Season 2 – Episode 11 – Act V

            Karine sat at her vanity, admiring her beauty while Terry sat behind her on her bed.

            “You wanted to talk to me,” he said.

            “I have something important to tell you,” she replied.

            “I think I know what it is.”

            “I don’t think you do.”

            “You want me,” smiled Terry.

            Karine turned around to see Terry standing behind her.  He took her hand and she stood to face him.

            “Are you in love with me?” he asked.

            She hesitated for a moment.  “I love the way you make me feel.”

            “How do I make you feel?”

            “Safe.”

            Karine switched the scene to a meadow and she was wearing a medieval style dress, like in Game of Thrones or something.  Terry was dressed as a knight and they were riding on a white unicorn.  Ok, no, just a horse, a unicorn was going too far even for a fantasy. 

            “I’ll always protect you!” Terry announced while brandishing his sword.

            “I know,” Karine replied, burying her face into his back.  “Don’t hate me for keeping her from you.”

            “I could never hate you.”

            “I hope that’s true.”

            Terry dismounted and started to walk away.  Karine followed, still on the horse.

            “Terry, why can’t it be me?  Why don’t you love me?”

            “You’re beautiful and cool and totally hot but that’s not enough.  You’re not like her.”

            “What’s so special about her?”

            “She’s good.”

            “And I’m bad?”

            “Well duh,” snarked Cerise, suddenly appearing in a white dress while Karine’s dress turned black.  “You have dark hair, Karine.  And I’m blonde.  That’s how these things work.”

            “I’m not evil!” Karine protested.

            “I beg to differ,” said Cerise, turning around to show the knife sticking out of her back.

            “I never betrayed you.  We’re not even friends!”

            “I thought we were,” she sulked.

            Terry pulled the knife out of Cerise’s back and pushed Karine off the horse.  He mounted it and pulled Cerise up with him. 

            “Terry, save me!” Karine called out.

            “Save yourself, bitch.”

            Karine shook away the daydream and turned the volume up on her ipod, hoping the music would drown out her thoughts.  She walked around the house, surveying the damage from last week’s party.  She hadn’t done a thing to clean anything up.  It was at these moments she wished she still had a boyfriend but she knew how mean that was, to use guys when it suited her and to reject them when she got tired of them.  She was such a giant bitch; it was a mystery why she even had any friends.  Which she supposed she didn’t, not really.  Was Janice her friend, was Sarah, was Cerise?  Terry was but she was treating him like shit by not getting him back together with his Cherry angel.

            Oh fuck it! She texted him and he said he’d be right over.

            Terry’s mom was leaving him texts and voice-mails every day but his dad hadn’t done shit.  Fuck those two assholes.  Then again, he’d been at Cerise’s place for over a week and he was starting to feel like he was imposing.  None of the Laframboise chicks had made him feel unwelcome, not even Cerise’s mom.  In fact, they were all being super cool all the time but that was part of the problem.  They were being too nice, too polite almost.  He still felt like a guest, rather than a member of the family.  He was such an idiot for thinking he could just move in and suddenly he’d be like, what?  Cerise’s husband?  Angela’s son?  God, he was such a moron.  No wonder his bio-mom had abandoned him when he’d been a baby.  She could probably tell he was mentally deficient.   

            So he jumped at the chance to go hang out with Karine whenever she texted, although he was also starting to feel like he was way too available to her.  He always did whatever she wanted and was starting to feel like he was her boyfriend except without any of the benefits so how bullshit was that?  When he showed up at her place that Sunday afternoon and saw that her house was still a mess a week after the party he figured she’d try to make him clean up like she always did to Steven.

            “You expect me to deal with this shit?” he asked as soon as he’d walked in the door.

            Her lip quavered and he instantly felt like shit.  Hell, why shouldn’t he help clean up?  He’d been at the party, drunk her beer, eaten her food, he should do whatever he could to help out.

            “Just sit down, you fucking loser,” she instructed.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked, sitting on the living room couch, careful to avoid the dark stain on one of the cushions.

            She stayed standing and even paced back and forth.  “I know how you can get back together with Cerise.”

            Ok, this was definitely better than having to clean shit up.  “How?” he asked.

            “Just do what she wants.  Stop hanging out with Andrew.”

            “Well I basically already have but that’s not the point, is it?  I can’t just give in to her ultimatum, ‘cause that’s like totally nutso.”

            “But I don’t want you to see him either.”

            “How come?”

            “’Cause he’s an asshole.”

            “But he’s still our friend.”

            “You have to understand, Terry.  I didn’t tell you this shit sooner because, well ‘cause I didn’t want anyone to know.  I only told Cerise ‘cause she could like, tell there was something wrong.  Like wrong with me and wrong with him.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “He hurt me.”

            Terry’s stomach tightened and he could feel the anger rising.  His hands balled into fists and he had to force them to relax so he could get up and put a hand on Karine’s shoulder.  “What did he do?”

            Karine shook Terry away and shook her head.

            “What did he do?” Terry repeated, feeling like he maybe already knew and probably didn’t want to hear the answer.

            “He you know, it was last year.  Grad, prom, whatever.  He just, you know, like…” she sighed heavily and then spoke with exasperation.  “Fuck, you know, like forced himself on me or whatever.”

            Terry was certain he would throw up.  It was almost like the room was spinning.  It wasn’t just that Karine had gone through something so horrible it couldn’t even be imagined, but that he’d kept being friends with that… that rapist.  Hadn’t he always suspected in the back of his mind that Andrew’s shit was fake, that he didn’t score with so many chicks ‘cause he had game but ‘cause he wasn’t really on the up and up?

            “I’ll kill him,” said Terry, almost shaking now.

            “Terry, goddammit!  I’m only telling you this so you’ll understand.  I don’t want you to do anything crazy!”

            Terry reached out to Karine to try to hug her but she pushed him away.  “Did you go to the police?” he asked.

            “God, no, what the fuck?!  I don’t want people knowing about this shit!  I never even would have told you if I didn’t have to!”

            “But Karine…”

            “Shut the fuck up!” she screamed.  “This happened to me, ok?  So I decide how to deal with it.  Not you or anyone else.”

            “Yeah, I know but,” Terry didn’t even know how he was going to finish that sentence but Karine interrupted him anyway.

            “You don’t understand.”

            “You’re right, I don’t.  But there’s gotta be some people out there who do.  You should talk to someone. Get help.”

            “Oh my god, stop it!  I didn’t bring this up so we could have a heart to heart!  I don’t need a kid’s help line. I don’t want you to give me advice and I don’t want you to like, you know, think of me like this.”

            “Karine, it doesn’t make me think less of you.  It just makes me think less of him.”

            He finally drew her into a hug and she started to cry.  An instant later she pushed him away.  “Just leave me alone.”

            “But I mean, if you don’t like, tell someone, won’t he just do it to other girls?”

            “He already has,” said Karine, her voice muffled as she wiped her face.

            “What?”

            “Christina.  I’m pretty sure he did it to her too.”

            Once again Terry had to fight the nausea rising in his throat.  Karine was full on crying now and Terry felt his own eyes moisten.  He reached out to her again but she pushed him away and yelled at him to go away.

            “Karine, let me…”

            “Just fuck off!” she screeched.  “Go!”

            And with that he was pushed out of Karine’s house.  He could have pushed back obviously, could have tried to stay, tried to help her but he really had no idea what to do.  There was nothing he could do.  He was completely helpless.

            Without even realizing where he was going he wound up at Clyde’s.  Somehow he knew Andrew would be there and sure enough, he stood by a pool table, guzzling a beer.

            “Hey man, what’s up?” he asked, all smiles.

            Terry’s fist flew out as though it wasn’t even attached to his body.  It was like he wasn’t even controlling it.  Andrew was struck square in the jaw and fell backwards, his beer mug crashing on the floor.  Everyone stopped and stared.  Terry slowly walked away backwards as Andrew moaned and scrambled to his feet.

            He stood on the sidewalk outside and waited for Andrew to come out.  It didn’t take long.

            “What the fuck?!” Andrew yelled.

            Terry held out his arms, inviting Andrew to attack him, which he did.  He was no match for Terry, which Terry was acutely aware of.  Andrew was a bully, used to pushing little skinny kids around but Terry was an enforcer, a goon as Vani had so helpfully pointed out.  Within an instant Andrew was in a headlock and Terry knew that if he twisted in the right way he could snap his neck.  Instead he punched him in the gut and threw him to the ground.  Andrew cried out in pain and wheezed, trying to catch his breath.  It took about a million years but he finally stumbled to his feet and Terry punched him in the face again. 

            That had maybe been a bit much.  Andrew kneeled down on the ground, holding his face as a pool of blood developed beneath him.  Shit, he hadn’t even hit him that hard.  Andrew tried to say something but instead a tooth fell out of his mouth.  He screeched and grabbed for it but missed completely, his hand flailing over the pool of blood.  Oh god, maybe he had a concussion.  Terry had played with a kid once who’d gotten hit really hard and hadn’t even passed out and kept playing for weeks but it was obvious something was wrong and it turned out he had a way bad concussion and totally had brain damage and shit.  Terry had probably sustained a ton of minor head injuries without even knowing it.  Why did he even keep playing hockey?  It was so retarded, no wonder Cerise wasn’t into it.

            It had probably only been a few minutes but there was a huge crowd gathered at the door of Clyde’s and tons of people on the street were watching.  Pointe-Claire village always had cops around so Terry figured this would be a good time to take his leave.

            He crouched down next to Andrew and hissed at him.  “You ever touch Karine or Christina or anyone… you so much as look at a woman ever again, you even breathe near one, I will fucking kill you.”  He grabbed Andrew’s hair and lifted his head, causing him to groan in agony.  “I’m serious you piece of shit.  This was me at like ten percent.  If I wanted I could snap your neck like a twig.  Don’t doubt it.  I will fucking kill you.”

            He let go of Andrew’s hair and stood up.  Andrew slumped into his own blood, moaning incomprehensibly.  Terry looked up and saw a ton of people staring at him in shock. 

            Everyone was whispering to one another.  “Oh my god, did you hear what he said?  That guy’s probably like a wife beater or something!”  “Totally, he probably deserved it.”  “I know that guy, he’s a total asshole.”

            Terry started walking to his car, which he’d left in the parking lot and the crowd parted for him, still whispering about the situation.

            It sucked that Terry never seemed to want to hang out here.  Cerise knew it must be weird for him staying at her house but he always seemed so eager to leave.  Then again, maybe that’s how he always was.  He always had hockey or something to go to.  But seriously, did he have go see Karine every single time she texted?  And did they have to text four billion times a day?  Everyone was always so glued to their phones.  Cerise would never become like that even when she got one, which she supposed she should do.  She was so out of touch with the modern world.

            She reached down to the couch and held up his pillow.  Every morning he would fold his sheets and place everything on the side of the couch, so as not to disturb anyone.  She wished he wouldn’t bother, that he would just make himself comfortable, less like a guest and more like someone who really lived here.  They all loved having him, even her mom had said so.  He filled and emptied the dishwasher every day, always kept the downstairs bathroom spotless and even offered to do their laundry.  They always declined but she guessed he felt bad about having a billion loads.  God, guys were so stinky.  With only girls in the house they only had to do laundry once a week but Terry did a load practically every day.  He usually kept his hockey bag in his car but he’d brought it in a few times to wash his gear and Christ, it smelled like a dead rat.  Cerise sort of liked the smell of Terry’s sweat but there were limits to even her olfactory tolerance.  With that thought in mind she buried her nose in his pillow and took a good whiff.  It smelled like his natural musk but also his mango shampoo.

            “Cerise.”

            She spun around, her cheeks instantly flushing, and dropped the pillow to her feet.  “Terry,” she stammered but then saw that something was wrong.

            He stumbled towards her and she reached out to him, leading him to the couch, where he collapsed, seemingly stunned.

            “Oh my god, your hands!” she exclaimed.

            He held up his hands and looked at them as though surprised.  They were a gory, bloody mess.

            “Don’t move,” she instructed, rushing off to the upstairs bathroom to get their first aid kit.

            She came back with the kit as well as a bowl of warm water and a towel.  Without saying anything she placed his hands in the bowl.  He didn’t protest.  The water turned pink and then red.  She pulled the hands out and inspected them.  They were bruised and torn up pretty badly but she didn’t know what was serious and what wasn’t when it came to such injuries.

            “I’m not really sure what to do,” she admitted.

            “It’s ok, I know.  Can you pass me my bag, I don’t wanna get your towel all dirty.”

            “It’s ok, Terry, it’s just a towel.”

            He nodded and dried off his hands.  Sure enough the towel became a spotted mess.  Reaching into the first aid kit, which Cerise had opened, he squeezed a ton of Polysporin onto his knuckles and then wrapped them in gauze.  “I should put some ice on for the swelling.”

            An instant later she was back with a bag of frozen peas, which she placed on top of his hands.  They both leaned back on the couch and stared straight ahead.

            “Should you go to the hospital?  X-rays or whatever?”

            “Nothing’s broken,” he said.

            “So who’d you beat up?”

            “Andrew Lester.”

            She sat up straight and looked at him in shock.  “Why?”

            “Karine told me, you know, what he did.”

            “Oh my god!  Did you like… is he ok?”

            “He’ll live, which is better than he deserves.”

            “What if he presses charges or whatever?”

            “He won’t.”

            “How can you be so sure?”

            “’Cause like pride and stuff.  Besides, even if he does, who cares?  It’s worth it.”

            “But you could get like, a criminal record!”

            “Well what was I supposed to do?” he asked angrily, sitting up to face her.  “Just let him get away with it?  Karine won’t go to the cops so what the fuck?”

            Cerise nodded and shrugged.  In truth she understood why Terry had done it.  She didn’t necessarily agree with his actions but only because of the potential consequences.  Knowing Andrew had been hurt was very satisfying and a part of her even wished that Terry had killed him.  “What’d you do to him exactly?” she asked, hoping for a gruesome play by play.

            “Punched him in the face a couple times and punched him in the gut.  I guess I hit him pretty hard ‘cause he lost a tooth and there was a ton of blood and he seemed groggy, like dazed or whatever.  He might have a concussion.”

            “Doesn’t that mean he has to be like monitored so he doesn’t fall asleep or whatever?”

            “Who gives a shit?”

            “I’m just saying if he turns out to be badly hurt his parents will like go to the police!”

            “He’s not even gonna tell them.”

            “How do you know?”

            “Just ‘cause, fuck!” he exclaimed.

            “Ok, relax, don’t get pissed at me!”

            “Sorry,” he sighed and then leaned back again.  “Ow,” he said, twisting around.

            She lifted up his shirt and saw a dark bruise on his side.

            “Shit, I don’t even remember that happening.  He didn’t even hit me!  God, I’m such an idiot.”

            “Yeah, you are.  That was seriously dangerous.”

            “No I mean for not knowing.  That he was a jerk.”

            “Yeah well,” she shrugged, knowing that anything she had to say would only make things worse.

            “I should have known.  Like in grade 9 when he got that chick pregnant.”

            “He got a girl pregnant in Sec 3?”

            “Yeah, and he was so assholy about it.  Like it was a big joke.  He just laughed about it.  He actually made racist jokes about her.  I should have known.”

            “What happened to the girl?”

            “I have no idea.  I never even met her.”

            “Well…”

            “Yeah.”

            They sat there for a while and then Cerise turned on the TV. 

           

            Terry was just lying in the dark, unable to sleep when he heard someone creep into the room.  God, it’d better not be Jules.

            “Terry, are you asleep?” asked Cerise.

            “No, I can’t sleep, you?” he said, sitting up.

            She giggled and sat next to him.  “Obviously not.”

            She paused for a moment and then asked if his hands were ok and he said they were even though they were kind of throbbing.  They sat there awkwardly for a bit and Terry wondered if he should make a move.  That’s why Cerise had come downstairs, wasn’t it?  

Season 2 – Episode 11 – Act IV

            Wow, ok, so that had happened.  Karine definitely wasn’t high anymore and was kind of embarrassed about the way she’d acted with Terry.  She had two options, find him and act like nothing had ever happened, or find him and make sure they were still cool.  Or find Janice and get high again.

            “How often do you do this stuff?” she asked Janice, who was back in the kitchen doing another line.

            “Just on the weekends,” Janice shrugged.  “You want more?”

            Karine wondered if she was already addicted after just one hit.  She definitely wanted more because being on cocaine had made her feel better than she ever had in her entire life but she didn’t want to become like Janice, who didn’t seem capable of having a good time without the stuff.  Was she ever not high? 

            “No, I’m ok,” said Karine, walking off to find Terry.  She would limit herself to doing it at parties, and only if Terry would do it with her, and only if it was someone else’s stuff.  She wasn’t about to waste money on it and end up like one of those people on Dr. Drew’s rehab show. 

            “You’re coming down,” said Terry as she joined him outside.  He passed her his cigarette and she took a drag.

            “Yeah, sorry I was being all weird.”

            “It’s ok, it was funny.”

            “Sorry I said bitchy things about your one true love.”

            Terry laughed.  “It’s all good.”

            “But for real though, you can stay here.  I think it’ll be more convenient than staying at Cerise’s.”

            “You want me to?” he asked with so much pity that Karine wanted to slap him.

            “No!” she laughed.  “I mean I wouldn’t mind, but I’m not actually like crying in     my Corn-flakes every morning like all sad ‘cause I’m alone.  I like having my space.”

            “If you want me here you can say so Karine, you can be real with me.”

            “Oh my god, take out the tampon!  Don’t do me any favours, Terry, seriously.”

            He sighed and shook his head.  “Ok.”

            She was glad it was dark out so he couldn’t see how embarrassed she was.  “No, like, if you need a place to crash I’m happy to help but this isn’t about me.  I mean like, what do you actually want?”

            “Honestly, I think I like staying at Cerise’s.  I mean in a way it’s torture.”

            “’Cause you wanna bone her so bad?” Karine snorted and wiped her nose, instantly wondering if this was a side-effect of the cocaine.

            “Yeah,” Terry laughed.  “Also ‘cause her little sister is constantly around, always up in my shit.  I mean she’s a cute kid but it’s like living with Christina in her obsesso days.”

            “Yeah, I can see how that would be annoying as fuck,” chuckled Karine.

            “But yeah, I like being there.  They’re like a real family,” Terry shrugged.  “They all eat breakfast together.  Well, I mean sorta.  They all have different schedules so it’s not like they all sit there together for an hour but they all seem to get along.  No one yells at anyone.”

            “I never found your family to be particularly yelly.”

            “Yeah, I guess not.  I guess I just want a different family, that’s all.”

            “Are you gonna look for your real mom?”

            “Well I googled the name Bridget Thompson and there’s like a million of them.”

            “Well we could start with the ones in Quebec.”

            “Yeah, I guess.”

            “You don’t have to.”

            “Yeah, whatever.  I don’t wanna think about this shit tonight.  My plan is to get thoroughly wasted and then… I dunno, that’s pretty much my whole plan.”

            “Let’s get you some beer then,” Karine laughed, leading him back to the house.

            “Oh my god, that guy is seriously hot,” said Laura, who stood on the front porch with that chick who’d been the playing card who wasn’t allowed to sing.

            “Is he single?” asked the playing card.

            “No,” replied Karine, entering the house.

            Terry wasn’t sure what to make of all that.  He’d totally just heard Karine telling some chick that he wasn’t single.  Was Karine into him?  It sort of seemed like it sometimes.  Was he into her?  He could be.  He wanted Cerise but if she didn’t work out, it’s not like Karine would be a bad consolation prize.  She was hotter than most movie-stars and was fun to hang out with.  She could be mean though, especially to her boyfriends.  She always treated them like lap-dogs, which was hilarious but Terry seriously didn’t want to become her bitch. 

            He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a couple beers from the fridge, turning around to see Nick Morgan.

            “Hey man, what you doing here?”

            “I know the dude who played the King of Hearts.”

            “Cool.”  He handed his second beer to Nick and then went back into the fridge for another, which he gave to Karine.  “You know Karine.”

            “Yeah, hey, this your house, eh?”

            “Yeah,” Karine nodded, taking the beer Terry offered.

            “Cool.”

            They all went into the living room and joined the gang.  Terry deliberately chose not to stand next to Cerise, because he didn’t want to be too obvious about it but he smiled at her and she totally smiled back.  They were all watching Jay and his stupid hair dance with Cassie and her extreme shortness.  Was it Terry’s imagination or were they about two seconds from getting down?

            “Oh my god, Cassie and Jay look like they’re two seconds from heading upstairs,” remarked Karine.

            “Isn’t she with that Jojo guy?” asked Terry.

            “Well they’re just dancing,” said Cerise.

            “Yeah right,” said Sarah angrily.  “He sure doesn’t waste any time.”

            “Are you still into him?” asked Karine.

            Sarah simply mumbled something about needing a drink and walked away.

            “I guess she’s still into him,” confirmed Cerise.  “It’s too bad they had to break up.”

            “I guess,” said Karine.  “So it doesn’t bother you, Cerise?  Seeing Jay all making time with Cassie?”

            “Why would it bother me?”  Her eyes darted towards Terry, who pretended like he didn’t care about the answer.

            “No reason,” Karine shrugged.

           

            Karine waited for Terry and Nick to start talking about boring hockey shit and then she subtly pulled Cerise aside.  “So come on, it seriously doesn’t bother you?  They’re practically humping each other.” She indicated Jay and Cassie, who were seriously getting a bit gross.

            “Well yeah, I guess,” Cerise spoke so quietly Karine had to hunch over to hear her.  “But that’s Jay.  He’s always… going after girls who aren’t me.  But I mean, I can’t let that get to me.  I can’t live my whole life hoping Jay will never get a girlfriend.  I mean, he has to have a life too.”

            “But you still like him, right?”

            “Whatever.  I mean I have a crush on Ryan Gosling too but I’m not gonna freak out if he starts dating someone.”

            “You’re acting like Jay is unattainable, which he totally isn’t.”

            “I don’t give a shit about Jay!” Cerise protested too much.  “I’m into Terry.”

            “So you admit you wanna get back with Terry?”

            “Hello?  You know I do.  I mean it’s Terry.  He’s awesome.  And he’s being so good about my sister, who’s like totally being a freak, all hanging all over him and shit.  But he’s so nice. So not the jerky guy I thought he was in high school.”

            Cerise looked over at him with a disgustingly dreamy expression on her face and kept babbling.  “It’s so weird.  I see it more clearly now that we’re not together.  I really regret not fully giving myself to him.”

            “You mean not giving him your cerise?” Karine snarked.

            “No,” Cerise said in annoyance.  “Giving myself.  Being completely open with him.  Back when it was his birthday I was freaking out because I didn’t know what to get him.  I thought we had nothing in common and that we had no real connection but that wasn’t true at all.  I just wasn’t looking right.  I wasn’t seeing what was right there.”

            Karine really wanted to go find Janice and her coke ‘cause this conversation was totally depressing.  Cerise and Terry obviously belonged together and she had the power to make that happen.  She knew that they’d broken up because Terry wouldn’t stop hanging out with the Asshole and Cerise had stupidly made that some sort of ultimatum.  It really pissed her off, how she was somehow in the middle of their nauseating Bella and Edward romance.

            “So why don’t you just get back with him then?” Karine asked with a touch of bitterness.

            “Cerise shrugged and averted her eyes.  “I dunno.  I guess there’s still an issue that stands in the way.”

            “And what is that issue, Cerise?”  Karine asked with gritted teeth.

            “Um, it’s personal,” she replied vaguely.

            God damn her!  Karine felt unreasonably angry and she wasn’t even sure why.  Was it because she was jealous?  Because she knew she’d never get what she wanted?  Because she’d been unable to manipulate Cerise into hooking-up with Jay?  Because Jay was such a fucking retard as to go for every chick in the vicinity besides Cerise?  Because Terry kept choosing Cerise over her?  Because she was lonely and couldn’t connect to anyone besides Terry?  Because she wasn’t even sure if she really did connect with Terry?  Because she worried she’d never be able to connect with anyone ever again?  Because she thought maybe she’d never connected with anyone even before the Asshole incident?  Because the Asshole incident had happened? 

            “Hey, how’s my girls?” asked Terry, putting an arm around each of them.

            “Your girls?!” Karine snapped.  “You make it sound like we’re your concubines!”

            Terry stepped away and looked shocked.  “You ok?”

            Karine took a deep breath to calm herself down.  “Yeah I guess I’m still coming down.” 

            She wanted to say so much more.  She wanted to tell them both off for being such idiots.  That if they wanted to be together they should just be together and spare the rest of them the idiotic drama.  She wanted to tell them to just forget about each other because it was making the rest of them sick and she wanted to yell at the entire world for being boring and stupid and whatever.  Fuck!

            Instead she walked away and found Sarah sulking at the kitchen table.  “You look like I feel.”

            “You saw him!”

            “Terry?”

            “Jay!” whined Sarah.  “We broke up like, two seconds ago and already he’s flirting with someone else who meanwhile already has a boyfriend so I don’t know what he’s thinking anyway!”

            “You guys broke up ages ago,” said Karine, trying not to sound bitchy about it, but seriously, why did Sarah even care?

            “Well, not really.”

            “Huh?”

            “You’re gonna think I’m a total bitch.”  Sarah lowered her voice.

            “Why, what?” Karine leaned towards her.

            “We didn’t actually um, break up back in February.”

            “What?” This could be juicy!

            “Well we did but then we got back together but in secret.  We kept going out for like, another month.  But in secret.”

            Drama!  “Sarah, you little shit!  And I didn’t even suspect!”

            “Good.  I hope Cerise and Karl didn’t suspect either.”

            “I doubt it.”

            “You know, ironically it’s actually because of Cerise that we got back together.”

            “Why, what’d she do?” asked Karine with great interest.

            “Well, according to Jay, when he told her we broke up she like, encouraged him to like, follow his heart.  Apparently she was all like, screw what everybody thinks, just do what makes you happy.  I mean, isn’t that hilarious?  She totally has a thing for him but she cared enough to put her own feelings aside for his benefit.  I mean, that’s real love.  That’s real affection.  To like, not be selfish.  And I went ahead and kept going out with him in secret ‘cause I am selfish.  I wish I could be more like her.”

            “Oh gross.  She just didn’t want Jay ‘cause she wants Terry more.”

            “Yeah, we all want Terry more, but still,” insisted Sarah.  “I mean you saw her out there.  Like you could see it in her eyes when she was watching Jay groping Cassie.  Like she was totally hurt but she didn’t say anything.  She just accepted it.  It’s like… noble.”

            “Oh please!” Karine scoffed. 

            “Well anyway, whatever,” Sarah shrugged.  “I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself ‘cause I want a boyfriend.  You wouldn’t know what it’s like.”

            “Why wouldn’t I know what it’s like?” Karine asked in confusion.

            “’Cause you have guys falling all over you all the time!  You know how many times guys have come on to me?  Try none.  I’ve always had to make the first move.  It’s exhausting!”

            “It’s not like the guys who are into me are quality guys.”

            “Yeah well, who is a quality guy?” asked Sarah bitterly.

            “Terry?”

            “Yeah, I always thought you guys would get together,” said Sarah, leaning her head on her hands.

            “But he only has eyes for Cerise.”

            “They’re so cute together,” Sarah smiled.

            “I guess.”

            “You don’t think so?  I mean they both seem so happy when they’re together.  I totally don’t get why they keep breaking up.”

            “Yeah,” Karine nodded.  “So let’s say you liked a guy but knew he liked someone else and you knew the someone else liked him back.  And you knew you could get them together by just sort of revealing something.  Would you get them together or would you try to get the guy for yourself?”

            “Well that’s just it, eh?” said Sarah.  “If I liked the guy I’d want to see him happy, right?  ‘Cause only a selfish bitch would try to get the guy for herself, right?”

            “Right,” Karine nodded sadly.

            “Yeah, so I’d totally try to get the guy for myself.”

            “Yeah, me too,” chuckled Karine.

            “I mean I should be happy for Jay that Cassie is apparently into him.  But I’m pissed.  I broke up with him and yet here I am thinking about how to get him back, and screw Cassie and screw Cerise!”

            “Yeah, seriously,” Karine sighed.  “We’re bitches.”

            “Yeah,” Sarah nodded sadly.

            Karine got them each a beer from the fridge and they clinked their bottles together, toasting to bitchitude.

Season 2 – Episode 11 – Act III

One thing Terry hadn’t considered was how he was going to masturbate in this house.  Obviously he had to do it but it was totally weird.  It felt gross to do it in the shower and even grosser to do it on the couch, especially because one of the girls could appear at any moment.  Jules was seriously never leaving him alone.  He’d woken up this morning to find her leaning on the back of the couch, staring at him.  It was pretty creepy. 

Cerise’s mom was being pretty cool even though this whole situation was pretty weird.  Maybe he really should stay at Karine’s even though he’d have to be all hidden.  It could be pretty cool to stay in her room.  She’d have to come in all the time to get her clothes and shit and he’d probably get to see her in her panties or something.  He couldn’t believe he’d been friends with her for five years and had never seen her naked! 

            Speaking of naked, he and Cerise were getting along super well and flirting all the time.  This morning she’d made him toast and squeezed his shoulder as she’d given it to him and then a couple seconds ago he’d run into her in the bathroom and she was wearing nothing but a towel and he pretended like he was gonna pull it off and she squealed and ran away all cutely.  God, it was totally making him horny!  As he brushed his teeth he thought about how he could drive off to someplace really isolated during the day and jerk-off in his car.  Was it illegal to do something like that in a car, in a public place?  Probably, but he didn’t have a choice!  He would never be able to survive this!  Maybe if he just locked the bathroom door he could jerk-off super quickly.  He could use toilet paper to clean up and flush the evidence.

           

            Cerise waited for Terry in the kitchen and decided to pack them lunches.  Usually they bought something at the Munch Box but now that he was driving her to school she had tons of extra time in the morning so she decided to make them some sandwiches. 

            “Are you making lunch for Terry?” asked Simone wryly.

            “So?”

            “Are you guys getting back together?” she asked.

            “No.”

            “Why not?”

            Cerise turned to Simone and was going to say something snarky but then saw that their mom was also in the kitchen.

            “It’s a fair question,” Angela said.

            Cerise shrugged, unsure of what to say.

            “You guys are being pretty flirty,” Simone pointed out.

            “No we’re not.”   Cerise could feel her cheeks flush and she took her time putting things back into the fridge.

            “It would be pretty weird if you guys got back together and he was still living here,” said Simone.

            “I agree,” said Angela.  “I don’t mind Terry staying here for a little while but I really think he should work things out with his parents and go back home.”

            “Mom, his parents are total assholes!

            “Language!”

            “Sorry, his spawning-units are total assholes.  But it’s true, they’re seriously messed up.  I mean just because you’re an awesome mom, doesn’t mean every parent is like that,” Cerise grinned, being pretty transparent about trying to butter up her mom.

            Angela rolled her eyes and sighed.  “They’re still his parents and I’m sure they’re worried sick.”

            “Mom, he’s eighteen!  It’s not like they even have any legal claim over him.  He can go where he wants.”

            “And he wants to be in my house, with my daughter?” she asked with a smirk.

            “I’m his friend!  God, do you want him to like, pay rent or something?” Cerise asked sarcastically, hoping Angela wouldn’t take the suggestion seriously.

            “Of course not,” Angela sighed again.  “Listen, Cerise, I don’t mind Terry being here.  I like him, he’s a nice boy.  But it’s pretty obvious you two still have feelings for each other so maybe you should figure out the nature of your relationship, regardless of his living arrangements.”

            Cerise tried not to blush.  It was so weird to have her mom giving her relationship advice.  “Well what if we did get back together?  Would he still be allowed to stay here?”

            “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it,” she answered cryptically.

            “You guys are totally gonna cross that bridge,” said Simone, flouncing out of the kitchen with a chuckle.

            Cerise sighed dramatically and stuffed the sandwiches into her back-pack.  God, what was taking Terry so long anyway?

            “Up and at ‘em!”

            Shauna pulled the pillow over her head, thinking for a moment that she was back at Stan’s and she could get him to go away by pretending he wasn’t there.  But she was back home and her mother was waking her up, pulling the pillow and blankets away.

            “Time to get up!” she sang out, being eerily cheery.

            “But I’m tired.”

            “Shauna, I’ve given you weeks to get over whatever is troubling you.  It’s time to move on.  Now get up, you have chores to do!”

            “Chores?”  Shauna sat up and rubbed her eyes.

            “First we’ll do the laundry…”

            “Why?  I never had to do stuff like that before.”

            “And that was the problem, wasn’t it?  You were spoiled.  You had no sense of discipline or responsibility.  Well, that’ll all be different now.  You’ll always have plenty of things to do from now on.”

            Shauna got up and looked at the clothes her mother was laying out for her.  They were things she’d never seen before.  Colourful, girly clothes.

            “And I’m never letting you out of my sight again!” her mother said ominously.

           

            Karine didn’t want to be a totally selfish bitch but it was kind of bullshit how Terry’s deal with his parents was completely overshadowing the play.  It was already closing night and no one even cared.  People who didn’t even know Terry were talking about him! 

            She was giving a kick-ass performance every night but no one was talking about that.  She was going to every class in full makeup and nobody even noticed!  It was completely infuriating! 

            Everyone was at tonight’s performance so she really gave it her all.  There was a lot of applause but no standing ovation.  Total bullshit.  Backstage Hugh and Fred congratulated her and said she’d been great but that didn’t help.  It sucked that it was over.  It had been so much fun rehearsing all the time, really being Alice, being the star of the show, and now it was over.

            She stood in the dressing room, slowly putting her real clothes back on as everyone laughed and cheered around her.  Every once in a while someone would come over and hug her and say how awesome she’d been.  They all sang the Alice songs and she sang along even though her heart wasn’t in it.  She didn’t want to go home.  She knew she had to because she had to get the house ready for the cast party but she just wanted to stay in the dressing room forever.  She wanted to keep the blue dress on and keep this makeup on, with the bright red cheeks and the child-like freckles.  It would be so cool to really be Alice, lost in some strange land where normal rules don’t apply. 

            Everyone was gone now, off to strike the set and she was glad that her party was a good excuse not to join them.  She certainly didn’t want to see them destroy the world they’d created.  Hugh had taped tonight’s performance and she couldn’t wait to watch it and relieve the experience.  Theatre was definitely what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.  She never wanted to leave this world.

            She met Terry in Casgrain and he gave her a big hug and a wide smile, raving about how awesome she’d been.  Even though he didn’t give her flowers - which he would have done for Cerise - her spirits were lifted and they walked to his car together, almost like they were a couple.

            They’d already stocked up on snacks and beer so when they got to her place they just had to put on some music and put chips into bowls.  The house was a little messier than she would have liked but without a boyfriend to help out it was kind of hard to keep the place clean.  Maybe she shouldn’t have broken up with Peter after all.  Then again, he wasn’t so great at household stuff anyway, not the way Steven had been.  Sometimes Karine missed Steven.  They’d been together for so long; it was weird not to have him around.  He’d always been there for her, always ready to listen and help her do stuff and keep her company when she got lonely in this big house.

            About an hour later everyone else arrived and it was just like the old days with the whole house alive with activity.  People were playing Wii in the den, dancing in the living room, smoking outside, hooking-up upstairs and hanging out in the kitchen.

            “Hey bitch!  Where do I put the party favours?” asked Janice as she skipped into the kitchen, already seemingly high.

            “Wherever you like,” laughed Karine.

            She watched as Janice cleared some space on the kitchen table and opened a baggie of white powder, delicately dumping some down.  She used a credit card to make lines and then snorted them up with a rolled up twenty-dollar bill, just like in an ‘80s movie. 

            “You want?” she offered.

            “Oh what the hell,” said Karine, sitting next to her.

            She didn’t want to sound like a noob, all asking how to do it right so she just went for it, and quickly snorted up a line into her left nostril.  Janice had snorted into both nostrils but Karine thought it best to just do one line her first time.  It felt kind of grosss but the effects were almost immediate.  She felt fantastic!  This was awesome!  She had to find Terry!

            Everyone was obviously having the best time ever ‘cause her parties were always the best!  Everyone was dancing and totally having tons of fun and it was all ‘cause she was the best at throwing parties!  She jumped into the middle of the dance floor and grooved with everyone and they were all saying how she was the best Alice ever and Laura was such a shitty Alice in comparison and it was totally true!  All the guys were watching her dance, no doubt dreaming about hooking-up with her ‘cause she was so gorgeous but she wouldn’t give any of them the time of day ‘cause only the hottest guy was good enough for her.  She found Terry outside smoking a cigarette with Willy of all people.

            “Seriously, you’re smoking with this loser?  What the fuck?”

            “Which one of us you talking to?” asked Willy with a snort.

            Terry laughed too and flicked away his cigarette, taking Karine’s hand and going back inside with her.  They went to the living room and danced.  Everyone else was totally watching them ‘cause they were so hot and made such a great couple.

            “Are Janice and Peter a thing now?” asked Terry.

            In the corner of the room Janice and Peter were making out.  What the hell?  Oh whatever, like Karine even cared.  Those two losers deserved each other.  Janice would dump him in about two seconds when she remembered how shitty he was in bed and Peter would dump Janice as soon as he realized she was a total hooker.

            “You should totally move in here, Terry, staying at Cherry’s place is retarded.”

            “You said yourself I’d have to sneak around, never knowing if your mom is gonna be around.”

            “God, whatever!  Look at all the space I have!” She spread out her arms and hit some dude in the chest.  He didn’t seem too upset about it.

            “Yeah but I’m kinda liking it at Cerise’s.  We’re all like flirting and shit.  I think we might get back together.”

            “God, fuck Cerise!”

            Terry stopped dancing and looked at Karine all weird.  She took his hand and pulled him into the hallway where the music was less loud.  “Look, no offense to Cerise but fuck, I wish you’d move in here ‘cause like, I’m totally lonely all alone here all the time.  It could be fun if you were here.”

            “Shit, Karine, I’m sorry, why didn’t you say so?”

            “I just did, fuck!”  And with that she threw her arms around him and kissed him full on the lips.

            He kissed her back for a second and then pulled her away and looked into her eyes.  “Are you high?”

            She giggled.  “I did coke!”

            “Seriously?”

            “Yeah, Janice has a whole bunch.  It’s awesome, do you wanna try it?”

            “I dunno,” he paused and looked around.  “Cerise would like, I mean she’d never get back with me if I started doing drugs.”

            “Oh my god, Terry!  Who gives a shit what Cerise thinks?”

            “Well I give a shit.”

            “It’s not like she’d have to know.”

            “Be quiet,” he shushed and leaned back, peering into the kitchen.  “She’ll hear you.”

            Karine skipped over to the kitchen doorway and looked inside.  Cerise was hanging out with Sarah and Cassie and some other girls from school.  What a bunch of losers.

            She skipped back to Terry and leaned in with a whisper.  “It’ll be so much fun if we do it together.  And it’s not like we’ll make it a regular thing.  And I won’t tell Cerise or anyone.”

            “Yeah,” he considered it but then totally chickened out like a fucking asshole loser.  “But I don’t wanna lose control.  I’d just end up fucking some random chick and then it would just be even harder to get back with Cerise.”

            “God!” screamed Karine.  “Fucking fuck Cerise!  You guys are such fucking losers, you deserve each other!”

“Was that Karine?” asked Jay, seeing her jump into the room and start dancing.

Janice joined her and they did a sexy dance, all rubbing up on each other and stuff and it was pretty hot even when Janice got in the way of his view of Karine.

            “Did she just say ‘fuck Cerise’?” asked that Tom guy.

            Why was that Tom guy even hanging out with them?  It’s like he was Karl’s BFF now, always around and shit.  They were all sitting on the couch, drinking beers, and Willy came in reeking of smoke and tried to squeeze in but they pushed him away and he said it was his job to fuck Cerise so they pushed him to the ground and stomped on him.   He reached up for a bowl of chips on the coffee table and brought them down to the floor.

            “There’s Terry,” said Vani, getting up and robot-dancing towards his man crush, stepping on Willy in the process, who just stayed on the ground, lying there like a beached whale.

            “Did you hear he’s living at her house now?” asked that Tom guy.

            “Yep,” nodded Karl.

            “They like, live in the same house.”

            “Yep.”

            “I hate everything,” grumbled that Tom guy.

            “That’s what everything is there for,” nodded Karl.

            They heard loud crunches coming from the floor and then a long burp.  Karl and Jay simultaneously lifted their feet and stomped down on Willy.

            “Ungh!” he grunted.  A moment later the crunching continued.

            “Karine seems to be in a good mood tonight,” remarked Jay, watching her jump up on the dining room table with Janmegawhoreice.

            “She’s probably the hottest chick I’ve ever seen in real life,” said that Tom guy.

            “’Tis true,” nodded Karl.  “She does possess significant degrees of hotness.”

            “I guess she doesn’t go out with nerds, eh?”

            “Nope,” said Karl.  “Although I guess she did go out with Jay once.”

            “Seriously?” that Tom guy asked as it if was the most unbelievable thing ever.      

            “Yeah, seriously,” said Jay.  “We went to grad together.”

            “For real?”

            “Nah, it was all a big joke on Karine’s part,” said Willy, leaning up on his elbows. 

            “Shut the fuck up, blubber butt,” said Jay, pushing Willy’s head down with his socked foot.

            “Sarah goes out with nerds though,” said that Tom guy.

            “Don’t even think about it,” said Karl without missing a beat.

            Vani was nodding at whatever Terry TrebilivingatcasaLaframboisesky was saying and then started dancing in a weird way, circling his man crush, bobbing up and down.  God, why didn’t he just blow him and get it over with?

            “Cavity goes out with nerds,” offered Willy, his head once again popping up at their knees.

            “Yeah but she’s already going out with one,” said that Tom guy.

            “Not for long!” said Willy menacingly.

            “What are you gonna do?” asked Jay.

            “Never you mind, Jay-bird, just leave it to me!”

            “Seriously, what are you gonna do?” asked that Tom guy, finishing off his beer.

            “I dunno, just sounded cool to say I’d take care of it, which I totally will!”

            “Maybe you should just leave them alone,” suggested that Tom guy, like it was acceptable for a cute chick like Cavity to be going out with a total loser like Jojo.

            Speak of the devil, Cavity walked in with Sarah and Cerise and they started dancing with a bunch of other girls.  Cavity seriously was way too cute to be with Jojo and it was probably a good sign that she hadn’t brought him tonight.  She never brought Jojo around anymore and since she was always around one could only guess that they’d basically broken up.  Jojo was probably too clueless to realize it but Cavity was obviously willing to move on.  She’d been into Lee for a while but he was a jerk.  She deserved a good guy, a better guy than Lee or Jojo.  She deserved Jay.  Yeah, she really did.  She was cool and into cool stuff.  She’d totally go out with him, wouldn’t she?  Sarah had gone out with him.  And none of the guys would give him shit for going for Cavity, would they?  All he had to do was go for it.  What’s the worst that could happen, aside from cripplingly humiliating rejection?

            Before he could lose his nerve he went up to her and started dancing as though he was dancing with the group, but he looked at her the whole time.  Cavity totally looked back at him, all smiling and being flirtatious and cute.

           

            “What the fuck?” said Vani, jumping into the spot vacated by Jay, thus preventing Willy from getting it, who was about to get off the ground and go for it but was too slow on the draw.

            “What the fuck, what?” asked Cerise’s semi-goth ex-boyfriend whose name always escaped Willy.

            “Check out Jebediah Springfield over there,” Vani pointed towards Jay, who was totally trying to mack on Cavity.

            “He’s totally trying to mack on Cavity,” said Willy.

            “Totally,” agreed Vani.

            “Typical,” said Karl.

            “How’s that typical?” asked goth guy.

            “It’s totally Jay’s thing to mack on other guys’ chicks.”

            “But you guys don’t even like Jonah.  I thought you wanted to break them up.”

            “Well yeah,” said Vani.  “But we don’t want her to get together with Jim-Bob over there!”

            “Why not?”

            “He doesn’t deserve her!” said Willy, leaning up to snatch the beer Jay had left behind.

            “Who does?”

            “Probably no one,” shrugged Vani.  “But certainly not Joshua-Jana-John-Jill-Jessa-Jinger-Joseph-Josiah-Joy-Jedidiah-Jeremiah-Jason-James-Justin-Jackson-Johannah-Jennifer-Jordyn-Josie!”

            Goth-guy stared at Vani. “Did you seriously memorize all the Duggar kids’ names just for that bit?”

            “Please, you’re telling me you haven’t memorized their names?” asked Vani.  “Check out this guy!” he inched his thumb in goth guy’s direction.

            “You’re a freak,” laughed goth guy.

            “And yet you knew those were the Duggar kids,” smirked Karl.

            “You’re such a Jedidiah,” said Vani with a shake of his head.

            Willy leaned up on Vani’s knees to push himself up off the floor.  Vani made a strangled noise and accused Willy of being made of pink slime.

“I’m gonna make sure they don’t hook-up,” said Willy, leaving the boys a stink-bomb as a parting gift as he walked away from the couch.

            “Oh god, it’s so toxic!” Vani screeched.

            “Hey, cock-sucker!” Willy slapped Jay on the back, pushing him towards Cavity, who cringed and stepped backwards.  “You gotta go under the shirt if you wanna feel up her titties!”

            “Fuck off, vache qui rit, you smell like methane,” responded Jay loudly.

            “Oh my god!  I love that cheese!” roared Karine as she jumped off the table.  “You are fucking hilarious!” she nudged Jay and kept dancing like a whore.

            Jay beamed like he’d just won the lottery and everyone kept dancing and Willy thought it best to slink outside for another smoke.  

Season 2 – Episode 11 – Act II

“You slept at Cerise’s,” said Karine as soon as she saw Terry.  “You were totally wearing that yesterday.”

“Do you keep like a log or something?” he asked.

They stood in Penfield at his locker, which was weird ‘cause she never came to Penfield otherwise.  It was totally the ass end building of this school. 

“So what’s going on?” Karine asked.

“It’s the whole deal with my parents.  You know how I showed you those baby pics of me with this rando woman?”

“Yeah.”

“So my real mom’s name is Bridget Thompson and my dad cheated on her with my mom, like, you know, my new mom.  She was actually being like my nanny or some shit but like in secret or whatever and when my bio-mom found out she flipped and left and my dad divorced her and hasn’t heard from her since.”

“Dude!”

“I know, right?” he sighed.

“That’s like, completely insane.  I mean even more so than we thought.”

“I know.  So like my bio-mom abandoned me and doesn’t even send like fucking birthday cards or anything and like my parents lied to me my whole life.  It’s like they never even would have told me if I hadn’t figured it out myself.”

“That’s so wrong.”

“I know.”

Karine gave Terry a hug and he pulled away more quickly than she would have liked, although he was a bit rank wearing yesterday’s clothes.  They went their separate ways and a few hours later she met up with Cerise in the green room.

“So I can only guess Terry told you everything?”

“Yeah, so you know the whole deal?” replied Cerise.

“So nuts, right?”

“Insane.”

They were having their first dress rehearsal today and Karine had to admit that Cerise didn’t look half bad in her White Queen costume.  She kind of looked like a ghost and it was a rather arresting visual.  Maybe she was only cast as the White Queen because she was so pale.

“He’s like way upset about how his parents lied to him,” Cerise went on.  “I mean god, it’s just so like, cruel.”

“Totally.  And like his mom was actually his dad’s mistress?  It’s like a TV movie!”

“I know, so nuts.”

Karine looked rocking as Alice.  Everyone said so.  She had on a flouncy blue dress with a white apron and black mary-janes with white ankle socks.  So cute.  Playing dress-up was seriously half the fun of acting.

“I think I’d be most freaked out to learn my biological mother had abandoned me.  I mean, she hasn’t contacted him in eighteen years.  How’s he supposed to interpret that?   It’s like she doesn’t even care.”

“Yeah, that would suck,” Karine nodded while touching up her makeup.  More blush?  Less lipstick?  She was supposed to look like a little girl.

“I feel so bad for him,” Cerise sighed.

Karine gave Cerise a sideways glance.  Hopefully she didn’t feel too bad for Terry.  He should really be crashing at Karine’s place, not Cerise’s.

Cerise washed off all her makeup before going to lunch but Karine kept hers on and frankly, she looked like an idiot.  It was pretty obvious that it was stage makeup and that’s probably why she’d kept it on.  Most of the others had as well.  It was like they were trying to show off, trying to show how cool they were because they were in a play.  But to Cerise they just looked like a bunch of pretentious twanks.

“Did you like trip and fall into the makeup bag of a fifty-year-old French lady?” asked Terry as Karine and Cerise joined him at the Munch Box.

Cerise snickered as Karine explained that it was her Alice makeup and there was no point in washing it off since they’d be having another dress rehearsal this evening.  A good point, Cerise supposed but still, there’s no way she would have gone to class looking like that.

“So you gonna go back home?” asked Karine.

Terry frowned.  “You mean like to live or to get my shit?”

“Like to live.”

“No way.  I don’t wanna live with either of those fuck-ups.  I mean you think I’m being a brat about it?”

“No way!” exclaimed Cerise.  “Your actions are totally justified.  I bet my mom will be cool with you crashing on our couch for a while.”

“Why would he stay at your house where there’s like a million people when he could just stay at mine, which is like way empty.  I have like two spare rooms,” snarked Karine.

“Would that be cool?” asked Terry.

“Totally,” nodded Karine.  “I mean I never really know when my mom will be home so like, you’d have to keep your stuff hidden.  Like you could keep everything in my room like in the closet or whatever and you could sleep in my room too.  I’ll sleep in my mom’s bed.  And if she comes home then I guess you can use a sleeping bag or something?  If I take all my shoes out of my closet I think you could fit in there.”

“That sounds kinda complicated,” interjected Cerise.

“Well it still makes more sense than sleeping on your couch.”

“Does it?  At my house the den will basically be his room.  I mean we’d use it in the day but he’d have privacy at night.  He wouldn’t have to hide in a tiny closet.”

“Can’t we just ask your mom if it’s ok for me to crash?” Terry asked Karine.  “I mean why would I have to be all hidden?”

“I’m not gonna start interacting with my mother!” snapped Karine like it was the most insane suggestion in the history of all time.  “If I bring it up it’ll be a whole thing and if she sees your stuff she might ask questions.  Remember in Sec 4 when she had my aunt come over and stay with me ‘cause she noticed Steven’s shit all over the place.  I’m not gonna fucking go through that shit again!”

Terry nodded in understanding even though Cerise thought Karine was being pretty unreasonable.  He suggested they go to his parents’ houses after school and get some of his things, which he’d keep in his car until he decided where he was gonna go with it all.

“You need our help?” asked Cerise.  “I totally have like three hours to kill between my last class and our dress tonight.”

“Totally,” nodded Karine.

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” smiled Terry.

“It’s retarded!”

They all turned to see Vani coming towards them while flailing his arms around his head.  Jay, Karl and Willy all kept a respectable distance since Vani’s gesticulations were completely out of control.

“What’s retarded?” asked Terry as the boys joined them.

“Terra Nova.”

“Does that even still play?” asked Cerise.

“I dunno,” sighed Vani.  “Maybe it got cancelled, maybe it’s just on hiatus.  But I miss it.”

“It was terrible!”

“I know!  That’s why it’s so retarded.  There was so much punching in that show.  So much punching,” said Vani wistfully.  Then he snapped to attention and stared at Terry intently.  “The main guy in that show was just like you!  Always punching shit!”

“I don’t always punch shit,” said Terry defensively.

“You punch shit all the time.  I mean don’t you hit someone in like every one of your hockey games?”

Terry seemed equal parts offended and startled.  “Well I mean… not every game.”

“Total puncho-guy.”

“Totally,” muttered Jay under his breath.

“There’s a movie out right now about that, like a hockey dude who’s all like violent and shit.  It’s called Goon.  We should see it together.  Like double date style,” suggested Vani.

“Neither one of us is dating anybody,” said Terry, clearly amused by the suggestion.

“We can bring a couple randos as our dates.  But it’ll really be a bro-date,” smiled Vani.  “We can share popcorn!” he hissed in excitement.

Sarah and Cassie came along and Sarah immediately addressed Terry, asking him with great concern if he was ok.  Terry looked at both Cerise and Karine accusingly and Cerise looked at Karine as well, who smiled awkwardly and shrugged guiltily. 

“Why wouldn’t he be ok?  What’s the dealio?” asked Vani, bouncing up and down in his seat with great fervour. 

Terry rolled his eyes.  “It’s no big, whatever.  My parents are shit-heads.”

“Tell me more,” said Vani, leaning forward.

Terry sighed heavily and Cerise could tell he was trying hard not to show how upset he was.  “Ok so like my mom isn’t my real mom.  My real mom is my dad’s first wife and she like left when I was a baby because my dad was having an affair and he married his mistress, who like became my mom and my parents never told me any of this.  I like discovered it and confronted them and they were like, surprise!”

They all stared at Terry.

“Mega,” Vani finally replied.  “I’m here for you,” he went on, placing a hand on Terry’s shoulder.

“Gay much?” Terry laughed awkwardly, shaking off Vani’s hand.

“I feel like such a loser,” said Sarah.  “I mean I was all like worried about my stupid problems and like you have an actual problem, like for real.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” said Terry dismissively.  “I mean I always knew my dad was a dick and it’s like not news that he’s a serial cheater.”

Willy chuckled and then had to explain that he was imagining Froot-Loops cheating on Rice-Krispies with Mini-Wheats or something.

“Yeah well anyway, I’m gonna go grab a smoke.  I’ll see you guys later,” announced Terry, leaving the table before he’d even finished his lunch, which was a pretty clear indication that he was extremely upset.  Karine went with him and Cerise wished she could do the same but it would be weird, considering she didn’t smoke and they weren’t dating anymore.

“God, Willy, you’re such a loser,” said Cassie with disgust.  “Way to be insensitive.”

“Oh fuck off,” replied Willy with surprising intensity.

“You fuck off!”

“Why are you even here?  Shouldn’t you be sucking Jojo’s dick?!”

“Seriously?” interrupted Sarah.  “What the fuck, Willy?”  She turned to Karl and Jay.  “Why do you guys even hang out with this asshole?  Oh right, ‘cause you guys are also assholes.”

Jay seemed highly offended by this statement but Karl simply kept on eating his poutine without reacting in the slightest. 

“So is there something we should like do for Terry?” asked Cassie.  “I mean is he the type who’d prefer if we just ignored all this or does he want like a party or whatever as a distraction?  Maybe we should invite him to the cast party.

“Well it’s at Karine’s so he’s invited anyway,” said Cerise.  “I mean you all are.  You know I honestly don’t know if Terry will wanna come.  But I guess whatever he does I’ll hang out with him, I mean if that’s what he wants.  He’s definitely not the type to wanna be alone through this type of shit.”

“Totally, I’ll hang with him too, I mean if that’s what he wants,” nodded Sarah.

“So like I’m the only one who finds this shit funny?” asked Willy.

“Oh shut the fuck up!” said Sarah with exasperation.  “Come on, let’s go.”

And with that, Cerise and Cassie gathered up their lunches and followed Sarah as she indignantly left the table, leaving the boys to their extreme jerkitude.

“I’m not the only one who finds it funny, right?”

“It’s pretty hilarious,” grinned Jay. 

In truth Jay had felt a moment of guilt for always hating Terry Trebidouchsky so much but then he’d realized that just because someone had shitty parents was no reason to excuse their own shitty behaviour.  Terry Trebistillanasssky was still an ass, regardless of what an ass his dad was.  And honestly, it was pretty awesome to discover his parents were such weirdos.  Jay had spent an inordinate amount time imagining scenarios wherein Terry Trebiarrogantbastardsky’s life went to shit and to have it actually happen was perhaps a sign that he really did deserve it.  Karma and all that.

“Admit it, Van,” grinned Willy.  “Even you think it’s hilar.”

“Well, I’ll admit to a slight degree of hilaritude but I’ll deny it if you tell Terry.”

Terry really enjoyed hanging out with Cerise and Karine together.  Having his two favourite chicks getting along was pretty sweet.  The best would be if they could all get along to the point of having a threesome, like not just a one-time deal either, like for always.  Monogamy was kind of bullshit anyway and if Karine and Cerise were into each other as well as being into him it would be… as gross as  his dad was.  Terry’s stomach churned as he realized what a douche he was being.  This was exactly his father’s attitude, wasn’t it?  Wanting to bang every chick in the universe and not even caring how they felt about it.

It was early afternoon and they were at his dad’s house, hurriedly gathering up his things before anyone else got home.  He’d found an old hockey bag and the girls were stuffing it with clothing.

“Do you wanna take everything?” asked Karine.

“Nah, just the stuff I need,” he replied, tossing Stir-Fry the chicken into the bag when Cerise’s back was turned.

“What do you want from the bathroom?” asked Karine as she walked towards it.

“Uh, just toothbrush, razor, comb, shampoo I guess.”

“Hair gel?” asked Karine, coming back with arms full of toiletries.

“I haven’t gelled my hair since high school,” he replied.

“I know, I kinda miss that spiky look.”

“No way, I prefer it like this,” said Cerise.  “More floppy, more boyish.  It’s cute.”

“Yeah but the spikes were cute too.”

“Yeah but this way you can run your hands through his hair and not have it be all gross.  He has soft hair for a guy,” Cerise smiled.

“Yeah, he uses conditioner.  It has like, aloe vera,” Karine said as she read off a bottle in her hands.

“Yeah I know, it smells good.”

“Yeah, a hint of mango.”  Karine held up the bottle of conditioner.

“You guys done?” asked Terry, taking the things in Karine’s hands and dumping them into his bag.  He was acting like they were being annoying but it was actually pretty fun to have them fussing over him like this.

They both giggled in the cutest way ever and rearranged his bag, talking about how they had to isolate the liquids so they wouldn’t spill onto his clothes and stuff.  He allowed himself the briefest fantasy in which they were all in a polyamorous relationship and then guiltily chastised himself for being a douche-nugget.

Even though Karine thought it was totally stupid, they’d agreed to bring Terry’s things to Cerise’s house.  Yeah, Terry would have to hide his stuff at Karine’s place but at least most of the time he’d have privacy and his own bathroom.  He could always just pack up and go somewhere else when her mom was home, which might not even ever happen.  Karine admitted to herself that such an arrangement might be a bit stressful, with never knowing when he’d have to go, never knowing if he could just walk around freely but still, crashing at Cerise’s place was totally idiotic.  Why couldn’t he stay at a guy friend’s house?  Like that Nick guy or whatever?  Or Vani’s house?  Vani would love to have Terry stay with him!  It just didn’t make any sense at all to stay at Cerise’s!  For one thing this couch was like way small!

“You seriously slept on this thing?” Karine asked as Terry dropped his duffel bag next to the couch.  “You don’t even fit.”

“It’s not so bad,” said Terry, lying down on the couch to show them how not bad it was.  His feet totally hung over the edge.  He arranged a pillow under his knees so his legs would be comfortably bent and pretended to snuggle up, making sleepy, smacking noises.

It was pretty cute and Karine chuckled in appreciation.  Cerise laughed too and even nudged him playfully and then he nudged her back and it was absolutely horrifying.  He seriously couldn’t sleep here!  Those two would obviously hook up if he did!  They talked a bit about how he didn’t want to impose and they’d have to ask Cerise’s mom about it and the sexual tension was so thick that Karine wasn’t sure if she should puke or take up sharp-shooting so she could assassinate the two of them.

Cerise brought up the cast party and he agreed that he’d like to come and Karine immediately started thinking about how if he slept at her place for the party she could probably get him to stay a few nights after that and then forever.

“Terry!”  Cerise’s little sister ran into the room and jumped on Terry, practically humping him she was hugging him so hard.

He laughed awkwardly and pulled her off of him, actually blushing!  Oh Christ, Karine hadn’t even thought about the fact that Cerise had two sisters.  Obviously Terry just wanted to stay here so he could hang out with three hot chicks all the time.  What a fucking horn-dog.

“Are you moving in?” the little sister squealed. 

“Just for a bit,” Cerise explained.  “If mom says it’s ok.”

“That’s so cool!  It’ll be so much fun!  I can bring my boyfriends home and you can like, intimidate them!”

What a completely idiotic thing to say.  Terry laughed and agreed to the plan while Cerise looked like Karine felt: totally nauseated.

“So this is like your bedroom now?” the little girl screeched like a hyena.  “Maybe we should move the computer back upstairs.  Unless you don’t mind me like, hanging out with you all the time!”

Terry laughed awkwardly while the chick sat on the chair in front of the massive, 1990’s era computer and turned it on.  After about two million years of booting up a picture of Terry in his swim trunks appeared on the desktop.

“Oh my god, you still have that there?” Karine laughed.

“What do you mean still?” asked Terry in confusion, a huge grin on his face, obviously getting off on the fact that this girl was totally into him.

“It was Julie!” insisted Cerise.  “I totally didn’t put it there!  I told her to take it off!”

The way Terry looked at Cerise made Karine want to puke again.  God, they were so disgusting.  She seriously had to come up with a plan to separate these two.