this guy, him and me were friends and we’d like, keep score of all the chicks we’d like, you know, and I thought it was funny and then like, shit, I found out…” he trailed off.

“Found out what?’ she asked, all ears.

“That he did a really shitty thing to a girl we were friends with. Like a really bad thing.  Like, not just being mean to her.  Really hurting her.  Physically… sexually… you know?”

She nodded.

“So when I found out I went and beat him up.  I thought this guy was a freak.  I was like, I can’t believe I was friends with him, I’d never do that.  But Vicky… I’m just like him.  We used to hang out!  We’d keep score!  I’m exactly like him!”  Terry could feel the tears coming, but he held them in, refusing to be a whiny little baby.

“Terry, you’re not… oh shit, are you talking about that Andrew Lester boy?”

“Yeah!  What, why?  Did he do something to you!?” he asked in a panic.

“Well, not really.  Once he walked in on me changing and didn’t even leave.  I had to throw him out.”

Anger swelled up in Terry.  “Why didn’t you ever say anything?!  Fuck!  I can’t believe I hung out with him for so long!  But fuck, I’m no better!  I used to stare at you all the time!  Maybe I never watched you changing but whenever you went swimming I’d leer at you.  You’d be sunbathing on the deck and I’d be watching from my bedroom window, jacking off like a little perv!”

Vicky covered her mouth but the laughter escaped.  “Are you serious?” she asked, almost in hysterics.

“Yes!  I’m a fucking perv!  You’re my step-mother for fuck’s sake and I used to fantasize about you all the time!”

“Really?”

“Yes! Why do you think I was always so rude to you?  I was embarrassed!  I was a horny little fourteen-year-old and you were this intensely hot woman.  And you were in my house!  Wearing a fucking bikini!  It was only when you got pregnant that I realized how perverted I was being.”

She was doubled over in laughter now and he insisted it wasn’t funny.

“It kind of is,” she insisted, wiping her eyes.  “I mean, you were a kid.  You shouldn’t feel guilty.  That’s how boys are.  I mean, you don’t still feel that way, right?”

“Well no,” he shrugged.  “Except, maybe yes,” he admitted, seeing no reason not to admit to all his perversions once and for all.  “I mean you’re still fucking hot.  If you wanted to hook up, fuck, would I say no?  Of course not!  I’d fucking hit that in a second!  But then I’d never call, ‘cause I’m a shit head.”

Vicky burst into laughter once again, covering her face with a pillow so as not to wake Britt.  He chuckled a bit too, acknowledging that his fucked up-ness was kind of amusing, but still feeling like shit because of it. 

“Oh Terry, don’t feel bad,” she rubbed his shoulder.

“Watch out, Vicky!  If you get too close I’m liable to take advantage of you!”

She chuckled again.  “I’ll take my chances.”

He sighed and once they’d both calmed down, they switched on the TV.  It didn’t take long before Vicky was ranting about how all the houseguests in Big Brother were scum bags.  Terry agreed, knowing he could win this game, because he could out-douche them all.