Season 3 – Episode 13 – Act V

            Karine and Sarah managed to convince Cerise to stay at the party, and even stay for the night but they hadn’t managed to convince her not to be a giant stick in the mud.  She became completely sullen and unresponsive and when called on it, said she had to go home and purge herself of all irrational thought.  Karine had sort of been glad to be rid of her but a day later she felt bad and during her break at work she skipped over to the bookstore to say hey.

            “Hey!”

            Cerise looked up and nodded.  “Hello.”

            “What’s up?”

            “Very little,” Cerise responded neutrally.

            Ok, so she still had a bug up her ass.  God, whatever. Karine was so sick of Cerise and her constant drama-rama. “You coming to the bakery after work?”

            Cerise looked at Karine coldly.  “I think not.”

            “What crawled up your ass?” asked Karine in irritation. 

            “It is not my intention to offend you,” said Cerise, talking like a robot.  “I have simply decided to attain Kolinahr and as such, am attempting to control my emotions.  Rather than interact with the group this afternoon I shall go home and meditate on the matter.”

            “What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Karine with a snort.

            “Kolinahr.  A state of inner peace where you’ve purged yourself of all emotions.”

            “Oh god, don’t get all Karl on me.”

            Cerise sighed and broke character.  “I have to, Karine!  I have to rid myself of all emotions.  Kolinahr is the only way to stop liking Jay. And to stop liking Terry.”

            “Is this koli shit even a real thing?”

            “It’s a Vulcan thing.”

            “Oh my god!  You mean from your stupid Star Trak shit?!  Cerise, that’s so retarded!”

            “You’re entitled to your opinion,” said Cerise evenly.

            “You can’t get rid of your emotions.  You have to use your emotions.  Your emotions of hate.  You have to hate Jay!  That’s the only way to get over him.”

            “Karine, what you propose is illogical.  What Jay does is irrelevant.  I have decided not to care about him anymore.”

            “Yeah, we’ll see how that turns out,” Karine smirked.  “See you at the bakery tonight.  ‘Cause yeah, you’re coming and it’s non-negotiable.”

            “Live long and prosper,” responded Cerise.

            God, what a fucking freak.  Just as Karine was leaving, that hippy girl, Trista walked by with the ugliest dream catcher in existence – not that any dream catcher was attractive – and asked where Cerise thought it should be hung. Cerise, completely deadpan, suggested it should not be hung at all, since people do not habitually sleep in the store and therefore a dream catcher would be of little use.

            “Well ok but still,” responded the hippy.  “I mean, it helps create a cool ambiance.”

            “It’s lame as shit,” said Karine as she rested her hand on the door handle.  “Um, cultural appropriation much?”

            “I’m like, respecting their culture!” pouted Trista.

            “Do you even know which culture it’s from?” asked Karine.

            “Like hello, native American!” spat the stupid girl.

            “Like, which tribe?” countered Karine, though she herself had no idea.

            “Like, all of them,” said Trista with a confused frown.        

“Dream catchers originated in the objiwa tribe and were later adopted by some neighboring nations through intermarriage and trade,” said Cerise.  They turned to her and saw that she was reading from her phone.  “It wasn't until the Pan-Indian Movement of the 1960s and 1970s, that they were adopted by Native Americans of a number of different nations. Some consider the dream catcher a symbol of unity among the various Indian Nations, and a general symbol of identification with First Nations cultures. However, many other Native Americans have come to see dream catchers as over-commercialized, offensively misappropriated and misused by non-Natives.”

Karine snickered as Trista stood there slack-jawed.

“Yeah, so ditch that fucking tacky ass shit,” said Karine.  “And while you’re at it,” she looked Trista up and down condescendingly. “Might wanna ditch some other shit too.”  She waggled her finger at Trista’s outfit and then strode outside before the girl could respond.

Total burn. 

            In the end, Shauna had managed to get home before her parents.  She’d actually been somewhat disappointed that they weren’t there to see her walk in covered with blood but her brother had been home and he’d simply stared at her in shock.  She’d marched upstairs and taken a shower and watched the blood swirl down the drain.  Blood was like, the prettiest thing ever. 

            Her hands were still store and the knuckles were all ripped up but when her mother had asked her about them, she said she’d tripped and fallen on the front stoop while fetching the mail.  Now she was helping her mother fold laundry and thinking about Wendy’s bashed up face.  Shauna was glad she hadn’t walked into traffic or successfully cut her wrists.  Because now she knew that she could be awesome if need be.  She could defend herself and she’d never let anyone fuck with her again!  All she needed was a job and then she’d get an apartment and she’d leave her stupid family and everything would be fine.

            She wondered if there was such a thing as professional bitch-beater-upper. 

            It was still early.  Too early to head over to the bakery but Cerise was done for the day.  Things had been pretty slow at the bookstore lately and now that Cerise had access to the financial records she knew her mother was barely breaking even.  Simone said that their dad was paying alimony though, so that was good, Cerise supposed.  Still, sucked for their mom.  Cerise would need to find a real job when she finally joined the real world.  Something more stable.  Too bad she had no interests and no skills.

            She headed over to the bakery, where she found Karine sitting on the front deck, sipping an iced-tea.  Cerise joined her and thanked her for putting Trista in her place earlier that day.

            “That girl is such a knob,” Karine smirked.

            “I know, she’s super annoying.  I mean, she is illogical, but I am unphased by her… stupid fucktardedness,” Cerise said, trying to remember not to emote.

            “Oh god, stop being all Vulcan.  For one thing it’s annoying as shit.”

            “Yeah I know,” sighed Cerise.  “But it’s seriously helping me.  I really do need to get over all my stupid feelings.”

            “Whatever,” said Karine with a roll of her eyes. 

            “So is anyone here yet?” asked Cerise hesitantly, peering into the bakery window and finding the place empty. 

            “Who you worried about? Jay or Terry?  Whatever, don’t even answer that, either way it’s stupid.  Jay isn’t worth it and Terry, well, you guys should just get back together. I think I actually liked you guys better as a couple.  Even he’s actually more annoying when he’s not with you.”

            “Really?” asked Cerise, her eyes darting over to the bakery, where she saw Terry stacking empty pastry trays with Vani.

            “I dunno, he’s like in a funk lately,” shrugged Karine.  “I think he takes on too much, like with his sister and shit.  I wouldn’t tell him this but he should move back home with his mom.  I don’t like him living with his step-mom.”

            “Why not?” said Cerise automatically, even though she agreed.

            “I dunno. He’s like a dad to Brittany, which is good I guess, but sometimes almost creepy.  I dunno, do I sound nuts?”

            “Not at all,” said Cerise with a smile, glad to know that Karine was equally annoyed by Terry’s family situation, though simultaneously worried anytime she agreed with Karine, since she tended to be a tad petty.

            “Anyway, yeah, just get back together with Terry.”

            “Maybe when he’s ready,” Cerise shrugged.  “When I’m ready.  When I’m truly over Jay.  I’m working on it,” she said.

            “God whatever, you sound like Oprah or something.  Just fucking go for it.  You know you still want him.  I mean fuck, didn’t you hate it when you saw him kiss Janice?”

            Cerise frowned but remembered to be Vulcan.  “Terry may kiss whomever he wishes.  It makes no difference to me.”

            “Bullshit!” Karine laughed.  “Let’s see how you like this, Spock!”

            Karine stood up and entered the bakery, going behind the cash and striding over to Terry.  Before he could even react, she grabbed his face and kissed him full on the lips.  Vani stood by and looked shocked.  Terry said something but Cerise couldn’t hear what and a moment later, Karine came back out and plopped back down in her chair. 

            Cerise glared at her.

            “So?  How’d that make you feel?” Karine smirked.

            “God, you’re such an asshole,” Cerise scowled. 

            Karine smiled smugly and declared that her point had been made.

            “Well, fuck me! Looks like the pussy train’s flowing for at least one of you losers!”

            Oh god, had Brown seriously witnessed that kiss?  Karine had said she was proving a point to Cerise but what point?  That Karine could kiss anyone she wanted?  That she was such good friends with Terry that they could kiss and it didn’t mean anything? That Cerise would be jealous if Karine kissed Terry?  Whatever the reason, Terry really wished Karine had waited until Brown had gone home because now he’d never hear the end of it.

            “She’s a hot piece of ass that one!” he snickered.

            Terry sighed and tried to ignore him as he talked about how he’d like to get a taste of that bitch.

            “Don’t call her a bitch!” Terry snapped, instantly regretting his outburst.

            “Ooooh!” Brown sang out.  “Testy!  What’s the matter, Tay-tay?  Can’t handle the truth?”

            Terry tried to concentrate on the tray in front of him and he started cleaning it extremely vigorously.

            “Come on now, you’ve had both those chicks, right?” Brown went on, jutting his chin out at the girls on the porch.  “What do you think?  Which one should I fuck first?  Who’s got the tighter pussy?”

            Terry slammed the tray down on the counter, causing a loud clang that made Vani jump.  “You know what, Brown?  You’re pathetic.       You really are.  The only reason you talk trash about women is ‘cause you hate that the only chick you could get is a hooker.”

            “So who would cost more?  Blondie or Big boobs?”

            Fuck it.  Terry balled up his fist, drew back and then let it fly straight into Brown’s face.  He hit him square in the jaw and felt his entire arm vibrate from the impact.  Brown cried out in agony and fell back into the wall, clutching at his jaw, moaning in pain.  He said something unintelligible while Vani stood there, dumbfounded.  Terry also stood there, not knowing what to do next.

            “Vani, you’re fired!” Brown finally managed to yell.

            “What the hell did I do?” asked Vani with a quivering voice.

            “Well someone has to get fired over this!” said Brown as he clutched his face. “And I can’t fire Terry ‘cause he’s the only one strong enough to lift the potato sacs!”

            “That’s not fair!” protested Vani.

            Terry took off his apron and his hat and threw them at Brown.  “You can keep your job Vani, ‘cause I quit.”  And with that, he strode outside, stepped onto the porch and then walked down the stairs, turning to look at Karine and Cerise, making sure they were coming with him.   

Season 3 – Episode 13 – Act IV

She was utterly alone.  She’d always been alone but now, truly, she had nothing.  Leanne hadn’t even called her in forever and she’d lost her job at the bookstore, her own fault for causing a scene with Kim.  Her own fault for ever going home with Kim.  Even if Shauna hadn’t gotten grounded for breaking curfew she’d still have nowhere to go.  Cerise must truly hate her now.  Everyone hated her.  She hated herself.  

She knew what she had to do.  She had to stop thinking about it and just do it.  She got out of bed, walked to her parents’ bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet.  There they were.  She wasn’t sure what type of pills they were but they would probably do the trick.  She took a handful and stuffed them in her mouth.  She tried to swallow but instead gagged so she downed a glass of water.  Still she couldn’t get them all down so she started chewing but they tasted so chalky and gross that she gagged again and most of the pills ended up in the sink. 

Shit, her mother would freak.  She gathered the pills and tried to force them down, but she just kept gagging.  What the fuck?!  She’d never had trouble taking pills before!  Oh fuck it, pills were too slow anyway.  She should just slit her wrists.  She washed off the pills as best she could and stuffed them back in the bottle, then went back to her bedroom, where she found the razor blade she always kept tucked under her pillow.

            “Terry!  A martini set?  Does this mean I have to become more sophisticated?” laughed Karine.  She didn’t like to admit it, but gifts were her favourite part of birthdays.  Even if they were shitty gifts, it was still cool to receive things. 

            “You’re already there,” said Terry, kissing her on the forehead, which was kind of paternal and weird but she laughed it off. 

            Cerise’s gift was huge and heavy; felt like a book.  Sure enough it was the complete works of Shakespeare.  She gushed, saying she loved it, how it would be awesome next year when she was studying drama but in truth, she kind of hated it.  She wasn’t really a huge fan of Shakespeare in general and this book was seriously mammoth.  Even if she wanted to read Shakespeare she wouldn’t do it with this monstrosity.  But she supposed it wasn’t meant to be practical; it was more of a showpiece.  And indeed, it would look cool on her shelves.

            Then she found Janice’s gift and she hesitated.  It would probably be like a live scorpion or something.  She opened it with a smile and found a vibrator inside.  It wasn’t even in a package and was probably one of Janice’s old toys.  So fucking gross.  Everyone laughed when she extracted it and then dropped it on the floor in disgust.

            “Well, now that you don’t have a boyfriend, I mean, unless you count Jeremy,” Janice snickered.

            Karine laughed good-naturedly.  “Well thanks, Janice, I’ll be sure to put it to good use,” she said, making a mental note to completely cut Janice out of her life.

            “I know what I’ll be dreaming about tonight,” said a voice that sounded suspiciously like Willy, though Karine hadn’t seen him all night.

            The gang looked around and Terry asked who’d said that.

            “Uh, I did,” confessed Jay as Vani and Karl stifled laughter.  “But I was kidding.  I think.  I mean, I know, I mean, kill all humans.  Crush, destroy,” he said, doing his usual Godzilla shtick.  

            Terry gave him the stink eye and Karine kept opening gifts.

            Shauna drew the blade across her wrist but nothing really happened.  She dug deeper but found that her hands were shaking yet still there was no blood.  So she inhaled deeply and dug in really deep.

            “Ow!” she whimpered as a trickle of blood spilled out of her arm.  Fuck that hurt!

            Why did everything have to hurt so much?  Why couldn’t she just kill herself without it hurting so bad?  Suicide was supposed to make the pain go away, not make it worse!  She tossed the razor blade across the room and marched downstairs, not caring if she’d get in trouble for leaving. 

            Her parents were out at the moment but they’d probably be home before her because her plan was to never come home ever again.  She’d just walk up to the overpass and jump off and get smooshed by a car.  The carnage would be awesome.  But first she needed courage, which is why she went to a SAQ and got herself a huge bottle of vodka.

            Willy was crouched behind the couch and periodically Jay and the guys would throw chips back there.  Not because they wanted to encourage him but because it was something to do.  So far this party was pretty lame.  Everyone was dancing but Jay wasn’t into it.  Fuck, he was so lonely.  He’d screwed up every relationship he’d ever had, hadn’t he?

            Cassie, Sarah and Cerise were all dancing together, having the time of their lives, not even caring that his life was shit.  God, they were so selfish.  It was so easy for girls.  They could get laid anytime they wanted.  But it wasn’t so easy for guys, unless they were Terry Trebigod’sgiftsky.  Fuck that asshole!

            Oh fuck, seriously?  Now Terry Trebilifeissoeasyforhimsky was dancing too and the girls were all over him, just like always.  And Vani was getting in on it.  Why was Vani so confident with some things when he was so chicken-shit about others?  At least he’d never had a girlfriend.  At least Jay had him on that.  In fact, he was more successful with chicks than any of the guys, even if it always imploded in his face.  Is that what was stopping him from trying again?  The possibility that it would go sideways like it always did?  Or was it simply that he couldn’t find anyone else he was interested in?  He knew he’d never find a girl like Karine to actually be into him, but what about the other chicks here?

            Jay sipped on his beer as he surveyed the crowd.  There were plenty of girls he didn’t know but he didn’t really feel like getting to know them.  They’d probably reject him, ‘cause girls were bitches that way.  Jay’s gaze fell upon his three exes and he sized them up, wondering which one he liked best.  All three of them were too flat.  Cassie was too short and too whiny and annoying.  Cerise had too many freckles and was tainted by Terry Trebigrossky juices.  And Sarah was too smart.  And she knew it.  But still, having a girlfriend was nice, at least in theory.  It would be good to have someone to go down on him and stuff.  He was sick of using his hand to get off.  And it was also nice to have someone to talk to.  Someone who wouldn’t laugh at him the way the guys did.  Cerise was good for that.  It’s too bad they’d fucked things up by getting together ‘cause he kind of missed their talking times.  But Cerise was the worst one of the lot in terms of sexiness.  It’s not that she wasn’t attractive, but again, she was covered with the stench of Terry Trebiruinseverythingsky. So fuck that shit.  Cassie was pretty good in the sack.  Maybe he’d try her out again.  But she was super bitter these days.  So that left Sarah.  But she was too dominant and kind of made Jay feel like an idiot.

            So a new girl then.  But who?  Oh fuck it.  Let the universe decide.  Jay got up and walked into the empty kitchen, having determined that whichever female walked in next would be the girl he’d try to hook up with.  Unless she was like totally hideous or something.

            Shauna carried her bottle of vodka to a nearby park and sat on a swing. Her plan was to drink the whole bottle and then… what was it again?  Oh right, walk into traffic.  No, jump off the overpass!  But the overpass was like so far away now!  Oh whatever, first drink, then think.

            “Well, well,” said a female voice.  “Long time no fuck over.”

            Oh god.  It couldn’t be.  Shauna looked up.  Yep.  It was.  Fucking Wendy.  Fucking glue sniffing fucking bitch ass fucking cunt Wendy.

                       

            Two girls walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, taking out two beers.  Well, he couldn’t lose courage now!

            “Hey, either of you chicks wanna hook up?  Or both of you?” chuckled Jay, as he leaned against the kitchen counter, sucking on a beer.  He tried to sound suave but ended up sounding like that honey badger voiceover guy.

            The two girls looked at him in amazement.  “Oh my god,” one of them scoffed.

            “Seriously,” the other snickered, and they left.

            Ok, ok, minor setback.  He could do this.  Terry Trebismarmsky did this kind of shit all the time.  If it worked for him, why not Jay?  Well, other than the obvious.

            Another girl came in and… oh great, it was just Sarah.  But hey, maybe that was a sign from the universe.  Maybe he had to try again with her.  If only for one night.

            “’Sup?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could while she grabbed a few drinks from the fridge.

            “What’s your damage?” she laughed.

            “Nothing, I dunno.  Feeling like a loser I guess,” he admitted, sitting at the table and plopping his head in his hands.

            “Aww, poor baby,” she giggled, sitting next to him and patting his back. 

            “Seriously, Sarah, am I a loser?”

            “Well, sort of,” she admitted with a smile.

            “No, but seriously.”

            “Well, yeah, and yeah, seriously.  I mean, a bit, yeah.  You’re a nice guy, Jay but a bit clueless.  Like I don’t think you realize how your actions affect other people.  You just do shit and don’t give a shit. But it’s like, other people get hurt, you know?”

            “You talking about you?” he asked, not sure what she was getting at.

            “I’m basically talking about Cerise,” she smirked.  “And Cassie too.  The way you dumped her was way harsh.”

            “She dumped me!”

            “But you wanted to do it.  You were mean to her.  You trash talked her behind her back.”

            Jay thought back, trying to remember if he’d actually been mean to her or if this was like, a chicks sticking together thing.  “I guess,” he finally said.  “But we were ok, right?”

            “We were ok,” she shrugged.

            “Weren’t we more than just ok?” he asked, not even on the plan to hook up anymore, just wanting someone to tell him he wasn’t a complete piece of shit.

            “It was good while it lasted,” said Sarah wistfully.  “But it wasn’t meant to be I guess.”

            “Maybe we should try again,” he suggested, back on the hooking up idea.

            “Oh god, seriously?” she snorted.  “I think we’re all too incestuous in this group.  And we all take hooking up too seriously.  It was easier in high school, when we didn’t have relationships, we just hooked up at parties and it was fun.”

            “We?  Wow, you were actually hooking up in high school?” he asked, incredulous.

            “Well, yeah,” she smirked.  “And we’re still just teenagers.  Why are we taking ourselves so seriously?  You know, I blame Cerise and Terry.  Them getting together and being so heavy and serious, it made me think I needed that too.  But I don’t.  I don’t need a boyfriend.  I can be like Janice and just have fun.  Like everyone else our age on the fucking planet.”

            “So are you saying you wanna hook up?” he asked hopefully.

            “With you?!” she laughed. 

            “Well, why not?  I mean if it’s just for one night.  Just for fun.  Why not?”

            She shrugged and regarded him, apparently thinking about it.

           

            “Ok, seriously?” said Karine.  “Sarah went to the kitchen like four years ago.  Where’s my beer?” she laughed.

            “I’ll go get it,” said Cerise, glad for the chance to change her scenery.  She was getting a bit mopey, dancing with Terry but not actually dancing with him. 

            She walked to the kitchen but stopped before going inside because Jay and Sarah were sitting at the table, apparently having an intimate tête-a-tête.  Cerise stood behind the doorway and strained to hear them over the music from the living room.

            “Seriously, Jay?  You know why,” said Sarah.

            She couldn’t quite make out what Jay was saying but he seemed to be pleading with her or bargaining, insisting it would be fine. 

            “Oh my god, Jay!” Sarah exclaimed. 

            What were they talking about?!

            “Since when is my kitchen a black hole!?” laughed Karine, coming through the hallway. 

            Cerise stopped her with hand motions and she quickly and quietly sidled up next to Cerise.  Together they hunched next to the doorway, trying to listen in.  There was no sound for a second so they both peered into the kitchen, only to see Jay and Sarah sharing a kiss.

            Karine drew in a shocked breath and grabbed Cerise by the shoulder, trying to force her to look away.  Cerise shook her off and saw Sarah end the embrace, pushing Jay away.  Cerise and Karine ducked back behind the door and stared at each other.

            “Jay, seriously, you know why we can’t,” said Sarah.

            “Why?” he asked in his usual clueless voice of complete and utter cluelessness.

            “Oh my god, seriously?” asked Sarah incredulously.  “‘Cause of Cerise, duh!  How can you even want to do this again?  Fuck, you like totally broke her heart and fuck, like all the shit that went down.  Like are you retarded or something?”

            “Oh come on, Cerise will never know.  No one will know.  Besides, even if she did know, she’ll get over it.  Cerise’s cool that way.  She always gets over it.  She’s fine.”

            Karine looked at Cerise with a face full of pity and Cerise tried hard not to freak out.

            Sarah sighed heavily.  “You’re such a shit, Jay.  Cerise still cares about you, ok?  Like, in a you know, whatever way.  How can you be so mean?”

            “Ok, fine, whatever.  Fuck off then,” he replied bitterly.

            Both Cerise and Karine narrowed their eyes in annoyance, staring at each other with disbelief.  How could Jay be such an ass?  Well, it wasn’t new for him to be a dickhead, but still!

            “Oh fuck you,” said Sarah, her chair screeching against the linoleum floor. 

Before Karine and Cerise could react, Sarah was right in front of them, her eyes growing wide as she realized they’d been eavesdropping.  She was about to say something but Cerise turned and ran outside before she could utter a word.

She stood on the porch and held on to the railing.  There were a few people outside, smoking up and generally being annoying so Cerise decided to walk across the street to the yacht club, where she might have some privacy.  Apparently that was too much to hope for because two seconds later, Karine and Sarah were at her heels, asking her if she was ok.

“Yeah, sure, why wouldn’t I be?” she asked with a bitter chuckle.

“Oh my god, Cerise, if I’d known you were there…” Sarah trailed off.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sarah,” Cerise admitted because it was true.  Sarah had done the right thing.  It was Jay who was a piece of shit.

“Jay is such a fucking douche,” said Karine.

“I know, god!” agreed Sarah.

“So not worth it,” Karine went on.

“I know that,” said Cerise, having reached the yacht club.  They walked along the grounds with no destination in mind.  “I know he’s a fucking loser and a douche and not worth my time.  But it still hurts, ok?  I don’t know why, but it does.”

“You don’t still like him, do you?” asked Karine.

“I didn’t think so, but I guess so because fuck, seeing that, hearing that, it really fucking hurt!”

“Well he said mean things, anyone would be hurt,” said Sarah.  “Doesn’t mean you still like him.”

“But I think I do!” said Cerise with arms flailing.  “I think I still fucking do!  What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

“You’re an idiot,” replied Karine.

“I don’t think you should pursue that carreer in motivational speaking,” said Sarah with a  smirk.

“Well she’s right,” admitted Cerise.  “I am an idiot.  Especially because of Terry.  I mean who the fuck gives a shit about Jason fucking Harris?!  It’s Terry I should be thinking about.”

“Exactly,” nodded Karine. 

“And I am,” said Cerise.  “I think about Terry all the time.  I wanna be with him.  But then Jay, I mean, fuck, there’s just, I dunno. You know?”

“Yeah,” nodded Sarah.

“I guess,” shrugged Karine, unconvinced.  “come on, let’s go back inside.  Fuck Jay.  Let’s get you drunk.”

“I’m just gonna go home,” said Cerise.

“Oh fuck off,” Karine sighed.  “Don’t run away.  Don’t let that shit run you off.  Fuck him.  We expelled Willy and we can expel Jay’s ass too.  Ok?  Don’t let him fucking win.  Come on.”

Cerise sighed and followed the girls back to the party, where once again they passed by a group of randos smoking on the lawn.  Fuck, she hated smokers.  It was such a disgusting habit, and completely immoral too!  Drinking was one thing, because it was mostly harmful only to oneself - unless one got so drunk one became dangerous or something – but smoking was actively harmful to everyone around and to the planet in general.  It wasn’t just ignoring to be a smoker, it was downright evil! 

Cerise wanted to yell at those idiots but knew she’d never have the guts to face them.  She even tolerated Terry’s smoking when they’d been together because she was a spineless loser who didn’t even have the courage to back up her own convictions.  Well fuck Terry and his stupid inability to quit such a dirty habit! And fuck him for being stupid enough to ever start smoking in the first place! And fuck Jay for being such an insensitive asshole, and not even caring about Cerise in the least.  Why should Cerise care about these stupid boys if they didn’t care about her?  Well she wouldn’t anymore!  She wouldn’t ever feel a goddamned emotion ever again!

“So how’ve you been?” snickered Wendy, sitting on the swing next to Shauna.

            “Fuck off, bitch,” sneered Shauna.

            “Now is that any way to treat an old friend?” laughed Wendy.

            “I said fuck off you fucking cunt!” shouted Shauna, spitting as she did so.

            Wendy angrily wiped her face and warned Shauna not to try to grow a spine now. Shauna tried to stand up but ended up in the sand and Wendy laughed her evil jackal laugh of evilness.  Fuck that fucking cunt ass whore!  Fuck!

Wendy leaned over Shauna and kicked sand in her face.  Shauna sputtered and lashed out her hand, as Wendy jumped back and laughed again.  “Don’t act all tough with me, Sheila.  You’re the biggest pussy I’ve ever met.  Although, what I hear lately is you’re into eating pussy.  “Is it true?  Are you a dyke now?”

            Shauna let out a guttural sound and got to her feet, then lunged at Wendy, who tried to jump back but this time Shauna got her.  She grabbed her and pushed her down to the ground, falling on top of her as she went.  A strangled sound came out of Wendy’s throat as she landed with a thud and before she could even move, Shauna’s fists flew down to her face. 

            It was painful to hit someone but equally pleasurable. Wendy coughed and gagged and moaned and groaned as Shauna kept going, hitting her repeatedly. Wendy squirmed but there was only so much she could do since Shauna was sitting on top of her, her arms pinned down.  She kicked her legs but it was useless. Shauna kept hitting, the sound so satisfying when her flesh made contact with Wendy’s.  There was even blood now, which was awesome.  She could feel Wendy crumbling beneath her, being turned into dust.

            Eventually Shauna got tired and stopped.  She breathed heavily as she sat on top of her prey, who lay there with eyes closed, her face all bruised and red and blotchy and bloody and gross.  Shauna looked at her hands, bloodied and raw and aching in the best way possible.  She dug one into her hoodie pocket and took out her pack of cigarettes.  She placed one on her lips and another between Wendy’s lips.  It fell out so she replaced it as Wendy groaned.  Then she lit them both up.  Again, Wendy’s cigarette fell out and it landed in her hair.  That was pretty funny so Shauna laughed, then she got up and picked up her bottle of vodka, which was almost empty, since it had fallen to the ground at some point.  She poured the remainder of the alcohol on Wendy’s face, who sputtered and coughed.

            Shauna tossed the empty bottle aside and walked away without saying anything and without looking back. 

Season 3 – Episode 13 – Act III

            Wow, holy shit.  Nick’s new boyfriend was wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever, all pink and rainbows and shit.  But Terry acted like he didn’t even notice as Nick asked everyone if they’d met Jordan. 

            “Oh my god, all you girls have the same name!  Sarah, Cerise, Carrie, Karine?  I mean, hello!” laughed Jordan and his unicorn shirt.

            “I’m not named after fruit,” snickered Karine.

            “Hey!” protested Cerise.

            “Well it’s true!” laughed Karine.

            “I love your name!” announced Jordan, shuffling over to Cerise.  “You’re so lucky to be unique.  Like you don’t even have to try!  It just comes natural!”

            “Yeah, I guess,” smiled Cerise.

            “Oh my god, all of you are so pretty,” Jordan went on.  “I can’t believe all your friends are so good looking.  I’m used to being the pretty one in a group but now I’m like a pile of dog vomit on a hot afternoon,” he pouted.  “And shit, you’re the prettiest of all!” he said to Terry.

            Terry chuckled, unsure of what to say.

            “Yeah, I know, it’s ridiculous isn’t it?” asked Karine.  “You’d never guess he was a hockey player by the intactness of his teeth and straightness of his nose.”

            “I know!” gushed Jordan.  “That’s what I like about Nick!  I mean, he’s fucking gorgeous but also like all tough and macho and shit, all playing hockey or whatever.  I mean I don’t even know what hockey is really.  I mean, it’s the one with the skates, right?  So hot.”

            “Totally,” agreed Sarah as the other girls nodded along.

            “But what I wanna know is what your dick looks like,” he said to Terry.

            The girls all burst into laughter as Nick sighed and looked pained.  Terry raised an eyebrow and simply stared at Jordan.

            “I mean, I’m really happy with Nick’s package.  Sometimes with athletic guys, they’re all roid-ragey and shit and their balls shrivel up and shit, but Nick is like, totally happening down there,” Jordan waved his hand in front of Nick’s pants.  “Really impressive shit, which I dig, obviously.  So like, I’m just curious if Terry is like that too.  If the perfection extends all the way down.”

            “It does,” giggled Cerise and they all turned to stare at her.

            “Oh?” asked Jordan, intrigued.

            “They used to go out,” explained Nick.

            “Right, right, Terry and Cherry,” nodded Jordan.  “So go on, describe his junk.”

            “Well, you know, want a picture?” Cerise blushed and briefly raised her eyes, meeting Terry’s gaze, but she instantly looked down at her drink, no doubt a Shirley Temple.

            “Yes!” screamed Jordan and the others roared with laughter.

            “Well I don’t have one,” giggled Cerise.  “But Terry’s not shy, I’m sure if you get a couple drinks in him he’ll flash you.”

            “It’ll take more than just a couple drinks,” chuckled Terry, not sure if this situation was funny or awkward.

            “Well let’s get wasted then!” said Jordan, clapping his hands with glee.

            Jay and the guys sat outside, knowing it was too risky now to try to smuggle Willy in, since Nick and his unicorn had spotted them.  Willy asked them to bring him out a beer and they declined, mocking him as usual.  Finally their boredom was enough to convince them to try to infiltrate the party, tub-o-lard and all.

            “Fall in boys!” commanded Vani and they all stood in a queue, with Vani in the front, Karl next, then Willy and Jay pulling up the rear.

            “How are people not gonna notice this?” asked Jay.

            “Let’s get real,” sighed Karl. “No one in there even cares about us, so like, seriously, no one’s gonna notice.”

            It was a fair point.  They shuffled in, not being the least bit subtle. In fact, Jay was trying his best to draw as much attention to them as possible, mostly because he was bored, but also because he rather enjoyed Willy being on the outs.  Unfortunately Vani steered them towards the kitchen, which was more or less empty and certainly devoid of anyone of import.

            Before they’d quite reached their destination, Janice rushed in and made a beeline for the living room.  Jay dropped off from the queue with the guys and followed her.

            “Bitch! Happy birthday!” she hollered at Karine, throwing a gift bag into her hands.

            “Hey! Thanks loser!” Karine laughed joyfully.

            “Whore!” smiled Janice gleefully.

            “Cunt,” Karine returned with equal delight.

            Man, chicks were weird.

            “So what’s this I hear about you getting a promotion?” asked Janice with just a touch of bitterness.  “Did you like totally hook up with Jeremy in the freezer?”

            Jay wasn’t sure if that was a euphemism but he hoped so.

            “Oh my god, he so wishes!” laughed Karine.  “He’s so into me it’s like insane.  At first I thought he wanted a little somethin’ somethin’ in exchange for the promotion, you know, but no, he totally wants to like mentor me to be like, the next manager of like Dairy Queen or whatever.  And I’m like, trying to be nice about it and like, of course I took the pay upgrade, but like, seriously?  Um, my ambitions are a little higher than managing a fucking ice-cream shop, you know?”

            They all laughed and laughed, agreeing that this Jeremy guy was a big loser, but managing a Dairy Queen didn’t seem like that bad of a career path to Jay.  Did you need to go to school for that?  Business school maybe.  Didn’t Corcordia have a business school?  Jay wished he could have done what he wanted with his life, instead of just doing what his parents wanted.  Then again, what he really wanted was simply to play video games all day.  He could become a game tester, couldn’t he?  That was a real job.  How did someone get into that?  Maybe he should just go on one of those job websites.  Maybe if he got a good job he could quit school altogether.  That’d be sweet.

           

            “I can’t believe she’s even here,” hissed Karine when Janice had finally left the room.

            “Seriously,” agreed Sarah.

            “Is it really that big of a deal?” asked Cerise. 

            “Not really, but sort of.  Whatever.  Like I even care.”

            It was pretty obvious Karine did care but Cerise didn’t push it.  Instead they turned their attention to Nick, who was dancing with Jordan.

            “Oh, they’re so cute together!” gushed Karine, even though they seemed rather mismatched to Cerise.  She wondered if she was slightly homophobic for being somewhat put off by this guy, or if it was just hipsters who annoyed her.

            “I dunno.  There’s something off about that guy,” said Terry, echoing Cerise’s thoughts.

            “Oh my god, I was seriously just thinking the same thing!” she said and they shared a smile.

            “Are you guys on crack?” asked Karine with irritation.  “What’s wrong with him?”

            “Yeah, he seems cool,” nodded Sarah.

            “I dunno, he’s trying too hard,” shrugged Terry.

            “Please,” snickered Karine.  “You’re just jealous.”

            “What?  Jealous of what?” he scoffed.  “It’s just that he’s kinda…”

            “Kinda…” Karine prompted.

            “Kinda,” Terry went on.

            “Yeah, kinda?” Karine asked.  “Kinda like he’s not you?”

            “What are you even talking about?” asked Terry with a frown.

            “Please, you’re jealous that Nick isn’t all about you anymore.  He’s finally getting a life of his own.”

            “And I’m happy for him!” Terry insisted.

            “No you’re not.  You enjoyed having him as your little lap dog.  You know he had a crush on you and you know you enjoyed it.”

            “That’s not it,” he said.  “I think you have me confused with yourself.”

            “Like even!” Karine laughed.

            “I just don’t want him to get hurt is all.  He’s in a vulnerable place right now, all exploring his sexuality and stuff.  And this Jordan guy is obviously like the male Janice.”

            “Yeah, I can see that,” nodded Sarah.

            “I just hope he’s like sensitive to Nick’s deal.”

            “Seriously?” asked Karine skeptically.

“Yeah, I mean, Nick’s like a traditional guy.  Like he wants a boyfriend, not just a fuck friend.  This Jordan dude, I mean, he just wants to fuck.”

            “Aww!” sang Karine.  “That’s like so sweet!”

            “Seriously, it’s so nice that you’re so concerned,” agreed Sarah as Cerise nodded along. 

            “But like, you do enjoy him being into you,” Karine stated.

            Terry sighed and rolled his eyes.

            “Oh shit! They’re looking at us!” said Sarah.  “Ok, I’m gonna do recon.  Come on, Cerise.”

            And with that, Cerise was dragged over to Nick and Jordan, who sure enough, were discussing Terry.

            “Jordan’s worried that Terry’s into me, which is like, so not, I mean like, I wish, right? Hah!” laughed Nick.

            “Oh my god, totally.  We all wish,” laughed Sarah.  “So like why do you think Terry’s into Nick?”

            “Oh my god, look how protective he’s being,” said Jordan.  “He’s like totally giving me the evil eye and he like totally hates me.  I mean either he’s a serious gay basher or he like, wants to have Nick all to himself, which like, I totally don’t blame him.  Nick is seriously hot.  And gives a serious blow job.”

            Nick looked pained.

            “I mean, let’s be real,” said Jordan conspiratorially.  “Like, if you close your eyes, you don’t know who’s going down on you, so like, why even care if it’s a guy or a girl, right?”

            “So you don’t care if it’s a girl going down on you?” asked Sarah.

            “As long as someone’s doing it!  Am I right?” Jordan laughed.

            “Sounds like Terry was right about you,” said Sarah under her breath, but loud enough for both Nick and Jordan to hear.

            “Why?  What’d he say?” asked Nick.

            “That Jordan is the male Janice,” shrugged Sarah.

            Cerise was pretty sure that had been said in confidence but whatever, far be it from her to stop whatever it was that was happening right now.

            “Is that a bad thing?” asked Jordan.  “Who’s Janice?”

            “Oh, she’s a party girl,” shrugged Sarah.  “Kind of a whore,” she smiled.

            “Yeah, I guess that’s accurate,” Jordan smiled.  “But like, so what?  Why would that make Terry want to kill me?  I mean, look at him, he clearly hates me.”

            “He doesn’t hate you,” said Cerise.  “He just wants to make sure you’re good enough for Nick.”

            “Really?” asked Nick with the biggest smile Cerise had ever seen on him.

            “Wow, he’s totally into you,” said Jordan.  “Protest too much and all that shit.  I think he wants to beat me up.”

            “No!” said Nick.  “I mean, Terry’s harmless.  Well, I mean, he does beat people up sometimes if he’s pissed at them but other than that…” he trailed off.

            “So he actually does beat people up?” asked Jordan with fascination.

            “He’s only done it twice that I know of,” shrugged Nick like it was no big deal.

            “Yeah, he can be a bit of a brute, I must admit,” nodded Sarah.

            “Well he’s definitely not into me,” insisted Nick, looking over at Terry wistfully.

            “God, he’s so into you,” said Karine with a sigh.

            “No he’s not,” said Terry, though he sort of realized Karine was right.  Maybe Nick did have a bit of a crush on him, which was cool.  Terry didn’t mind, he wasn’t threatened by that or anything.  But his concern about Jordan was genuine.  He wasn’t jealous; he just didn’t think Jordan was the type of guy Nick needed.  Not that he knew what type of guy he did need or why Terry was making it his own personal mission to find such a guy.  Maybe he was jealous.  Could Karine be right?  Did he just enjoy people being into him, even if he wasn’t into them?  Nah, that would be totally gay!  And Terry definitely wasn’t gay, even though he was totally cool with others being gay.  Totally cool.