Season 3 - Episode 2 - Act I

            Shauna was cleaning up the bookstore for the night when she came across one of those free newspapers that customers were always leaving behind.  She’d taken to reading these papers on her bus ride home and today was no exception.  What was unusual however, was the information she found within. 

            Wasn’t Cerise’s band called Paris Squares or something?  ‘Cause a band called Parisses Squares was going to be playing in a pub downtown on Friday and the cover was only five dollars.

            As soon as she got home she turned on her computer and googled the bar.  Google maps told her the exact route to take to get there.  There was a way to get there with two busses and a metro or one bus and a switch of metro lines.  Either way was totally doable.  She wrote it all down on a piece of paper just in case her phone’s GPS failed her.  Now all she’d have to do was come up with a lie to get her out of the house on Friday night.

            Julie was super excited it was finally Friday!  She was going to meet Evan in NDG and they were going to babysit his little sister but once the kid was in bed the party would really start!  Julie had done some stuff with Evan before but they’d never gone all the way and that was totally the plan for this Friday.  Terry and Vicky would be gone all night so they’d totally have the place to themselves. In fact, they were gonna do it in Terry’s bed, ‘cause like, where else were they supposed to do it?

            It was gonna be so totally awesome, not just ‘cause Evan was way cute and sleeping with him would for sure make him her boyfriend like for realises but also ‘cause doing it in Terry’s bed would be way cool.  It occurred to her that Cerise had probably done stuff in that bed but Julie brushed the thought aside and concentrated on the awesomeness of the situation. 

            She was slightly disappointed when she arrived at Vicky’s apartment and found the little sister still awake but they played gamed with her for a while and it was ok.  Actually, she was one of the most bratty kids Julie had ever babysat and it took way longer to get her to bed than either Julie or Evan had anticipated.  When she was finally down they sat on the couch for a bit just recovering from the insanity.

            But tonight would still be totally way fun ‘cause Evan brought out some beers from the fridge.  So awesome!

            It was a massive risk but Shauna had to do it.  She told her mother she wasn’t feeling well and went straight to bed after dinner.  She didn’t know if her mother would check on her later since she tended to be inconsistent about that sort of thing but whatever, she’d risk it.  She placed a bunch of pillows under her blankets and then snuck out the window.  Now this would be the hard part.  In all the movies there was always a trellis or something for people to climb down but there was absolutely nothing at Shauna’s house to facilitate getting down from the second storey.  So she shuffled down the slanted roof and crawled over the edge, hanging over the side.  She knew no one inside would see her since no one ever hung out in the dining room unless they were eating.

            Before she could lose her nerve she let go and dropped down onto the grass, lifting her legs so she wouldn’t hurt her feet, knowing she’d need to do a lot of walking tonight. She landed on her ass and the impact shocked her system, pain reverberating up her spine.  God, falling was way less painful with a snow bank to cushion your fall.  Shauna rolled over and sat in the grass for a moment, catching her breath.  Then she got up and shuffled off to the bus stop, being careful not to the use the one closest to her house.

            Tom had suggested they get up super way crazo early but the rest of the band nixed the idea.  He’d wanted to get home early so they could unpack all their shit before heading out to their gig in Montreal but Cerise and the others wanted to wait until the tour was officially over before going home.  Why lose their momentum at the last second?

            The venue tonight was way small.  It was right on the cusp between downtown and the plateau and it was actually kind of a cool little place.  Around one corner there were these cool seats with plants all around and brick walls and stuff.  But the main area was basically a square with a bar, literally five tables and the tiniest stage in the history of ever.  It was a tight squeeze to get all their gear to fit and they’d all be squished in like sardines but such was life.

            When Cerise stepped onto the stage she saw that the place was packed so tight she was sure it was a fire hazard.  All the tables were taken up with strangers but the gang was all assembled, lined up against the walls.  They must have gotten here just in the nick of time, or else the people at the tables were serious keeners.  Cerise liked to imagine they were all there to see the band but she knew from experience that they were probably just randoms who’d stumbled into any old bar and figured they’d stay for the live band. 

            It was an intimate setting so rather than shout out something to the effect of “let’s rock” or whatever, Cerise addressed the audience like they were her friends, which of course, most of them were.  “Hey everyone.  I can guarantee we’re gonna have a good show tonight because it looks like everyone I have ever met came out for the occasion.  Hey guys.”

            The crowd hooted and hollered and Willy yelled out that Cerise looked hot, which elicited laughter from everyone.

            Cerise surveyed the crowd and realized that literally everyone was there, even Lee and Myles.  Terry’s teammate and Karine’s ex was there but not with Karine; with Janice.  Awkward.  Simone was there too, with one of her goth friends.  A lot of people from Theatre Workshop were there and there were many faces Cerise recognized as friends of Bernie, Lloyd and Jeff. 

            And there was Terry.  She was worried he wouldn’t be able to come because of Brittany or something but she never should have doubted him.  He looked so happy to see her, waving and smiling ear to ear.  She felt a burst of energy surge through her body and knew it was love and not just pre-show jitters. 

           

            Shauna was very careful not to be noticed.  She’d gotten to the bar way earlier than anyone else but she’d picked a table around a weird corner so she was sort of sitting in a hallway.  She couldn’t actually see the stage but it was better this way.  Once the show got started she got up and gave up her seat to someone who actually wanted to sit and stood at the edge of the brick hallway.  There was a post in her way but if she craned her neck she could just see Cerise.  Most of the time she just listened, content to hear the music and Cerise’s beautiful singing voice.  She ordered beer after beer but eventually switched to club soda because it was getting expensive and also she was getting drunk but she didn’t want to lose control and do something stupid like blow her cover.  She wore a baseball cap the whole time so no one would see her there.  She wasn’t really sure why she wanted to be incognito, it’s not like she’d get kicked out if she were discovered, but better safe than sorry. 

            The music was amazing.  Cerise was seriously the most talented person ever.  It was incredible how she was good at everything, like literally everything!  She was perfect. 

            They were only paid until midnight but the crowd was so enthusiastic they played ‘till one.  Finally Cerise couldn’t take it anymore and she announced last song.  Then she stepped off the stage and into Terry’s arms. 

            “Hey fun boys, get a room,” said Vani in a weird German accent. 

            “Oh my god, Cerise, you were so amazing!” Sarah gushed. 

            The others agreed, all offering their congratulations, patting Cerise on the back as she stayed curled up in Terry’s embrace.  They kissed as everyone else kept talking, congratulating the boys.

            “Awesome show!”

            “Hey Jeff, you were off on that one song with the Vulcan shit.”

            “Good job, guys!”

            “Shut the fuck up.”

            “Oh my god, you guys, they totally didn’t even card me!”

            “That was seriously fucking amazing!”

            “Meh, it was decent at best.”

            “It was the shittiest show I ever saw.”

            “You’re such a fucking loser!”

            “Like they didn’t even ask to see my I.D!”

            “Did you guys have a rockin’ good time out in the sticks?”

            “I can’t believe this place is so packed!”

            “It was pretty good.”

            “My favourite song is the one with all those samples in the background.”

            “I know, we’re like sardines in here.”

            “Totally fun!  We played some great venues.”

            “I’m pretty sure you have to pay royalties to use those samples. This whole thing is totally illegal.”

            “Some shitty ones too.”

            “But how come all the tall people are always in front.  I couldn’t see a thing!”

            “Especially ‘cause Paramount’s entire purpose in life is to suck everyone dry.”

            “Seriously, not carded once.  I totally had like, five shots!”

            “Hey, where’s my hug?”

            Finally Cerise and Terry broke their embrace and she took turns hugging everyone else. 

           

            The metros were closed so they took the night bus to Terry’s place.  About half way through the show he’d gotten pretty tired but now the prospect of sleeping with Cerise had him reenergized and he couldn’t wait to get home. 

             “Do you work tomorrow?” asked Cerise as they sat on the bus. 

            “Lee is gonna cover my shift so we’ve got the whole day.  We have to get up at the crack of dawn though to drop off Britt at daycare.  I mean you can sleep in, I’ll come back when I’m done with her.”

            “How come you have to drop her off?  Isn’t that Vicky’s job?”

            Terry sighed.  He was so tired of everyone always telling him he shouldn’t take care of his sister. 

            “I mean, I’m not saying you shouldn’t help out,” she said hastily, apparently sensing his irritation.  “It’s just you’re all like crazy responsibility-boy now, all taking care of Britt and working and everything.  And I was just like, out having the time of my life.”

            “You should be having the time of your life,” Terry smiled and wrapped his arm around her.  “That’s what being young is all about.”

            “You’re young too.”

            He squeezed her shoulder and drew her into his chest.  It was so comforting to be with her.  He closed his eyes and held her tight, breathing in her scent, feeling her warmth, stroking her soft skin.

            He must have fallen asleep or something because the next thing he knew Cerise was pulling on his arm and dragging him out of the bus as she simultaneously struggled with her luggage.  Terry quickly grabbed her bags and rushed off the bus.  After about a ten minute walk they were home and climbed the steps up to the apartment.  They were quiet when opening the door but when they got to his room Terry about flipped.  He’d completely forgotten that Evan was here but even if he’d remembered he didn’t figure his little brother would use his bed as a hooking up station.

            “Oh my god, seriously?” hissed Cerise.

            Evan and Jules were asleep in Terry’s bed and they were both naked and entwined in a sheet.  Cerise flipped on the light and kicked the mattress and they both stirred, looking groggy.

            “What the fuck?” Evan said angrily and loudly.

            “Shut the fuck up!” Terry hissed.  “You wanna wake Britt?”

            “Fuck,” Evan grumbled, fumbling around for his boxers.

            Jules just lay in bed staring up at Terry with a satisfied smile.  He was so not in the mood for her bullshit right now.

            “What the fuck are you even doing here?” Cerise asked her little sister.

            “Babysitting,” Jules smiled.

            “Yeah, looks like it.  Get the fuck out!” Cerise whispered.

            “Where the fuck are we supposed to go?” asked Jules, sitting up and allowing the sheet to fall, exposing her little teenaged breasts.  Terry so didn’t want to see those and yet he so did.

            “Put some fucking clothes on, ho-bag,” Cerise sighed. 

            “It’s fucking 2am, you want me to like walk home or some shit?  Fuck off,” Jules drawled.

            “Seriously,” said Evan.

            Terry huffed in disgust and pulled Cerise out of his bedroom, grabbing a blanket as he went.  They’d just sleep on the couch, that’s all.  He didn’t have the energy for this shit right now.  Cerise changed into pjs and Terry stripped down to boxers and a t-shirt.  They cuddled up on the couch, which was way small and way uncomfortable but as long as Cerise was resting on his chest he didn’t really care where he was.

            Jay was super glad he’d taken the day off.  He’d gotten home super late the night before and it totally wasn’t worth it ‘cause Parisses Squares wasn’t even that good.

            “It was way fun!” Vani enthused.  “We should party in bars until the wee hours every night!  It’s such a cool person thing to do!”

            Jay wondered why he’d chosen to spend his day off at the bakery when he could have sat at home playing video games.  It wasn’t really fun to hang out here during the day.  Somehow the bakery magic only took effect at night.  Still, it was cool to be here when Terry Trebidouchsky wasn’t.

            “It was lame,” said Lee.  “Everyone in that place was a hipster of epic proportions.”

            “Shut the fuck up Lee, you know you’re a hipster too, right?” asked Jay.

            “Would a hipster do this?” Lee asked, raising his fist and pushing it in Jay’s face, stopping just short of hitting him.

            Jay didn’t even flinch he was so used to this shit.  Well, maybe he flinched a bit, but not much.  Lee was such a hypocrite.

            “Yeah I think it was pretty fun,” agreed Willy, who’d also taken the day off.  “Jenn was totally into it.  She slept at my place and we totally fucked all night.”

            “This sucks!  How can I be the only member left in the virgin club?” asked Vani.  “Well, unless you count Mylo.  Great, that means me and him have to become best friends.”

            “Hey Mylo!” shouted Lee.  “You have to become Vani’s new best friend.”

            Myles emerged from the kitchen and asked if he’d still be able to eat Minigos.  They confirmed he could except not on weekends, when he might have to switch to Yop. 

            “Ooh, I dunno guys, I dunno,” Myles shook his head.  “I mean, me wanna Yop ‘till the morning sun but you can’t beat a Minigo.”

            “Fine!  Forsake me!” Vani whimpered as Furry Jenn walked into the bakery and sat on Willy’s lap.

            Vani visibly shuddered and asked her what she saw in Willy.

            “I dunno,” she giggled stupidly.

            “You guys are fucking?”

            They all turned to see Brown standing behind the counter.  How long had he been lurking there?  That guy was totally creepy.  But also cool ‘cause he owned his own business and had his own car.

            “Good job, man,” Brown walked up to Willy and extended his hand, which Willy shook proudly.  “One less member of the virgin club.  Now if only we could get Myles and Vani deflowered.  Whataya say, Jenny?  Up for a gang-bang?”

            Jenn giggled and shrugged.

            “Come on,” Brown went on.  “They’ll line up, all you have to do is spread your legs.  I hear you’re good at that.  We can do it in the kitchen, I’ll just have to recharge my phone so I can film it.”

            Lee guffawed but Vani and Myles were squirming.  Jenn giggled uncertainly but Jay couldn’t tell how Willy was reacting.  He just stared up at Brown with a neutral face.

            “Won’t hurt a bit,” Brown grinned.  “Just ask Myles.  It didn’t hurt when we sodomized you last night, did it?”

            Myles shrugged his shoulders and Vani’s jaw dropped.  “So what, I am alone in the virgin club now?”

            Gross, thought Cerise as she surveyed Terry’s unkempt bed.  Julie and Evan had taken off and Terry was driving Britt to daycare so Cerise figured she might as well take care of this mess.  So nasty, she thought as she stripped the sheets off the bed.  She dragged them over to the washing machine in the front hall and stuffed them all inside.  Then she emptied all her dirty clothes in there as well.  For a moment she hesitated, wondering if it was gross to wash her stuff with her sister’s sex juices but whatever, she didn’t want to have to do two loads.

            When Terry got home they finally made love on his sheetless bed.  At first there was almost an awkwardness to it, like they’d forgotten each other’s bodies even though it had only been a month.  But they found their groove easily enough and spent the rest of the morning napping as they waited for the laundry to be done.  Eventually they rubbed the sleep out of their eyes and made the bed and folded her laundry.  It was almost like they were a married couple, being all domestic and stuff. 

            After lunch they headed out to the West Island and visited her mom at the bookstore.  Cerise had actually forgotten that Shauna worked there now so she was momentarily surprised to see her there.

            “Hi,” said Cerise as Terry put his arm around her protectively.

            “Hi,” Shauna replied.  She looked so different, wearing a pink v-neck shirt and a breezy skirt.  Cerise actually found herself missing Shauna’s goth/punk gear.  There was something so inauthentic about her present garb.

            Cerise’s mom must have sensed her daughter’s presence through some sort of mom specific psychic power cause she rushed out of the back room and hugged Cerise.  “Have you read 50 Shades of Grey?”

            “Huh?  What?  No,” said Cerise, totally weirded out by her mom’s question.

            Ms. Simon was totally obsessed with that book.  Shauna had never read it but she was curious to just because Angela hated it so much.

            “Good, it’s terrible,” said Ms. Simon.  “Even worse than Twilight.  At first I refused to stock it but every single person who comes in here requests it so I had no choice but to order it.  It’s shameful, the taste in literature today.”

            “Yeah, so different from back in your day,” Cerise rolled her eyes.  “When everyone was a genius with a Phd and no one read trashy novels.  You know a lot more people are educated today, which is why…”

            “Yes, yes, I know,” Ms. Simon sighed.  “Will you be home for dinner tonight?  I’ll make a nice lasagna!”

            “Actually I’m gonna hang with the gang tonight,” Cerise replied.

            “Oh well, then tomorrow night.”

            “Ok,” Cerise shrugged.

            So weird.  Shauna wished she could talk to her mother that way but she knew she’d end up getting a smack across the face if she said no to dinner or no to anything or implied she’d rather spend time with other people, not that anyone would ever want to spend time with her.

            The phone rang and Angela answered it and then started lecturing whoever it was on the other end about how 50 Shades of Grey was total trash.

            “Ok well, later,” Cerise said as she turned to leave.

            “I saw your show last night,” Shauna blurted out.  Dammit!  She hadn’t wanted to say that but it just came out.  She wanted Cerise to stay and talk but couldn’t think of anything else to say to keep her around.

            “Oh, that’s cool,” said Cerise with a shy smile while her big boyfriend guy got all frowny faced.  “Did you enjoy it?”

            “Yeah, it was cool.  You’re super good.”

            “Thanks.”

            They stood there for a moment and then the boyfriend guy steered Cerise outside.  Well, that had been brief.  Shauna hoped they’d do another show soon so she could sneak out again.  Much to her surprise she hadn’t gotten caught and it was pretty fun to outwit her parents that way.  She couldn’t wait to do it again.

            “Oh, it doesn’t mean anything, Terry,” said Cerise as she and Terry Trebigorillasky walked into the bakery.

            “Total stalker.”

            “By that logic, everyone who was at the show is stalking me.”

            Vani shook his head.  “For shame, Cerise.  You’re so greedy with all the stalkers.  Can’t there be any leftover for the rest of us?”

            Cerise sneered as Terry Trebithehoundsky pushed Vani into the counter.  God, he was so violent.

            “So I guess you guys are talking about Porta-potty chick?” asked Jay.

            “Totally stalking Cerise,” said Terry Trebimutantferretsky.

            “No, she isn’t.”  Cerise insisted.

            “She was at the show last night!”

            “So was everyone else!”

            “Whoa,” said Vani.  “She was prob’ly following you during the entire tour!”

            “Well except that she was right across the street the whole time,” Terry Trebidingosky laughed. 

            “Total stalkation,” Vani nodded.  “I mean, how’d she even find out about the show?”

            “It was adverstised,” Cerise said matter-of-factly.

            “Like that girl knows how to use the internet,” chuckled Vani as Terry Trebiyuckycaterpillarsky nodded.

            “Oh my god, you have a stalker?” asked Furry Jenn.  “I had a stalker once.  But I just like told him that like I wasn’t interested.  I mean he still calls me all the time but I just tell him I have a new boyfriend now.”

            “Yeah, and then Willy threatens to beat him up?” laughed Jay.

            “I totally could,” Willy insisted.  “Except you don’t have a stalker.”

            “I totally do,” insisted Jenn.  “How would you even know?  It’s not like you’re with me all the time.”

            “I’m with you enough,” said Willy with a roll of his eyes.

            “We’re like, never together!  You never wanna do anything!”

            “We do stuff all the time!”

            “We never do!”

            “We’re doing stuff right now!”

            “You hate me!”  Furry Jenn exclaimed and then ran outside crying.

            “Well that was decidedly bizarre,” remarked Vani.

Season 3 – Episode 2 - Prologue

        

            “So when’s that bitch coming home?” asked Janice.

            Terry sighed.  He was so tired of Janice.  He seriously wasn’t attracted to her and yet her constant flirting was driving him crazy.  It’d be so easy to hook up with her and he so desperately needed to get laid.  But fuck, he could hold out.  Cerise was coming home this Friday.  This Friday!  He told Janice as much and she shrugged with indifference.  Why’d she asked the question if she didn’t care for the answer?!

            Karl finally arrived and put his laptop down on the table as had become ritual.  Terry opened it and logged on, waiting for Cerise to do the same from her end.

            Sarah suggested they all go to Parisses Squares’ last show of their tour, which would be in downtown Montreal this Friday.

            “Of course we’re gonna go,” agreed Cassie.  “Right?”

            “Totally,” nodded Karine.

            Terry couldn’t wait to see Cerise!  He had to babysit Britt on Friday but he was already devising a plan to bribe Evan with the use of his car in exchange for babysitting services.  God, it was so bullshit how he babysat for free but Evan wouldn’t do it unless he got something out of it.  He was Britt’s brother just as much as Terry was; how come he was such an ass about it?

            Cerise appeared and they all crowded around the laptop to say hi to her.  She was in an internet café or something so there was tons of background noise, even more so than usual.  Still, it was awesome to be able to see her.

            “We’re gonna come to your show on Friday!” squealed Sarah, hovering over Terry’s shoulder.

            “Awesome!” laughed Cerise.

            “Oh my god, you shouldn’t have told,” Cassie chastised.  “It could have been a surprise.”

            “I’d be more surprised if you guys didn’t show up,” said Cerise.  “I mean, we’re gonna be in Montreal.  If you guys can’t go to the trouble of going downtown then you’re total losers!”

            “Don’t worry, we’ll all be there,” Karine snickered.  “Even those of us who are total losers.”  She pointed her thumb in the direction of pretty everyone but herself.

            “I’m totally in if we’re going downtown,” announced Janice.

            Cerise smiled politely and then shoved Jeff out of the way as he tried to encroach on her personal space.  What a tool.  Terry hoped she was handling him ok.

            “Where is it exactly?” asked Sarah.  “Will there be parking or are we better off taking the metro?”

            “I’m so not the one to ask,” shrugged Cerise.

            Jeff poked into view again.  “I’d suggest metro-ing it.  Or like, park in a lot, but then you have to pay.  ‘Cause yeah, parking on the street on a Friday?  Good luck.”

            Terry was going to take the metro anyway since it was convenient from NDG. 

            “So like, should I get a fake I.D.?” asked Furry Jenn.

            They all looked at her and rolled their eyes, perhaps forgetting that just a year earlier they’d all been using fake I.Ds.

Season 3 – Episode 1 - Act V

            Shauna managed to get herself to her feet and she ran away from the Glue Sniffers, who were apparently too embroiled in a fight with one another to notice her escape.  Her run was more of a stumble but soon enough she was home.

            She walked in the back door but her mother still pounced on her.  Fortunately she didn’t have any visible bruises for her mother to notice, at least not yet. 

            “My god, Shauna, what happened to your clothes?  You’re all wet, you reek of alcohol!” she raged.  “Are you drunk?”

            “No, there was a bottle of vodka in the backroom and it spilled on me while I was stacking books.”  She was pleased with how quickly she’d come up with the lie.

            “Why was there a bottle of vodka in the backroom?”

            “I dunno mom, can I just go to bed.  I’m tired.”

            “Is Angela Simon some sort of alcoholic?”

            “I don’t know mother!  I’ve never seen her drink, so I doubt it.  Maybe some random customer gave it to her.  Some of the regulars do that, they give her gifts for no reason.”  That much was true.

            “Well, I hope she doesn’t expect you to pay the dry cleaning bill!  Are those grass stains?”

            “I fell outside, coming up the walk.  I was taking a shortcut on the grass.”

            “I’ve told you a million times not to walk on the lawn, Shauna!  You know how your father gets!  He doesn’t want it trampled!”

            “I know, I’m sorry!”

            “Well go shower and change before your father sees you!”

            “Ok.”

            That had gone pretty well.  But it had been agony trying to stand upright without cradling her stomach.  When she got undressed she found a bruise developing on her abdomen and a few along her ribs.  She showered and tossed her wet clothes into a plastic bag to deal with later. 

            She went straight to bed and decided to risk a cigarette in the house.  Just this once.

           

            “So how’s Cerise doing?” asked Karine.

            “Good,” replied Terry.  “They’re getting good reviews and shit.”

            Brittany was off in the sandbox, getting dirty as usual. Terry didn’t mind when she got dirty but Vicky always threw a shit fit about it so he’d have to get Britt home early enough to give her a bath before her mother got back from work.  It was Terry’s day off and he sort of resented having to spend it babysitting but at least Karine had taken the day too to keep him company.  Once they were done with Britt they’d head to the bakery to hang with the gang. 

            “That’s cool,” said Karine, stretching her legs out in the sun.  “And you’re ok with her being shacked up with four dudes?”

            “Yeah, it’s no big deal.  I trust her.”

            Karine chuckled slightly and he gave her a look but she just smiled.

            “Ok fine, yeah, it kinda bugs me,” he admitted.  “But whatever, she’s having fun.”

            “Yeah,” Karine nodded.  “Remember how when you first started going out with her back in high school, how like Erica and them gave you a hard time?”

            Terry snorted with derision.  “Yeah, Erica and them.  You were just peachy keen about it.”

            “Nice use of the term ‘peachy keen’.”  Karine giggled.

            He glared at her and she admitted that she’d been kinda bitchy about Cerise back then too.

            “So what’s your fucking damage against her now?” he asked, hoping they didn’t have to go through this old battle again.

            “God!  Nothing!  Fuck!  Seriously.   I was just kinda wondering… how did you put up with it?  We gave you so much shit.  Why did you stay with her?”

            “’Cause I liked her,” he said matter-of-factly.  Like duh.

            Tonight they were playing in a pub in a suburb of Toronto, some place Cerise couldn’t even remember the name of.  Cerise always dreaded getting into Bernie’s van when it was her turn to sit in the back with all the overflowing equipment.  She made a little nest for herself with some pillows but it was still highly uncomfortable back there.  

            She sat with her legs bent, clutching a bottle of nail polish between her knees. 

It was risky to do one’s nails in a moving vehicle but Toronto traffic was so intense that she knew it’d be a relatively smooth ride.  Whenever Bernie advanced she’d freeze and then when he stopped she’d paint a nail.  It was a pretty good system. 

            She had a new colour: cerulean blue and as she worked she listened to the boys argue about Star Wars.  Bernie was convinced that the true path was that of the Sith and Jedis were total pussies.  This seemed to rather offend Tom and Lloyd. 

            “Play the fucking game, dude,” said Bernie.  Apparently if they were to play Star Wars online they would understand his point.

            “That reminds me, we can’t forget to go to the Star Wars identity thing when we get home,” noted Tom.

            Jeff was in the seat in front and across from Cerise.  She could feel him watching her but she didn’t want to say anything for fear of making things even more awkward.  So she finished her nails and then flapped her hands around to dry them, finally looking up. Sure enough he was full-on staring at her.

            So as not to ruin her nails she gingerly picked up a magazine lying on the floor and threw it at him. 

            “Bitch!” he laughed, tossing the magazine back.

            “Watch out for my nails!  They’re wet!”

            “That the only thing that’s wet?”

            “Don’t be gross,” she groaned.

            “Can’t help it, that’s the way I’m wired,” he grinned.

            “Don’t act so proud of it,” she counselled. 

            “But we made fun of Cerise all the time.  Even to her face,” said Karine.

            “Brittany!” screamed Terry.  “Don’t push that boy!”

            Britt turned to look at Terry and stuck out her tongue at him.  Terry sighed and Karine decided she’d never have kids.  “And we made fun of you too,” she went on.

            “So what?” said Terry.  “Like I can’t take a little ribbing?  Some people are just worth it, Karine.”

            “Right.  So you’d go out with anyone, no matter how lame they were, as long as you liked them?”

            “Would you shut the fuck up?” he said angrily but quietly so as not to attract the attention of all the soccer moms and nannies.  “Cerise isn’t lame.  Why can’t you just…”

            “I’m not talking about Cerise!” she interrupted.  “God!  Not everything is about you and your little girlfriend!”

            “Then what the fuck are you talking about?” he grumbled.

            “Do you think it’s snobby to have standards when it comes to who you’ll date?”

            He sighed and looked at her square in the face.  “You’re gonna have to spell this out for me, Karine ‘cause I’m not catching your vibe.”

            She sighed too.  It was so annoying how Terry just didn’t get nuance.  “Would you go out with someone you always thought was a total loser just because they make you laugh and you feel safe with them?”

            A grin slowly crept up on his lips.  “Who the hell are you into?”

            “No one!  It’s hypothetical!”

            “Yeah right.  Which one of those fucking dorks are you jonesing for?” he laughed.

            “No one!” she insisted, perhaps a little too forcefully.

            “Oh shit!  This is gonna be so good!” he cackled.  “I am gonna get you back so good for all the shit you ever gave me!”

            “Terry!” she whined, knowing she sort of deserved it.  God, she was seriously such a loser.

            “Is it Vani?  ‘Cause you know, even though he’s short, he’s kind of a cool guy.”

            “Eww, Terry.  It’s no one.  No one you know.”

            “So there is some lame-ass guy you’re into.”

            “No!  You’re the only lame-ass guy I’ve ever been into,” she grumbled.

            “Yeah, I always knew you wanted me,” he smirked, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back on the bench.  God, he was so irritating. 

            “What?” Cerise asked in irritation.

            “What, what?” Jeff replied with a smile.

            “You’re watching me!”

            “So?”

            “It’s annoying.”

            “Sorry,” he smiled without turning to face front.

            “You’re still doing it,” she sighed.

            “Sorry,” he grinned.

            She rolled her eyes and flipped through the random magazine but it was boring and he kept staring so she tossed it aside and glared at him.  He smiled and crawled out of his seat, joining her in the back of the van even though there really wasn’t room for both of them.  She frowned and tried to inch away from him but he sat practically on top of her.

            “What are you doing?” she asked in a mild panic, completely unsure of what to do.

            “Nothing,” he smiled.

            “You’re on me!” she pushed him away and he laughed as he leaned in towards her.

            She lightly punched him in the chest and then hit a little harder and he grabbed her hand, then leaned in for a kiss.  She recoiled and hit her head on the side of the van.  “Fuck, ow!”

            “Sorry,” he said, this time with sincerity.

            “What the fuck are you trying to do?” she asked.

            “I’m just trying, I dunno,” he sighed, inching a bit away from her, but still too close for comfort.  “I mean I know you have a boyfriend.”

            “Yeah, I do.  And he would probably punch you in the face for doing this shit.”

            “Wow, he sounds like a real charmer.”

            Cerise sighed.  “Can you just fucking get off me now?”

            “Listen, I’m just saying…”

            “My nails are ruined now.”  Her right had was ok but the index finger on her left was all scuffed up.  She’d have to redo it.  Or just live with it.  Whatever.

            “But just for the record,” Jeff went on.  “Let’s say you didn’t have a boyfriend.  Would you be interested?”

            Oh god, was he seriously putting her in this position?  How awkward and inappropriate.  “I dunno, Jeff,” she said because an outright rejection seemed too harsh.

            Jeff smiled.  “Well maybe… I mean, maybe you could think about it.  I mean, if you ever break up with Terry… not that you would but… if you ever do… maybe you could… think about it and uh… let me know.”

            She nodded with a pained smile that probably looked more like a frown.

            “I mean just so you know,” he said as he finally crawled back to his seat.  “If you ever break up with him, I’m here.”

            Cerise watched him sit and then looked over to Tom, who sat opposite Jeff.  She couldn’t see his face but he was turned in Jeff’s direction.  Jeff gave him a toothy grin.

            “Are you fucking seriously doing this right in front of me?!” Tom erupted.

            From the front seats Bernie and Lloyd practically choked on their howls of laughter.  Jeff kept grinning and Tom turned around, leaning over his seat to look at Cerise.  She gave him a sympathetic shrug and he asked her if she was ok.

            She nodded and he sighed, turning back to face front.  God, that was like the weirdest, most awkward exchange ever!  Bernie kept laughing as he moved the van forward another inch.

Season 3 – Episode 1 - Act IV

            Oh god, seriously?  As much as she had welcomed a blast from the past in the form of Andrew Lester, nothing could have horrified Shauna more than seeing the Glue Sniffers again. 

            Her first week at the bookstore had gone as well as could be expected but today as she waited outside the bus stop, Wendy and her two cohorts walked up to her, looking as beat down as ever.

            “Well, well, well,” said the rasta one, still wearing that rasta hat.

            “What do we have here?” snickered the emo looking one.

            “If it isn’t little miss Porta-potty,” laughed Wendy.

            What was she supposed to do?  She could go back inside the bookstore but then they’d know where she worked.  Maybe they already knew.  Maybe they’d been watching her all year, just waiting to pounce.

            The bus arrived and Shauna got on it, confident that they wouldn’t do anything in a public place.  Her confidence proved to be misplaced since they got on the bus as well and sat across from her, making lewd gestures and calling her names.  The other people on the bus ignored everything.

           

            “I just saw Cerise’s stalker get on a bus with those glue sniffers from high school,” said Vani as he wiped down a table in the bakery.

            “Yeah, so?” asked Terry.

            “So remember my party last year?  She had a fight with the lesbian glue sniffer?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Maybe they’re getting back together.”

            “Good,” said Terry.  “Maybe it’ll get her to leave Cerise alone.”

            “I dunno, I think those glue sniffers are a bad influence.  Porta-potty chick doesn’t look like she hangs out in porta-potties anymore.  But those glue sniffers still do.  I’m concerned.”

            Terry laughed.  “Really?”

            “Well no, but it’s been a slow news day,” shrugged Vani. 

           

            “You broke up with Mike?” asked Janice in horror.  “Why, what’d he do?”

            “He slept with you!” Karine said, handing a patron her ice-cream cone. 

            “What?  No he didn’t!”

            The patron licked her cone and paid and then lingered for a while, no doubt listening to their salacious conversation.

            “Wait, did he?” Janice wondered.  “I don’t remember anything.  Was I high?  What did he say?”

            “I’m just kidding Janice, I know you didn’t sleep with him.”

            The patron walked outside looking disappointed.

            “Ok, but I can now, right?  Now that you’ve broken up?  Or was that a joke too?”

            “No, it’s real.  I texted him last night.  I’m just not into it.”

            “You broke up by text?  Hah!  That hilarious.  Ok, I’ll be his shoulder to cry on.  What’s his number again?” she asked, taking out her phone.

            “Oh don’t bother, he’s no good,” Karine shrugged.

            “Anyone can learn in the hands of Janice the great!”  Janice paused.  “But you know, I’ve seen that a couple times.  Where like a totally hot guy ends up being shitty in bed.”

            “Yeah, and I’m wondering if it goes both ways,” Karine shrugged.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Like what if a guy you think is a total nerd is actually a good lover.”

            “Oh yeah, it can happen… wait, which one of those dorks are you into?!”

            “I’m not into any of them.  I’m just theorizing,” Karine insisted.

            “Oh my god, it’s not the fat one is it?  He has baby dick!  It’s not the short one.  Is it the robot dude?  It’s the one with the hair, isn’t it?”

            “It’s no one!”

            “Hilarious!” Janice cackled.

            A soccer mom and her kids came in and Karine served them, hoping Janice would drop it but once they were gone she was back on the subject.

            “That guy totally has an afro, a white guy afro.  A jewfro!  He’s like a skinny Jonah Hill or Seth Rogen.”

            “Those guys are funny.”

            “But so not hot.”

            “You’d so fuck either one of them!”

            “Yeah, but only ‘cause they’re famous,” said Janice.  “Everyone thinks I’m some big slut who’ll fuck anything that moves but they couldn’t be more wrong.  I have standards, Karine.  I don’t just sleep with any old loser.  I sleep with guys like Mike.  Athletes, musicians….”

            “Drug dealers,” Karine snarked.

            “I’ve actually never slept with a drug dealer.  I’ve slept with guys who were carrying.  ‘Cause they were way hot.  Anyway I wouldn’t sleep with that Jewfro guy.  He’s a total loser.”

            “You don’t even know him.”

            Janice smirked at Karine.  “Hilarious.”

            “I’m not even into him!” Karine insisted.

            “Uh huh.”

            “Ok, so you’ll hang out with the guys, but you won’t fuck them?!”

            Janice looked at Karine, all amusement gone from her face.  “I hang out with you and I hang out with Terry.  And Cassie’s ok and even those band guys Cerise hangs out with.  The guitarist anyway.  But no, I don’t really hang out with those nerds.  I have standards, Karine.  And so should you.”

            “Have you always been this much of a snob?” Karine asked in surprise.

            “Hey, I don’t judge.  Everyone can do whatever they want.  So you do what you gotta do.  But you gotta live with the consequences too.”

            “Meaning what?”

            “Meaning if that’s the league you wanna run in, fine.  But just be aware that you would be stepping down a peg.  That’s all I’m saying.  Who you fuck determines who you will fuck.  I don’t fuck Willy baby-dick Watts in the hopes of getting with Terry next.  No, I sleep with Mike in the hopes of getting Terry next.  That’s how it works.”

            Karine was stunned silent.  It was kind of a good point.

            The dressing rooms at John Abbott were co-ed so Cerise had long ago gotten used to changing in front of boys but somehow it was different with the guys from Parisses Squares.  Whenever they had a hotel room she locked herself away in the bathroom to make her transformation into rock star girl.  That’s why the transformation wasn’t so dramatic on days when they didn’t have hotel rooms, but had to change in the van.  She’d usually change in the bathroom of whatever bar they were playing or wait ‘till the guys were out of the van to change.  Sometimes she’d just perform in whatever she’d been wearing that day. 

            She felt silly being so private about it, after all she’d gotten pretty close to her band mates and they were basically like brothers.  She honestly didn’t care if they saw her in her bra but she couldn’t forget what Terry had said about Jeff being into her.  She didn’t want to encourage his affections, if indeed such affections existed, which they probably didn’t. 

            Then again, maybe they did.  Maybe all the guys were sort of into her.  When she emerged from the bathroom that day she searched their motel room high and low and couldn’t find her shoes anywhere.  Finally she found them under the bed and had to get down on her hands and knees to fetch them.  She was struggling to reach them when she heard the boys snickering and turned her head to see them all staring at her polka-dotted undies clad ass, which was on full display thanks to her short skirt. 

            “You guys are such pervs!” she yelled, throwing the shoes in their direction. 

            They all laughed and tossed the shoes back at her and she was annoyed and embarrassed but also a little bit flattered.  Maybe they would have snuck a peak at any girl and it had nothing to do with her in particular but if they went to the trouble of hiding her shoes then they must have thought her worth checking out. 

            Funny how she could get a guy as cute as Terry and still feel insecure about her looks.  But everyday as she dabbed on her lip gloss she wondered if she should be wearing more makeup.  Was she ugly without it?  Was her skin too pale?  Too freckled?  Her hair too drab?  Her tummy too fat?

            Speaking of Terry, she was really starting to miss him.  At first it had been fun to be on the road and she almost felt bad because she didn’t miss home more but now the homesickness was really starting to sink in.  She missed her bed and her kitchen and the gang but most of all she missed Terry.  They spoke every day but it just wasn’t the same as being with him.  She longed to feel his warm embrace, his hands on her skin, his tongue on her… ok, she was totally getting horny now and that was way awkward.  Come to think of it, didn’t boys masturbate every day?  When and where were they doing it?  One time Lloyd had managed to hook up with a groupie of sorts but what about the others?  Were they doing it when they showered?  Had they done it in the van?  How gross.  Though she had to admit to herself that she would totally hook up with Terry in the van if that was a possibility. 

            The laptop was still on so she quickly logged on and wrote him a quick love note and then closed the computer.  On to the show!

            Terry’s phone buzzed in his pocket.  He smiled as he read Cerise’s email.  She was so cute.  Her emails had gotten progressively more sentimental as time went by.  He was glad to know she missed him as much as he missed her.

            “Sand attack!”

            Terry sputtered as a bucketful of sand was dumped on his lap, much of it flying into his face.  “Fuck!” he yelled.

            Brittany cackled and ran back to the sandbox.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she repeated.

            Goddammit.  Terry stood up and brushed the sand off his clothes.  He knew he should go discipline her but he just didn’t have the energy right now.  And the moms in the park were glaring at him, whispering to each other, probably about how he’d cursed in front of a bunch of kids.  A minute ago they’d all been watching him lustfully and he’d been trying to decide which one to come on to and what kind of lessons a MILF might teach him.  Well, fuck all those bitches.  They were probably all stretched out and saggy anyway. 

            God, he was hard up.

            Jay drove Cassie home and then went back to the bakery only to find the gang was dispersing for the night. 

            “Hey, Jay, feel like giving me a lift?” asked Karine.

            At first Jay was annoyed because he’d just driven in that direction!  Like Karine couldn’t have asked for a lift ten minutes earlier?!  But then he realized the implications of this request.  Karine had never, ever asked him for a lift before.  She wanted to be alone with him!

            Two weeks with a job was pretty awesome.  Shauna still wasn’t that great with the cash register; she’d figured out how it worked but was pretty slow with transactions.  But she’d figured out the inventory system and was even adding to it, putting in little annotations like Cerise had been doing before she’d gone.

            She didn’t like interacting with customers and whenever Trista was around she left that to her but every so often she had no choice.  She was really bad at remembering where stuff was and especially bad with the French customers.  Her French was totally shitty and she knew it.

            But she was good at helping Ms. Simon in the back room, with the sorting and stacking and counting.  She helped her pack away old stuff and unpack new stuff.  That part was even kind of fun.  And Ms. Simon said she was doing a good job!  It was completely amazing.

            To celebrate she told her mom she was working late and went out for a drink at Clyde’s.  There were a few guys looking at her in the bar and she considered hooking up with them but decided not to.  What was the point?  Life was too good right now to be doing stupid stuff.

            “And that’s why I feel, if I were to take over the world through the power of my kung-fu I’d probably have to take a few kung-fu lessons first.  ‘Cause I mean, if those movies have taught me anything, it’s that if your kung-fu’s just no damn good then your kung-fu’s just no damn good.” 

            Jay knew he was rambling but it felt weird to be driving in silence.  Besides, Karine was totally giggling at his antics, which was awesome.

            “I’ll keep that in mind next time I think about taking over the world through the power of kung-fu,” she said.

            “Your kung-fu’s just no damn good, Karine.  It’s just no damn good!”

            “I’ll show you who’s no damn good!  Hiya!” She karate chopped him on the shoulder and he laughed, trying not to swerve the car.

            Shit.  They were at her place.  That had been the fastest drive in the history of forever.  “Once again it becomes clear that my kung-fu is just no damn good,” he sighed, turning to look at her.

            “Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all,” she said, undoing her seatbelt.

            “Or in my case, any.”

            “Gimme a break, you’re not that much of a loser.”

            “Oh yeah?” he asked.

            “Well I hear good things about you from Cassie.”

            “Oh yeah?” he said with surprise.

            “I broke up with Mike,” she announced, totally just sitting in the car and not making any moves to get out.

            “Oh?” he said, his voice squeaking a little.  He coughed to get it under control.  “That’s cool.  I mean that’s too bad.”

            “No, you were right the first time.  Mike was a dip-wad.”

            Jay laughed and Karine smiled.  Fuck, she was gorgeous.

            Shauna walked home smoking a cigarette and sort of knew someone was following her but didn’t want to be all presumptuous and turn around.  What if they weren’t following her but were just going in the same direction and she was being a total tool?  But what if they were following her?  What if it was Andrew Lester and he totally wanted to be her boyfriend because she had a job now and was like a normal person?

            She crossed the street randomly and turned her head as she went, trying to be casual about it.  Oh shit.  It was them. 

           

            Should he kiss her?  Should he do anything?  What the fuck was he supposed to do?!

            “Well thanks for the lift,” Karine smiled, still making no motions to leave the car.

            “My pleasure,” he said weakly.

            “I bet,” she grinned flirtatiously.  Jay was almost certain she was flirting with him!  “So exactly how good are things going with you and Cassie?”

            “Um, Uh, I uh… s’good.  I mean, not really that good.  Just sort of… I mean… if you… I mean, if I… uh…” he stammered.

            “Yeah, that’s what I figured,” she smiled.  “See you later, Jay.”

            She hopped out of the car and he watched her skip into her house.  What the fuck?!  Had he totally missed his chance?  Should he have kissed her or asked her out or something?  Maybe he had to break up with Cassie first.  But what if Karine was just teasing him, like she’d done at grad last year?  What if it was all a joke?  Should he let go of Cassie just for the possibility of hooking up with Karine?  Yeah, probably.

            Shauna tried not to panic but before she could even think Wendy and her glue sniffing friends were upon her. 

            “Hey,” said rasta dude.

            Shauna ignored him and quickened her pace.

            “Hey,” he grabbed her arm.  “No need to be rude.  We just wanna make friends.”

            She exhaled smoke into his face but he didn’t even flinch.  He just smiled and pulled on her arm.  She walked with them as they headed to the water.  Oh shit, were they gonna push her in?  Maybe she should be friendly with them.  Maybe she should try to come on to the guys.  Her newfound hooking-up skills shouldn’t go to waste. 

            The grass was slightly damp as they walked across the park near the shore.  Shauna worried that her fancy work shoes would get ruined.  The park was deserted but this was still a public space.  There were streetlamps everywhere.  It wasn’t dark enough for them to try anything, was it?  They stopped at a bench overlooking the lake.  It was under a tree and there were a lot of bugs swirling around.

            “So you gonna try something?” Shauna asked, trying to sound brave.

            “What do you want me to try?” rasta guy chuckled.

            She wrenched her arm free and faced them.  All three of them grinned at her and Wendy was drinking from a bottle of Vodka.

            “Want some?” Wendy asked, holing up the bottle.

            “No.”  Shauna knew better.

            If she tried to walk away they’d just grab her or something.  Maybe hit her over the head with the bottle.  So she stepped towards rasta guy.  He stood his ground.  She grabbed his head with her hands and planted a kiss on his mouth.  Wendy and emo guy burst into laughter and rasta guy pushed her away.

            “Whoa, you totally just kissed that skank!” emo guy laughed.

            Rasta guy seemed stunned for a moment but then his fist came out of nowhere and impacted Shauna’s stomach.  She doubled over and fell to the wet grass.  They all laughed and called her names as they kicked her a few more times.  Wendy poured vodka over her until emo guy chastised her for wasting it.  She said it wouldn’t be a waste once they lit her on fire but emo guy’s reason prevailed and he told Wendy to stop being such a fucking cunt.  She got pissed at him and they argued while Shauna crawled away.