Season 2 – Episode 10 – Act V

            “I never knew that Cerise had a stalker,” admitted Karine, wondering what else she’d missed out on in high school.  She’d always assumed that she’d been tapped into everything going on at BHS but apparently that wasn’t the case at all.  She’d known about Porta-potty chick but hadn’t realized she was obsessed with Cerise.  It was totally insane!  Another person unreasonably interested in Cherry the goddamned Raspberry?  Why?

            “Why Cerise?” asked Janice, totally saying what Karine was thinking.  “I mean why would anyone stalk her in particular?  Did she do something to this Porta-potty chick?”

            Sarah and Cassie considered the question as they all stood in Casgrain, overlooking the pool.  There were a few hot guys swimming in Speedos and Janice was all over it, even though hot guy in Speedo was a contradiction in terms.

            “I dunno,” shrugged Cassie.  “Apparently this chick is way off her meds.  She’s a total crazy, kooky, crazy person.  Who knows why crazy people do the crazy shit they crazy do?”

            “Cerise was friends with her back in the day, before they came to BHS,” explained Sarah.  “And I guess when she started to get all weird Cerise decided she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore and that’s probably what set her off.”

            “Oh shit, yeah, this sounds familiar now,” Karine nodded.  “I remember Terry saying something about that, or maybe Cerise saying it.  How like Cerise actually came to BHS to get away from that girl ‘cause she was like, totally insane.”

            “She really was,” said Sarah.  “One time I talked to her, like I was gonna sell her a ticket to the school play or whatever and she was so seriously bizarre I was almost like, scared.  Poor Cerise, having to put up with that.”

            “Weird,” began Cassie.

            “Oh shit, I remember!” Sarah went on.  “Remember when we made that petition to ban square-dancing at grad?”

            Karine nodded.  “It was like a petition so we wouldn’t have to square-dance at grad,” she explained to Janice and Cassie who nodded in understanding.

            “I asked her to sign the petition and she was like, ‘I’m not allowed to be involved in stuff that has to do with Cerise’ and I was like, ok, whatever.”

            “Not allowed?” asked Cassie.  “Like restraining order not allowed?”

            “Cerise didn’t even know she was being stalked, she wouldn’t get a restraining order,” shrugged Sarah.

            “Maybe crazy chick like recognized her own craziness and self-imposed a restraining order.”

            “Guess it didn’t work,” said Sarah.

            “So crazy,” sighed Karine.

            “Seriously,” agreed Janice.  “A self-aware stalker.  An attraction to porta-potties.  You can’t make this shit up.  Is it weird that all this makes me like Cerise more?”

            They all stared at Janice and finally Karine spoke.  “Yes Janice.  Yes, it’s very weird.”

            Cerise was exhausted.  She’d only been at school for half a day and yet all she wanted to do was sleep.  She considered skipping evening rehearsal but knew that she couldn’t let down the gang.  That still left her an hour to kill so she went to the Munch Box for dinner where she ran into Terry, who admitted he’d been waiting for her.

            “I just wanna make sure you’re ok,” he said.

            “I’m fine, but thanks for your concern,” she smiled.

            “Do you need a lift home or something?”

            “I’ve got rehearsal.”

            “I could wait.”

            “Oh, you don’t have to.”  She instantly regretted having said this.  If he did drive her home they’d finally have a chance to talk and maybe figure everything out.

            “Ok well, just be careful.  I’ll see you around.”

            She considered going after him but then Sarah was in front of her expressing equal amounts of concern.

            “Yeah, it’s been pretty weird.  So much shit going on this year, eh?” said Cerise.  “I mean not just this Shauna shit, but everything.  Me and Terry, me and Tom.  Hell, you and Jay.  It’s all nuts, eh?”

            “Yeah, it’s been crazy,” Sarah agreed.

            “I can’t wait for this year to be over.”

            “It’s only March.”

            “I mean the school year,” said Cerise.  “We only have a couple months left.  Nothing else weird can happen, right?”

            “I actually find it’s passed really quickly, don’t you?”

            “Yeah, it has and yet so much has happened.  I just don’t want any more surprises, you know?”

            “Yeah, totally.”  Sarah nodded.  “Ok well, I gotta go.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            Cerise said bye to Sarah and watched her rush off.  That had been kind of weird.  Sarah had seemed oddly perturbed during that exchange, almost panicked.  What was her deal?  Was she, like Terry simply concerned for Cerise’s wellbeing?  Perhaps concerned that Shauna was actually dangerous?  Wow, it was pretty cool to have friends who cared so much. 

            “We have to break up,” announced Sarah over the phone.

            Even though Jay was alone in his bedroom he still lowered his voice, not wanting anyone to know about their clandestine relationship.  Then again he was pretty sure his parents had the brain power to figure out he was dating the girl who came over all the time.  He asked Sarah if she was breaking up with him.

            “God, Jay, it’s not like we’re even together.  I mean officially.  A secret relationship isn’t like a real one.”

            “Feels pretty real to me,” he said, glad Sarah was on the phone and incapable of seeing him at this moment.  He was playing with his dick as they spoke, aware that it wasn’t appropriate during a conversation of this nature but also knowing that he had to get his jerking-off in when he could, before anyone else got home.  Not that he’d never done it when his parents were home but he didn’t have a lock on his door so he always felt slightly paranoid about doing it when they were.  He always had to do it with a blanket covering him when they were home, which was so annoying ‘cause it just wasn’t the same and why the fuck didn’t he have a lock on his door, anyway? Amy totally did.  What total bullshit.  Was it because she was a girl or because she was older that she got everything she wanted and he got shit? 

            “Hello?”

            “Huh, what?”

            “Are you ok?”

            “Uh, yeah,” he stammered, realizing that he had no idea what Sarah had been saying for the past minute.

            “So then you agree?”

            “Agree with what?” he asked tentatively.

            “God, Jay, come on!  You know I care about you, but fuck!  I can’t like, live a lie, you know?  It’s just too much work.  Sneaking around and everything and it’s just like, with Cerise and her stalker and stuff…”

            “What does Cerise have to do with anything?”

            “God!  Why do you have to be so ignorant all the time?”

            “Huh?”  What the hell was she talking about?

            “Look, I just don’t want to have to keep lying to everyone.  I wanna be able to tell my friends who my boyfriend is.  And not be all paranoid that they’ll find out.”

            “Well why don’t we tell them?  I mean not the guys but we can tell the girls.  I bet they’d find it fun to keep a secret with us, you know to keep the guys in the dark.  It can be a whole thing.”

            Sarah made a loud noise of exasperation and said something cryptic about this situation affecting the girls too.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Whatever, Jay, it’s just over, ok?”

            He didn’t know how to respond.

            “Ok?” Sarah repeated.

            “Ok, I guess.”

            “Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow.  Try to be normal, ok?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “I mean like act natural.  You’ve been in a good mood lately but if you show up being all depresso-boy then everyone will notice and start taking a poll about the reasons for your depression and shit.”

            “Has Vani been taking polls about me?”

            “Vani takes polls on the colour of everyone’s fucking socks, Jay, you know that!”

            “Yeah, I guess.”

            “Ok, so fuck, just be normal, ok?”

            “Ok.”

            Sarah made another exasperated noise and said goodbye, then hung up.  Well, that was that then.

            Shauna made no motions to get out of the car so her mother had to open the door for her and drag her out.  She wanted to do anything in the world but enter that house again but found her feet stepping towards it and before she knew it she was inside.

            Everything was exactly the same.  It was so depressing.  The TV was still there, hanging on the wall in the spotless den.  Her room was untouched.  All the pointless pictures of kittens still hung on the walls.  Her desk held her laptop, closed and lonely.  Her bed was made and looked impeccable.  There was no dust on anything.  Shauna wondered if her mother came in every day to clean but realized the cleaning lady would do that.  Her mother told her to rest and that dinner would be ready soon.  They’d be getting take-out since Shauna had disrupted her mother’s day.

            She’d been forced to throw out everything she’d salvaged in the garbage bag because her mother thought it was dirty and moldy.  She said they’d go shopping and get all new things.  Nothing could have been more depressing.

            Shauna lay down on the bed and tried to sleep but she couldn’t.  She thought about taking a bath and scratching her legs but she couldn’t get up.  Eventually her mother came back and brought her downstairs, physically sitting her at the dinner table.  They were having Chinese.

            “Your hair looks retarded,” said Malcolm under his breath.  Shauna chose not to respond.

            “You can reapply to John Abbott for next year,” said her father, chewing his chow-mein.

            “Pick up right where you left off,” smiled her mother.

            Her father was stern-faced.  “You won’t go out anymore unless it’s for school.”

            Shauna helped herself to some food.  It had been so long since she’d had a good meal.  Neither she nor Stan had cooked and all they’d ever eaten was Kraft Dinner and hot dogs. 

            “Where were you all that time anyway?” asked Malcolm.  “Living on the streets?”

            Shauna shrugged.

            “I’d like to know the answer to that question,” said their father.

            “I was staying with friends.”

            “Like you have friends,” scoffed Malcolm.

            “I made some,” said Shauna, trying not to raise her voice.

            “You won’t be associating with them any longer,” said her father.

            “We have to let her have friends!” whined her mother.

            “She will not associate with anyone I haven’t met!” her father boomed.

            “You don’t have to worry about that,” Shauna said.  “I’m never gonna see them again.”

           

            Terry was watching TV and eating cookies when his dad walked in, but what was weirder is that his mom was with him.  He almost thought he should rub his eyes, like in a cartoon ‘cause the sight of his parents together was too weird to be believed. 

            “Mom, what are you doing here?” he asked, sitting up straight and brushing the crumbs off his shirt.

            Louise sat next to him and John sat in a chair next to the sofa.  Terry paused his show and turned off the TV, figuring they were about to have a big deal conversation.

            “Your father and I need to talk to you,” his mother began.

            “About what?” asked Terry.

            “John,” Louise prompted.

            “Well, ahem,” his dad cleared his throat awkwardly but then remained silent.

            “Terry found those photos,” Louise prompted again.

            “Yes, well,” John went on.  “I was married to a woman named Bridget Thompson before I married your mother.”

            “Ok,” said Terry.

            “John…”

            His dad squirmed and his mother sighed.  “Terry, we wanted to tell you this together.  Because…”

            She paused too and Terry got impatient.  “What the hell is going on?  You guys are freaking me out.”

            “Bridget, I married her in ’93.  She left in ’95.

            Terry was born in 1994 so that meant… “You had me when you were still married to her?”

            “Yes.”

            “So like, she’s my real mom?”

            “I’m your mother!” Louise exclaimed.  “She just gave birth to you.”

            “So she was like a surrogate?” Terry asked sarcastically.  “Or you like had an affair with dad when he was married, when his wife was pregnant?  And then you like, stole me or what?”

            “She left,” explained Louise.  “She didn’t want…”

            “She didn’t want me?” Terry asked quietly.

            Both John and Louise squirmed. 

            “I’m sure she loved you,” Louise whispered, tears forming in her eyes.  “But… well, I was taking care of you and…”

            “I don’t get it.  If she was my mom how come you were taking care of me?”

            John sighed and laid it out.  “Bridget left when she found out about your mother, about Louise.  Yes, I was having an affair with her, yes, when my wife was pregnant.  I tried to leave Louise, to make it work with Bridget when she had the baby, had you.”

            Louise made a strangled noise, which distracted John, but he went on to explain that this Bridget woman had been young and wasn’t really fit to be a parent so Louise had to step in and take care of Terry when he’d been a baby.  So Louise came in all acting like a nanny and when Bridget found out the truth about the affair she flipped out and took off.

            “So she just left? Where did she go?” asked Terry, trying not to flip out himself.

            “I don’t know,” his dad admitted.  “I had my lawyer send the divorce papers to her parents’ place in Westmount.  I never tried to find out where she ended up.”

            Terry couldn’t contain his disgust with his father.  He stared at him with pure hatred and Louise reached out and touched his arm. 

            “Terry, I’m so sorry we never told you,” she cried.

            “Get off me,” he said, shaking her hand away.

            “Don’t speak that way to your mother,” John grumbled.

            “Shut the fuck up!  She’s not even my mother!  This Bridget Thompson person is my mother and you completely fucked her over!  You both did!”

            “Terrence! Calm down,” John boomed, trying to maintain control but clearly agitated.

            “Jesus fucking Christ, you can’t act like this is no big deal!  Mom, all this time, always bitching about Vicky, like she fucking stole dad away or some shit, when you’re just as bad.  You’re worse.  At least Vicky had her own kid.  You fucking stole another woman’s baby!”

            Louise was full on crying now.  John handed her a box of Kleenex and she blew her nose loudly.  “I loved you from the moment I set eyes on you!  She couldn’t take care of you!”

            “How the fuck do you know that?  You didn’t even give her a chance!  Did you?” Terry demanded.  “How old was I when she left?”

            Louise kept crying and John gazed off into the middle distance.

            “Well?” Terry shouted.

            “About a year old,” John shrugged.

            “Seven months,” Louise sputtered.

            “I can’t believe you two.  You fucking deserve each other, you know that?”  Terry stood up and loomed over them.  “You’ve been lying to me my whole life.  You guys are such fucking assholes!”

            John stood up and tried to look intimidating.  “Terrence Nathan Trebichavsky, you will not…”

            “No!  You will not, dad!  Just because my real mom left is no reason to lie to me my whole life.  Why not just tell me the truth?!  Why not just tell me that mom, I mean, that this fucking woman is your second wife?  Why not just tell me that I had another mom?  I mean seriously, why not just fucking tell me?!”

            “We always meant to tell you,” Louise whimpered.  “We were going to wait until you were older.”

            “I’m fucking eighteen!  Were you gonna wait ‘till I was thirty?  ‘Till I was married and had kids of my own?

            “It just never seemed like the right time.”  Louise blew her nose again.  “And when we got divorced, well it just seemed so much harder and we didn’t want to hurt you.”

            “Well too fucking late,” said Terry bitterly, walking past his parents towards the front door of this stupidly large house in Timberley. 

            His mom tried to intercept him as he went and kept calling his name but his dad didn’t do shit.  Typical.

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Act IV

            “Morning, sunshine!” sang out Angela.

            “Mom, don’t call me that,” replied Simone.

            Julie had reacted similarly when their mom had greeted her in an equally cheery way but that didn’t stop her from being annoyed at Simone’s annoyance. 

They were gathered in the kitchen drinking coffee.  Angela didn’t like Julie to drink coffee but that didn’t stop her.  If she wanted to drink coffee she totally would, screw mom and her stupid rules.  Like whatever, there was just as much caffeine in coke as in coffee so like, what difference did it make?  Of course Angela didn’t like Julie to drink soda either but whatever, her rules were so dumb.

            “Oh my god!” Simone suddenly exclaimed, looking out the patio doors to their pathetic backyard.  Seriously, the yard was so small it may as well not even exist.  Totally not enough room to have a pool, not that Angela would ever let them get a pool anyway.

            Their mom gasped as well when she looked outside so Julie joined them and was totally freaked out.  There was a homeless person outside their door!  Totally gross!

            “What’s going on?” asked Cerise as she joined them.  She looked outside and freaked out.  “Oh my god, it’s Shauna!”

            Oh my god, it was totally Shauna.  That just made it grosser. 

            “I saw her last night when I got home, I mean she was like outside, out front.  But when I got inside and looked out the window she was gone,” Cerise wailed. “I figured she went home but what if she was here all night?!  I mean it was freezing last night!”

            “Oh my god, do you think she’s dead?” asked Julie.

            “It wasn’t that cold, was it?” Simone wondered.

            “Ewww, a dead person!” Julie exclaimed.

            Their mom opened the door and gently prodded dead Shauna.  She stirred a bit.

            “Ewww, a moving dead person!”

            “Julie, shut up!” said Cerise.

            Cerise was such a jerk.

            “Shauna, honey, can you hear me?” asked Angela.

            Dead Shauna opened her eyes a bit and looked totally confused.  She could barely move.  Julie thought maybe they should call animal control or something but Angela called 911 instead.

            An ambulance came and two EMT guys put dead Shauna on a stretcher.  One of the guys was pretty cute, but kind of old so whatever.

            “Wow, this is so intense,” said Simone as the ambulance drove away.  “Cerise, I never took you seriously when you said Shauna was psycho but I guess you were right.  I mean she could have died.”

            “I know, this is so insane,” whined Cerise.  “I can’t even process this.  What am I supposed to do?”

            Angela said they had to call dead Shauna’s mom and asked Cerise if she had the number.

            “Oh god, I dunno.  I guess we can Canada411 it.”

            “So like, do I still have to go to school?” Julie asked, thinking it was a completely reasonable question but they all looked at her like she was insane.  God, whatever.

           

            Janice questioned Karine as soon as she entered the theatre, wondering what was up with Peter.  Karine still wasn’t entirely sure they were broken up but decided now was as good a time as any to make it official.

            “We broke up.”

            “How come?  He wasn’t up to your standards bedroom-wise?  I get that.”

            “No, he just couldn’t handle me having more people in my life than just him.”

            “Oh yeah?”

            “He was jealous of Terry.”

            “Yeah, I get that.  Maybe I should hook up with him.”

            Karine wondered how to gently tell Janice that Terry was never going to be into her but then Janice went on to say that she’d probably be able to teach Peter a thing or two about sex and Karine realized she hadn’t been referring to Terry at all.  She had to admit to feeling pretty pathetic for being more obsessed with Terry than even Janice.  Karine was like the female equivalent of Terry, all into with someone who didn’t even deserve to be admired. 

            Speaking of Cerise, where was she?  Hugh and Fred wanted to start with Karine’s cast but since Cerise wasn’t there yet they started with Laura’s cast, which was total bullshit ‘cause everyone knew Laura was getting way more rehearsal than Karine.  But maybe that’s because Laura sucked so badly she needed more rehearsal.  Karine totally had this role in the bag.  

           

            “You go first,” advised Sarah.  “I’ll be along in a bit.”

            Jay looked around to make sure no one was watching and then gave Sarah another kiss.  It was totally risky to be making out in the middle of Herzberg but it was also kind of fun.  Jay felt energized in a way he hadn’t anticipated.  Having a secret girlfriend was even more fun than having a public girlfriend, except for not being able to brag about it.  But maybe eventually the guys would get over their stupidity and they could go public again and then everyone would know he was totally getting laid all the time.  So awesome.

            Jay walked off, trying not to look as elated as he felt and joined Cavity and the guys at the Munch Box.  A few minutes later Sarah came along, totally acting all innocent and stuff.

            “Sarah, do you know where Cerise is?” asked Cavity.

            “She’s not here today?” asked Sarah.

            “No.”

            “Maybe she has cramps.  She gets really painful periods sometimes.”

            “Oh yeah?  That sucks.”

            “What sucks?” asked Terry Trebiwhywasheevenstillsittingwiththemsky.

            “Cramps,” replied Cavity.

            “Cerise isn’t here today, probably has her period.”

            Terry Trebicavemangruntsky made a weird face and a guttural noise like this couldn’t possibly be.

            “Don’t tell me you keep track of her menstrual cycle,” said Cavity, all weirded out.

            “Yeah seriously man, that’s some weird shit right there.  I don’t even wanna think about girls and their yucky times,” said Vani.

            “Yucky times?” Cavity and Sarah asked together.

            Vani ducked his head and pretended to be way absorbed by his club sandwich.

            “I don’t keep track of her… whatever,” said Terry TrebigrosslyintoCerise’sbloodsky.  “It’s just I know she, took care of that.  I mean… nevermind, whatever.”

            “Oh you mean ‘cause of how she’s on the pill,” nodded Sarah.  “Right.  Ever since she went on the pill she doesn’t get crazy cramps anymore.”

            “Alalala,” Vani sang as he covered his ears with his hands. 

            Cavity rolled her eyes and pushed Vani but then admitted that Cerise probably wouldn’t appreciate them talking about her lady times.  Well, she said period, but period was kind of a gross word, so Jay preferred to think of it as lady times. 

It was pretty interesting to learn that Cerise was on the pill.  Jay hadn’t ever considered that before, girls being on birth control and everything.  Sarah wasn’t on the pill, was she?  She’d never mentioned it and they always used condoms, which was pretty annoying.  And how was it that everyone knew about Cerise’s pill taking and acted like it was no big deal?  Was she totally slutting it up all over the place and Jay had no idea?  He’d tried not to think about it before but obviously Cerise wasn’t a virgin.  She’d probably slept with a million guys by now.  At least Terry Trebidevirginatorsky and that Tom guy.  For some reason this realization really irked Jay.  But why?  Cerise could do whatever she wanted, or whomever she wanted.  What did Jay care?  And yet, it was weird to think about.  Kind of bothersome. 

Now Terry TrebitotallybeeninCerise’spantsky was all talking about his boring hockey crap.  God, he was such a Neanderthal!  How could anyone stand him?!

It was sort of a weird experience watching Angela trying to figure out what to do because it was obvious she had no idea.  As a kid Cerise had always figured her mother knew everything and was never in any doubt but as she aged it became increasingly clear that this wasn’t the case.  It had started with the divorce and watching both her parents struggle, obviously upset and unsure.  And now with this whole messed up Shauna situation it was again uncomfortably evident that Angela was just making things up as she went along and would rather be anywhere than here.

Not that Cerise could blame her.  She didn’t want to deal with this Shauna crap either.  They’d finally decided to go to the hospital and wait for Shauna’s parents.  Angela had thought that she and Cerise might be a comfort to Shauna’s mom but Cerise went because she figured her own presence might be a comfort to Shauna.  After all, Shauna had come to her house for a reason, hadn’t she?  She’d run away from home, of this Cerise was sure.  Her family was so totally messed up, it was a miracle she’d lasted as long as she had.  And of course she had nowhere to go; the only place she knew about was Cerise’s house.

Poor Shauna, life was so shitty for her.  And it was easy to blame Shauna for it because she was such a spaz but probably anyone growing up in that messed up family would end up being weird.

Shauna’s mother walked into the ER waiting room at Lakeshore Hospital and greeted Angela, thanking her for calling.  She looked sort of embarrassed, which made sense but then it got awkward as she started apologizing for Shauna’s behaviour, saying how stupid it was and how Shauna was such a silly girl and how she was so sorry to have troubled them.

Both Angela and Cerise smiled weakly, unsure of how to react.  They were saved when a woman in scrubs came along - Cerise couldn’t tell if it was a doctor or a nurse -  and asked for Cerise.

“Um, that’s me,” Cerise replied.

“You brought in Shauna Darren?  She’s asking for you.”

“I’m Shauna’s mother,” her mom said haughtily.

The doctor maybe nurse explained that Shauna had frostbite on her fingers and toes but it was only first degree, which apparently meant she’d be fine.  The doctor led them both into the ER and they wove through hallways filled with stretchers, some of them empty, more of them occupied.  It was weird and felt invasive.

Cerise had imagined that Shauna would be under a heat blanket, but she wasn’t.  Instead she lay under several regular blankets, right in the hallway along with everyone else.  Shauna looked at them in horror, probably surprised to see her mom. 

“Shauna!  You idiotic girl!  We don’t hear from you in six months and this is how it happens?  I get a call from Angela Simon, frantic that you’ve been taken to a hospital?  Do you know how that makes me look?  Like I can’t even keep track of my own daughter?”

Shauna’s mom kept ranting and it was deeply embarrassing.  Shauna’s eyes glazed over as her mom went on, eventually stopping and then asking what the heck Shauna had done to her hair.  Indeed it was looking pretty bad, all hacked off in weird chunks, some long, some short.

Instead of answering, Shauna looked over to Cerise and shrugged so imperceptibly that Cerise was sure her mom hadn’t noticed.  She kept talking about how she’d be taking Shauna home and getting her straightened out and blah blah blah.  Eventually she turned around to go, explaining that she had to call Shauna’s father.  She almost bumped into Cerise and seemed startled to find her there, having apparently forgotten about her presence. She huffed in annoyance and walked off, leaving Shauna and Cerise alone, or as alone as anyone can be in a crowded hospital hallway.

“Sorry about my mom,” said Shauna in a hoarse voice.

“It’s ok.”

“Sorry about showing up at your house.”

“It’s ok.”

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

“I know.”

“You must think I’m a freak.”

“No,” Cerise shook her head, hoping she sounded more convincing than she felt.

“It’s ok, I am a freak.  I mean only a freak would do such stupid shit, right?”

“It’s not stupid,” Cerise said weakly.

“I know I’m a retard,” Shauna sighed.  “I ran away from home.”

“I figured.”

“I moved in with a guy.”

“Really?” Cerise wondered if her voice came out too surprised, like it was the most unbelievable thing in the world that Shauna would move in with a guy.  But seriously, it kind of was.

“But then we broke up.  He was a total asshole.  I didn’t like fucking him, or his friends.”

Cerise had no idea how to react to that.

“So I left but I didn’t know where to go so I went to your place.  Pretty dumb I guess.”

“Uhh…”

“So sorry I guess.  I know you hate me.”

Cerise had to fight back tears.  Shauna sounded so matter-of-fact about it, so resigned and undisturbed.  Cerise felt waves of pity and guilt and shame rising up in her throat.  What was she supposed to do?  “I don’t hate you,” she said in a half-whisper.

Shauna’s mom came back and kept ranting, saying how they’d get Shauna’s hair fixed and maybe redecorate her room and go on a shopping spree and a bunch of other completely irrelevant bullshit.  Cerise sort of retreated, sidestepping and backing up, hoping not to bump into anyone else.  She waved at Shauna, who nodded, again almost imperceptibly. 

Well that was a strange way to spend the morning.  Cerise’s mind was going into overdrive and she felt like she’d almost explode from all the conflicting thoughts and emotions.  Angela suggested she take the day to rest but Cerise insisted on being driven to school since she could still make her afternoon classes.  She wanted the distraction and welcomed the chance to think about anything other than Shauna.

Unfortunately the plan backfired since she got to school when everyone was having lunch in the Munch Box.  She should have gone in through the back entrance but her mother dropped her off out front and she had to walk through Casgrain to get to her locker.  Everyone yelled out her name and waved her over to their usual table.  The boys were there with Sarah and Cassie and even Terry was there, looking at her with concern.

They asked her where she’d been, joking that she must have slept in.  Willy said something about her drowning in blood and everyone groaned and shot him dirty looks. 

“How’d you know I was at a hospital?” she asked.

“Oh my god!” Sarah exclaimed.

‘“Are you ok?” asked Terry.

“I’m fine.  It was Shauna.”

“Porta-potty chick?!  What’s the scoop?!” Vani jumped up, feverish with excitement.

“Settle down, monkey-boy, your interest is undignified,” chastised Karl.

“So that chick still exists?” asked Willy.  “Crazytown.”

“What happened?” asked Terry.

“We found her outside our house.  She ran away from home and slept outside my house all night.”

They all shook their heads in stunned silence.

“Such a freak show,” whispered Vani.  “This is ziggety-zagtastic!”

“It’s fucking hilarious is what it is!” cackled Willy.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” asked Cassie in disgust, echoing Cerise’s thoughts.

“Is she ok?” asked Sarah.

“She got frostbite but she’ll recover.”

“She was probably trying to kill herself again,” said Vani.  “You know, freeze to death and shit.”

“What’s up with that chick and trying to kill herself in fucked up ways?” asked Karl.

Sarah nodded.  “I knew I should have started an anti-suicide club in high school.”

Willy laughed again and Cerise snapped that it wasn’t funny.  She explained how she’d had to go to Lakeshore Hospital and that it was totally awkward visiting Shauna.  She hadn’t known what to say.

“You don’t have to say anything, or I mean have any contact with her,” said Terry.  “I mean I don’t think it’s safe.”

“Terry, she’s not dangerous.  She’s just… sad.  I feel so bad for her.  Her mom was all like bitching her out and shit but it’s like, her parents are fucked.  There’s a reason she ran away.  It’s not just like teenaged rebellion or whatever.  I mean I think serious shit goes down in that house.”

“Ziggety-zig,” nodded Vani.  “Picture the scene: Porta-potty chick is abused at home, she seeks solace in a porta-potty but to no avail so she goes to Cerise’s house for comfort, expecting perhaps a warm bowl of fruity pebbles.”

Jay carried on the tale.  “Cerise wakes up and goes downstairs all tra la la la la as is her want and she goes downstairs to inject her daily dose of fruity pebbles and there, laying like a dead corpse is the porta-potty chick wrapped in a garbage bag!”

“How did you know she had a garbage bag?” asked Cerise in surprise.

“She was seriously wrapped in a garbage bag?” asked Jay.

“That’s mega,” confirmed Vani.  “Maybe you’re a pre-cog.  I have always felt that you’ve born an uncomfortable resemblance to Samantha Morton.”

“She wasn’t wrapped in a garbage bag, she just had one with her, like holding her stuff, like clothes or whatever.”

“So she seriously ran away from home,” said Cassie.  “She was actually like trying to move in with you or something?”

“I dunno.  I mean part of me wants to help her ‘cause I know her home life is shit but it’s also freaky, right?”

They all nodded. 

“I don’t know what I can do.”

“You can’t do anything.  Except protect yourself,” Terry advised.

“If you suspect there’s abuse then you should tell someone,” counselled Sarah.  “I mean hello, you were in a hospital, you should have asked to speak to child protective services.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” admitted Cerise, feeling all the more ashamed for not having thought of that herself.

“Like they’d do shit!” said Terry.  “I mean this chick is our age, right?  Child protective services aren’t gonna care about a seventeen-year-old when there’s like babies crawling around in crack dens.  She should just get a job and find an apartment.”

They all nodded consent and even Jay admitted that this was sound advice.  But Cerise knew Shauna wouldn’t be able to get a job.  She was too socially awkward for that, too incompetent at pretty much everything. 

“So this girl is like your stalker?” asked Cassie.

“Yeah,” Jay nodded.  “Cerise told her off at a party last year.  She was all like, ‘you’re a loser’ and the chick was all ‘you’re right, I’m a loser, boo hoo hoo’ and then she ended up in a porta-potty and then started stalking Cerise.”

“Probably addicted to fruit,” mused Vani.  “I hear it’s a thing.”

“It’s not a thing,” Cerise rolled her eyes.

“Google it!” snapped Vani and Karl and Sarah whipped out their phones.

“Shit, it is a thing,” said Sarah in awe.

“Only because everything’s a thing,” Cerise sighed.  “Anyway Shauna never stalked me.”

“She totally did but the stalking started way before the porta-potty party,” said Vani.  “Remember, she was stalking you all year.”

“It’s true,” nodded Karl.  “Day one of Sec 5.”

“But I hadn’t seen her all year this year. I assumed she’d like, moved on.  And she had apparently.  She said she moved in with a guy.”

Sarah visibly shuddered.  “Can you even imagine how gross he must be?  I mean no offense but to be into Shauna Darren?  He’s probably like, eww.”

“You know, I’d forgotten about this but now I think of it I can remember a time I saw her at your house,” Terry said to Cerise.  “She was just like outside your house, across the street, smoking a cigarette.”

“How come you never said anything?”

“Well we weren’t dating at the time so…”

“How come you were at Cerise’s house if you guys weren’t dating?” asked Jay, sparing Cerise from having to ask.

Vani folded his hands under his chin.  “Inquiring minds want to know.”

“I was just driving by ‘cause I was bringing my sister to her daycare.  The route goes by Cerise’s house.  Anyway, I’m pretty sure I saw her there.  I mean I didn’t stop to like, do inventory or anything, but I’m pretty sure.”

Cerise knew perfectly well that Brittany’s daycare was nowhere near her house and Terry must have known that Cerise knew this but he also knew that she wouldn’t call him out in front of everybody.  She was just glad to know that at some point he’d been by her house even though they weren’t together anymore.  Maybe he wanted to get back together with her!

“Anyway, you need to stay away from this chick.  She’s bad news,” said Terry.

“Yeah, mega agreed,” nodded Vani.  “I mean of course I think you should encourage the relationship so more meganess will occur ‘cause of like the total megatasticness of it and all but objectively speaking… no, you should totally start hanging out with her again.  Maybe next time she’ll like swallow glass or something.  You know, that’s a thing too.”

“It was on that show about crazy addictions,” said Willy.

“Did you see the one with the Cabbage Patch Kids dolls?  So crazy,” laughed Jay.

“I thought that one wasn’t so bad,” shrugged Sarah.  “I mean they were crazy but not in a harmful way.  The ones where they swallow glass or gasoline or whatever, that’s like dangerous.”

Terry gave Cerise a look and she knew he wanted to warn her once again that Shauna was potentially dangerous.  She knew Shauna posed no threat but she couldn’t help but feel glad for Terry’s concern.

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Act III

            “God, what’s with the depresso club?” asked Cassie, joining the boys at their table with Vani in tow.

            “They’re mourning the loss of Cerise,” explained Karl, who appeared to be the only sober one among the three.  “Or rather Tom is mourning her loss and Willy is mourning the fact that he’ll never have her to lose.”

            “Understandable,” said Vani, drinking what was left of Willy’s beer.  “Cerise is pretty cute.”

            “Pretty cute?” asked Willy.

            “She’s hot!” said Tom.

            “Let’s not start this again,” groaned Karl, sounding more amused than annoyed, which was a nice change from his usual gruffness.

            “Well she is,” said Willy.

            “Yeah,” nodded Vani.  “She’s taller than me though.”

            “So?  Do you care about that?” asked Cassie.  “Like you won’t go out with a girl who’s taller than you?”

“I’ll go out with any girl who’ll have me.  She can be a freakin’ Amazon for all I care.”

Cassie laughed, which seemed to please Vani.

“Cerise was like an Amazon,” said Tom.  “Not like particularly tall or anything but like from that Xena show, you know?  She was like the sidekick on that show.”

“How so?” asked Cassie.

“’Cause she’s hot!” slurred Willy.

“No, I mean more like ‘cause she’s like forceful or something.”

“Kinda dominating, eh?  I can dig that,” nodded Vani.

“But she didn’t wear animal skins or anything,” said Tom.

“Unfortunately,” said Willy in a rather sleazy way.

“Hey, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about!”

“Ex-girlfriend, loser.”

“Shut up!” Tom whimpered, slumping down onto the table. 

His hair flopped into a puddle of beer and Vani shooed Cassie’s hand away as she tried to warn Tom.

“Just let it be, Cavicassie.  Let’s let this play out as it will,” Vani smiled.

Now what?  Shauna walked down the street, her feet slopping through the slush.  It probably hadn’t been the best idea to choose to leave today, when the weather was so foul.  It was sort of snow-raining or rain-snowing but either way it was gross and cold and wet.  She wasn’t sure where she was going and just walked aimlessly.

There was that stupid overpass next to BHS.  Fuck you, fucking high school.  She walked over the overpass and felt the wind rip through her coat.  She walked down the other side and soon found herself at Cerise’s house.

Of course she would come here.  She was so predictable.  She and Cerise hadn’t been friends in about a zillion years yet she still came here for what… comfort?  That bitch didn’t want anything to do with her.

Shauna leaned against her tree, the one across from Cerise’s house, the one she always stood behind when stalking Cerise.  She dropped her garbage bag onto the snowy sidewalk and slumped down onto it.  It did nothing to keep her butt from getting wet. 

Was it Cerise’s imagination or had Karine been reluctant to go to Cunningham’s?  Cerise couldn’t blame her, bars were always boring but Janice had insisted they join the others after rehearsal.  She’d predictably run off to make out with some guys and Karine had joined Peter but she didn’t look like she wanted to stick around.

Cerise knew she should join her friends but she just wanted to go home and get to bed.  God, she was such a loser.  It was only 10pm!  She should force herself to have fun, join in the festivities, or whatever the hell the guys were doing.  Oh hell, Tom was with them.  It would just be awkward.

She asked Peter and Karine for a lift as they left the bar and Peter said yes even though he looked a bit bugged by the request.  The ride home was a sort of weird, like there was an odd tension between Karine and Peter.  Cerise wondered if they were annoyed with her for asking for a lift.  Driving to Karine’s house from John Abbott was quick and easy but Cerise’s house was slightly out of the way.  Was it completely uncool of her to be so presumptuous as to ask for a ride?  Or maybe they wanted to be alone so they could be all coupley and Cerise was ruining it.  She was such a loser.

Peter pulled up to Cerise’s house and she jumped out, saying goodbye as cheerily as possible and that she’d see them tomorrow.  Both Peter and Karine returned the sentiment neutrally.  Cerise seriously couldn’t tell if they were pissed at her or annoyed with each other or what.  So awkward.

She walked up to her house and turned to wave to them as they drove off.  Holy shit!  Was that Shauna?!  It totally was!  She was just sitting there in the snow across the street, staring at Cerise.  Was she crying?  Oh my god!

Cerise fumbled with her keys and rushed inside, pulling off her boots as quickly as she could and running upstairs. 

“You could have been a little nicer to Cerise,” said Karine.

“Me?  You’re the one being all ice-queen,” said Peter bitterly.  He always sounded bitter lately.

“Whatever,” replied Karine as he pulled up to her house.

She leaned over to give him a kiss and he took hold of her hand.  “Aren’t you gonna invite me in?”

“I should really get some sleep, Pete.  We have rehearsal tomorrow.”

“We have rehearsal every day, Karine.  What does that matter?”

She was honestly the worst girlfriend ever.  Peter was a perfectly nice guy, why didn’t she like him more?  She acquiesced and soon enough they were having sex in her bedroom.  And it was fine.  She didn’t think about the Asshole anymore when she had sex, or at least not really.  Not in a scary way.  More in an intellectual way, like comparing Peter to him, like how Peter was nice and gentle and maybe kind of boring but at least not rough or anything.  Terry would be nice too, he’d be gentle and… goddammit!  She had to stop thinking about Terry all the time, that stupid Cherry obsessed jerk!

“How come we got the wide load?” asked Vani as he and Cassie dragged a semi-conscious Willy out of the bar. 

It was seriously dumb that they had to carry the big guy since they were both tiny!  But Karl was busy supporting Tom, who was almost as drunk as Willy.  They only got half way to Karl’s car when they lost their grip and Willy went tumbling down to the snow below.  They couldn’t help but burst into fits of laughter.  Willy mumbled something or other and Tom kept ranting about how Cerise hated him.  She’d come in to Cunningham’s with Karine and Janice and then left like literally two seconds later.  Tom assumed it was because she was avoiding him but Willy supposed it was because she was a total bitch cow.  Willy was seriously an ass.  How come Cassie always ended up hanging out with such lame guys?  Maybe all guys were lame.  Maybe she should break up with Jonah again.  Maybe she should give Vani a chance.  He was sweet in his own way, even though he was also extremely weird.

As if on cue, Vani picked up a wet snowball and rubbed it into Willy’s face, then cackled like a hyena and accused him of crying for his mommy when Willy protested.  Vani was kind of a jerk, wasn’t he?  Cassie supposed Jonah wasn’t so bad after all. 

Oh god.  What if Shauna was still out there?  What if she was going to stay out there all night?  So creepy!  Or was it?  Maybe Shauna was just tired and cold.  Maybe Cerise should have invited her into the house and given her hot chocolate or something.  Cerise couldn’t help thinking of what Terry would say.  He’d be all freaked out and accuse Shauna of being a crazed stalker.  But she wasn’t dangerous.  She was just lonely.

With great trepidation, Cerise peeked out of her bedroom window, careful to keep the light off so Shauna wouldn’t see inside the house.  But Shauna wasn’t there anymore.  Cerise opened the curtains wider and looked up and down the street.  No sign of her.  She must have given up and gone home.  Poor Shauna.  Cerise was so mean to her.  Everyone was.

Karine tried to text as quietly as possible so as not to wake Peter.  Finally she crept out of bed and slunk out of the room.  A moment later Terry was at the door and she let him in before he could ring the bell. 

“Sorry to come by so late,” he said as he came in and kicked off his slushy shoes.  “Is that Peter’s car out there?  I can go,” he said, making no motions to leave.

“No, it’s fine.  What’s up?”

They walked to the den, where she was pretty sure they could talk without sound travelling upstairs.

“I’m at my dad’s this week but I didn’t feel like being there.  It feels weird there without Britt.”

Oh right, his sister and step-mom had moved out recently.

“I’m used to reading her a bedtime story.  It’s not the same over Skype.  I guess I should visit on the weekend.  But I’ve got a game.”

“Yeah.”

“But anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What’d Cerise do this time?”

“I did something.”

“You talked to her?”

“No.  That’s the thing.  We haven’t been together in like four months and yet I still feel guilty.”

“For what?”

“I hooked up with a chick.”

Karine tried not to react.  There was no reason for her to be jealous.  Terry slept with girls all the time; it was his thing.  And she had a boyfriend who was sleeping in her bed right now.  There was certainly no reason whatsoever to be annoyed by this news.

“It was like a month ago I guess.  But I’m still dwelling on it.  I feel like I cheated on Cerise.”

“That’s insane.”

“I know.”

“Who was the girl?”

“Some chick I met downtown.  Nick and I, you know from hockey?”

“Yes, I know who Nick is.”

“We went to Newtown once, that place downtown?  And I hooked up with this office chick.  She was like in her twenties.”

“You slept with an old lady?” Karine smirked.

Terry gave her a wry look.  “But seriously, I feel all weird about it.”

“You have nothing to feel guilty about.”  She chose not to mention that she completely understood his irrational emotions since she herself was rather irrationally affected by this turn of events. 

“Yeah I guess.  So what should I do to get over it?”

“Think about the fact that Cerise is the one who cheated on you!”

“What?”

“Hello?!  She went out with Tom like two days after you guys broke up and popped her cherry all over him!”

Terry remained stone-faced but his cheeks were turning red.  “Well it’s not like I had a patent on her virginity.”

“Well I’m just saying.”

“I don’t even care about all that!” Terry exclaimed. “Who cares about the past?  I still love her and I want her back.”

He looked so sad, so dejected.  For about the millionth time Karine wondered why Cerise had such a hold over him and how she could get herself some of that strange elixir. 

“You wanna stay over?” she asked, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Nah, I should go.  Peter’s here and everything.”

“Hey don’t worry about that,” said Peter.

Karine whirled around to find him standing in the doorway.  How long had he been there?  Had she said anything incriminating?  No, she didn’t think so.  Unless being entirely too sympathetic to Terry’s stupid problems was incriminating. 

“I should go,” said Terry, getting up.

“No, stay!” said Peter sarcastically.  “I’ll go ‘cause Karine obviously cares a lot more about you than she does about me.”

“Pete, get over it.  We’re just friends, ok?” Karine replied with exasperation.

“Gimme a break, Karine!  He’s obviously more!  You spend every waking moment with him.  You’re always with him at school, you go out with him all the time, he’s always here!”

“Chill, dude,” advised Terry.  “There’s nothing going on with Karine and me.  We’re just good friends. Have been since Sec 1.”

“Don’t insult my intelligence.”

“Dude, seriously.  I don’t even think of Karine like that.”

Once again Karine tried not to react.

“I only care about one chick,” Terry went on.  “Everyone knows I’m way into Cerise.  That’s why I’m here.  I was crying on Karine’s shoulder.  That’s all I ever do with her.”

“Well that’s true,” said Karine while rolling her eyes.

“Yeah well,” Peter sputtered, still looking annoyed.

“Anyway, I gotta go,” Terry shrugged, walking past Peter towards the front hall.

Karine and Peter watched as he put on his coat and shoes. 

“Well drive safely,” Karine advised awkwardly.  “It looks pretty gross out there.”

Terry nodded and left.  Peter stared at Karine and then went back upstairs.  She considered making an excuse and sleeping on the couch but after a beat she followed him.  No excuse was necessary as he seemed to be getting dressed.

“You’re leaving?” she asked.

“I don’t care what you guys say.  It’s fucking obvious as hell that you’re into him.”

“Oh come on!”

“Karine, if you can’t admit it to me at least admit it to yourself.”

“Ok, thanks Oprah.”

“Whatever,” Peter grumbled, pushing past Karine to leave.

So did this mean they were broken up?

Season 2 - Episode 10 - Act II

            Jay had never thought of himself as a typical male but that joke about men always wanting a sandwich or a nap after sex was apparently completely true.  Sarah wanted to talk about their feelings or whatever but he just wanted to eat or sleep. 

            She asked what he was thinking and before he could second guess himself he told the truth, that he was hungry and that removing condoms full of jizz was a delicate and disgusting operation and also that Captain Archer was a total idiot and Scott Bakula was horribly miscast.

            “That’s what you were thinking?”  She sounded horrified.

            “No, I was thinking about how pretty you are and uh, how you’re so great and stuff,” he smiled awkwardly.

            “You’re so full of it!” she screeched.

            He shushed her out of instinct, but then remembered that her parents weren’t home.  They went out a lot, which was awesome.  His parents never went out.  So far they’d only had sex at his house once and it had been pretty quick, literally two minutes under the Transformers blanket in the basement while his parents were upstairs.  Now there was a jizz stain on the blanket and Jay laughed to himself any time Willy fell asleep on it.

            “Do you think what we’re doing is wrong?” asked Sarah as she got dressed.

            “What do you mean?”

            “You know, going out in secret or whatever.”

            “I dunno.”  The truth is he didn’t really care but he wasn’t sure what answer Sarah was looking for.

            “I guess what people don’t know can’t hurt them,” she said with a giggle.

            “Yeah,” Jay nodded, wondering if now was a good time to ask for that sandwich.

            To make things a little more economical Willy had agreed to split a pitcher with Tom, while Karl nursed a glass of water like a total pussy and Vani kept dancing with Cavity, which was kinda bad-ass ‘cause sometimes he’d get to touch her and stuff.

            “Cavity’s cute,” said Willy.

            “Who?” asked Tom.

            “Cassie.”

            “Yeah, she’s ok.”

            “I dunno why she insists on going out with Jojo the freakin’ monkey dog.”

            “Monkey dog?” asked Karl.  Was he smirking more than usual or just the usual amount?  Whatever, Karl was a total loser, all drinking water like a loser and stuff.

            “Whatever, point is it’s a waste of a cute chick.”

            “What do you care?” asked Karl.  “I thought you were into Cerise.”

            “You’re into Cerise?” asked Tom, all like shocked or whatever.

            “Yeah!  I mean like, so are you!”

            “Yeah, she’s awesome!  I mean right?” nodded Tom.

            They looked to Karl for confirmation and he admitted she was pretty cool.

            “Pretty cool?” asked Willy.

            “She’s more than pretty cool,” said Tom.

            “She’s like awesome.”

            “Yeah totally, she’s like…”

            “Awesome.”

            “Yeah.”

            “I suppose she’s fairly attractive,” shrugged Karl.

            “Fairly attractive?” shrieked Willy, maybe a little loudly.

            “She’s beautiful!” said Tom just as loudly.

            “She redefines hot!”

            “She’s like…”

            “Hot!”

            “Yeah.”

            “She has a good sense of humour,” suggested Karl.

            “A good sense of humour?”

            “She’s like totally hilarious!” said Tom.

            “She gets all our jokes!”

            “She doesn’t think they’re lame!”

            “Even when they are!”

            “She like, gets it.”

            “Yeah, it’s like…”

            “She gets it.”

            “She’s quite intelligent as well,” said Karl.

            “Quite intelligent?!”

            “She’s like a fucking genius!”

            “Yeah, she’s like Sarah level smart, or even like you level smart.”

            “She fucking kicks ass in all her classes without even like studying or whatever.”

            “Yeah, and she’s really smart about it too.”

            “Yeah, she’s like…”

            “Smart.”

            Karl nodded.  “Plus she’s fun to hang out with.”

            “Fun to hang out with?!”

            “She’s a riot!  She’s like the most funnest person ever!”

            “She’s always into having a good time and shit.”

            “Yeah, she digs you know, fun stuff.  It’s like…”

            “Fun.”

            “And she’s into sci-fi and everything,” Karl pointed out.

            “Into sci-fi and…”

            “Everything!  She thought my band rocked!  And like…”

            “She creams all over Star Trek.”

            “Yeah, she thought about it a lot.  She had like insight and shit.”

            “She did?”

            “Yeah totally.  It was like…”

            “Cool.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Plus she’s really cute,” said Karl.

            “Cute?”

            “She’s fucking hot!”

            “She’s totally hot.”

            “Would you shut the fuck up?” snarled Tom suddenly.

            “What?”

            “You can’t have her!”

            “Shut up!  It could happen.”

            Karl laughed and Willy shot him a look he hoped would shut him up but he just laughed harder.

            “She’s mine,” insisted Tom, like a total delusional retard.

            “Didn’t she like dump your ass?”

            “Yeah!  She’s evil!”

            “Totally.  All chicks are evil,” agreed Willy.

            Both Tom and Willy slumped down onto the table and Karl patted their backs, actually going so far as to say “there, there.”

            “Shauna, when was the last time we had sex?”         

            Oh Christ.  Did they really have to have this conversation now?  Couldn’t they just keep watching Survivor?  But Stan had paused it half way through to ask his stupid question and he likely wasn’t going to give up the remote.

            “I dunno,” she mumbled.

            “Is it ever gonna happen again?” he asked angrily.

            Not if she could help it.  Shauna couldn’t even begin to describe how deeply she didn’t want to have sex with Stan.  She didn’t want to have sex with Rod or Bill either.  She didn’t want anyone touching her.  She just wanted to be alone and to watch Survivor in peace.  She looked at Stan and couldn’t think of a reason to lie.  “No.”

            “Then what the fuck?!  Are you my girlfriend or not?”

            “I guess not.”

            “Then what the fuck are you doing here?”

            “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” she said, curling up into the edge of the sofa and trying not to cry.

            “Because you live here!  You’re always here but you never do shit!  What the fuck happened to you?  For like, a month there you were so happy and now you’re all depressed again.  What the fuck is wrong with you?”

            “Nothing!”

            “Are you like, bi-polar or something?  ‘Cause I looked it up on the internet and it kinda sounds like you.”

            “God, just leave me alone!”  Maybe she was bi-polar or maybe she was just sick of sweaty, disgusting guys always being on her all the time.

            “No!  You’re my fucking girlfriend, Shauna and I wanna know what’s wrong with you!”

            “Nothing’s wrong with me!” she screamed, clutching a pillow like a shield.

            “Yes there is something fucking wrong with you.  There’s something fucked up in your fuck-ugly head!”

            She couldn’t take it.  How could she be expected to keep tolerating his grossness?  How dare he accuse her of being fucked up when he was a total creep?  “I hate you!” she hollered, jumping up and throwing the pillow at him.

            “What the fuck?” he said, tossing the pillow aside and standing up, looming over her.

            “I hate you!”  She hit him. 

            He easily deflected her punch and she tried to hit him again.  He pushed her aside and she fell down to the floor.

            “I hate you so much!”

            “Then why the fuck are you living here?”

            “I’m not!”  She scrambled to her feet and ran into the bedroom.  Without thinking, she opened her drawers and pulled everything out, gathering it all into a ball.  Before Stan had even reached the bedroom she was rushing out and going to the kitchen where she dumped everything onto the table. 

            He asked what the fuck she was doing but she ignored him as she got out a garbage bag. 

            “You think you’re leaving?” he asked as she stuffed all her junk into the black bag.  “You can’t leave.”

            “Why the fuck not?”  She tried to walk out but he blocked the kitchen door.

            “Because I love you!”

            She looked him right in the eye.  “I don’t care.”

            “But what about us?” he asked, with a quiver in his voice.

            For a brief moment Shauna thought she might be evil because she took a good deal of pleasure from seeing Stan in pain like this.  He deserved the pain.  He was an asshole and she liked seeing him hurt.  She was a total bitch and she liked it.  “There is no us,” she said with a level voice.  “There never was.  The fact is, you’re no good to me anymore.  You’ve run out of friends.”

            “What the hell does that mean?” he asked angrily, revealing his true self.  The asshole self.

            “There’s no one left for me to fuck,” she said with a smile.

            He made some sort of gurgling sound and she tried to push past him once again but he grabbed her hair and pulled her back.  It hurt like a mother-fucker!

            “Let go of me!” she shrieked.

            “What the fuck did you just say?”

            He still had hold of her hair but she didn’t care anymore.  He could do whatever he wanted.  In fact, she might prefer it if he did.  She might become famous if he killed her.  “I fucked Rod and Bill.  And they were both better than you!”

            “You fucking cunt!”

            He yanked on her hair and she screamed as she resisted, trying to pry away from him.  He kept pulling and she reached back to hold on to the bundle of hair, trying to yank it free.  It was no use so she moved forward inch by inch, holding her hair as Stan pulled backed.  She kicked out and flung out her free hand but it was no use.  Stan actually laughed at her feeble efforts and called her a whore.

            She pulled forward slightly, just enough to reach for the junk drawer.  She pulled it open and reached inside, cutting herself on something but not caring.  She fumbled for what she wanted and pulled out the scissors triumphantly.  She pointed them back at him and he eased his grip slightly as he dodged her jab.  She opened the scissors and flung her arm back, snipping randomly.  She nicked her hand but kept going and sure enough she was cutting her hair. 

            “What the fuck?!” Stan finally let go and gobs of hair fell to the floor. 

            “You want my hair so much, go ahead and keep it.”  Just for effect she grabbed another strand of hair from her head and chopped it off, then flung it at Stan. 

            She threw the scissors to the floor and grabbed her garbage bag of clothes, then raced out of the kitchen as Stan stood there, gobsmacked.  

            She ran to the front door of the stupid, shitty apartment and put on her coat and boots.  Stan came up to her and accused her of stealing his stuff; that everything she was taking was really his.

            “You sound like my father,” she snarked.     

            “Well what do you expect when you act like a kid?  You look really fucking retarded you know, with your hair half short, half long.

            “Stan, go fuck yourself.”  And with that she slung the garbage bag over her shoulder, opened the front door and left.  He called after her, calling her a cunt and a bitch and a ho and slut and whatever else but she didn’t care.  She was free.